Evangelion Divergence 4- A new threat rises, something blooms
by VillageoutsideR
Summary: So i hate to do this but i can't sit on this any longer, I'm publishing what's done and finishing the rest as i go along this chapter is going to be a bit longer, Nathan falls into the drink and wakes up to find his savior, the children face a new threat the Seraphim, Gendo and Fuyutsuki seek answers, Nathan returns home, two souls bond, warning chp 10 is nsfw skip if you wish
1. Chap 0 Authors note

For Chap 10 i had help from a person who I cannot thank enough for their help and support, they know how they are and I am willing to give them credit and identify them if they wish, but if they choose to remain anonymous i will respect their wishes

I'm just glad to have their support and consider them to be my internet friend, thanks again so much

Further notes, Chap 10 is an NSFW chap since it features a sex scene, i understand with the ages of the EVA kids this might make some people uncomfortable so if you want to skip it feel free to, i only included it and will include others (very few and in between) in the future though because sex like it or not is a form of human connection and a way to become truly intimate and open with another person

and this connecting with another being, becoming a single entity in body, mind and soul is a key theme in EVA, so i felt the need to include things like this in my fic, i tried to keep it as classy and less ERO as possible, not looking to make lemons, I'm trying to tell a story and will keep scenes like this as less detailed as possible leaving more up to interpretation or just telling about the aftermath

funny enough OC was supposed to be and remain more of or at least keep an asexual or gray/demisexual vibe


	2. Chap 1 out of the drink

He was there again in that dark place he went to when he dreamed, stuck in the middle of that white spotlight curled up with his knees to his chest hiding his naked body from the faceless people in the white coats. They spoke in quick hushed whispers, pointing to the boy and then facing away from him and instead focusing their attention to Unit 06, crouched on one knee resting both fists on the ground staring intently at them like the insects they were.

One of the figures joined him in the light, it was his mother, her shoulder length dark brown hair tied up behind her head. Her kind eyes staring at him, he stared at her and felt nothing. He should have felt something, but to him she was just another person, but even at that young age her eyes, her voice everything about her just made him hurt. 

It was like she was just a reminder of what he was cut from like a cancer. Ripped away from the only place he felt comfortable or happy, then released into some place he had no interest being in with people who he wished he never had to acknowledge. Any words she told him just bounced right off, all "I love you" s felt empty and he felt nothing from hearing them. "Why did you do this to me Mom? Why did you bring me here into this world? You knew how bad it was, how could you be so selfish, one night for yourself and I was born because of it." 

She didn't answer him, she didn't even acknowledge he said anything she just smiled and tilted her head, "I know things are hard for you now Nathan, everyone's counting on you… you and the other special children. But soon you'll understand why we did these things, I know you'll find your spot here in this world."

She took out a handful of pills and dry swallowed them, "Come here it's almost time."

He took a few steps forward nervously looking at the other white coats watching him, she held out her arms and brought him in close, "Just this once." She whispered, before he could react his mother forced his mouth open and began force feeding him from her breast that was leaking that bright orange fluid… LCL.

BLOOD I TASTE, BLOOD IT'S BLOOD, SHES FEEDING ME BLOOD! 

He screamed in his mind as he tried to pull away, but she put more pressure on his head forcing him to suckle even more of the fluid down into his gullet making him feel as if he were being punched repeatedly in it. "See don't you feel closer to mommy now?"

He looked out and screamed as the flesh in his mouth turned grey, clammy and became sour. Her eyes rotted out of her skull, sending streams of maggots and worms leaking out as her skin fell off in clumps giving her the appearance of jerky, parts of her began to fall off as the lips gave way to show off a grinning skull coated with blood and ragged pieces of flesh, "No! Get away from me, why would you do this? Why didn't you protect me mom! Why didn't you just end me!" he kicked her away and the skeleton fell to pieces, he covered his eyes wishing he had the courage just to pluck them out, wishing he could stab his ears.

He just wanted everything to stay silent and still the way it all was before he arrived. 

He let out tiny stifled cries but was met with a wet nose and a rough hot tongue that smelt like milk, he opened his eyes to see a tiny puppy, one with a blue nose and eyes, a fat brick like head and sharp tiny nails. It yipped at him bouncing off his lap as it head butted him, trying to lick his tears away its tail wagging wildly. Something cares for me? He wondered bringing it closer, the puppy's loose skin folded around his arms and it fought free of his grasp landing in his lap where it snuggled in closing its eyes. 

He could feel its heartbeat against his leg, and he began to softly stoke its head. But then a figure walked up to him, wearing a dark grey officer's uniform he squatted in front of the boy, his black tinted glasses reflecting Nathan's scared face back at him. "Soldiers aren't supposed to have puppies Nathan, you know what you have to do." 

"But dad-" his protests were cut off, "I will make a deal with you son, you can either do what he taught you or you can keep the puppy but you will have to go back into the EVA, for two months this time. You remember the last time?" 

Just hearing that threat made Nathan wet himself, a puddle of yellow hot liquid spread out from under him waking the puppy who eyed Nathan wagging its tail, it turned to face his father and snarled at him. He remembered that month, it was like a never-ending nightmare, it was like there was a monster or something in there that was chasing him, telling him how it was going to become one with him how it wanted him back inside it. His eyes wide and his heart racing his instincts took over, the ones that that man trained him to follow. 

Without his thinking his hands found themselves wrapped around the dog's throat, squeezing he tried to fight the tears, but they came anyways, he didn't make a sound, but the dog sure did. Screaming and gagging in terror as it tried to realize what was happening. Its screeching and whimpers became louder and louder and louder with each passing second right before the teeth grinding crack of bones was heard. "Good Nathan you did good." His father said.

He turned and began to walk away, "I HATE YOU, I HATE I YOU, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD! I HATE YOU DAD, YOU ONLY USE ME!"

"You only exist because of what your mother and I shared, you were merely a byproduct but… at least we've finally found a use for you." He chuckled.

Before he could react with one final slam into his stomach someone was sitting in his lap, he could feel the heat coming off them. Nathan's eyes bulged out of his skull and his head snapped forward gasping. His forehead slammed into a wall of flesh and bone. Falling back his knees instinctively went up propping his savior up as the back of his head collided with the rocks under him. A pair of hands rolled him over to his side where teary eyed he coughed up the water that had flooded his lungs and stomach, his throat was raw again. 

He wheezed out the rest of the water as it leaked out of his nose and mouth, he rolled over he felt the hands hold his back and help ease him up, as the pair of hands sat him up he felt that they were getting rougher and rougher as if any anger the owner had been trying to hold it back was now seeping out of them. When he thought he was ready he took off his soaking wet yukata, it making a wet splat as it hit the ground, when he finally caught his breath, he noticed the huffing breathing of his savior. 

He looked up and even before the next wave of fireworks exploded in the air, he knew who it was, there was no way he could ever forget that moon colored skin and those mesmerizing red eyes. She sat on her knees in front of him, her white under robes was almost see through and it hung off her body water dripping off it. Her stony face was scrunched up and her eyebrows were drawn together, the corners of her lips were drawn far and tightly. "Rei?" 

The answer he got back was one he'd never expect, with a swift right hand she slapped him in the middle off the cheek with the palm of her hand, his left ear rang out in pain as he gripped the side of his face which grew hot and stung, his glasses clattered away. "What the hell Rei!" he yelled at her, she shuddered and swung with her left and but this time he was ready for it and caught her by her wrist gripping it a little too firm. "Why'd you do that Rei?" he asked again, a wet choke escaped her lips as she tried to swing at him again with her right hand. 

He quickly grabbed that one too, squeezing it he yelled at her again, "What is your problem!?" She struggled to tear free from his grasp and wrestling to get out of his grip she rolled over on him and he wound up being on top of her pinning her arms by her side. But then using her legs wrapping them around his waist flipped him on his back, as his head bounced off the rocks, he dropped her hands which had red marks on them she sat on his stomach and readied another hand that was aimed for his face. Only it was in the form of a fist, clenched tightly. 

But it didn't leave its place floating near her head, instead she just lowered it, she leaned over and placed both hands on either side of his head, he was staring at her until he began to blink unconsciously he felt tiny raindrops hitting his face and eyes… wait no not raindrops, tears they were tears that were falling on his face. She was crying, he slowly shuffled his arms up, resting on his elbows he stared into her eyes. She didn't even bother to look him in the eye, she instead faced the ground and then moved her head away from him, she squeezed them shut. "Why are you crying Rei?"

"You don't get to do this to me… us. You don't get to hurt us this way." She whimpered.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused, sitting upright trying to hold her face with his hands, trying to get her to look him in the eye, only to have her brush his hands away and swivel off his lap sitting on the rocks next to him. 

"I saw what you were going to do. I know what you were going to do. That's why I called out for you, but then you went ahead and jumped anyways. Why are you doing this to us, why are you trying to hurt us this badly? Do you hate us?" 

Her blue hair flopped over her eyes, hiding them from him, he turned away bringing his knees close, "I don't hate you… or everybody else. And I didn't jump, when you called out to me, I panicked and lost my footing. Besides why do you care? It's my life to throw away if I want."

"You're wrong I do care, we were told to protect each other. To not let the others get hurt."

"Exactly Rei, we were told to. They said nothing about genuinely caring for one another." (you fucking asshole, why are you saying things like that)

She sniffled and held a hand under her face catching the tears that fell, "Why are you saying these things, I thought I was helping… I thought you were getting better." 

"I thought I was too, but I guess we were both wrong. But you were wrong to do what you did, I don't even know if I would've done it or not, but I'll tell you this. That moment before you pulled me out, just when I blacked out guess what… I was happy." 

That knife into her heart set Rei off and she stepped over to him and lifted him to his feet by his collar his eyes went wide, surprised at her strength yet she still couldn't look him in the eye, "No you're wrong… and a coward. Only a coward would do that when he has people who enjoy his presence. You're selfish, you would take away your own pain but… you would just give it to us tenfold. I thought we… I thought I me- " 

She lost her voice before she could finish her thought, letting her arms drop away from him she wrapped them around herself shivering from the cool breeze. Figuring he could at least do one nice thing he took his Yukata and wrung it out, he wrapped it around her shoulders. "Here this'll at least cover you up."

She didn't say anything to him, she just sat back down. "Please don't tell anyone about what happened, or… don't tell them why I did what I did."

"Why should I?" 

"If they all knew, they'd send me away to some room and medicate me until I'm a drooling mess. They would just say things they thought I needed to hear, there'd be no meaning behind those words either. They'd say anything if they thought it'd keep me around."

"I will need to think about this but tell me why and I might consider it."

"Seriously Rei, why are you bothering with me?" he sighed, "I'm telling you now the more you try and help… you'll just be wasting your time and life."

"Tell me why you want to die so badly, and I will decide for myself if I am simply wasting my time… you don't get to decide for me. Besides I thought you were afraid to die." 

"I guess I hate living more than that." He scoffed lightly, staring up at the night sky seeing how bright the fireworks were, so bright they blocked out the stars. "Rei… you ever just feel like you don't belong anywhere? No country, no state, no region, no city, no town, no neighborhood? You ever feel as if you just simply don't belong in life?"

She lifted her head slightly and wiped her tears away, remembering. "Maybe before… before Shinji arrived, I felt as if no one ever saw me. I felt as if I were of a presence drifting through this world rather than a person. But then I met you two."

"Well I guess I'm still a ghost, because honestly… I've said it before, but I'll say it again. Who honestly would miss me if I was dead, gone or I just disappeared? Nobody needs me for anything besides the EVA."

"You're wrong…" 

"No, I'm not Rei!" he exasperated, "I'm the sixth child, the sixth one. There're two others before me and who knows how many after, face it I'm replaceable. If I die someone else will be called up to replace me."

"No… you're wrong, nobody is replaceable. You matter to all of us, isn't that enough? Isn't it enough to matter to a group of people rather than the whole world?"

Her shoulders shuddered as she spoke, "You might as well just say the rest of us don't matter, that I… don't matter."

"I would never say that to you Rei."

"You meant it though."

"Rei if there's one person on this stupid rock that matters it's you."

"Who are you to decide whether someone is important or not?" 

He didn't answer, she had him stumped for that one, but she didn't keep quiet, "If the individual decides who is important, who matters and who doesn't then I say that you matter to me. I am sure the rest of our friends would agree." 

She could say it a thousand times to him but there would always be that one part of his mind that would cast doubt on every positive answer she could give him. "Can't you at least agree that it's better to matter to one person than to feel as if you don't matter at all?"

He looked away from her and began to walk away, near to the water's edge. The last words of that stupid poem rattled around the inside of his brain, his player was laying on the rocks, but he didn't want to walk back to get it. He slowly just raised his hands and covered his ears, wrapping his fingers around his hair. "Just promise to me that you'll keep quiet about this, please."

"How will I know that you will not try this again?" 

"You don't I guess… but then again it wouldn't matter if I lived or died, besides chances are if I did do it, it would've been too late anyways. I guess you'll just have to trust me." 

He heard her rustle and walk over slowly, there was a light clatter and she walked up to him lightly touching his shoulder she turned him around. His skin shivered at her touch and he almost by instinct shrugged her off but looking at her face all red and puffy. Hurt because of him, he decided to let her have this moment. 

She silently put the player back into his hands, holding onto them she brought them close to her heart, "I will keep your secret, no matter how much it hurts but know this if I get the feeling that you will try this again I will tell Misato, Dr. Akagi and Commander Ikari along with the others. And if you do succeed, I will never forgive you." 

He saw a tear leave quietly from her eye, a single string in his heart seemed to wiggle and want to tear, how could he hurt someone like her. He liked her, didn't he? Is this what it's like to love or like someone, you just hurt them unintentionally because of your own desires? He had to fight the desire to pull her close by her waist with one of his arms and use his free hand to wipe away her tears and brush her hair away from her face. To rest his chin on her forehead and kiss it, then whisper a thousand, a million, a billion, every single apology he could think of. 

He instead opted to take both of her hands, he looked at their feet and swallowed a golf ball sized lump, "I'm sorry, Rei. I don't deserve to have anyone like you in my life. I'd never want to hurt you."

"Rei! Nathan!" Shinji's voice cried out beyond the rocks, dropping her hands he looked up and saw Shinji standing above them, "You guys okay?" he cried out in his high voice as he kicked off his getas and began to climb down. "Yes, everything is fine now." Rei answered back. 

He trotted over to his two friends, carrying Rei's white and blue yukata, "What happened and why are you wearing his yukata Rei?"

"Shinji, Shinji, calm down. Long story short I kinda fell into the drink and Rei fished me out. I guess she threw hers off, so I gave her mine to cover herself and warm up a little."

"So, nothing serious happened?" he asked unraveling the yukata.

"Well unless you count me drowning and blacking out briefly, no nothing serious."

"That's not what I meant!" he protested, his voice raising in pitch.

"No, I know what you meant." 

He shifted his eyes down, turning red out of embarrassment, "Well here you are Rei, maybe you'd like to wear a dry one better." He said holding hers out, "Thank you Shinji." She said as she took off Nathan's letting it fall to the floor before rewrapping herself in hers.

"Shinji did you find them yet?"

"Uh- Yeah down here Ms. Misato!" he yelled back cupping his hands, "Argh! I knew that social reject was going to ruin this night for me somehow." Asuka gripped. Over the small hill the rest of the group came walking up, "Well thank god we found you two. Toji saw the both of you leap off the bridge." Misato said putting her hand over her chest trying to steady her heart. 

"I kinda more fell off than jumped off Ms. Misato, just wanna make that clear. Rei's the one that took the swan dive, but with good intentions of course."

"What were you even thinking anyways you idiot don't you realize how hurt you could've gotten or how Rei could have hurt herself going in after you?" Misato asked letting her anger bubble up as she put her fists on her hips.

"Ms. Misato but the two of us are fine, I am a strong swimmer and was able to revive Nat- "

"Wait what do you mean revive?!" she yelled, "Get your asses up here now!" 

"Now you're in for it." Kensuke said sheepishly as he shuffled away from the woman who was almost frothing at the mouth, the trio climbed their way slowly up the rocks not wanting to get up there and witness Misato's anger firsthand. Nathan grabbed his glasses on his way up and as soon as his hand touched the ground near her feet Misato grabbed his wrist and yanked him up near her.

"What is wrong with you? What stupid thoughts were going through your brain when you climbed on that stupid bridge?" she shook him back and forth.

"Nothing, Misato I just wanted to see the fireworks better." He nervously said, trying to worm his way out of her grasp but she just held on tighter. "Next time think you idiot! You're actions just don't affect you, you know. They affect all of us, what if Rei drowned trying to save your sorry hide?"

"But I didn't Ms. Misato, I res- " 

"That's enough Rei, all of you get the in the jeep, I'm taking you all home!"

"What? But Ms. Misato we'll miss the last fireworks show." Asuka whined.

"Hey, save it Asuka, she looks mad enough already." Toji hissed. 

"I don't care, if one of you messes up then you all mess up. That's something you kids better learn quick and fast, this time it's a near drowning. Next time who knows, and if one of you were to screw up in an EVA who knows what could happen."

Her phone let out its little high-pitched cackling ring, digging it out of her pocket she swiped on the screen. "What?!" she yelled. Her face melted as she plugged her left index finger into her ear and asked again but her voice was drowned out by the high-pitched sirens ringing out, a robotic voice broke out over the noise of the fireworks. "Emergency, emergency! All citizens are ordered to evacuate to the nearest shelter available to them, an unknown life form has been detected nearing Tokyo 3, repeat all citizens evacuate to the nearest shelter!" 

"What are we supposed to do?" Hikari cried, "I don't even know where the nearest shelter is. And what about my sisters?"

"What are we supposed to do Ms. Misato?" Toji yelled as he threw his arms in the air, Misato gripped the bridge of her nose tightly and clenched her phone in her hand, she couldn't just leave the others there, but she had to get to NERV as quickly as she could, there just wasn't any time for a detour and by the way Hyuga sounded they didn't have much time.

"Ms. Misato what are gonna do?" Kensuke yelped shaking her shoulder.

"Damn it… there's no time. Kids hop in and buckle up. I'm taking you to NERV HQ." 

"But isn't that only for members of NERV?" Kensuke piped up as Toji dragged him and tossed him into the jeep, "There's no time to ask questions you idiot."

Just as the pilots got in and buckled in Misato grinded the gears and soon the jeep was roaring down the road, screeching as it took the curves. "Ms. Misato can't you give me an answer?" Kensuke piped again. 

"Look your father, Hikari's sister and Toji's father and grandfather all work in the labs at NERV right? So you only have access in emergency cases. And right now, I'd say this is an emergency, if anything they'll put you in the non-essentials bunker there." 

"Misato what the hell is that?" Shinji cried out pointing to the mountains beyond them, the sky light up as VTOLs, jets and attack helicopters took over the sky firing all the payload they had at the slow-moving mound coming into view. It was the size of a small mountain, but from that far they could tell it didn't have a set body frame and it looked as if it were a wiggling Jell-O like creature. An AT field light up all around the creature as the rockets and missiles made contact the whole sky lit up in an orange aura. 

Further from their view the city had already begun its retreat into the earth, even the hills receded as towering gun emplacements took their positions and began to fire. The bus sized rounds rang out like bells as the hit the city streets the gun fire was deafening. The kids all clasped their hands over their heads grinding their teeth. Out of the corner of their eyes they swore they saw Misato shout something but, chances are even without their hands there would have been no chance at them hearing her. 

Misato twisted the wheel all the way to the left and crashed through an orange wooden caution sign, and turned onto a dirt road flinging mud behind the tires she weaved through the woods following a set of tire tracks until she arrived at the entrance of an old abandoned mine, "Everybody duck!" she popped the jeep into a higher gear and smashed through the wooden barrier, driving down deeper into it the rocky floor and walls eventually turned to grey concrete and metal. Just before they made it to the vehicle elevator the red fig leaf logo of NERV was plastered on the wall before it. 

Pulling into one of the slots Misato parked it, punching in the code for her destination she took out her cell phone and called Hyuga. "Hyuga, we're here are the EVAs ready? Good, no we won't be needing all of them, Unit 06 is grounded until further notice." 

"What!" Nathan's voice echoed above the whirring machinery, her only response was to shush him, "Yes, I'm serious Hyuga, I'm sure the three of them can handle it." She clicked her phone off. "Are you serious, you're grounding me?" he yelled out again. 

"Yeah, what's the deal Misato, you saw the size of that thing don't you think that we're gonna need all the hands we can get?" Shinji argued. 

"The idiot's got a point, it'd be suicide at least if Nathan were out there the three of us could make our getaway while that angel is killing him." 

"Thanks for support Asuka, but seriously why are you grounding me?" 

"Because I'm not sure if I can trust you yet, you're obviously hiding something from us and not to mention your stupid foul up could have cost not only your life but Rei's too. Until I figure out where you stand, you're not getting in the EVA!" 

"It's kind of weird seeing him like this." Toji muttered, "As opposed to what his normal self." Kensuke whispered back both looking at the rejected pilot sitting on the dark olive cot opposite of them, ear buds in head buried under his arms resting on his lap, dead silent.

"I'm just saying it's kinda like seeing a snake without venom."

"Toji, what you just described is a python."

"You know what I meant smart guy. Hey Class rep you mind not pacing, you're kinda ruining the mood." 

The second Misato locked the kids into the small, dark twenty by twenty room, Hikari could not help herself but file up and down the center of the room, chewing on her fingernails constantly muttering to herself about her big sister and her little sister.

"I can't help it Toji! I'm just worried… I don't know…" her tone flew from anger to worry in less than a second.

"Hey, I'm sure the both of them are fine, your big sis had the day off, right?"

Hikari held her hand near her mouth but gave a small nod. 

"And she was watching Nozomi right? So, odds are she got the alert about what was going down, besides with her clearance she probably found her way into a bunker quick enough." He patted the spot next to him, offering it to her and after she sat down next to him, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Her cheeks turned a little pink, she hoped he wouldn't notice but that seemed only to make them turn burn brighter.

"Relax Hikari I'm sure they'll be fine." 

"Oh, barf why don't you guys get your own room." Kensuke said rolling his eyes, walking away and finding a new lonely cot for himself passing a toilet out in the open that had god knows what for god knows how long he plopped down trying not to vomit. 

"Hey, shut up, I'm just trying to be a nice guy!"

Outside the three-foot metal door that sealed them in the three heard a knocking, "Hey kids pipe down in there, I'm not getting paid to baby sit you and hear your problems." 

"Aw shut up." Toji muttered as he stuck out his tongue and pulled down the check on the right side of his face.

"Y-you think we should say something to him." Hikari asked shaking Toji's shoulder lightly.

"I'm not sure that's the greatest idea Hikari, he kinda seems more like the guy who needs to be left alone and stew. We might just upset him more…" Kensuke sat upright and leaned forward, covering the side of her mouth in case Nathan was watching him. 

"I don't stew." The boy piped up, he let out a deep and heavy sigh sitting upright he yanked out his earbuds and set the player on his cot flipping over staring at the ceiling. "Seriously this is bullshit, how can Misato do this to me?" he muttered. 

"Do you seriously like to pilot the EVA that much Nathan?" Hikari asked leaning forward, "What do you know about being a pilot?" Toji asked her. 

"Well I may not have had the firsthand experience like you and Kensuke did, but sometimes Asuka tells me stuff, but I don't know how Shinji feels about it… Asuka seems to like it though." 

"Oh, I'm not sure he likes it all that much Hikari. You- you should have seen Shinji. The way he screamed, the way he was in pain when the Angel attacked the EVA. The stress he was under, I want to be a pilot but… that part of it scares me a little." Kensuke admitted. 

"Of course, he wouldn't like it, you'd have to be a moron to love doing it." Nathan sat up and began his own pacing, holding his hands behind his head breathing heavy. But he wasn't doing the straight-lined pacing Hikari did the way he was walking back and forth seemed more like a pinball or a lab rat locked in a small case on a meth high, stumbling side to side. 

"So, tell us man. Are you a moron or something else?" Toji asked dropping his arm from Hikari's shoulders. 

The pilot stopped dead in the center of the room and fluttered his lips dragging his hands on either side of his face, reminiscent of the painting the scream. "Look piloting it, not my most favorite thing in the world. But what else would I do? By now it's all I'm good for, dumping me here, she might as well just kill me. There's no point in me being alive if she takes away the only reason for me being alive in the first place." 

Nobody responded to him, they all just looked away uncomfortably, the worst part wasn't what he said but how he said it in a jokingly nonchalant way, he might have even given a slight snicker and sigh. "Sorry if I'm weirding you guys out. I just don't know what to do… fighting the angels or whatever that thing was is my job, I'm supposed to be backing the others up. Now I'm just sidelined." 

"What even was that thing? Was it an angel?" Hikari asked. 

"Don't know, but I don't think so. So far from the files I've seen all the angels have a weird skull-like thing on them along with a red core. Didn't seem like to me that thing had skull or a core." 

"Not to mention it kinda looked like Jell-O." Kensuke said walking up showing the rest of the kids the tiny square picture on his camera, even on the small blurry screen they almost couldn't grasp the size of that thing. "I hope they're okay." Hikari said, just then three earth shattering rumbles rocked the room making the kids sway side to side, crying out Hikari gripped Toji tight to steady herself. 

"I'm sure they'll handle things." Nathan said landing back down on his cot, "But what if they can't, what happens if they-?" 

Nathan cut off Hikari's words by holding his player up showing them the glowing blue screen with the play icon and rolling over on his side facing the wall. It was better for him this way anyways, he barely survived both times he fought an angel. By the way things looked he was better as a supporter, someone to just take the pain while everyone else did the work. But if that's all he was good for, fine he thought. As long as the others didn't have to go through the things he did. 

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep, the sound of rumbling and explosions on the surface rocked the room making the lights flicker and dust along with bits of concrete fall from the ceiling. "I can see why they call this the non-essentials bunker." Kensuke said. 

"So, tell me why we weren't alerted to this thing's arrival earlier?" Misato barked at the tech trio monitoring all the three pilots' vital signs. "We didn't notice it until the JSSDF told us, we ran the scans on it five times, each time the Maji didn't read anything. That thing doesn't read as any blood type we have on file." Hyuga said swiveling in his chair to face Misato. 

"What could this thing be, a new type of angel?" Asked Maya her voice wavering. 

"Highly unlikely, if it were a new species of angel, the Magi would have detected some trace of Angel DNA in it. This is a new kind of devilry." Fuyutsuki proclaimed stone faced as ever. Everybody stood in silence waiting for Commander Ikari's thoughts on the matter, he gave a low grunt before uttering "Yes... it seems that this is a new foe we must face. Regardless of what it is, it seems to have a course set for us. So, we must stop it at all cost, let us hope the EVAs are able to combat it." 

His words shook Misato to her core, turning around she saw the children had arrived on the surface.

Hmm, some new kind of foe? What could it be capable of I wonder, maybe benching Nathan was a mistake, but then again Commander Ikari hasn't said anything to me yet. Maybe he's just wanting to see how things play out before he dishes out the carrot or the stick. Misato thought to herself. 

"Stuck in your head again Misato?" Ritsuko asked pushing up her glasses. "You best get out of it and focus your attention on the screens, those kids are gonna need your tactics to go up against this thing."

She was right, "Yeah, I just hope they can handle whatever it is. What do you think their chances are?"

"Do you really want an answer to that Misato? The best thing we can do right now is hope for the best." 

The trio broke through to the surface each one checking both corners of their launch tubes, Rei and Asuka clutched their pallet rifles close to their chests while Shinji walked out carrying his Gatling gun in front of him shuffling out. "Everybody out okay?" Misato asked over the comms.

"I'm here." Asuka checked in.

"Yes ma'am." Rei said followed by Shinji.

"I'm in one piece." 

"Okay I know you're a man down, so now it's more important than ever to watch one another's back. Now bad news first, we can't track this thing whatever it is. It's blood type doesn't read on the Magi supercomputer at all."

"WHAT? Are you freaking kidding me!" Shrieked Asuka, "Not only are we one member down but you expect us to wait for that thing to come find us?" 

"Asuka you need to settle down, we're doing the best we can at the moment to find a way to track it. Best thing the three of you can do is stay in a group, the good news is though is the JSSDF says this things' a slow mover. Maybe you'll be able to sneak up on it. Now get to it, that's an order." Her words did little to calm Shinji and Asuka's nerves.

"Guess I'll lead first guys, least I can do." Shinji said gulping. 

The three units shuffled around the city blocks, Shinji in the front with Asuka on his left and Rei on his right, both the girl watched his corners while he eyed the front, "You think with how big that thing looked we would've seen it by now." Asuka muttered, Shinji saw her video feed, even though her face was furrowed, and she bit her lower lip he could tell that she was trying to hide how nervous she was. 

After all who would want to fight a disappearing enemy, much less one that seemed like it would dwarf you. Rei however was calm as always or at least she looked calm, "Rei something bothering you?" he asked trying to check up on her.

"Nothing is wrong, but I suppose it is unsettling that we cannot track this new type of angel or whatever this new creature is."

"That's not what I meant Rei, what's really bothering you?"

She averted her gaze and her face frowned, "It's just… I would feel better if he were here with us. I think the four of us work better together but… why would he be so set on piloting the EVA? I thought he hated it."

"Maybe he just wants to back us up Rei." 

"Hey, you two quit your chatting and focus we don't know where the hell this thing is, and here I thought you be jealous that your woman's thinking about another guy Shinji." Asuka snarked.

"All three of you focus on the task at hand. This very well could mean the difference between life or death." 

Father… Shinji's father's words made him sink further into his seat, it seemed like the only time he talked to him was when he was in the EVA or when his father needed him to get into the EVA, come to think of it his father didn't really seem to acknowledge him at all. "The Commander is right. We should continue our sweep of the city." Even though she hated to side with Commander Ikari, she knew that it was the right thing to do. 

Unit 01's finger lightly tapped the trigger of the Gatling gun, swaying side to side ready to be clamped down at a moment's notice, but even though none of the pilots voiced it they all wondered the same thing, how would they kill this thing. All that firepower had no effect, did it even have a core?

"OW! Something's stinging me." Asuka piped up. "What do you mean Asuka?" 

"Baka Shinji, my legs are burning up." Asuka dropped her controls and immediately began to scratch her legs through the plug suit, they felt like they were burning red and raw. The sensation seemed like it was only intensifying in fact there was a strange burning smell in her plug.

"Mnnnh." Rei groaned, "She's right I feel… a pain too." 

Shinji stifled his groan as he looked down and underneath their feet bubbling up from the sewer grates and other cracks in the street a dull pink flesh colored ooze came frothing up. As the thing came up into view, they all saw that it was different shades of pink, white, brown and yellow like it was sewn together from millions of different people. But what was worse was that the sludge around their feet had begun to wrap itself around them and smoke from the dissolving armor wafted up.

"It's digesting the EVAs! Get to higher ground!" Misato yelled.

With a grunt Rei and Asuka leapt from the ground spraying clumps of the flesh creature all around the city, landing on buildings and streets they began to sink into their new spots dissolving their surroundings. As the girls perched themselves on buildings Shinji tried to jump away while keeping a hold of his gun but the thing's grip around his legs tightened around him. "Ahhhhh!" 

He let out a cry as it gripped his legs so firm he thought he heard his legs snap, but then out of the corner of his eye rising out of the much as the creature took a shape resembling a stack of misshapen bulbous growths was a black glowing tetragonal trapezohedron crystal.

Is that this thing's core? He wondered, but he had no time to second guess himself. "Asuka, Rei that crystal shoot it!" 

He whipped the Gatling gun around and stumbled backwards landing on his back and out of the creature's grasp he looked down to see his EVA's armor had melted away and right now it seemed whatever acidic stuff this mucus Jell-O thing was made of had eaten right down to the soft tissues of whatever the EVA truly was, he might have even seen bone. He just thanked his lucky stars that his synch ratio was only 64, he felt the burning as if someone had poured extremely hot wax over his legs or his hair was being burnt off. He couldn't imagine what it would be like if it had been higher. 

"KIYAAAA!" Asuka and Shinji screamed in one voice as they hammered down and the sound of gunfire drowned out all other noises. Casings flew and littered the ground clattering and disappearing, the only one who wasn't shooting was Rei. "Cease your fire!" she cried out. Hearing her Shinji eased up, but it was too late his gun was spinning on empty Asuka had already threw her empty gun and picked a fresh one that had been sent up. 

Surrounding the thing's core was a clump of shiny metal bullets, each one the size of either a school bus or a train, slowly sinking in turning into a sludge as they were being melted and were absorbed into the Seraphim. "What the hell is that thing?" Asuka asked her voice wavering. "Ugnh!" She let out a cry as it felt like she had been struck in the stomach with a bat, looking down she saw a wiggling clump of flesh colored sludge. Looking up she barely ducked under one that was flying towards her face. 

"This thing's throwing chunks at us!" Asuka reached into her pylon and took out her box cutter looking prog knife, dropping her pallet rifle she used the blade to wedge the clump off and jumped away narrowly dodging two other clumps that flew past her. 

"We need to regroup Misato!" Shinji cried out, "Shinji look out!" Rei yelled, but before he could hear Rei's warning the Seraphim had stretched itself out like a snake and snuck up behind him lodging three clumps square in his back, "Arrghh!" the clumps quickly melted the umbilical cord away and turned it's plug in into a clump of melted metal. 

He clawed his back, ignoring the blaring red lights in front of his face telling him he had only five minutes left, "Shinji jump up here." Asuka called out to him. Doing as he was told he ducked and weaved under the Seraphim, making it over to Asuka the back portion of the armor had almost fully melted away, he could feel the burning heat starting to eat its way into the plug.

"Asuka help me, god it burns so fucking bad!" 

"Hold still." She shoved unit 01 to the ground stomping her left foot at the base of his back she quickly scrapped off the clumps flinging them aside, Rei provided cover fire with her rifle shooting at the core, seeing if when it changed its shape the core would become more vulnerable. "There they're all off."

"Alright this is a lost cause, all units I'm ordering you to retreat right now. Send up the launch tubes and get them the hell out of there." 

"Do it now! Unit 01's safety is a priority is that understood!" the usually stoic Gendo Ikari's sudden cry for the preservation of Unit 01 startled the three techies. But they did as they were told launching up the three closest deployment tubes, Asuka helped Shinji limp over to the tube slamming him in he was immediately sucked down into the earth. "Hey, wonder girl we've got to get going!" she yelled out. 

Rei gave a grunt of acknowledgement and began to leap building to building over the muck that was now turning into a lake melting away all the buildings, it looked like the whole city section was flooded. Asuka ran towards the two tubes, but then she stopped and swiveled at the call of her name. "Asuka duck!" 

"Huh?" whipping her head around she saw six wrecking ball sized balls flying at her face, hitting the deck she ducked behind some buildings but the balls took a high arch, they never would have hit her, peaking out she saw that the real target was the two deployment tubes side by side. In less than a second they looked like crushed wet paper mache. 

Rei had called out to her, she said her name, she looked out for her. She saw Unit 00 soaring through the air knees curled to the chest and arms spread out like a hawk. But just before she landed a twisting spout of muck shot up from the ground and knocked her out of the air making unit 00 crash into the ground. "Rei!" Asuka yelled as she ran towards her downed savior, what was she supposed to do now? How could she fight against this thing?


	3. Chapter 2 the new devilry Seraphim

"Fuyutsuki take over from here." Gendo Ikari stood up quickly slamming his hands on the table in front of him, he almost made the chair topple over as he began to walk away.

"Ikari, where are you headed to?" 

He stood there in silence before answering back with, "To retrieve the spare." 

Just as Gendo disappeared down the small single person elevator he returned his attention to the screen, "Alright people we need to focus I want status reports by the second. Is there any way we can extract the pilots from their current positions?"

"No all other deployment spots are out of their range." Maya replied. 

"Okay then, what things are near them?" Misato interjected.

"We have umbilical cables and weapon deployment pods near them. I'm seeing four umbilical cables, two more pallet rifles, two bazookas, one sniper rifle and four handguns all within the area." Hyuga announced. 

"Okay keep the umbilical cables underground, send them up as needed. Send up the two rifles." Fuyutsuki barked. 

"Understood, but how are we going to get them out of there sir? What should I tell them?" 

"Tell them that the backup is being sent Major Katsuragi." 

"Wait you can't possibly mean… we have to do an evaluation on him sir, I don't think he's stable enough to-." 

"Regardless of what you believe Major Katsuragi in the Commander's eyes he's still useful, despite anything that might be wrong with him. As long as he's alive, he will pilot the EVA. Please don't speak out against the Commander's order again. I can't promise he would be as forgiving had he heard that." 

Misato scowled and furrowed her brow, but then she relaxed her face, and bow forward "Forgive me Deputy Commander."

"Things have been quiet up there for a while. You think they're done… you think they're even alive?" Kensuke asked the group of kids.

"I hope so man…" 

"Toji don't worry, I'm sure they're all fine. I bet they're on their way here right now." Hikari answered hoping to brighten the mood.

None of them bothered to try and talk to Nathan, he was stretched out on his cot, eyes closed trying to shut out the world, waiting for the second he could just go home. It wasn't until Toji walked over and tapped his foot did he take his earbuds out and rejoin the world, "What is it?" he grumbled out rubbing his eyes. "Your phones ringing man, maybe its Misato with some good news?" 

Pulling his phone out he sat upright. Thanking god, he sprung for a waterproof case flipped it open but then the color drained from his face as he leaned forward covering his mouth making a wet chocking noise. Everyone saw who was calling but no one said anything. There were three simple letters in all caps staring right back at him, DAD. 

He stared at it until the phone stopped ringing went black for a single second and then chimed, telling him that he had a voicemail. "You going to listen to that?" Kensuke asked warily. Nathan didn't reply, he just shuddered out and swallowed, fighting back his emotions shoving everything down he flipped his phone open again and took it in both hands. "Why did I save his stupid number, what gives him the right to call me now?" His voice wavered, as he snapped his phone in half and let the pieces fall, covering up his face he stood up. 

He walked over to an empty spot on the wall and leaned his forward against it, pulling his head into his shirt he imagined he was back in the plug, the silence the stillness, how it was only him in there and nothing else. Just him and his thoughts, the outside world and everything he had to put up with wasn't there. There was nothing but the plug and him inside it. 

But even then, that exercise didn't settle his nerves. But then another thought popped into his mind, the dark, a single candle her arms around him, her steady heart beating.

Lub, dup… lub, dup… lub, dup… 

The rain pitter, pattering outside. Warm and safe, her soft breathing, her scent… Rei he thought to himself, letting out a single deep breath that emptied his chest he turned around to see a tall man in glasses standing by the now open door. It was him, Commander Ikari, Shinji's dad. "Are you done now?" he asked in his low voice.

"Excuse me sir?"

"Are you done panicking now or shall I give you more time."

"I wasn't panicking sir."

"Good then, I require you then… Units 00 and 02 require your assistance fighting this new threat. I need you to enter Unit 06 on the double and assist them."

"But Misato- I mean Major Katsuragi said- " 

"Well now I am talking, and what I'm telling you is to get in the damn robot." The veins on Gendo's neck and forehead were popping out against the skin. He gave one nod and, in a single fluid motion threw off his Yukata and tossed it along with his MP3 to Toji and Hikari. "Make sure I get those back guys." Then he took off running past the Commander his feet slapping the ground as he used every ounce of his strength to make his way to the cage, hold on Rei I'm coming he thought to himself. 

He didn't even bother to climb into his plug suit, he just grabbed his interface headset, and sat in the plug, leaning all the way back he closed his eyes and let the LCL fill the tank, the plug finally settled in and th seat lowered. Bright flashes of light flew past his eyes as he gripped the controls. "You know what you have to do correct?" 

"Yes sir." Save her at all costs… any cost, He thought to himself. "Prepare to launch unit 06." 

He let out one final breath before he felt the world zip on by as he was rocketed to the surface, armed with no special weapons besides the glaive on his back he had no idea what he would do. If he had to drag the girls one by one to the deployment pods he would, even if he had to stay. He didn't want to die, but he'd rather it be him than Rei. Besides it was already drilled into his head to accept that his life was nothing compared to the rest of humanity, if he had to die just so humanity could linger on for another day he would just because he was expected to. 

As the pod came to a quick stop and the doors open, he ran out and whipped his head around, trying to spot them, they had launched him too far but even from there he could see the thing. It was stretching and expanding itself, trying to consume the entire city section. Pillars of flesh started to rise and bubble, large tumor like growths started to sprout from it. His heart started to race, as he eyed its massive size, twisting and wrapping it continued to swallow up the city snapping towers and skyscrapers like toothpicks. 

Everything letting off a hissing smoke as it was being digested. "Hurry up you idiot we need your help!" Asuka screamed over the comms her face was a mix of rage and fear, he heard the barking of the pallet rifles she was duel wielding along with the single deafening echo of the sniper rifle Rei had taken for herself, pumping round after round into the black crystal core. 

Don't think about it, just run forward, keep running forward, there's nothing behind you it's not an option. His brain felt like it was on fire his grip on the controls loosened but then Misato's voice crackled into his brain. "Hey Nathan, focus you wanted this and don't forget their lives are in your hands if you screw it's on you!" 

It's all on you, It's all on you, it's all on you, it's all on you! 

Saying nothing he tightened his grip and pressed forward, his arms bent at 90-degree angles pumping as his legs stretched further and further with each stride. Just seeing the thing up closer made him want to vomit, its twisted body pulsated like it was filled with pus and it was ready to pop, or as if it were excited another victim was willingly running towards it. "Nathan take the two of the pistols we're sending you, this new thing fires projectiles they might come in handy." Aoba said as his fingers punched his keyboard. 

A section in one of the defense towers slid down and out popped two gigantic desert eagles, taking both he held them out in front him gripping them tightly, his arms swiveling at every angle trying to guess where the attack would be from. As he ran past some of the mounds of flesh colored pulsating much, they lazily jumped out reaching for him, just by pure gut instinct he let off two or three rounds into them accomplishing nothing. 

"Save the ammo! The closer you get the less help we'll be able to offer you!" Misato screamed her orders at him, but his adrenaline and his fear deafened him, just as he was about to start jumping on to the skyscrapers to avoid the acidic puddles something gripped his right heel making him fall chin first onto the city streets. 

As he slammed down with a thunderous crash he looked back to see a tentacle-like appendage swallowing his leg up like a worm, "Get off me!" he yelled as he emptied the left pistol into it finally making it retreat but not before it ate through all but one of the layers of metal that protected the foot up the knee. 

"Nathan help us you idiot!" Asuka yelled, "Nathan please!" Rei cried, he wasn't going to be able to help them, this was it he was going to die here, he was going to fail, they were all going to die because of him, and everybody would see it. They would all know what a failure he was, someone better should be doing this than him. They should have called one of the other children, he should have drowned in that river. 

He shakily got up as his leg was starting to feel like it had its skin shaved off with a razor blade and the air was now touching the exposed tissues. But just as he stood up the side of his head exploded with pain like something had tied a bowling ball to a tether ball pole and smacked it into the right side of his face at a million miles an hour. 

"Urrrggg!" He was hit again twice in the stomach, in the leg again, in the left hand, into the right calf. Giant mounds of amoeba started to encompass unit 06 and no matter how loud he screamed in pain he could still hear the sizzling of metal being eaten away, and those patches of skin light up red and began to burn hotter than the sun. "Getoffofme, Getoffofme, GETOFFOFME!" he screamed taking the pistol holding the muzzle up the clumps shooting into it, and by instinct he emptied the last two shots into the right side of the EVA's skull he felt that bullet rip through the lower part of his right jaw and tear its way through his mouth and skull exploding out the other side. 

But in reality, the bullet barely passed through the amoeba and instead made it pop like a balloon sending chunks of metal flying everywhere exposing unit 06's true face. "Nathan! You promised!" A familiar voice screamed at him, no doubt in more trouble than he already was. 

He began to shudder as he curled up, his muscles twitched as it felt like his nerves were being snipped in half. "I'm sorry…" he cried but then something in his right peripheral caught his attention. He saw a reflection of something in the glass building that hadn't been consumed yet, dark brown almost grey flesh started to sizzle away showing off the red tissues, then a large pink slit spread apart bursting out from it was a large orange-yellowish orb that had a black spot in the middle of it, then it closed and refocused. No, it wasn't an orb it was eye and it was staring right at him, as more and more the metal melted away it showed pebbly flesh. 

The head was roughly shaped like an elongated potato, with the eye square in the center of the side of it, then the metal meted off its face showing a sharp pointed chin with rows of needle like teeth in the gum line. "AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!" He screamed as he covered up his eyes and face, trying to hide and forget what he was seeing, just as he did that the inside of the plug started to flash black and deep blood red. 

The EVA let out a banshee like screech as its hands shot to its face and began to tear the armor and flesh off its face, then its claws got to work ripping apart the clumps that were trying to melt it. 

"What's happening?!" Misato yelled, "He's lost control of the EVA! All neurological recordings have ceased he's flat-lined!" 

"Do we need to jump start his heart?" Aoba yelled getting ready to punch in the command, "No we still have vital signs, but we can't read his brain waves!" Maya cried out wiping away tears from her face, she tried to settle her nerves, but she was shaking too much. 

"I don't know what to do." Misato said her voice quivering, Fuyutsuki did nothing but stand there covering his mouth with his hand, "Did you plan for this Ikari? Is this what you wanted? Is this thing going to be able to handle this new devil?" 

Asuka heard the wailing cries from the new beast, she had long since ditched her pallet rifles and threw them away into the muck and saw them start to bend in on themselves like crumpled up paper. Looking over she saw unit 06 standing in the center of a circle of the muck roaring into the air, she saw its face, "What the hell is that? Is that unit 06… is that what's under the EVAs?" 

Maybe it heard her because it's face, its' eyeless, skinless face stared right at her with exposed bone and hollow eye sockets, then it started to run through the puddles and piles of flesh colored muck. Then it hopped onto the skyscraper next to her, then it hopped to the one she was on standing up over her with spike like quills popping up through the melted mass on its back. Asuka started to gasp in horror but before she could react the creature no the EVA picked her up, grabbing her by the throat and by the hips. 

"Let go of me!" She screamed. Thrashing, trying to get free from its grasp but it just flung her, the power cable snapping out as she flew across the air. Asuka crashed into towers and buildings, the inside of the plug rattled, and it seemed like the thing would collapse in on itself. Her head smacked into one of the controls cutting her just above the right eye, "What was that thing?" she asked as her hand went to her face wiping the blood away from her eye. 

Wait don't panic now girl, you're still around this thing, it can still get you. Looking around she saw that she thankfully landed in a bare patch of land untouched by the creature. Her eyes drifted upwards to the tower in front of her and she saw a trail of spider web like human skin colored muck wrapping itself up to the very top and hanging limply like fruit off a weak twig was the black tetragonal trapezohedron crystal. "The core… while this thing's got its attention focused on him, now's my chance. I'll show them what I can do." She whispered to herself. 

"Misato."

"Asuka you're alive, can you make it to the nearest deployment pod?"

"Yeah but I'm not running away."

"What? Asuka now's not the time to be stupid, get your ass to the pod now. That's an order!" 

"No, you listen to me Misato, I see the core. I can get it and kill this thing I just need an umbilical cable and I'll do it, have faith in me for once."

Misato went quiet for a minute, "Don't make me regret this Asuka." She muttered just as a building fell away only to give birth to a new one that had a new umbilical cable for her. Plugging herself in she grabbed her Prog knife and began her climb, hearing the bone chilling screeches of unit 06 she wondered what was it doing, was it totally out of control and would it hurt unit 00, would it hurt Rei. And most importantly under all the armor did hers look like that? 

Where did he go, did he leave me alone to die? Did he run away, did he die? Rei's mind flooded as she hopped from building to building trying to make her way to a deployment pod, did he leave me? 

She had dropped the rifle just as she heard the screeching cries of something, funny that was one of the first few times she had felt genuine fear. But being lost in her thoughts made her distracted and as she flew from one building to the next, she almost didn't notice the snap that crackled in the air pulling her to the ground making her crash. She had reached the end of the umbilical cable. She wouldn't be going any further, groaning she tried to assess the situation she was in and it wasn't pretty. Already the tidal waves of the creature's flesh had begun to build up into thin walls around her. 

It was building up into a dome, a tomb that was going to encompass her no doubt it would collapse in on her and swallow her up, melting her along with the EVA. And Nathan was nowhere to be scene, he left me and he's back to hurting me. 

"It's not fair… this isn't fair. Why is this happening to me? Why me, why is the world doing this to me, why am I being taken away from it just when I was enjoying being a part of it?" Her shoulders began to heave as she curled up, bringing her knees to her chest she buried her face away from the world trying to hide her tears. "Why did I only get to enjoy his presence for so little time? I never got to know how he truly felt… please I just want to wake up. Let this be another nightmare, please just let me wake up with him in my arms." 

Just then a screech pulled her back into the world and a pair of claws ripped through the thin side of the flesh dome that was now dripping droplets sizzling as they landed on the ground surrounding her, "Nathan?" she tiled her head looking at the head that popped through that was ignoring the sizzle coming off itself. She saw the orange glowing off unit 06's body in the dark that was now encompassing them but then she saw its face or lack thereof. 

She let out a frightened gasp, seeing the skull that was looking back at her tilting its head. No, it was him but what happened to the EVA, parts of its body were exposed showing burnt meat and bone, no it was him. What happened to him, was all this because he couldn't let her go? She extended a handout and touched the EVA's face but just as her fingers connected with the EVA's lower jaw its head jutted back like a dog shying away from its master's touch. 

And then its hands clamped the sides of its head, letting out a screech that sounded too human. The EVA collapsed to its hands and knees clawing at its head but then it fell silent as a black shiny shell grew over its head. Sealing away its true form from her before resting silently, "Nathan?" Rei questioned moving closer to the unit, the only sources of light in the now pitch-black room that was shrinking was the orange and white glow coming off their units. She called out to him again, "Nathan?"

"Rei…?" 

Her heart almost stopped when she heard his voice, she pulled unit 06 in close for a hug and after a minute of holding him so tight the remaining metal on him started to creak and groan she felt his arms wrap around her waist. But she couldn't feel his warmth, but just knowing he was returning the gesture gave her enough warmth. "I'm- I'm happy that you're here with me. Ung." She let out a little cry as she felt a bigger glop of the sludge fall onto her left shoulder and began to eat its way through her armor. 

"Rei!" Nathan's mind snapped into action, he pulled her closer and tried to slice another opening into the flesh walls, but the armor had already melted away and his claws were gone. There was nothing they could do, his pylons had already melted. "It's hopeless, isn't it?" Rei asked. 

"I'm sorry I don't know what to do Rei." He pulled her in closer both of them on their knees wincing at every fat droplet that touched them, "I wish there was something I could do."

"It's fine, I am fine with this… if we both die. I am fine."

"Why?"

"Because you are here with me, Nathan. That's- that's all I could ever want. Just can you hold me tighter?" 

He fell silent, looking up at the darkness felling the acid drops hit his face he pushed Rei on her back and crawled on top of her pressing his chest against her and wrapping his arms around her head burying it into his neck and upper chest he hid her away from the acid as best as he could. "Okay Rei." He said, then he began to manually up his synch, the chair slid further and further down as his AT field built up. The acid will still probably hit me but as long as it's not her, its fine he thought. 

"Wait what are you doing?" 

"I'm raising my connection Rei, uggh. The acid's eating through my AT field but hey… gah! You're safe- mngh. That's all that matters." He started to gasp and pant rapidly as it seemed that the flesh wall around them began to drizzle with a higher intensity thousands of little droplets began to pepper his back, but he gritted his teeth. And just thought of her. 

He heard a high-pitched whirling coming from unit 00, "Rei what are you doing?"

"I'm raising my AT field, two together should protect us from the acid… you don't have to be alone in doing this. I want to protect you too." 

"Rei…" he sighed, he lifted unit 00's head and pressed his face against its' gently, both pilots closed their eyes and it felt like the two of them were floating in nothingness but they felt the touch of electricity and fire of the other lips against theirs. He's with me, he's holding me, he's reaching out to me… I can feel his heart. I feel a burning in my stomach, please I don't want him to let go Rei thought letting a smile grow over his face tears of joy flowing from her eyes.

"Don't let go of me." She whispered.

"Never." He replied. 

Asuka grunted as she kept plunging the Prog knife into the side of the building pulling herself up, "Damn why did this thing have to perch up so high?" she muttered looking over her shoulder the whole city section seemed to pulsate and look like a patch of skin with a serious case of acne, lesions and septic pus filled wounds. But the way it all wiggled as it stretched itself out made her want to vomit, she couldn't even see Nathan or Rei anymore.

"Asuka what's your progress?"

"Almost there Misato."

"Get it done on the double Asuka, we're losing Rei and Nathan's signals. They're counting on you." 

Of course, they are everyone is. She thought, leave it to me and I'll get it all done by myself, I'll show them what I'm capable of. Asuka kept pumping herself up as she got closer and closer to the top of the tower, if only that idiot Shinji could see me now. I'll show him what a real pilot is capable of. Grinning she felt her hand reach the top of the tower, pulling herself up she saw twisted gnarled tentacles shaking like thin twigs in the wind. And in the center encased in a bulb of acidic goo was the black crystal. 

Something about this seems way too easy, Asuka thought as she found her footing, taking one slow step forward she held up her Prog knife in front of her. Just as her foot touched the ground, the tentacles flew towards her with lightning speed, "Kiyaaaa!" Asuka yelled as she ducked under the first wave of tentacles, extending the blade hacking through the second wave. She zigged to the left and the right as she dodged the flying balls of muck that were lobbed her way. 

She rolled underneath the returning tentacles and ended up right under the dangling core. She had no time to stab at it from there already the tentacles were rising up like waterspouts expanding into the size of red woods, getting ready to smash the tower and melt her away. "Just when I thought you were going easy on me." She snarled at the Seraphim. She plunged her free left hand into the gel sac, screaming as she did so "Aaaaaahhhh!" her pain turned to rage as she felt her finger nails being ripped from their place and the skin being cooked off her hand, but in the back of her mind she knew her hand was just fine. 

Digging deeper into it she wrapped her hand around the core and ripped it out of the gel, and almost immediately the Seraphim sensed what was going on it let out a long agonized scream that sounded like a child, it screeched into the night air as towers of its Jell-O flesh shot up into the air began to wave in the air. Clutching the core near her chest Asuka ran off the tower and leapt into the air twisting into a ball she stabbed her Prog knife into the crystal, stretching her arms back behind her head she leaned back and just before she hit the earth, she slammed it into the ground. 

Her Prog knife sank all the way up to the end of the hilt, the crystal cracked in half letting out a soft gasp of air before black blood squirted out like a geyser, into the shape of an inverted cross. With one last shriek the Seraphim began to writhe in pain as bit by bit it melted into the black blood goo and diapered into an ash like dust that floated into the night sky, not even leaving a trace except for the destruction it had caused, and the two EVAs embracing. 

"Asuka… you did great. Check up on Rei and Nathan, then return for a medical checkup."

"Thanks Misato, um- hey not that I care or anything… but how is the idiot doing?"

"Shinji? Oh, he's in the medical bay right now, he needed some emergency skin grafts, but he'll be up and at 'em. Don't worry he'll be fine."

"I'm not worried Misato, I'm just concerned that if he's out and gone who's going to do my laundry and cook my meals."

She let out a small laugh, "Of course you are Asuka."


	4. Chap 3 The call home

"Ah…" Shinji let out a small gasp, there it was again the empty white ceiling. The one he saw after his fight with Sachiel and then later Ramiel. He tried to sit up slowly wincing a little, his hand reached around, and he felt a sticky sleek bandage pad that seemed to cover every square inch of skin on his back.

He grimaced a little as he prodded at it feeling small clumps of cream or ointment on his back. Looking up he saw the light almond colored skin of Nathan's back covered with gauze patches, he gingerly pulled on his black under shirt.

Letting out a groan he walked over to the windowsill and leaned against it, shuddering a little. Then his head tilted and turned Shinji's way almost as if he knew he was staring at him, "Hey, you're finally awake huh?"

"Oh, yeah… what happened?" Shinji subtly lifted up his cover to see he was thankfully wearing sweatpants or scrubs, he didn't care at least he was covered. He swung his legs out of bed and reached for the chair where a gown lay. But he wasn't up for it as soon as his arm was fully extended, he felt like his back was going to split open. "Ugh."

"Uh- here let me." Nathan walked over and wrapped the gown around Shinji's shoulder's letting him find the holes for himself. "From what the doctor told me, that angel or whatever it was… spat some acidic globs on you and they hit the back of the EVA. The umbilical cable was completely melted, and I guess you must've had a spike in your synch ratio or something."

"But what about my back?"

"Emergency surgery, light skin grafts and a whole lotta burn anti-bacteria cream or something. They say you should be fine within the week, you just gotta keep putting on the cream."

Shinji nodded and turned his face away, "What about you? Not that I mean to pry or anything. But I saw your back."

He sighed stretching his arms. "It's nothing much, just had a drizzle of acidic stuff hit my EVA in the back."

"But I thought that Misato grounded you."

"Your dad told me to go up there and help the girls out. Both of them are fine by the way, I think they wanted to come see us earlier but we still had our burns, so you know… it wasn't sanitary or something."

Shinji's gaze averted to the floor, "So Rei… she's all fine?"

He looked back at his friend who walked away hands in pockets leaning against the window looking out into the Geofront, "Yeah… don't worry she's all fine."

"So, who killed that thing?"

He let out a slight chuckle, "Uh- Asuka did, and no doubt we'll never hear the end of it. But I guess she's earned the right to brag." Just then the door whooshed open both boys turned around to see Rei behind a small white cart, she gave a small smile to the two boys before wheeling it in. "I brought the two of you some dinner, it's not that much but-. It's something."

She lifted two trays that had a small boxed water with four perfect square dishes of mush or paste that looked like a plastic mold. It wasn't much at all but, at least it was high in nutrients and would make them feel full. "Thank you, Rei, just like the first time you got me dinner huh?" Shinji joked a little making her blush nervously as she looked at Nathan, who shuffled over silently taking the tray offered to him, whispering a quiet, "Thanks."

"You had better take that to go, the two of us need to talk."

The three children looked to the door to see a stone-faced Misato standing there, "Major Katsuragi is everything okay?" Rei questioned.

"It's no longer Major Katsuragi Rei, I've been demoted. It's just Captain Katsuragi now… again."

"Wha- how could they demote you Misato!? You're the sole reason why we've kept the city safe." Shinji yelled jumping to his feet.

"That maybe so, but today was different. I let my personal feelings get in the way of deciding who to send up there. I sent you guys under-prepared to an enemy none of us were ready to face."

"But none of that is even your fault, I'm the one who fell in the water. Sure, that didn't warrant a grounding but how can they blame you for some new thing we had to fight?" Nathan asked.

"The main cause of my demotion guys was how I failed to coordinate you all into being able to take that thing down, along with the heavy damage unit 01 had sustained and the danger Rei was put it. So, see Shinji maybe your dad cares more than he lets on." She joked a little trying to lighten the mood.

"But my actions are not your fault ma'am. They are entirely mine, I was the one who became trapped by the creature, Nathan had to risk his life to save mine."

"Thanks for your words Rei, but in situations like these, I'm the one responsible for your actions… not you guys. But I need to talk to Nathan in private so… you don't mind if I steal him, do you?"

Before either of them could answer he set his tray aside and grabbed his button shirt tossing it over his shoulder, "Let's just get the whipping out of the way already." He said dejectedly. "Always ready for the worse huh?" Shinji asked.

"Only way for me to live, I guess. I'll be back don't let my stuff get cold." He smirked.

"It's not possible for that its freeze dried, it's made to stay at room temperature." Rei responded. He smiled little stifling a snicker, "It was a joke Rei."

"Oh, I guess I just don't find much things humorous. But you will be back, soon right?"

"Yeah, I'll be back."

"Don't worry Nathan you're not gonna get the stick, but you aren't getting the carrot either. Oh, and before I forget." She dug around her pockets and took out three new touch screen phones. "For a while NERV internal security has found evidence of espionage, so the Commander has given me the go ahead to provide you all with new phones with better security on them. All your old contact info and everything else has already been moved onto these ones."

She lightly tossed the new phones to each child, after examining his Nathan's stomach churned as he saw that after the screen light up, he had another two missed calls from his dad slipping his phone into his pocket he pulled his shirt on, "Alright let's get this done." He muttered any semblance of good mood gone.

Misato and Nathan walked down the white hallways of the medical wing of NERV HQ, she ushered him into a private waiting room, gesturing him to sit on the couch she locked the door behind her and leaned against it. She let out a sigh, "Look I want you to know… I don't blame you for what happened but, you need to work on being more upfront with us about what you're going through. I'm giving up on questioning you about what happened on the bridge, if I wanted too, I could get an answer out of you."

He gulped, he knew what she was alluding to or maybe they had a different way of getting answers here rather than back at the Nevada facility. "But even then, I wouldn't know if it was the truth or not. So, I'll leave it at this. We're here if you need to talk to us. I can tell you're in a bad mood right now and I think I might know why."

He didn't answer he just tilted his head and raised an eyebrow, "My dad calling me, is it that obvious?"

She walked over and sat on the opposite side of the couch, and by reflex he scooted back and wedged himself into the corner twisting his body to face her. "I'm not gonna judge you about that. Lord knows I have… had my own issues with my own father. There were times I hated him, times I loved him and other times I felt sorry for him."

"Look I'm sure you have your own issues with him Misato but I'm not sure if I'll be able to really understand them, I guess… I hope you got over them honestly. But I don't think you could fully understand where I'm coming from."

"You never know if you don't try, if you never reach out to someone how are they ever supposed to get close to you? To see the real, you?"

He turned away from her facing the door, "Would you want people to see the real you?" he asked. "Trust me I don't even know the real me Misato and even I don't want to know that guy."

"Sounds like you either completely understand yourself or just don't at all." She took a breath pause.

"Look my father… his whole existence was based around his work, he never had time for me or my mother, no matter whatever I wanted from him he was just too busy or distracted to fully be there for me. For a brief time, I truly believed I hated him, but the last thing he did told me behind it all. He did truly love and care for me, even if he never showed it."

"I guess that's where we're different Misato… I just don't want anything to do with my dad at all, for anything. I just want to forget him entirely and forget that he's a part of me. I just want to cut him out now and forever."

"Huh, you ever talked to Shinji about things like this?"

"We might've once or twice."

"He's got father issues of his own, I think if anybody could help the two of you it'd be each other. But I guess the difference is he just wants his father to acknowledge him and want to be a part of his life. Do you truly hate your father that much?"

"I'm not sure if hate is the right word, but… I feel no connections to him at all. He was just someone who raised me I guess, the whole Nevada facility along with him could disappear and I could care less. I just want to be as far away from both of them as possible."

She tried to scoot closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off, "Well in that case I've got some bad news about that for you."

"Does it have anything to do with why he's been calling me all of a sudden, he wants something?"

"He wants you to go home and give a status report about the things going on here. Then from there I don't know."

"Would I be going alone… would you go with me?"

"Sorry but I can't Nathan. Someone's gotta watch the other three, but Kaji is actually due to go there for a security advisement or something so he'd be going with you there. You can stay there for as long as you want, I know you aren't particularly enjoying your time here."

"What are you trying to say Misato?"

"If you want too, you could head on back home and stay there. You wouldn't have to return here, but there would be some conditions."

"Like what if I were to say yes to that offer?"

"The EVA would have to stay here. Ownership has already transferred to our branch. You wouldn't have access to anything from our branch but most importantly…"

"What is it?" his heart began to race trying to find a possible answer.

"You would have to cut and cease any and all communications with Tokyo 3's NERV staff and its pilots. So, you would be saying goodbye to us and everyone here permanently."

"Permanently?"

She didn't answer him back she just nodded silently, he took in a shaky breath and sighed sniffing feeling his chest tighten, he rubbed his eyes trying to hide the stinging sensation in his eyes. He dug his nails into his thumbs, "When would I have to go?"

"In three days, are you okay… really."

"Yeah, just tired you know. Can I go now?"

She gave him a small nod but just as he reached the door and unlocked it, she called out to him. "Can I ask you just one last thing before you go?"

"Might as well, I don't know what's gonna happen in the next few days."

She held no punches when she asked, "What relationship do you and Rei have?"

"W-what?"

"How would the two of you define your relationship with one another? Don't forget to consider that she and Shinji are together."

He lightly slammed his forehead against the door, "I don't know what we have, I don't even really know all the feelings I have for her. But I think they're good feelings, I just feel so much better and relaxed around her. My chest hurts but… it feels warm and good when I think of her. I just want to hold her tight, to see her smile to tell her how much she means to me. I just want to be with her every second of every day. She makes me feel human again."

She didn't say anything she just stood in silence, "I know I'm a terrible person for what I feel Misato, I don't need someone else to remind me what I am. I don't want to hurt any of them, but I can't help what I feel… it's just she's the first person I ever felt something for. Maybe it'd be better for everyone if I didn't come back."

He lifted his hand to hit the unlock switch but before he did Misato quickly stepped across the room, and gripped his hand flipping him around she pinned him against the wall.

"Look, you listen now and listen good. I will never let anyone harm Shinji or the others, that includes you. Physically or otherwise, but you belong here with us I know that much. I've seen the way you look at them and the way they look at you. Like it or not fate has gotten us together not only to defend humanity… but to protect each other. We're family Nathan, and… its true family can hurt each other. In fact, they can hurt us the worse but, I can't decide what your heart feels I can just tell you to be careful with it. You wouldn't want to end up hurting the two of them or have them end up hating each other, would you?"

He stood there staring at her chest at the white cross necklace that hung around her neck, he looked like he was zoning out and every word that she said was just bouncing off him but he already knew what she really wanted to say, out of all of them Shinji was her favorite and there's no way she'd allow anyone to compromise whatever glimmer of happiness he had.

He didn't want to hurt him either, he couldn't describe his relationship to him but there was something more than friends, but they were friends. They didn't hang out all that often, but they did talk about some pretty heavy things, things that you no doubt would only talk to a stranger in a bar or to someone who you felt extremely close to. Shinji had never given him a reason that warranted him to hurt him, in fact he seemed to try and want to bring him into something else.

Maybe it would be better if he just stayed in America, at least there was no way he could end up hurting either one of them, besides in the end he'd just end up hurting Rei even more than if he got closer to her. "But in the end its completely my choice, right? If I stay there or come back?"

"Yes, I can't stop you if you want to stay there, but you do understand right?"

He silently nodded and Misato moved away from him, he silently slipped his hands in his pockets and walked away back to the hospital room, stopping just before he entered leaned against the wall through the door, he could hear Shinji's excited voice talk to her. "So, you're a hundred percent sure that you're okay Rei?"

"Yes, Shinji I can assure you that I am perfectly fine. Nathan, he protected me. If anything, you should be checking on his well-being."

"He said he was fine Rei."

"That's not what I meant Shinji." The two of them fell silent for a bit, until Shinji piped up again, "You worried about him or something?"

"I don't know, I guess so but it's just they've been gone quite a while, I thought he'd return by now. Wait is something wrong Shinji?" He must've made a face or noise, he must've done something to show off how he really felt.

"It's just… sometimes I feel like you care about him more than me Rei."

"It's nothing like that Shinji, I care for the both of you… even Asuka to some extent but- ".

That's all he had to hear, he quickly strode away trying to be as silent as possible, there it was he finally realized that his being here was just going to cause them all more pain, if he ever needed a sign there it was no doubt he'd be on a one way flight back to Nevada in two days' time.

Leaving HQ took longer than necessary, with no ear buds in to block out all the noise he was able to hear every little voice or footstep in the halls, and just by some unguided reaction he'd wait until the noises were gone or he would actively take the longer route even if it led him further away from the exit but when he finally did make it to the surface after what felt like two hours the still air felt like razors on his skin, the fireworks stopped long ago and it appeared they wouldn't start up again until the next day.

Taking in the brisk air he began walking towards the train station, his head down just focused on his bed that no doubt he'd be laying in tossing and turning eyes focused on no particular point on his walls until twelve or one in the morning then he'd finally fall asleep, but after that who knew what he'd do.

A whole day of school just made his stomach tremble, if the rumors about him being an EVA pilot made it there before he even went there what kind of talk would be spread around about him taking the swan dive. Besides why bother going to school the day before a trip where he was probably going to end up saying goodbye to everyone he knew here.

Well he wouldn't say goodbye. He'd just disappear form their lives, just like a dream. He'd be fine with them either forgetting him sooner or him forgetting them the day after he chose to stay in Nevada.

Reaching the train station, the hairs on the back of his neck began to prickle once again, and he looked side to side, there was no one there but he still felt as if things weren't right. It was probably the cicadas, the noises of the city and the people trying to pick up where they left off, just the noise of average life. The noise of life, he couldn't stand it, he covered his ears up and waited for the train.

The ride home along with the walk was a blur, his chest and head felt empty like he was just being held by stings and balloons. When he finally did drift on back to his apartment complex he spent sometime in the parking lot leaning under the street light that Rei had crashed into.

Looking at the rusting shattered remains of his bike, maybe some time after he thought about salvaging it but now it looked like that wasn't going to be an option. He looked up into the night sky to see only a sliver of the moon out, even that wasn't calming him down, so he decided to just end the night and walk into his apartment but when he did, he was in for a rude awakening.

His door was hanging off its hinges, as soon as he walked in and saw the kitchen with all its cabinets pulled open all the dishes and everything yanked out, he ran further in and immediately began to hyperventilate and tear up. His heart raced as he saw all the papers he had once taped to his walls scattered all over the floor, furniture was broken, his laptop was missing, the bathroom was torn apart, books and DVDs were torn apart clothes strewn about everything was in disrepair as if a twister made its way through his room. Even his double bass was shattered into splinters.

People were here, people touched his things and stolen his things, his system everything was wrong and there was no way he could fix it. He ran his hands through his hair and tiny strand began to flutter out, as he fell to his knees, he heard the door squeak open, or at least creak as it was pushed open on the hinges it barely clung to.

Whipping around he saw three men in black suits with sunglasses standing there, almost as tall as the door itself each one carried an MP5 with an ACOG scope in their arms, "You're the sixth child Nathan, right?"

He didn't speak he just nodded, "Here." The one who stood in front of the other two tossed a black duffle bag at him with the NERV logo printed on its side, "You along with one of the others have been compromised, we're ordered to bring you to HQ for safe keeping. Pack only what you need, you have five minutes."

He sat there his brain firing on all cylinders mentally going through each thing he owned one by one trying to figure out what he needed to take with him, panicking he looked back to his bed and saw that just near it the last poem he wrote was still on the wall, rushing over he shoved it in the bag. The next thing he got was the last half of the tea Rei had made for him, then he got to packing his clothes, he wanted to know who he was going to meet. He wanted to ask but chances are they wouldn't answer him.


	5. Chap 4 Give me a reason

He never showed up, he left us again. Why is he doing this, why is he distancing himself again from me? Is there something wrong with me?

Rei's mind was a storm as she tried to process what happened after he left, but one thing was clear to her. He broke his promise, the train ride home didn't feel as lonely since she had her MP3 with all his music on it so in a way, he was with her. But just what he felt, sitting on the rumbling train she looked at her hands, in one she held the blue player and in the other the black one with its earbuds wrapped around it.

She remembered that when she bumped into Hikari the girl had given it to her to return it back, but he left before she had gotten the chance. And now it was stuck with her until their next reunion, that is if they had one. Just as she walked up to her door, she tiled her head, pulling out her earbuds she saw the door had been kicked in, and even from the outside of her apartment she could see signs of a burglary or something else.

She walked in quietly examining everything, what little she owned was thrown about and ripped to shreds, in a corner of her room she saw her small stack of books. She walked over her hand covering her mouth, it felt like bile was bungee jumping in her throat. Her chest tightened as she felt sick, squatting down she looked at her books.

The covers were torn off and pages ripped out. She couldn't even tell which pages went with which books, the one that seemed to have suffered the worst fate was "The princess bride", it was barely recognizable at all the only thing she found of it was a small piece of its paper cover that had Westley and Buttercup's faces on it.

"Who could have done this… who would do this to me? They didn't even take anything… they just destroyed my things. This… what is this pain I feel from this? It hurts inside my chest, but not as much as what he did to me." She heard footsteps behind her, she didn't bother standing up, she just turned her head and looked behind her and saw three seven men with guns in their hands dressed in black suit, the one in front with bleached hair spoke for the rest of the group.

"Rei Ayanami, we've been ordered to retrieve you and bring you back to NERV HQ. Let's go the other is already there."

She sat there just staring at them unblinking, they didn't even care what she felt or what had happened to her, there was no point in resisting she just wondered who would be waiting there for her. She stood up and held her head down and walked out of her apartment into the car they had waiting for her still clutching the piece of book cover in her fist.

A security agent walked her down the hallway into a section of NERV she didn't recognize, "So we have upgraded your quarters you won't be sleeping in that small broom closet of a room anymore here. Instead you'll be sharing a penthouse suite along with the other three children, in fact one's already there now. I believe the same thing happened to him today."

A bigger living space, she wondered what it would look like much less how she would react to having so much more room. "But per the Commander's orders you will be bunking with the child that you bonded to the closest during the cross-synch testing you underwent a while back."

"So, which one is already in the living space?" she asked as they reached the door. Pausing as he slid his security card and the door whooshed open to show a white kitchen with a dark marble island, a living room with large couches and a TV where a large window and balcony was visible. "I think you'll figure out for yourself." He said as he turned and walked away. Walking in she saw the boy in black standing out on the patio leaning on the balcony staring off into the Geo-front looking at the projectile moon they had showing.

"One more thing." He called out to her, "The weather might get a little… unpredictable tonight, they've finally finished with the climate control device so there might be a storm. Just a heads up." with that the door closed leaving only her with him, she walked forward and looked around the white walls undecorated.

There was a small fireplace near a bookshelf no doubt she would spend most of the time she spent here in that one place, but part of her didn't even want to be there or anywhere around him, the pain was too fresh. But she knew one day she would have to face him sooner or later.

Walking over she slid the window open it slammed automatically behind her making him jump around facing her. "Oh… Rei, you scared me." He must have seen the pain and betrayal in her eyes because he turned to look away, "I know it's pointless but I'm sorry for what I did, I know I can't say it enough. But I'm sorry for leaving you again, I'm sorry that I keep hurting you when you've been nothing but good to me."

"You're not even going to ask why I am here?"

"A breach in security or something right?"

"Someone broke into my apartment, but they didn't take anything."

"Consider yourself lucky, someone broke into my apartment and they stole somethings and broke other things."

"They… tore my books, the only things I ever really cherished. At least until you gave me this." She stepped next to him and held out her blue player, "I have yours as well, Hikari asked me to return it to you."

As she gave him it back, he scooted away making sure to only grip it with his fingertips, "Why do you keep doing nice things for me Rei when I hardly return the favor to you?"

"I don't know why, perhaps just the feeling it gives me. But still at times when I'm around you I feel queasy."

He choked and swallowed, "Queasy good or bad."

"I don't know yet. Is it me? Is that why you're avoiding me, is there something wrong with me that you don't like?"

He sighed and leaned over the railing, "It's nothing like that Rei."

"There must be, I feel that we were closer before but now things between us have changed… I can change if you'd like that. I could become something more desirable."

"You don't have to change yourself Rei, you're fine the way you are…" he turned to face her and by instinct his hand gripped hers but as soon as his skin touched hers and he felt her warmth he backed away again. She moved her hand away from him and held it, her fingers going over the place where he touched her. "Did you hear that we are going to have to sleep in the same room?" she asked. "Are you going to be fine with that?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted me to sleep in one of the other rooms, or on the couch. I figured with the way things are… you wouldn't want to be around me."

"No, it's fine, besides those are our orders. I have no problem with it. Now if you excuse me, I am going to the pool you may join me if you wish I have no problem with it."

She turned and began to walk away just as she reached the door, he asked still looking away from her, "Would you even want me to come?" she stood silently digesting those words, "I don't know. What did Ms. Misato want to talk to you about?" she asked her back still to him.

Turning away from her he replied with, "My dad... he wants me to return home to him. He wants me to given him a report about the things we've been up to here."

"So you'll be returning home then? Will you stay there?"

"I don't know yet."

"I see... farewell." she said sadly.

The door slammed behind her shut and she walked off and left the new living quarters, he stood out there for another minute until he decided to check out the room the two of them were going to share.

The center of the room was empty, both sides had a mat but on the left were small shelves filled with his belongings as well as a compact desk with a new laptop. His hot plate rested on top of it along with his tea kettle and duffle bag. A small open closet door showing a single rod and unused coat hangers. Looking to the right he saw Rei's side, empty with nothing on any of the shelves except for a small bottle of medication, everything else looked like it could have been used as a floor model for a furniture store.

He walked over and flopped onto his mat and looked at the empty one across from him, it must have only been ten or so feet away but it looked so much further away, it could have been a million miles away from him for all he knew, but figuring he had nothing better to do put his earbuds in and stared at the ceiling, its off beige color just seemed to empty and fake. Kicking his shoes off into some corner on his side he tried to figure out what he would do next, if things were already this bad with her maybe 6,000 miles of distance and never talking to one another was just what they needed.

He stretched out his left leg while standing his right leg up his heel close to his butt, his knee making a tight acute triangle, he just lay there listening to Sorority Noise's Fuchsia.

Flower girl

I am not what I seem

I'm the reason

You're leaves are withering

My sun has set

And I will never keep you warm again

Yeah, it'd be better for everyone here if I just left, he thought, he ran his hand through his hair. Right to left making it pop down and up again, keeping its outline of rolling waves with a small tuff popping out forward in the center of his forehead.

He got up on instinct and walked into one of the bathrooms and dug around the cabinets. Behind the glass mirror were bottles, a pair of toothbrushes, a tube of toothpaste and a bottle of mouth wash. Picking up one of the bottles he saw that it read ambien in English, shrugging he walked back to his room and hid it in his bag.

He walked downstairs and flopped on the couch curling up he began channel surfing still plugged in staring through the wall, he just wanted to kill time, he didn't want to think about what was going to happen in three days-time but it was all he could think about.

"So, what do you think the two of them are doing Shinji." Asuka asked putting heavy emphasis on his name, "Imagine it, the two of them all alone, no adults watching. Probably filled with raging hormones, I mean he did save her after all. And they're sharing the same room, to me it's pretty obvious what's gonna happen." She teased maliciously.

"Stop saying those things Asuka, she wouldn't do that to me. Get your mind out of the gutter, besides the two of them are just friends anyways we share the same living space and we haven't tried anything." He looked at her, her left hand wrapped up in a bandage and a wad of gauze over her right eye.

"Yeah that's because you have the sexual appeal of spoiled milk Shinji, besides like you could get any girl all hot and bothered. Now come on why are they really there you think?"

He turned away from her tightening his pink apron and getting back to the cutting the vegetables for dinner, "Misato said something about a breach in security, that the two of them had their apartments broken into, but that's all that she'd say. That and the only reason they're sleeping in the same room has to do with the cross-eva testing. That the two of them had the better connection with one another and well- the two us…"

He left it to her to figure out, "Oh mien Gott, don't tell me the two of us." He turned to and gave her a sly smile knowing how much it would torture her. She slapped her forehead her thin loose t-shirt fluttering above her shorts. "Why?! Why did I have to have the better connection with you of all people, why couldn't it be with the teacher's pet at least then I'd know that I'm the best outta you two rejects. Even Nathan, I'd take him over you any day."

"Maybe it just has something to do with the two of us becoming better friends." He snickered. "Oh, shut up baka Shinji! Hey, focus you're letting the duck burn!"

"It's not burning Asuka, I'm letting the skin get crispy trust me the inside is still good. Out there in the EVAs you might be better than me but here this is my domain, so listen to me." He said beaming.

"Congratulations you have the domain and skills of a housewife, too bad you'll never be a trophy husband with that scrawny body."

He let out a sharp gasp, "What do you mean scrawny?" he asked looking down.

"You have no muscles or anything, I can almost see the bones on you, you think a boy going through puberty would have developed some muscle mass."

"Wait have you been looking at me when I'm indecent?"

Her face turned bright red at that, "WHA- NO! STOP INSINUATING THINGS YOU PERVERT!" she raised a fist to hit him but luckily the timer went off and a cowering Shinji was able to escape her wraith as he ran off to check on the duck.

When the meal was all prepped and finished the two of them sat down and feasted, Pen-pen had already taken his meal back to his room and Misato was off somewhere none of them knew, classified she had deemed it but no doubt she was visiting both of their apartments examining the crime scene. Shinji had no idea about it, he just hoped that it had been some criminal or stupid older kids who thought it would be fun to break into people's homes during the festival.

But another part of him worried that in both cases the people that broke in were looking for the two of them. "So why aren't the two of us back at HQ with them?" Asuka piped up.

"Misato said they sent security over here, but I guess they just don't want all their eggs in one basket, or I don't know maybe we're not as important."

"Yeah right, if we're going by importance it would be me and then Rei and then the two of you boys would be here."

He gave her a puzzled look, "What what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing it's just… I guess I'm not used to hearing you call her by name." He returned to picking at his food, he was starving initially by now his empty stomach seemed to shrink and he just wanted to starve. "You don't really think the two of them are doing anything… together do you Asuka?"

"Oh, jeez can't you take a joke?"

"You don't joke about things like that Asuka!"

"You may not like it Shinji, but women and men can't be in close proximity like that, feelings or something is bound to happen even with something as alien as those two. Trust me women's intuition."

"So, what are we then?" he asked, using his chopsticks to moving the rice and vegetables around in his bowl. Asuka put a piece of duck in her mouth and looked away from him, "I don't know…"

"Asuka… I think I'm gonna cut things off with Rei."

"Really?"

"I don't know… I just- we. I don't think we feel the same way about each other anymore. So, do you think that they're…"

"Just get your mind off them Shinji, but-… You've seen the way they look at each other, right?"

"No, how do they look at each other?" he asked in a rush.

"Jeez are all boys this clueless?" she muttered.

Rei finally made her way back to the penthouse, her hair still wet and she was still in her bathing suit wrapped in a towel. Entering door, the smell of food entered her nose, on the table was a small tofu and rice bowl with bits of vegetable inside. Near it was a note "Thought you might be hungry, sorry if it's not as good as Shinji's- N"

Picking up a fork near it she took a small bite, "It's good." She said softly to no one, laying her towel on a chair she ate her dinner in silence she thought she heard the sound of the bath running but she didn't pay any mind to it.

Nathan was soaking in the bath, flexing his hand under the water its heat feeling like pins and needles in his skin. He had forgotten how long he had even been in the tub, but his skin was already turning into a lighter shade of pink, lights in the bathroom were worse than the ones in his room. They were a dull yellow or orange, no doubt it was supposed to imitate a rising or setting sun, but it made everything seem dull and lifeless. He thought about it, just sinking under the water. But instead he got out put the tub cover on and started to dry off, pulled on a fresh set of boxers and shorts he opened the door where he saw Rei standing outside the door.

"Are you done yet? I'd like to bathe now."

Stepping aside he looked away from her, "Sure, go ahead." She walked past her and immediately began to disrobe dropping her swimsuit in the corner of the bathroom before sitting on the stool, facing away from him she asked. "Is there anything else you'd like?"

"Uh- no, no… sorry." He stumbled out but just as he was about to close the door she said, "Thank you for the dinner."

From outside the door he said, "You're welcome." Leaving her alone he went to his room and pulled on a shirt, collapsing on his bed he looked out the window and saw storm clouds beginning to form in the sky. He turned his attention back to the ceiling putting his earbuds in he spent the time switching between Sorority Noise and Flatsound. He rolled over onto his left side and stared at the empty mat he was sharing the room with.

He wasn't even really listening to the music, his brain was still running in circles around the idea of whether or not he would leave, would it be better for him or would it be better for her and everyone else. If he did choose to stay maybe someday, they'd understand why he never came back, maybe one day he'd wake up and just forget who they were.

Hopefully she could forget who he was. His brain turned back into Flatsound's "you wrote don't forget on your arm" just as Mitch Welling started to scream at him.

But I can't wait until I see your face!

And my brain thinks that it's looking at a stranger!

I can't wait until I see your face!

And my brain feels nothing!

I'll feel nothing!

He saw a flood of light enter in from the bathroom, he immediately rolled over onto his right side and faced the wall pulling the covers over himself he took his glasses off and laid them near his face. He didn't blink or even breathe he just hoped that she would ignore him and go to bed, the light clicked off and he heard her quietly enter the room and walk up to his mat. He shut his eyes, but he still felt her leaning over him, eventually she walked to her mat and softly got in.

A flash of lightening lit the room up in white light, he thought he heard her make a noise, but he just adjusted his earbuds in and tried to go to sleep.

But sleep didn't come so easily for him, he tossed and twisted in his sleep he debated over whether or not he should just grab that bottle and take more than the recommended dose, he just wanted to sleep but how could he sleep with her in the same room with him after all he did to her. He went back to staring at the ceiling, the left earbud fell out, it didn't even matter anyways he didn't care what song was playing anyways.

But then he heard the moans and sounds of a foot kicking the wall. Looking over he saw Rei curled up on her side facing away from him, her legs shaking furiously as her shoulders heaved. He couldn't see where her hands where, but it looked like her arms were close by her stomach, her body was twitching, and her breathing was rapid. His face and chest burned as he looked away pulling the covers over him.

Was she? Is she? With me in the same room? He wondered.

His heart started to race, as his eyes darted around. He tried to fight the urges, he managed to stave one off but something inside him couldn't help it he rolled back over again and saw her back, she was still moving around and choking… wait choking?

Whatever he was feeling quickly left as he sat up and his body was racked with disgust, his eyes wide with fear as he whispered out, "Rei?"

With the next bolt of lightning she flipped over and he saw that she was choking herself, her hands were wrapped around her throat, her face turning blue as her legs kicked around trying to fight off an invisible attacker. "Rei!"

He yelled out to her as he threw the covers off and scrambled over to her rolling her on her back and grabbed her by the shoulders even in the low "moon" light he could see her bright red eyes wide with fear rolling into the back of her head. "Rei, Rei, Rei! Rei wake up Rei! Wake up!" he shouted at her shaking her until his voice was raw.

She continued to choke and gag, her legs kicking behind him and then she went limp in one instant her kicks thudded on the ground and her hands slumped by her head. "Rei! Rei!" he continued to scream at her, his mid raced as he shook her body, then before he knew it his hands found their mark.

Landing on top of one another in the center of her chest he began to pump, grunting out one, two, three before he scrambled off her and grabbed her face, pinching her nose he wrapped his lips around hers and gave her as much oxygen as his asthmatic lungs could hold. "C'mon Rei wake up! Don't leave me! Wake up please! Don't leave me!"

He kept at it, compressions, breathing, screaming at her and then back to compressions. He put his mouth over hers again, he felt her rise to life, sitting upright she screamed out in terror, her fists and feet flying all around her in a flurry. She was gasping for air, but she was still trying to fight off the invisible attacker. "Rei, rei, clam down, calm down." He yelled hugging her from behind gripping her tightly resting his face near her neck, tears fell from his eyes down onto her chest.

He only barely realized that she was only wearing her white bra and underwear. "Please Rei… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… please. Don't ever leave me… I'm sorry for pushing you away. Just don't leave me." He choked out, her gasping slowed down as her arms stopped flailing and they found their resting place above the arms that were wrapped under her chest. Her voice shaky, her body shivering she looked behind herself, "Nathan?" she turned around, her voice was still slightly hoarse, and her eyes were watery.

She swiveled onto her knees facing him, he pulled her in for a tighter hug burying his face into her chest, "You're hurting me, it's too tight." She whispered out.

"Oh, sorry." He pulled back at arms-length he was still shuddering as he looked her in her eyes, he tried to wipe away his tears but by now he was working his way into a full-blown sob-fest. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I thought you were… I thought I lo-. I thought… I don't want to lose you."

She looked away for a second, her eyes saw the storm and she jumped a little at the next crackle of thunder no doubt that's what brought back her nightmare and the figure that had choked her, her fingers touched her neck and she winced. Her bruises were still fresh, but then she returned her attention back to her roommate, how could he be crying so much. Did the thought of losing her really hurt him that much, could she really hurt him that much?

Could she hurt him as much as he hurt her?

Would he stay if it meant not losing her? Would he stay to avoid his pain, could she make him stay? She brought her hand to his face and brushed his tears away, tiny hot droplets on a cold surface, she took one of his hands in her's and held it.

"Are- are you okay?"

"Yes, I am now… it- it was just a nightmare. I never knew that I could have night terrors like that though. I dreamt I was being choked by a figure, it only happens in storms." A louder closer flash of lightning and thunder rocked the room almost making it shake and out of fear Rei dove into his lap, knocking him over onto the ground she buried her face into his chest, her heart raced in terror as she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Ow." He groaned rubbing the back of his head.

"Sorry… It's just… storms. I've never liked them especially at night, I can't explain why though, but I've always been afraid of them." She rubbed her ear against his shirt, she could feel his chest start to burn and then there it was the low slow beating of his heart. It seemed to get louder the closer she got to him and the more they touched, the more they became connected.

Lup, dup, dub. Lup, dup, dub. Lup, dup, dub. Just like when he carried her, she found it calming she gripped him tighter, bringing her ear closer to his chest, so tight in fact it felt like she would break into him and become a single being. "I can hear your heartbeat Nathan."

"Oh, really…?" he stayed quiet for a second before he finished his thought, "Sorry about that."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't know."

"Don't, it's a good sound. I like it, I- I find it calming."

He never gave her a reply he just kept his arms around her and slowly, softly rubbed her arms. The storm raged on and wind began to howl the window creaked like they would give in, after a while things seemed to calm down slightly, her grip was loosening. "Do you want me to go back to my own mat?" he asked moving from her grasp before he even received her answer.

"NO! I mean… just for tonight… could you stay with me? Would you sleep next to me please, I feel like I would sleep better in your warmth."

"You would?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, but here you can wear this." Sitting up right he took his shirt off and offered it to her which she gratefully took and pulled over her chest, "I feel I should be honest with you Nathan. That shirt I took from you, I've been sleeping next to it. Ever since that night you tended to me and fell asleep in my arms, I've found it easier to sleep whenever I feel close to you."

"Does it really help that much?"

"Yes, you do."

"Rei…" he sighed, she didn't reply but she smiled and wrapped her arms around him, the two settled down facing each other laying on their sides. In the soft glow of the storm they stared into each other's eyes, their faces only a foot apart, her lips were slightly open showing only the tips of her teeth, "Could I play a song for you?"

"Why?"

"Sometimes it helps me sleep, but also because I feel this one song can explain my feelings better than I can."

"What feelings?" (can you really be this dense kid) the inner one berated him.

"My feelings… for us."

He nodded, and softly said. "Yeah, sure."

She rolled over and grabbed her blue player, putting one earbud in her ear and one in his she fumbled around until she found the one song, and played it. Just by the slow sad piano he could tell what song it was immediately, he must have listened to it a few thousand times. It was Hawthorne Heights' Decembers. And the more he thought about it, maybe it described his feelings for her too.

Our lives were very different, I was lonely

When we first met…

….

You don't have to speak because I can hear

Your heartbeat, fluttering like butterflies

Searching for a drink

You don't have to cover up how you

Feel when you're in love.

I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think.

"How do I make you feel Rei?"

"I don't fully understand it, but my chest hurts. Yet I feel warm, it feels as if I have an emptiness in my heart and it hurts. Nothing seems to fill it, it feels cold but when I am close with you, when you hold me. It feels good, I don't hurt anymore. I just would like to be in your arms and hear your heart, to feel your heart."

"You feel empty?"

"Yes, as if I were born with some missing piece and seeing other people… makes it hurt. They make me hurt, but you… you only hurt me when you leave or when you hurt yourself. Do you feel the same?"

"Yeah… exactly the same."

Please slow down girl

We're moving way too fast for their world

We've gotta make this last

I know it hurts to feel so all alone

I'm by myself, more than you could know

"Would you stay then?"

"Huh?"

"Would you stay, here with us… with me. Would you not stay in America?"

He stayed silent for a second, his eyes drifting downwards, he saw her slow breathing her eyes ready to cry, he looked back into her eyes. Her mouth slightly open as she waited for his answer, taking his hand in hers they laid their palms flat against another's. Her fingertips barely resting under the top creases of his fingers.

If only they were all alone…

Decembers ended and Flatsound's you had a panic attack in my bathroom took its place.

"Yeah, I'll stay. Even if it's just for you."

"Nathan." She gasped quietly she rushed forward grasping the back of his head with both hands pulling him into for a kiss, his eyes wide open while hers were closed but feeling her warmth the electricity flowing from her body into his, seeing the way her knees curled and the way their bodies of their own accord seemed to fold in on one another, wrapping each other closer and tighter made him close his. He felt his heart start to slow down and flutter in response to her every movement.

He slid his arms underneath hers and press his head forward, he could almost feel her heart's vibrations throughout her entire body, could this really be happening, could we really be together? Could I really be happy with her, am I even allowed too? He wondered to himself.

She pulled off but only to take a breath and she rested one hand over his heart, "Nathan, can we say we truly feel the same for one another?"

He nodded, "Then I- I want you to have everything I am. I may not have a lot to offer compared to other girls... all i can offer you is my heart, it's not much but it's mine. But you can have all of me, my heart, body and... my soul, if i can have all of you. I just want you... i want you to be my other half. I want you to fill this emptiness i feel in my heart." her eyes glimmered as she poured out her soul to him.

"All I want is you Rei." he couldn't have said more perfect words to her.

She smiled and rolled over wiggling closer to him, pulling his arms over her back getting in closer, "This feeling, to be and to have another person's half. It feels nice. I hope this isn't a dream but if it is, it's a nice one, I hope I never wake from it."

"What do you mean Rei?"

She didn't answer though, she had already fallen asleep and was breathing softly. Pulling her in tighter, he kissed the back of her head, and whispered in her ear. "Sweet dreams Rei Ayanami." He closed his eyes then fell asleep not slowly but, in an instant, the second he closed his eyes, and for once in the longest time he slept well, if only others could say the same.

The land surrounding them was blood red and black with towering waterspouts of foul black muck reaching up towards the sky and beyond into space, the very sky around them glowed a dark orange. Asuka's heart raced as her head snapped up, like she was suddenly dropped a million feet from somewhere else and just happened to wake up in the center of this hell, whipping her head around she saw the other three EVAs and things.

They weren't angels, they looked like the things that ate angels for breakfast. She heard a demonic screeching and a high-pitched laughter, looking above her head there were nine white EVAs flying above her head each one with thick red lips, letting out wailing cries and laughs.

"Asuka! Focus!" Shinji yelled. She returned her attention earth bound, and saw all the things, some looked to be on par in size with the EVAs some were a bit small and other dwarfed them completely. Some had cylindrical bodies, others had flat fat bodies, others just seemed to be hulking boulders of flesh or skinny emaciated things.

There were just walls of the things some even appeared to be nothing but a mass of mouths, some had multiple thin bat wings, bladed arms, claws, multiple eyes, spikes and stingers some had body appendages that almost blended with the ones next to them as if they were a singular being. There were some that she couldn't even describe, their moving parts hid them from sight.

"ASUKA!" Shinji yelled at her again, when did he find his balls, she wondered.

Looking at her feet she saw piles of cracked black shards, just like the ones from that other thing she fought. Looking back up she saw that all those things had a black crystal someone in them or on them, were these the same things.

She looked at her hands and saw that she had massive red spear, it had a double helix like shaft and a green gem inside of a massive spearhead, behind her she saw Rei in Unit 00 with a similar looking red spear that looked like a giant tuning fork.

Shinji in Unit 01 had a massive sword or knife that vaguely looked like a roman gladius, he was slashing and hacking at the things ripping the black crystals from them before crushing them underfoot.

Nathan in Unit 06 had a more intricate spear, it had a ball end with a triangular blade and then its spear head held a black crystal, the spear head resembled a curved trident with smaller blades facing the wielder, its' shaft was also the same double helix as the other two like a DNA strand.

And behind them sat NERV HQ the pyramid was cracked and smoldering, above it sat diamond like bodies on thin spider legs shooting torrents of acid or some kind of magma, melting the portions of the base underneath it. They had lost now they were just fighting waves upon waves of unending enemies. Her heart pounding and her temples seized in pain she wanted to run. How could they win against these things?

"Aaaaaahhhh!"

"REI!" she flipped around to see that some spider, praying mantis thing with a tube-like face had impaled Unit 00's legs with spear-like legs through her thighs, another three hit her chest, then the tube mouth opened up and a flood of orange liquid shot out like a geyser, she dropped her spear and covered her ears she wished she shut her eyes sooner. But even with her ears covered she still heard that scream that let out and it was indescribable. In her mind the image of image of a melting Unit 00 was still burned in there.

All she knew was that Rei's scream seemed to chill her soul, but then she peaked between her fingers and seeing the EVA melt down to the bone and small figure fall out made her want to claw her eyes out. "REI!" Nathan screamed again as he stopped parrying the one creature he was fighting and opted to pull his spear back and decapitate the thing that had killed Rei.

He dropped his spear and fell to his knees near her body, picking her up even if her remains were melting his hands and armor sat there stunned. He didn't even react when a mantis-lobster bladed claw slashed at his back and pierced through his chest sending torrents of red blood spraying out, not even when it pulled him into the horde like a crowd surfer. She lost sight of him but then a massive white glow erupted far off into the crowd.

And then the ground almost seemed to explode from beneath their feet as a fire ball twice the size of NERV HQ took up the sky, he collapsed his EVA's core. "Asuka!" Shinji rammed her out of the way before a creature half the size of an EVA with a cucumber like body and a dozen scythe blades shambled at her, it slashed Shinji's heels splitting his achilles. He cried out in pain.

"Shinji!" He had only time to look up before the thing slashed again sending the EVA's head rolling like a gutter-ball away from his body. "SHINJI!"

She screamed out his name over and over again, all the things shambled over to her smiling and giggling, she felt sharp stings in her legs and arms as bladed hooks entered her body and began to pull her apart, she screamed out as dozens of mouths sank their shark teeth into her and ripped chunks of flesh off her body, she let out one last cry as one of them that seemed to be made of nothing but eye-balls and blades walked up to her and slashed her across his stomach spilling out her intestines, ripping them out and throwing them in the air like ribbons.

Remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, this is the future, this is the future, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, this is the future, this is the future, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, this is the future, this is the future, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, this is the future, this is the future, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, remember your dreams, this is the future, this is the future, remember your dreams

"Gah!" she woke up with a start, at the sound of that familiar voice that seemed to be calling out to her from some other place or time. She held her hand over her chest, it was beating with such ferocity she thought it would punch through and rip itself clean from her chest. She wiped away the sweat from her forehead, "What kind of nightmare was that?" she asked herself.

Reaching out to the side of her sweat soaked pillow she picked her small doll, and held it near her chest taking small whiffs, she got slight notes of perfume that reminded her of the beach, the scent of a mother she'd never know.

She stood up and opened her door to see Shinji had left his open, she tiptoed over to his mat and got in, wrapping herself up in his blanket feeling the heat coming off his body, he woke up and groggily asked. "Asuka?"

"Yeah it's me…"

"Oh good, I thought Misato had come home drunk again and got in with me by accident."

A small smile crept on her face, she remembered how high he screamed when she tried to pull off his shirt calling him Kaji, "Why are you here?"

Her smile faded, "I just… I had a nightmare okay idiot. Do you- do you mind if I sleep here?"

He yawned out his answer, "No go ahead."

"Thanks just don't try anything pervert."

"Whatever." He muttered as he began to snore again, she scooted closer to him until their backs where touching, hugging her doll close she reached over her back and fumbled her way until she found Shinji's hand and took it in her own, gripping it tightly.

"Uh… Asuka?"

"Shut up, just let me hold your hand, I just need to know you're there."

She squeezed his hand tighter, you could almost hear the bones in his hand start to crack and pop. "Hey, you're kinda squeezing too hard Asuka."

"Man, up for once in your life Shinji."

"Asuka I'm not going anywhere you don't have to worry. I'll stay here all night."

"All night?"

"Yes Asuka" he yawned, she loosened her grip a little but let out a tiny gasp when she squeezed her hand in reassurance gripping it firmly, but not too tight just enough to not let her slip away from him. "Promise me you won't leave me, not for anything?"

"Well it might make it awkward going to the bathroom… but don't worry Asuka I won't leave you." He tried laughing at his own dumb joke but fell asleep right after and began snoring again.

But she wasn't going to let him get off that easily, "Hey idiot wake up."

"C'mon what is it Asuka I'm trying to sleep here."

She hesitated for a moment, "Between me and wonder girl... who would you rather be with?"

His eyes went wide, as his hand became cold and clammy, "What do you mean?"

"Who would you rather be with, it can't be anymore obvious idiot."

"Uh... i don't know, i guess... I like to be around Rei. I've known her longer and there's something about her that i find familiar. I like her, even if she may not feel the same, then again i guess... I don't really know how i feel about her. But it feels like she's a missing part of me. Maybe that's why it feels like she can hurt me so much. Maybe if i try hard enough I can make her feel the same way about me."

"I see the way it is." she huffed out, kicking off the blanket. She stood up and stomped out of the room kicking Shinji in the back just before she walked out of his room, "And don't even think about coming in here, you do and you're dead!" she growled. She flopped onto her bed covering her face with her pillow, "He's such an idiot, if she ever breaks his heart he'd better not come crying to me. Why do i even go to him? It's not like he even notices me." she whispered to herself.

"You're an idiot... Shinji Ikari." she choked out trying to hide her face from the world.


	6. Chap 5 Relics

"So how do repairs on the units go?" 

"Unit 01… suffered the most damage, however Unit 06 took the beating meant for Unit 00. Unit 02 is expected to up and running soon enough though. Although Unit 06's glaive was completely destroyed, there's no hope of recovery for it." 

"Do you have any plans on rebuilding it Ikari?" 

"No, at this point it would be too costly and would take up too much time, we should make restoration of the EVAs our priority." 

"Hopefully sooner rather than later." Fuyutsuki finished, Gendo's eyes were still stuck on Unit 01 parts of its true body revealed as work crews removed layers of armor and added more or replaced bits that looked more liquid than solid. 

"With this new threat, if one were to arrive again, we might have a choice but to send Unit 06 in its half-beaten state." 

"And what about Unit 01?" 

Gendo fell silent for a minute his hands covering his face, "She would stay." 

Fuyutsuki gave a grunt of acknowledgement, "Any news from the old men?" 

"None, I tried to get in contact with them earlier but only received silence." 

"Perhaps they are just as frightened as us." 

"That is one possibility then again, in times of crisis it is those with the truth who often remain silent." 

"Should we consult the scrolls again? Or any of the other artifacts before trying to get another conference call?" He asked Gendo sardonically.

"Yes, even those antiques would hold more knowledge about our plight than they would." 

"One can hope and if not, let us hope this is a one-time incident. Honestly I much rather have an angel outside of NERV than have to deal with another one of those abominations." 

"Yes, better to live with the devil you know rather than the devil you don't." 

The two began walking down to the hidden low levels of NERV HQ, "Ikari have you read the security reports our intelligence agents have gathered for us?"

"No, there have been other pressing matters." 

"Well not to detract from your attention but there have been reports of incidents of raids on hidden cells where our officers have found evidence of angle worship."

"What do you mean worship?" 

"It's exactly what it sounds like Ikari, some civilians have decided for themselves that these devils are their new gods and that they should be worshipped and allowed to exist not destroyed."

"It is often man's smallness that leads him to worship things greater in stature than him." 

"Yes, but just because man is small doesn't mean those things that are bigger than us are gods, much less that they deserve to be worshipped as such. To them the angels are gods but to us…"

"Just another pest Fuyutsuki, another being with a different goal in mind." 

The two finally made their way into the archives room, warm glowing yellow lights shone upon the unknown feet of scrolls stretched out before them, stone tablets with thin pencil carvings, paintings, and numerous different artifacts as well as what few salvageable pieces of the angels that they were able to preserve in tubes of swirling LCL. 

In one tube on the far end of the room the first Rei floated lifeless with her eyes closed, the bruises on her neck still looked fresh and next to her was Dr. Naoko Akagi.

Fuyutsuki didn't pay them any mind, he had seen them enough to where their presence no longer fazed him, instead the man took out his reading glasses and sat down at a desk picking up a stone tablet he began to translate hoping for some kind of answer for their new problems, Gendo did the same opposite of him. "As far as her relationships, which one does she seem to be getting closer to?" he asked. 

"Does it really matter?"

"For your plans it just may."

He grunted out, "It seems that her relationship with the American is stronger and the one she wishes to peruse."

"Rather than?" He asked open endedly.

"Than getting closer to the other one, but he still harbors feelings for her."

"Hmmm." He still refuses to acknowledge him, Fuyutsuki silently thought.

"Does that upset you?" 

"No whichever one she chooses to join with, it won't matter. Maybe it's even better if she sympathizes more with the American considering how he was raised according to plan. Whatever fate he receives will just push her into our arms and she will be more willingly to help ease not only his pain but the pain of all others." 

"Ikari, be honest with me not even a small part of you… feels guilt for the lives we planned for both of the boys?"

He didn't answer his gaze never left the tablet he was transcribing, "To live is to ultimately suffer, either by the world's cruelty, your own mind or by the will of your fellow man. But it is a shame that they should experience all three for ever how long they live."

"Or for how long they choose to live Ikari." 

His gaze wandered from the tablet, and he stood up walking over to a set of paintings of two saints. The "saints" who in reality were not followers of Christ, but seers who were able to see into the future a future of angels. 

He came upon a set of arrows, wooden shafts with iron tips the centuries old blood on them still looked fresh, next to them a club stained dark crimson and above them rested a single painting. It was of the Saint Sebastian only the face of the saint tied to the tree with tears in his eyes gazing to heaven for help had the face of the American pilot Nathan. 

Next to it was a table with another set of clubs, the blood on them shone brightly as well and above that set sat a painting of the Saint Valentine. Young faced, stripped down to a loin cloth in prison with Roman soldiers carrying clubs as he stretched a hand out to them, or was he reaching out to the heavens. 

Just in the background was another soldier sharpening a blade, the young Saint Valentine had the exact same face as Shinji, his grey stormy eyes teared up giving his murderers a smile as if he were saying thank you or I forgive you. 

"So often does it seem that we are just born to suffer." He muttered as he examined the tools of their executions, "Yes… only some were born for that sole purpose. But if one's suffering were to lead to our own relief then it is a necessary evil." 

Fuyutsuki sighed seeing no point in continuing his arguments refiled through stacks of papers and pictures bringing as much things as he could to his desk, he looked back at the painting of the boys… born to suffer he thought before he adjusted his glasses and got back to transcribing.


	7. Chap 6 Last days in Tokyo

Their first day

When Nathan awoke the next day the "sun's rays" flooded through the window, rubbing his eyes open he was surprised to see that Rei was already awake, with her lips slightly parted she was staring at him with her big, bright red eyes. Her chin was almost touching her chest and her sky-blue hair curled around her face in clumps instead of the usual straight bangs he often saw her with.

"What are you doing Rei?"

"Sorry, I was just watching you sleep. I woke up earlier and I didn't want to wake you. You looked… peaceful. Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."

"No, I don't have a problem with it. It's kind of calming… knowing you're watching over me. Morning Rei." He smiled.

"Good morning." She smiled back, he leaned forward taking her by surprise and kissed her to which she replied with, "Your breath smells."

Turning red he ducked back covering his mouth, morning breath "Oh god, I'm so sorry Rei."

"No, it's fine, my can't be that much better." Giving him a nymph-like smile she leaned in and returned the kiss, the both of them wished they could have stayed in bed together. They didn't necessarily have to do anything except just lay next to and gaze into one another's eyes, they just wanted to be in one another's presence. But they had to get their day started, they only had three together after all.

He had already promised to her that he would return but neither of them were looking forward to being separated from one another.

"So, what do you wanna do today?" he asked.

"We have school, today don't we?" she replied asking. "Shouldn't we head there?"

"I mean sure we have school but, I'd rather just spend my last few days here with you. You know just the two of us."

"Just the two of us?"

"Yeah."

She sat up still wearing his shirt, "Okay I'll stay with you, but I don't know what we should do."

He got up off the mat and walked over to his side of the room grabbing his glasses, after running his hands through his hair he pulled on another shirt. He racked his brain for an answer looking back at her he saw her sitting upright with her knees pulled close her hair had gone back to its normal style of covering the sides of her face and forehead with sharp points.

"Well Rei tell me what're somethings that you've always wanted to do?"

She sat there silently looking at the floor, "I don't know, there haven't been many times where people have asked me what I've wanted. Now that you're asking me, I can't decide what to do."

"Maybe if you had some breakfast, you'd be able to think better." He said walking over to her offering a hand to pick her up, she looked at his hand strangely before taking it and standing up. "Are you going to cook for me the way Shinji does?"

Shinji… he almost completely forgot about him. He had completely ignored what Misato had told him, but he was happy, he felt better than at any point in his life. No matter what he did it seemed with every action all he did was make things worse and hurt people, but right now he only felt a little guilty. She stood there staring into his eyes, "Uh Rei… I think we need to have a talk."

"About what?" she asked her voice flat, but her eyes betrayed her.

"I just think we should slow things down, until we- or you have a talk with Shinji.

She looked away reminded of what exactly she was doing, "But… you still want to be with me?"

"Yeah, it's just I feel like he should know about your feelings. That you want to be with me."

She nodded silently, "The two of us talked briefly about them but I just told him that I care for you, I never told him how much I- "she left her sentence open-ended hoping he understood what she was trying to say.

She then led him by the hand down stairs, not really knowing what to have the two just ate a few pieces of fruit before showering and dressing, before they knew it the two were sitting in the living room Nathan plugged into his player while Rei looked at the bookshelves, finding a thick leather bound book about genetics she walked over laying it over her lap she began reading.

With her right hand she manipulated the pages and with her left she held his hand, tightly gripping his hand, their fingers intertwined with one another's. They sat there in silence for a while neither of them saying a single word until Rei marked her page and set the book aside tapping him on his shoulder motioning for him to take out his ear buds.

"What is it?"

"I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize for what?"

"Apologize because… I'm uninteresting. You wanted the two of us to do something together today, but it seems the day's half over already and all we've done is sit here."

"I don't find you boring Rei, and honestly we don't have to do anything today if you don't want to, I just want to be with you. Even if it's like just sitting here with you doing nothing, I don't care."

"You just want to be with me?"

"Yeah."

She looked away from him and scooted closer, resting her head on his shoulder "There might be one thing that I would want to do later. But we would have to wait until later tonight."

"Can you give me hint?"

"No." she said in an almost dominant voice, she looked back up, "I'd like it to be a surprise." She said smiling as she closed her eyes. Grasping the back of her head and tilting his head forward until their foreheads touched, she gasped a little as he whispered, "Whatever you have planned I'm sure I'll love it because you'll be there."

Later once the synthetic sun had set outside of their window and the projected moon rose in its place she led him down to levels of NERV HQ he never knew existed before, walking past the occasional security guard or intelligence officer who barely gave them a glance she led him down to the gym and walking through it past the women's locker rooms where Nathan ducked his head into his shirt burning bright red as Rei lead him by his hand to her destination for the two of them.

"We're here." She said softly.

Slowly edging his head out of his shirt like a turtle he gasped at what he saw. Crystal blue water almost like sapphires glistened in a pool roughly one and half times bigger than an Olympic swimming pool. A few overhead lights shone before they clacked off making the only source of light the white ones glowing under the water illuminating the whole room in a light blue aura. "Wow Rei this is amazing."

"I wanted to share this with you… because this is my favorite place in the whole facility. Perhaps maybe even the world, I… sometimes imagine that this is the sea before the second impact."

She started to undue her red bow and unclasp the buttons on her dress, "Uh- what're you doing Rei?"

"Getting ready to swim that's the reason we came here for. You can swim, can't you?"

He scratched the back of his head nervously, "Yeah, totally I can... I mean what happened at the festival that was a… poor example I can swim. It's just, I don't get to all that often."

Her dress fell of her and she kicked it halfheartedly away, "I've always liked swimming, I just enjoy that floating sensation. The feeling of weightlessness, it's like I can leave all my troubles… like I'm almost flying. As if I had wings." She said sitting down at the pools edge, "Well aren't you going to join me?"

Nathan swallowed nervously but followed in suit hopping around he took off his socks and shoes and his outer garments making a pile of black shadowy clothing next to Rei's school uniform, he sat down next to her wearing only his dark grey and black square plaid boxers. Lightly tossing his glasses aside into the pile of clothing and followed her into the water, she had the grace of a mermaid. The way she cut through the water diving deep almost to the bottom of the pool all the while barely disturbing the water as she kicked and pulled herself through.

Nathan however was less than graceful switching between a combination of doggy paddling and frog kicking gasping to keep his head above the water but he tried his hardest to keep up with Rei and her movements as she naturally cut through the water, he followed her halfway down to the bottom of the pool pausing in place with his eyes open he followed her as she swam around him, her cheeks slightly puffed out. She never broke eye contact with him, she swam in close.

Almost headbutting his stomach but at the last second, she pulled up and they became face with face with one another, her blue hair swirled around her head as she stared up at him. Each of them felt a heat start to build up from the insides of the pits of their stomachs and spread throughout their bodies. The only movement they made was the light kicking they used to stay submerged but before she knew it, he had wrapped his arms around her thin hour-glass waist and pulled her in close until they were nose to nose.

She felt his heartbeat against her breast, and he felt hers against his chest. Closing her eyes she puckered her lips lightly and kissed him pushing his head back surprised but grateful to feel him push his lips deeper into hers and before she knew it both of their mouths opened slightly, as their tongues lightly touched one another's letting one another's lungs fill the other's burning chest up with air. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she felt a ball of happiness build up in her chest as they spun in their weightless surroundings, she wished she could have stayed like that forever.

Sitting at the pools edge she rested her head on his shoulder as he stared off into, well she didn't know what he was looking at but it seemed he was looking into something beyond, but then he piped up to her "Thanks for sharing this with me Rei I had a great time with you." He looked at her smiling she felt her face start to burn as she covered up her mouth and looked away, "You're welcome."

"Hey, is something the matter?"

"No, yes, I mean… it's just sometimes I feel as if I'm unable to properly express myself in some situations. I feel as if I can't show or tell others how I truly feel. I suspect that maybe one of the reasons why… everyone at school avoids me."

"What do you mean you can't express yourself? You've smiled at me plenty of times."

"It's not that." She replied, "It's just sometimes I wish I was more comfortable with it but… other times I feel like collapsing in on myself. I just wish I could properly express my feelings and feel good about them… feel good about myself."

She stared down at the pool water her face returned to its normal flat stoned face, the one she usually wore were her mouth was just a flat line. Her hands were placed on either side of her hips as she stared off into the depths of the water, sometimes in the back of her mind she wanted to see how far she could go.

How deep she could swim and how long she could last under there, with no intention of coming back up, although she could never admit that to him. But then she felt a cold spot on the top of her hand looking down she saw that Nathan had placed his hand on top of hers, she let out a small sharp gasp and he gripped it tightly. "Hey, look at me. I'm not as open about the things I feel or think about as much as I should probably be. But I know how you feel about me, and you know how I feel about you… isn't that enough?"

"I don't know, I feel as if I can sense what you feel. But I don't think I ever could fully understand it or experience it. And I doubt that you are able to understand my feelings towards you."

She looked at him through the blue pool light, his eyes shimmering as he looked away from her gaze and to the bottom of the pool, I've upset him… with my words. Now he doubts my feelings for him, he must wish for someone different someone other than me… I wish I could show him how much I care for him, maybe there was a way.

She stood up, "We should go back to our quarters and wash the chlorine off." She walked away and ran her hands through her hair brushing out any loose water, dressing her clothes began to soak up loose droplets of water. "Yeah, let's get back we've still got to eat dinner."

"I will bathe first then I will prepare dinner for the two of us."

"Alright, that sounds nice Rei." She stood watching him dress out of the corner of her eye, seeing his thin skinny body, he had a bare semblance of abdominal muscles, but she could still vaguely see his ribs. One strange thing she noticed though was that he looked almost hairless, funny enough he had some hair on his arms yet nowhere else it seemed. He was going through puberty, weren't boys supposed to grow more hair during that stage of their lives?

After he pulled his button shirt on, she took his hand and began to eagerly lead him back to their quarters, he didn't even get to pull on his shoes instead he carried them in his hand.

She sat in the tub holding her knees close to her body staring into the water, "What are these feelings in my heart? Why can't I bare to see him leave, even the thought of him never returning… makes my heart want to tear itself into pieces."

"I just want him, I want him to stay with me, I just want him all to myself.", She lifted her hand to her face the warm water left a slight buzzing tingling sensation that reminded her of his touch, "Just the thought of never being in his presence hurts. There is an emptiness within my heart, in my soul it feels as if I'm missing something important… something that makes me feel like everyone else surrounding me."

Her hand went over her heart and she noticed that its pace had quickened, "It's pace… whenever I think of him it gets faster and I feel as if I can't breathe. I just want to understand him, and… I want him to understand me. What is this feeling… is this love?"

"All I want is for him to live in my heart, to fill this emptiness I feel. For our broken hearts to become one, I just… don't want to be alone anymore. Is that selfish of me, are my desires wrong?"

Rei talked to herself, it felt better when she voiced her thoughts aloud even if there was no one around to hear them, just to let them loose into the world and out of her head calmed her nerves down. "What do people do when they're in love?"

There was a soft knock at the door, "Uh hey Rei, you gonna be much longer?"

She looked at her skin and noticed that she had already started to prune, how long had she been in there? Her stomach seemed to be churning, and her body felt like ice as her bones rattled under her skin. "Oh, sorry I'll be out in a minute." She called out softly, she hadn't even given a thought to what she might try to cook for the two of them, maybe a spicy curry she thought, he seemed to enjoy that kind of food.

She dried herself off opening the door with the towel wrapped around herself, she saw Nathan sitting on his mattress and on her mat was a medical gown just like the one she wore back at her old apartment, seeing her in her current state of dress he cheeks blushed and he turned away, "Someone came by and dropped that off for you. I'll leave so you can change." He said in a blur as he quickly walked away leaving Rei alone, after the door closed, she dropped her towel in the middle of the room.

Stepping into her underwear and pulling it up and then unfolding that one part that got caught on her skin as she had numerous times looked at his mattress, still untouched and perfect expect for the indent of his body and wrinkles he left behind from laying on it. She pulled her gown over her body and squatted by his mat pulling it over to hers she lay them side by side.

Feeling at ease with what she did she walked out the door and saw the bathroom door was already closed but she could hear the sloshing of water, she left out a breath and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Rattling around the cabinets and fridge, finding a cooking book she leafed through it until she found a curry recipe. A small smile grew on her lips, the thought of seeing him smile and enjoy her food, to have him see how much she cared for him and to hear him voice his feelings for her sent small shivers of warmth all through her body.

In the tub Nathan stared at the ceiling his face almost completely submerged, his hair swirled around him. What could she mean by that, that I can't fully understand her feelings for me? I thought I knew what she felt for me, I thought we needed each other.

I want to be with her every second of our lives, I just don't want to hurt her anymore, I want her to stop hurting. I want her to be happy and feel loved, I just want her to know how much I want her in my life. (You stupid fucking idiot, you should have just told her that night. Why didn't you just tell her that you loved her? That you need her in your life?)

He rubbed the sides of his head and muttered, "Shut up."

He began to wonder how would he even tell her how he felt, he could probably show her how he felt with gestures or some action but how would she know that's how he truly felt. Could he even tell her tell her? (No, you can't tell her, you get nothing from hearing it or from hearing people say they want you around. How could you ever tell somebody that, if you do tell her your words are just going to be flat and empty)

(How could she ever even love somebody like you anyways? The moment she finds out what you really are she'll never want anything to do with you, none of them will, she even said you could never understand her feelings for you, that is even if they're real. She's probably just stringing you along.)

"Shut up." he whimpered back covering up his face. There was a soft knock at the door, "Dinner's ready, hurry or it'll get cold."

"Y-yeah sure…"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine Rei." He lied.

He sighed and got out of the tub, letting it drain and drying himself off completely before he even thought about walking out, he just wanted to sit and enjoy the heavy clouds of steam in the bathroom before he headed out. Stepping out he saw that Rei had moved his mat closer to hers and she had even lain out some sleeping clothes for him a grey t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, he fished out a pair of boxers and socks for himself.

Even from upstairs he could smell the curry she was cooking, walking downstairs he saw Rei in her "pajamas" and above them she was wearing a small tight yellow apron, seeing his arrival she untied it and draped it over a chair. She stood silently with her arms crossed over her white medical gown, "Hi."

"Hey. Well it smells and looks good."

"Thank you… I made it special for us."

"Well I think we should sit down and dig in before it gets cold, whaddya say?"

"Yes, and to make things better I discovered they even had orange soda for us." She said smiling as she brought out some cans dripping with condensation, "Also I prepared a special tea for us."

"Wow you really went all out huh, Rei…" he smiled and looked away from her for a second, lightly shaking his head. "Is- is something wrong?"

"No, Rei nothing's wrong it's just… the things you did for me. The way everything looks, the way you looked in that apron, it's kinda like you're a housewife. Like you're my housewife." He said nervously chuckling, scratching the back of his head with his eyes closed.

"Your housewife?" she asked blushing, her hand darted to her chest feeling its tightness. His eyes went wide with embarrassment, "Uh- I didn't mean it like that or anything, I- I- I."

"No, its fine. It just means I care for you correct?"

"Uh- yeah, I guess. Now what say we dig in?"

Sitting down on the smaller sides of the table across from one another Rei gave him a heaping bowl of the orange-red curry, red peppers visible and the mounds of saffron and ginseng were practically visible from space. As she handed it to him, he took it with a small smile and eyes half closed giving her a slight head bow he said.

"Gochisosama deshita."

"Excuse me?"

"Uh- sorry isn't that what Japanese people say when they get their meals?"

"No, you say that after eating, you meant to say itadakimasu."

"Oh… sorry."

"It's fine… I understood what you meant."

Bringing his bowl near his face he took it in and began mixing it all around, taking a mound of it and bringing it to his mouth he bit into it and was blasted by the overwhelming spices and flavors, quickly swallowing without chewing he began coughing as his nostrils flared up and his eyes began watering.

"Wow… not criticizing… but… it's a little… spicy." He gasped out grabbing his soda immediately chugging it. "Sorry, I knew you liked spicy food. I guess I added too much."

"Well besides that" he took a pause to cough, grabbing another bite already not having learned his lesson. "It's pretty good, I love it."

Rei beamed brightly, "I'm glad to hear it."

The two finished in silence before moving on to their tea, and Rei was even happier to hear it garnered Nathan's seal of approval, but then her mood shifted from happy and relaxed to nervous and shifty. No matter how much she drank her mouth felt dry like cloth, and her heart started to beat low and heavy. She shifted her focus to the taste of the tea and its delicious mix of vanilla, lavender and honey.

But still it wouldn't stop the shivering under her skin, she just sat there quietly drinking her tea and when both were finished, she looked at him, and felt warm he was smiling at her. His brown eyes looked so calm and at peace, most of the time he looked tired and beaten down or had a twinge of fear in his eyes, he always looked weary almost as if he's seen the worse things on earth but was forced to keep going on.

Almost the way she used to look, but now he looked happy. "Something wrong?"

"Oh, no. But there is something that… I want to talk with you about."

He let out a half nervous laugh, "Uh, what do you want to talk about?" his cheeks started to blush slightly.

"Just something that has recently entered my mind… something concerning us."

He gulped at hearing that, he began squirming in his seat, "It's nothing bad is it? Do you… not have the same feelings for me anymore?"

"No!" she gasped, after realizing how loud she was she covered her mouth, "No it's the opposite but I think I'd rather show you. So, can you please go upstairs and wait for me? Let me take care of the dishes."

"Are you sure Rei?" He stood up and walked his dishes to the sink, "I mean I'm not completely useless." he said flipping on the sink, Rei silently walked over and set her dishes on the counter, Nathan turned to face her and just as he did she practically jumped on him, hugging him and pinning his body between hers and the sink. "What are you doing Rei?" he asked nervously tensing up, leaning back almost sitting on the sink, "I just want to feel you." she said pressing her head against his chest.

Looking up into his eyes she pressed her lips against his, he felt his heart leap into his throat as he felt her hands find their way to his face and neck. His stomach churned and it wanted to empty his contents out as he felt her rubbing her chest against his, he felt one of his hands that were bracing him on the kitchen counter land on her back and slowly work its way down. But just as it got to her waist she pulled back and gazed into his eyes, "Go upstairs, I'll join you shortly."

He took a shaky nervous breath in and nodded, wide eyed he walked up the stairs, Rei sat still watching him until he disappeared, she let out a nervous breath of her own. Her heart fluttered but it felt like it was sinking into her stomach. She got up and started to slowly do the dishes wondering how he would react, it seemed he was more accepting of her touch. That he was slowly letting her into his heart, even at that moment when he was far away from her, she could feel the warmth of his chest against hers.

Upstairs it was a different story, Nathan was quietly sitting on his mat his knees to his chest, legs shaking as his tried to steady his breathing. It felt like he had dozens of cinderblocks on his chest and at any point they would crush all his bones. The fingers on his right hand rapped the floor under him while his left hand continuously ran itself through his hair.

All the while his mind was a hurricane as he tried to figure out what she wanted and what would they talk about, that is if they would even talk. He was happy with what they did, he more than enjoyed it in fact he wanted more of it, but still how could he be happy doing this and hurting Shinji? What did she want from him? What could he have done better? What could he have told her before, maybe if he was honest with Shinji earlier about how he felt about her?

His hands covered his eyes as he sat there wishing for a solution but then his eyes landed on his pack and he walked over grabbing the bottle of Ambien, he read the label to see it recommend one pill, extra strength it said. As his heart raced rattling around the inside of his chest he fumbled the bottle open and dug two pills out, popping them in his mouth he capped it and tossed it back.

Crunching them with his molars turning them into tiny fragments he washed them down with sink water from the bathroom and went back to his bed, covering himself up with covers he tried to steady his breathing and stop the shaking as well as the aching in his head. But then his chest began heavy and his breathing became shallow, he had no idea how much time had passed but he found it harder to keep his eyes open and his body from going limp.

Warmth surged throughout his being as he felt his body lock into place, letting out frequent yawns, his neck went limp and his head slumped into his pillow. His mouth opening partially, he found that he had fell almost instantly asleep or he had gotten so relaxed it nearly looked like it.

Rei tiptoed up the stairs silently, trying to think of what she would say to him. Ways of how she could say or show her feelings for him, but when she walked in and saw him fast asleep, slumped on his right side facing away from her mat she felt a small knife cutting through her heart. She silently walked over to him, rubbing his shoulder lightly trying to wake him but getting no response she decided to call it a night, maybe another time.

Is he scared of me? Is he afraid of getting closer to me?

Then she heard him begin to moan and mutter in his sleep, "On't…. aev… eee. On't… aev… eee." He kept murmuring that one phrase over and over again, she kept watching him or the back of his head trying to decode what he was saying. "Arwe, arwe, o arwe."

He rolled over facing her, there were tears in his eyes. He began curling up in the fetal position, shivering like he was trying to warm himself. Rei lay there staring at him, he looked so close but so far away and seemed so lonely, it hurt to see him like this, but it hurt even more knowing every step she got closer to him or the few steps he took to her. He took twice the steps away from her.

She scooted on her side closer to him, sliding her arms underneath him and wrapped them around his body. Rolling on to her back she hugged him tight to her chest, she could feel tiny hot water droplets land on her chest. His arms that were once close to his chest relaxed and even one found its way around her stomach, finding her waist and pulled himself closer.

He rubbed his ear closer to her breast, he wrapped his entire body around her locking her in. She felt as if she couldn't move her body, she felt like a bird locked in a cage. "Is this part of love? Does it make you feel trapped, but then why do I enjoy this feeling?"

She asked herself, she looked back at the boy who was trying to envelop her, "Don't worry Nathan. I'll never leave you, as long as you are here. I will be here for you." She kissed the top of his head and felt his whole-body shudder against her before going still and silent. Feeling his rising and falling body, she closed her eyes and went to sleep, listening to the sound of his relaxed breathing.

Day 2

The two pilots awoke still in one another's arms, Nathan with his ear against Rei's chest one of his arms around her waist and her arms around his neck bringing him closer. He lifted his face up facing her, he took his arm off her and sat up letting her arms fall limply off him. He shifted onto his knees and stared at her while she still lay on her back, she slowly sat upright and kept looking into his eyes. "Sorry about what happened last night, I guess I was just tired."

She looked at him briefly before turning her gaze to the floor, remembering and thinking about what could have been. But now she would just have to find another time to try and convey how she felt about him. "Hey something wrong Rei?" he asked putting his hand on her shoulder, she could feel the cold of his skin through her shirt, she put her hand on his that warmth that used to accompany it was barely there.

"It's nothing… it's just that. I think I've realized that if, I want to be with you… I should just expect you to hurt me."

Those words cut right down into his heart forcing him to look away from her. "I'm sorry Rei, I'm sorry I can't be… someone better. You know you can find someone better right? You could be with someone that makes you happy. You don't have to be with me."

"No, its fine… I want to be with you. You make me feel things I never thought possible, even if you hurt me it's okay. I just want you."

"That doesn't sound healthy Rei." His hand face dropped looking at the floor.

"But it's true, I just want to be with you." She scooted closer to him, taking his face in both her hands. "I wish I could just tell you how I feel but, I can't find the right words. Whatever I try and think of… none of it feels right. But I thought that I could show you how I felt."

"How would you do that?" he asked, she gave him her answer. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist pulling herself in as tightly as possible, she practically tackled him with the force of a linebacker knocking him on his back hugging him as tightly as possible. "You know there is something we could do… something that would let us show each other, what we feel. It could satisfy both of us, I'd feel your heart and you could feel my body. You could have me anyway you want, just as long as I have your heart."

She whispered in his ear.

"Stop it Rei." He tried to push her off, but she fought him gripping him tighter trying to bury herself into his chest, "Why do you keep pushing me away? Please, let me have this, have you. Let me be one with you, I want to feel you in my heart." She started to sniffle as her eyes welled up. He stopped resisting her once he heard her start to lightly cry into his shoulder, he lay back flat as a cadaver. "I'm sorry. But I don't think I'm ready for… that."

Still with her legs around his waist she sat upright on top of him her hands resting on his chest, leaning over above she looked down into his eyes. "Could you ever be ready to be with me fully?"

He didn't answer he simply let his hand slid up her arm up to her elbow and with no force behind it lifted her arm off his chest until he was holding her hand, "I told you once Rei, I want to be with you it's just… I'm the problem."

"But could we be together one day?"

He sat upright pushing her off, facing her on his knees he looked at her. "Yeah maybe one day."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Her phone started to ring, wiping her face she leaned over and picked up the phone, "Hello? Yes… yes, understood." She hung up the phone and stood up taking off her gown she let it drop to the floor, standing there in just her underwear she pulled her bra on, picked up her school uniform and began dressing. "The commander is expecting me for testing, I have to go."

"But you'll be back, soon right? I mean… is there anything else you want to talk about?"

"I don't know, there might be some things but I'm not sure what they are. I don't know when I'll be back, but I do wish I get to see you off. Would you wait for me?"

"Yeah of course Rei." Standing up next to her as she tied her bow, she turned to face him, "Goodbye then." She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, then silently walked away from him her hair lightly bobbing up and down. When she was gone and he heard the door downstairs close he sat back down on the mat and grabbed his MP3 laying on his side he plugged in and started his day, he didn't know what to do and didn't want to do anything. Not without her around, he watched the sun rise and then watched it set not moving, not even to take a drink or eat a bite of food.

He just lay there listening to his music, occasionally he would slip into a fugue-like state and stare aimlessly at the walls or even fall asleep but only for a few minutes it wasn't until he saw a shape move out of the corner of his eye and collapse in exhaustion near him did he stir, looking over he saw Rei still partially soaked in water. She was dressed in another medical gown, "Did you not move at all?" she groaned out sounding like each breath pained her.

"I guess not." He yawned back, "How'd the testing go?"

"I'm ordered to not talk about it. I'm just tired."

He rolled over to face her, he took a light whiff through his nose noticing that she vaguely smelled like LCL. "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing don't worry Rei. Do you mind… if I hold you again tonight?" he asked.

"Only if we are face to face." She replied rolling over, her hair clung to her face. He scooted closer to her wrapping his arms around her, he rested his forehead against hers. "Can we act like yesterday didn't happen? Can we just pick up from where we did a few days ago?"

"If that's what you want." She said flatly, neither said anything to the other after that they just lay there in silence trying to fall asleep to the other's breathing patterns but their minds were like an out of control wildfire, too many thoughts they had to say but had no idea how to voice them. "Look Rei, I don't mean to hurt you, I know it seems like I can't do anything right. But I want you to know that I do want to be with you… you're my favorite thing about… living."

"I am?"

"I've told you before Rei, you're all I want. But with things the way they are… I think we just have to wait."

"I feel like I've waited too long to be with you though, I feel as if you fill the missing part of my heart and all I want is for you to be there."

"Me too, Rei." He gripped her tighter, burying his face in her hair taking in her essence.

Their final day

"So, you have to leave today?"

"Yeah later today, I think. I got a text from Ms. Misato saying Mr. Kaji's supposed to come by and pick me up but now that we're finally here, more than anything I don't want to leave. I just want to be here with you."

"I don't want you to leave either."

Rei sat on her mat watching him pack his duffle bag, he lazily threw clothes in but at the same time he kept double checking for every single item that he put in. She played around with her MP3 player, the only physical evidence she had of his feelings for her and her little window into his soul. He zipped his bag up and walked out of the room leaning over the balcony he dropped it letting it thud to the floor.

Rei followed him like a shadow, silently watching his movements and standing by him as close as she could wanting to remember every last detail about him. To keep a living picture of him until he returned, he landed on the couch his hair swishing up and down. Sitting next to him she kept her limbs near her small frame except she took his hand and brought it near her lap.

She tightly wrapped her fingers around his, maybe in an effort to try and keep him chained to her. He turned to face her, "You're kinda gripping me a little tight there Rei."

"Sorry."

She let go of him, "It's fine, I don't want to let go of you either." He gripped her hand just as tight the two gazed deeply into one another's eyes, they leaned in slowly both breathing shakily as their lips neared the others. With their mouths parted open, her hand slowly finding its way to his face and his hands rising from her waist to her shoulders. First, their chests touched then their foreheads and their noses began to rub against each other. Both let out tiny gasps as they waited for the other to make the last move and connect.

But then the door opened, and he threw her off him, gasping he turned away and his hand darted to his chest feeling it rattle against the bone. Rei red-faced looked to the floor her bangs covering her face from the sides, her hands wrapped together under her neck. "Hey ready to go kid?"

Looking up from his spot on the couch Nathan saw Kaji standing there, a smile on his face and a bag strung across his shoulder. "I thought we weren't leaving until tonight." He said trying to hide the pain in his voice.

"Booked us an earlier flight, sooner we get there sooner we leave right? Besides worst case scenario I've got to stay but you head on back here by yourself. Now c'mon jet's almost done being fueled." He grabbed Nathan's bag and walked on out.

"That was too close." Nathan whispered.

Rei didn't say anything she just sat there quietly, "I guess I'm leaving now."

Squatting down in front of her he grabbed the sides of her face, "Rei, believe me when I say this. When I get back, I swear I'm going to try my best…" he pulled her close to him resting his chin on her shoulder hugging her tightly, "I swear I'm gonna try my best to make you happy."

Pulling away he rested his hands on her shoulders, he fished around his pockets and took out a small folded up piece of paper. It was the poem he salvaged from his room the night it was broke into.

He put it into her hands and then stood up walking towards the door already starting to plug his earbuds in, but before he made it passed the kitchen Rei walked up quickly behind him and grabbed the back of his shirt stopping him. Looking over his shoulder he saw Rei pinching the middle of his shirt with her head facing down, "Rei?" In her other hand was the paper already unfolded and read.

Turning around she let her hand fall to her side, looking up she stepped close to him and pulled him in wrapping her lips around his she kissed him. And to her surprise she felt his hands land on her back and begin to rub her all over, her whole body shuddered as she stood on her tiptoes pulling him in closer, "Please don't stop, don't pull away. Don't break this." She whispered in between pauses.

But they heard Kaji call out to him again, "Hey c'mon Nathan you taking a leak or something?"

"I'm sorry Rei, goodbye." He whispered out, his lips sticking to hers as he pulled away, "Bye." She gasped out. Looking at the floor he walked off leaving the door open behind him, Rei still had an arm reaching out to him "Wait… I love you." She said in a small voice to an empty room. She was alone again.

She didn't bother to close the door, she looked back at the paper she held in her hands, a possible life one with him she thought. One that we could share, that one word he talks about in his poem, what is it? What is that one word? How does he imagine us ending? Why is he choosing to be alone, we don't have to be alone, he can be with me.

I know this pain this emptiness of being alone, how it feels like there is a cavern of ice in my heart, to feel so cold and distant from those around us. To feel like a gust of air rather than a person.

I can still feel him, his arms around me and his warmth against my chest but still I feel lonely and cold. Tiny tears started to fall from her cheeks onto the paper, she held it against her chest and walked up the stairs. Trying to stifle her sobs she climbed back into bed, hiding the poem under her pillow she grabbed his and clung to it. Wrapping her entire body around it, she dried her tears off on it and hid her face but then the squeak of wood caught her attention and she looked at the door gasping at who it was.


	8. Chap 7 Her first Birthday

"Alright sirs, we're just doing one final checkup before takeoff. Give or take ten minutes and we'll be on our way." The pilot's voice crackled over the speakers in the small jet, Kaji was relaxed leaning his cushioned seat all the way back, popping in two pieces of Nicorette gum he poured a small glass of Japanese whiskey. "Just like old times, heading back to the Nevada institute, right?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Wha-?" Nathan was too frazzled putting his ear buds in and messing with his seat controls, tightening his belt as much as possible he already was red-faced and sweating. Kaji swore he could see his heart beating in his stomach, he turned his attention away and focused on the AC controls above his head twisting and fiddling the knobs until they were all facing him and blasting cold air making his sigh in relief. He shuddered gripping the armrests with white knuckles.

"I said any thoughts about going back home?"

"I'd rather stay here." He muttered trying to relax but failing to do so.

"Not a fan of flying I take it. Hey, look Nathan what're the odds of dying in a plane crash? C'mon relax."

In a rushed flat nervous tone, he shot back with, "Depends on who you ask some people say one in eight or nine million, some say eleven or twelve, but the average is one in ten million. But if you are going to die in a plane crash it's most likely to happen in the first fifteen to twenty minutes after takeoff. I don't mind flying… except for takeoff and climbing…. And the actual flying. Going in for the landing I have no problem with everything else I can't stand it."

Kaji sat there wide eyed at the boy shaking boy, "Hey you need to learn how relax man you're way too damn young to have a stroke or heart attack." He put his gum on a small piece of plastic on his tray and took a sip of his whiskey, just then the plane rattled to life its twin jets whining. "Oh, c'mon a noise like that can't be right. How many checkups have they done?"

"How you'd survive the plane ride here?"

"We left basically at midnight, so I was dead tirrrreeeed." He gritted his teeth as the plane started to build up speed and eventually it took to the air. He let out a warily sigh as he started to hyperventilate, "Hey relax."

"You relax Kaji!" he snapped tapping his foot rapidly, Man traveling with Asuka was a breeze compared to this, how could he have changed so much. Funny how he doesn't seem to remember, or did he just block everything out? Kaji took out the small blue plastic case and popped two more pieces of gum out, "Here take this."

"What is it?" Nathan growled sinking into his seat being pushed back by the G-forces. "Nicorette."

"Aren't I too young for that stuff Kaji?"

"Hey, I was younger than you when I started smoking, at least this is kinda a healthier option. And I hope I don't have to explain to you why this would be a guys' secret, one where we don't tell Misato. Besides it'll help you relax."

"Fine… whatever hand it over." He stretched his left arm out of its socket until he felt the two pieces land in his palm and then like a stretched rubber band it shot back ot his mouth and he began chewing them like a rabid dog. Immediately he felt the burn of cool mint run through his mouth, throat and chest, with a shudder he felt the muscles in his neck and chest loosen and his heart slowed down.

He slumped down in his chair and sighed feeling the weight on his shoulders and tension in his head go away as if some weight in his chest float into the sky. "Better now?" Kaji chuckled.

"Oh, yeah way better."

Nathan slumped back calmly and turned his player on yawning as he started to flip through his music trying to find something worth listening to, "You hear how we're supposed to land for a day in Hawaii?" Kaji called out.

"Yeah, we did that on the flight here too."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What's the lady situation like?"

"I wouldn't know."

Nathan stayed silent for a few minutes before he looked out the window after he felt the plane level out, he saw nothing but clouds and the vast empty red sea. "Hey Kaji, can I ask you something?"

"Shoot kid."

"When are they gonna be done with that process that fixes the world's oceans?"

"You know I could tell you but then I'd have to-" Kaji gave him a smile as he made a choking noise as his finger went across his neck in a slicing motion, seeing that he wasn't getting the reaction he wanted rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"As far as I know the process is almost basically done but…" he sighed popping in another piece of nicotine gum, "Damn just isn't the same. Look Nathan the technology is there and we're on the cusp of finishing it but, it's just miles of bureaucratic red tape keeping us from going through with it. Why you asking anyways, you didn't really seem all that interested in it back at the water treatment facility."

Still looking out the window he said, "Just… a friend said she wanted to see the sea, the way it was before. I just wanted to know when you guys would be done. I thought it'd be nice to take her to go see it someday anyways."

Back at NERV

"Sorry I let myself in, the door was open. I heard you crying. Are you okay?" Shinji stood in the doorway with a bag of groceries, in one hand. She sniffled sitting up wiping away her tears, "No, but I'm glad you're here Shinji."

"Well what's wrong, is there anything I could do?"

"I just- I mi… I just feel lonely. He's gone back home, to report to his father. He promised me that he'd return here to us but… I still have some doubts."

He set the groceries down and walked over sitting down next to her, he wrapped on arm around her shoulders, "Well he promised you right, did he sound like he intended to keep it?"

"Yes, he did."

"Well then there's your answer." She looked at him her eyes beaming with hope and then he smushed his face against hers taking her by surprise as he kissed her, her eyes widened as he touched her face. She slowly blinked wondering why it didn't feel the same. He pulled away from her smiling but once he saw the blank expression on her face looked away from her and said, "Sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

Changing the subject Rei asked, "The groceries, what do you plan to make with them?"

"Uh- I was gonna make some garlic ramen."

"That's one of my favorites." She said looking back at him, "Well then I think I should get started." He said giving her a slight smile standing up he offered his hand to life her up and when both of them touched they paused as soon as she stood. Staring into one another's eyes they expected to feel that warm heart fluttering feeling they both experienced when Shinji rescued Rei from her plug but only now, they didn't feel anything.

Looking over to the cabinets Shinji saw her ID card, picking it up he saw the info on it. "March 30th." He said, it was already may. "Rei your birthday's March 30th?"

"I guess it is. I suppose I'd be turning fifteen this year correct?"

"Well why didn't you tell us? We could've planned something for you."

"Planned what?"

"A birthday party!"

"A birthday party?" she asked quietly, "No… its fine I've never had one so I don't know the feeling of missing one."

"You've never had a birthday party?"

"No, I suppose I never have."

"You're family never gave you one?"

She paused looking at the floor, "No, they didn't… sometimes Shinji I- I think I was born without a family. I… have no memories of them."

Shinji looked at her, she looked so small and fragile like a glass figurine. Her eyes and lips gave away the look of unbearable pain, she looked like Shinji's sheer disbelief of her never celebrating being born cut her down to the bone. He set the card aside and hugged her lightly, "I'm sorry if I hurt you Rei. But you're with us now, we're your family now."

"You are?" she asked gasping, her arms still at her sides.

"Yeah, we are… and I want you to know, I care for you we all do. Don't worry I'll make sure things get better for you."

"You will?"

"Yeah." Leading her down to the kitchen he began the slow process of making the ramen, and when he got a chance called Misato up and told her the news and his idea, she was so blown away from hearing that Rei never had a birthday that her screeching could be heard the upstairs bedroom through his phone.

"You can't be serious not a single birthday?"

"That's what she said Misato, so what do you think of my idea?"

"Planning a party for her? Yeah it sounds wonderful Shinji, I'm sure with all that's been going on we all could blow some steam off. This just might be a thing that could help everyone."

"But Misato, the thing is… she doesn't have friends besides maybe me and Nathan."

"What having two cute boys as friends? One a shy and misunderstood musician the other a moody forlorn poet, trust me Shinji any girl would kill to have what she has. But I guess… we could invite Hikari, Kensuke and Toji. You think she'd like that?"

He stood there silently, "Yeah, yeah I think she would."

"But you think Ms. Misato that you could…. Take her out to do something while me and guys fix up your apartment? Maybe take Hikari and Asuka along too? You know how she only has the one outfit maybe take her on a shopping spree, girls like that kinda thing right?"

"Yeah sounds great Shinji… hey Shinji?"

"Yeah Ms. Misato?"

"You're a great friend to her. I'm sure she's happy to know you."

"Thanks… Ms. Misato." He hung up and returned his attention back to the boiling pots, seeing Rei sitting at the table looking at a piece of paper, "Hey, so I guess you heard how we're gonna give you a birthday party Rei. You… excited or nervous?"

She looked up, folding the paper and hiding it into her skirt, "I don't know, I guess… I feel a little sad."

"Why?"

"Because he won't be there."

Shinji tried to shrug his aching heart away and got to finishing their lunch at least when he was cooking, he was able to take his mind off things. He could focus on the timing of when to add what, for how long something should cook and how to plate it up to make it look like art. But now his movements were sluggish and a little sloppy, his mind wasn't on the cooking, he was busy thinking about Rei and how all she seemed to be thinking about was him.

He felt like there was venom or molten steel running through his veins.

Finishing the food, he platted it up and got to texting Toji and Kensuke about the party, "Hey so… why weren't you at school these last few days?"

"Why aren't you at school right now?"

"I was just worried about you Rei, whenever I don't see you at school I just… I was worried something happened."

She took his words in setting aside her chopsticks, "I was with him these last few days, we were just spending time with one another. I wanted to see him off…"

Shinji felt a knife cut through his heart, she's just his friend, she's just worried about him, that's all, they're not doing anything behind your back, they're just friends, she'd never hurt you. Shinji's shoulders shook as he kept his thoughts on repeat, but looking at her, her eyes and calm face he wondered how could she hurt him so much if they both liked one another.

He looked down at his bowl, he swirled the noodles around. Maybe doing this for her, could make her love me he thought. Maybe I can make her learn to love me. He looked back up at her, "So the party's tomorrow night, Misato's gonna treat you to a girl's day out with Asuka and Hikari. Toji, Kensuke and I are gonna set everything up for you back at her place." He stretched his hand over the table and put it on top of hers, "I promise you it's gonna be the best day anyone could give you."

She looked at her hand and turned it over and intertwined their fingers, "Thank you Shinji…" As she looked at the smiling boy, she felt her heart tear a little, why was he so nice? She was just putting him through the same pain Nathan had done to her, both did it unintendedly but still to see him happy at the thought of being with her while she was trying to work up the courage to tell him her true feelings made her feel even more empty.

"So, what kind of cake would you like me to bake you?" he asked beaming, but why did his eyes still look sad she wondered.

"I don't know, what kind of cake do people normally like?"

The next day Rei sat patiently in the living room waiting for Misato and the girls to come pick her up, they were supposed to take her shopping. But what clothes would she buy for herself she didn't know. She may have had the one outfit as well as her medical gown she slept in but wasn't that all she needed. Just clothes for going outside and then something to sleep in?

She pulled the poem out of her pocket rereading it again, in fact last night she had kept waking up periodically just out of some odd compulsion just to read it again by the moonlight that the geo-front gave off. After every word and line, she felt closer to him and she felt as if he were there with her, hugging her from behind her. His arm over her waist holding her hands that were resting by her face, as he put his lips on the back of her head.

The knock at the door made her jump a little, she refolded the paper and put it away in her pocket. Even from the kitchen she could hear Asuka yelling, "C'mon first! If we're late we're gonna miss all the great deals!"

"Settle down Asuka we've practically got all day to shop." Misato tried to calm her down before quietly trying to whisper, "You know she's shy around you guys give her some slack. This is the first time she's ever done anything like this."

Opening the door, she saw Misato and Asuka already tapping her foot against the floor, in the middle of them was the class rep Hikari who gave Rei a small smile and bow, "Morning Rei, glad to see you're well. Uh-… even though I'm here on party business I thought I should give you these. You've kinda fallen behind on your assignments." She laughed nervously.

She handed Rei a four-inch pack of stapled papers, "Have I really missed this much of school?" she asked.

"Uh half of those are for Nathan, everyone said you seem to see him the most so I was wondering if you could give those to him… wherever he is." She said peaking behind Rei.

"Oh, c'mon Hikari don't beat around the bush I told you the two of them were sleeping together."

"BUNKING TOGETHER ASUKA!" Misato shouted. "Where is he anyways, already gone?"

"Gone?" Asuka and Hikari asked in a single voice.

"Yes, Mr. Kaji came yesterday morning and took him back home."

"Wait why'd he go back home? Why did no one tell me about this?" Asuka yelled.

"His father recalled him back for a status report over the things we've done here." Rei informed, Asuka frustrated about being kept in the dark threw her arms up and asked steaming, "Why am I the last one hearing about this stuff."

"Well Asuka, maybe if you showed more interest in others you'd be more in the loop, wait does Shinji know?" Misato answered rubbing her chin looking to Rei for her answer. "I told Shinji the other day." She replied.

"I don't want to be rude, but shouldn't we get our day going?" Hikari asked piping up.

"Oh, sorry Hikari you're absolutely right. I guess I just got distracted." She clapped her hands together, "Alright c'mon girls, let's go. God I can't tell you how long I've waited for an excuse to get a new outfit, ugh with all the weddings I've been invited to, I just might need to get another apartment for all my dresses." She joked.

"Weddings?" Rei piped up.

"Yeah Rei, I can't tell you how many married couples there are working for NERV alone."

"Oh barf, please it's all because of proximity. They're just marrying the closet thing they can find." Asuka gripped.

"Well I think its sweet, people finding each other in times like these." Hikari argued against her friend.

"Yeah… nothing like the end of the world to bring out the romance. Whether its genuine or not." Misato said raising her eyebrows as the girls walked away from the door and she casually swung it shut.

"Genuine?"

Misato let out a heavy sigh, "Yeah Rei it's a problem, some couples just marry because of the sex, others marry each other just so they won't end the day going to an empty house… but some-" she tiled her head looking down the hallways with almost empty eyes.

"Some do truly marry for love."

"Um… if you don't mind me asking Ms. Misato. Why aren't you married."

The four stopped walking as Asuka's eyes went wide almost expecting some overblown reaction from Misato, but to her surprise she lifted her arms behind her head and simply said. "Guess I just haven't met the right person, but at least I'm not married to my job and cats like Ritsuko." She smiled. "Now enough of that sad talk. Today's supposed to be your day Rei, let's get it started." She wagged her finger in front of Rei's small sharp nose.

"Yeah let's go already!" Asuka shouted gripping Hikari by the hand almost yanking her arm out of her socket as she began to run down the halls. "Asuka wait you're pulling me too hard."

"Wait up girls." Misato called running after, Rei started to lightly jog after them her mind still stuck on the idea of marriage, how could two people who felt no connection marry? How could they bond their lives, hearts and souls into one? Why would they decided to do that if they didn't share any feelings for one another, was it because they were tired of being alone? Were they so lonely that they would have settled for anyone who offered them comfort?

Am I settling for him? But marriage, unifying myself with someone else. Offering and pledging my heart and love to them, spending however much of our lives together. Could I do that? Would someone… would he want that with me? Could I ever be a part of something like that? She asked herself, instead of answering her own questions she cleared her mind and pushed herself to run faster hoping to outrun her thoughts.

But his words echoed in her mind, like you're my housewife.

The car ride there Misato kept silent, shifting her focus from the road to Rei who was sitting silently in the passenger seat, she was leaning on her elbow staring out the window while Hikari and Asuka sitting in the back talked excitedly about what outfits the two of them would buy, any jewelry, new shoes or swimwear. It broke her heart a little, to see her now like this in her own little world while everyone else just seemed to ignore her.

She was just so closed off, it seemed like the only two people she was remotely close to were the boys, and that was a can of worms of its own. She berated herself, her whole time here with the kids and the only one she's worried about was Shinji, why was that? Why was she only focused on him? Was it because he was the one who was the happiest about the thought of living with her, he was the one who would never fight when told he was supposed to live with someone?

She sighed, looking into the rearview she saw Asuka's beaming eyes and excited smile, she looked so happy and well just happy… she seemed like she was the most stable one out of the others. She'd do fine on her own, but Shinji… Rei… even Nathan. The three of them seemed like they needed her the most. Pulling into the shopping mall Asuka almost leapt out of the car before it even stopped with Hikari in tow the two girls ran off leaving Rei and Misato sitting in the car alone the engine idling before it was shut off.

"So, any idea about what you're gonna buy Rei?"

"No, sorry. It's just… I don't think about things that way. I wouldn't even know where to start. Wh- what do boys like to see you dressed in?" she asked.

Misato was a little shocked, she never in a million years thought she'd hear that coming from someone like Rei, it seemed like she paid just as little attention to that sort of thing as Nathan did. Even Shinji's browser history showed that he was interested in girls in some way. "Well I think that mostly depends on the guy Rei, but I'm sure I can help you find something." She smiled at the nervous girl.

"Thank you, Ms. Misato." She said smiling at her.

Misato returned the look and walked Rei to the lady's department in the store, not surprised to see Asuka and Hikari draping dress over themselves looking at the length in mirrors and asking the other's thoughts. Asuka already carrying different colored tank tops and boy shorts with a new red short dress over her shoulder.

Hikari was carrying a yellow top, a pair of orange overalls and a pink dress along with a pair of white shoes.

"Where do I begin?" Rei asked looking up at Misato, "Wherever you want Rei, but here's a tip start with what colors catch your eye."

Rei walked up to a rack of outfits and found an orange top with thin straps, white shorts and underneath it a pair yellow sandals. "This looks nice."

"Well then try it on Rei." Misato said encouragingly. Looking at Misato strangely for a second she put the clothing back on the rack and undid her bow and unbuckled her skirt but just as it began to fall off her Misato grabbed her from behind keeping the skirt on her. "Not out here Rei! There's changing rooms over there." She pointed out the sign to the girl who's nervous eyes darted between Misato and the rooms. "Sorry Ms. Misato." She silently buckled her skirt and took the clothing to the room.

Misato wiped her forehead and let out a sigh of relief thanking her stars that Asuka hadn't seen, who knows how that could've gone down. But why would she change here right out in the open? Brushing it off she just thought that maybe she had some progressive parents before she was taken in by NERV.

With that Misato went off to look for something for herself finding a dark blue short and tight cocktail dress and a pair of heels to go along with it returned her attention to the Asuka and Hikari who walked into the changing rooms.

"So, what kind of cake can we expect Shinji to make us Rei?" Asuka called out from her stall, "Um… I don't know I couldn't decide. He said he'd surprise me."

"How can you not decide on what cake you want Rei?" Asuka jeered.

"I've just never had a birthday." Rei replied meekly, "Could one of you help me please?" she asked.

"Sorry I saw a rack of heels half off and I am not gonna let that opportunity go past me. I hear Mr. Kaji loves him a girl in high heels." Asuka said as her door slammed shut behind her.

The slapping of her shoes could be heard as she left the two alone. Hikari swallowed nervously, "What do you need help with Rei?" she asked nervously.

"I just would like someone else's opinion on this please." Hikari smoothed out the pink dress she was wearing and walked over to Rei's stall knocking softly, once it opened Hikari saw Rei wearing an orange tank top with lace on the edges of the straps one of which dangled half off her left shoulder.

"Here let me help you Rei." She turned the girl around and helped pull the back down tightening it from the back and putting the strap in place, "There."

"But how does it look on me?"

Rei turned around to face Hikari looking down at her shirt, "It looks good, you look cute Rei." She said smiling trying to boost up her confidence, "I guess the plus is that since it's so small you don't have to wear a bra with it."

"I don't?"

"No, I mean they're pretty small so I guess you're lucky there, no pervy guys will try peeking on you."

"My breasts… are small?" she said looking down at her chest. "But I've heard boys only like big ones." Hikari's eyes went wide as she felt her stomach start to turn and twist into knots, she had hurt Rei. She had hurt her feelings about herself, was she insecure about their size she wondered.

She just realized then she hadn't really talked to Rei, ever since she came to school. Maybe only about delivering assignments or when she assigned the cleaning duties, but this might have been the first time the two of them had ever had a conversation and she just ruined it.

"I didn't mean anything by it Rei! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I'm sure they'll grow in later. And anyways no guy worth having cares only about the size of your chest." She said trying to reassure Rei waving her hands in front of her reddening face.

"But do you think he'd like me… in this?" she asked.

"Who Shinji, yeah Rei I'm sure he'd love to see you in that or anything else."

"No not him Hikari…" Rei paused bringing her hand to her mouth she nervously chewed at her index finger, "Nathan… do you think he'd like this?"

Hikari gasped, "Wait are you and- ''

She fell silent staring at Rei, Hikari looked either way to make sure it was only the two of them, walking up to the entrance to the changing rooms she closed the door slipping the closed for cleaning sign over the handle and locked the door. Rei was standing in the middle of the hall fiddling with her fingers over her stomach. Taking her by her hand Hikari led her back to her changing room and sat with her on the bench. "What's going on Rei?"

She looked away for a second, looking to the floor then answered with "I think- I think I'm in love with… Nathan."

"But what about Shinji?" Hikari asked rapidly.

"I care for him and I have feelings for him, but things are different with Nathan. With Shinji I just want to see him happy, it feels as if me and him are connected in some way but with Nathan. I feel as if… he fills an empty space in my heart, we enjoy each other's presence and he makes me feel warm inside. Whenever I'm in his arms, everything else feels… better."

"So why are you still with Shinji?"

"The two of us haven't separated, I'm afraid to hurt him. I'm afraid if I tell him my true feelings that he won't ever want to see me again. I'm afraid of hurting him."

Hikari took both of Rei's hands, "Rei trust me, if you keep doing this behind Shinji's back it'll only hurt him worse than any breakup. How can you even tell that it's love?"

"I don't know, but when I'm near him I feel warm and I feel good things, he makes me smile and feel needed, he wants me around him. He makes me feel as if I can have purpose and a life outside of EVA, maybe even a life with… someone else. And whenever I'm away from him my chest hurts, I just would like to see him smile more and to hold him, to have him know how much I care for him that's all. Don't you have anyone that makes you feel that way?"

Hikari dropped Rei's hands she could feel her own palms starting to sweat, just thinking about the loudmouth back at school. "I guess… I guess I do."

"It is Shinji? Is that why you're being protective of his feelings?"

"What no! I mean Shinji… he's sweet and cute, he's a nice guy but no, there's someone else."

"Who then?" Rei asked hoping Hikari wouldn't get angered by her questioning.

"Toji… I like Toji. I know he's loud and he acts like an idiot most of the time, but it's just a swagger jock act he puts on. But whenever he talks about his sister, and the things I hear that he does for her, I can tell that he's sweet and caring. He has a good heart even if he doesn't show it all the time. But I hope I'm not prying has Nathan told you how he feels?"

"No, not exactly… but he's already told me that he cares for me and that he has feelings for me, but he didn't hear me tell him I loved him… he left before I could say it. But he did write me this." She fished out her poem and let Hikari read it. She put her hand on Rei's shoulder, "Rei he may not have said it but, I think it's clear from this that he loves you too."

"Then why hasn't he told me?" she asked dejectedly her eyes looked misty.

"Boys are stupid Rei, or maybe he's too nervous. I'm sure he'll tell you later." She gave Rei an encouraging smile.

"Is there anything i could do Hikari?"

Hikari looked to her hands and tried to come up with a satisfying answer, she never had to face a situation like this. "I think the best thing you could do Rei... is just tell him how you feel."

"Thank you for your advice Hikari, but could we keep this a secret between the two of us?"

Hikari chewed her lip nervously, she wasn't used to having people ask her to keep secrets for them much less than someone who up until now seemed almost like a complete stranger to her. "Sure Rei, just between us."

"Thank you Hikari… you're a good friend." Hikari smiled back and gave her a quick hug,

"Anytime Rei."

The two girls continued their shopping spree and Rei slowly built up her non-existent closet she picked out a small beige raincoat with a pair of red shorts and a pair of white sneakers.

A brown sweater, along with a pink skirt and hoodie. And two dresses a white one that hung by her knees that had thin shoulder straps with a pair of small white heels and a black dress that had light blue trimming on it along with a black bow in the center or her chest that had a pair of open toed black slip on shoes. The last thing she picked up was a thing long white night gown, once the two girls had paid up, they found Misato waiting by the bathrooms for them, Hikari led Rei over.

"Hey girls you find everything?"

"Yeah thanks for brining me along Ms. Misato, where's Asuka at?"

"The bathroom, one minute I was getting some things for you girls the next she was shoving her bags into my hands and running off."

"Uh- what did you get us?" Hikari asked.

Misato fished around and took out pairs of lingerie, one was red with green strip designs no doubt Asuka's, one was orange with white designs, and the last one was white with blue designs. They were oddly reminiscent of the plug suits the pilots would wear, Misato handed off the white pair to Rei with a smile. "Happy birthday Rei."

"Uh… what's this for?"

"Just a little something to wear for that special guy." She said giving her a wink, following up with a laugh she said, "Trust me girls you let any man see you in one of these and you'll have him wrapped around your finger, he do and say whatever you want."

Whatever I want? Rei thought.

The door behind Misato opened and the sound of a loud flushing toilet was heard, Asuka walked through the door wiping her mouth with her wrist, knocking away droplets of something that none of the girls saw in time. "Everything okay Asuka?" Hikari questioned.

"Yeah… yeah everything's fine. Stupid Shinji must've given me food poisoning or something, god he's so inept." She moaned, "But you are okay Asuka?" Misato prodded offering the girl her bags back.

"Yeah, I'm just paying for stupid Shinji's stupid mistakes as usual."

"Well if there's one thing that will cure that it's a nice spa day, don't worry Asuka with all the clean food, shakes and teas you'll be throwing back all those toxins and stuff will be stuck right out of your system and you'll feel right as rain in no time."

"Spa day, oh god I could use of those!" Asuka cheered, she led the race back to the car Misato walked behind her grinning at Asuka's enthusiasm and cries for the others to hurry up. Rei trailed behind with her bags examining the lingerie Misato had gotten for her, she felt a hand touch her arm and she saw Hikari, "Rei?"

She stopped walking and looked at her, "Listen I know what Ms. Misato said about using that to your advantage with boys but I really think you should just tell him how you feel. That poem he wrote for you Rei… those feelings he has for you they're real. You don't need that to win him over, you just need to be you."

Rei took another look at her lingerie and put it back in the bag, "Thank you for everything you've done for me Hikari, it was nice being with you today."

"Hey, hurry up you two! I'm not gonna let my mud bath get cold!" Asuka shouted honking the horn.

"We'd better hurry up or she'll never let up." Hikari giggled grabbing Rei by the wrist pulling her along.

"I still don't see why you're making me do this Shinji if anything you should have the girls do this crap!" Toji complained as he stood on a stepstool hanging up a banner with HAPPY BRITHDAY printed on it. Shinji and Kenesuke sighed there was no arguing with Toji over this, the two boys were in the kitchen getting Rei's birthday dinner ready while Toji handled decorations, or at least tolerated doing it.

"Toji just please shut it and get it done." Kensuke sighed out getting back to stirring the cake batter, "Hey I'm just saying that decorating, cooking and cleaning it's the women folks' work. Our job as men is to bring home the bacon and take care of 'em."

"Toji you're so misguided, you know I think if you tried it you might actually like cooking." Shinji said looking at his friend who forcefully shoved a thumbtack into the wall. "Yeah Toji I mean who cooks your meals at home?" Just as he said it Kensuke covered his mouth and silently called himself an idiot, no matter how tough he acted… talking about his homelife was still a sore subject for him.

"My sister Sakura or we just order fast food and take out." he replied without missing a beat, Kensuke let out a thankful sigh not that he was scared or anything of him but the one guy who teased him about it wound up with a broken nose and a few missing teeth. "So, why're you even doing this in the first place?" he asked.

"It's her first birthday party Toji, I just want to show her how much I care about her." And maybe, if I do this right… she'll love me too Shinji thought silently to himself.

"I still can't believe that she's never had a birthday party, seems kinda weird to me." Kensuke quipped looking over taking out the spatula licking the thick chocolate frosting stuck to it.

"I don't think it's that weird guys but come to think of it… she's never even mentioned her parents to me. I think… she might be an orphan. Maybe that's why, it could be NERV is the only life she knows."

The other boys fell silent, each one looked to the floor and rubbed either their arm or their neck in shame, wondering if that's why she was the way she was. Maybe even regretting a little not getting to know her before Shinji arrived. "So… how are things with her?" Toji asked stepping down stretching out a few balloons getting a can of helium ready.

"Things are just things I guess, but I don't know it seems that she's more interested in…" Shinji let his voice trail off.

"Interested in what Shinji?" Kensuke asked not bothering to look at his friend too busy making sure the cake batter wound up in the pan, "Interested in Nathan." He said glumly as he finished the final touches on a curry dish, looking out at the uncooked spread he saw rows of vegetarian meals that he had been cooking since daybreak even before his two friends had arrived.

"What do you mean interested? Like a girlfriend-boyfriend thing?" Toji asked walking over leaning against the threshold as he absent mindedly blew up a balloon with helium, "That's the thing, I don't know. She says she cares about him deeply, that she cares for him in a different way than me."

"Dude you'd have to be crazy to not care about someone that almost died in your arms." Kensuke said setting aside the cake, "Listen to me Shinji, I'm sure she cares about you. Besides with all that you've told us about him… who would be worried?"

Shinji looked down setting his hands on the counter, remembering the time he pulled Rei out of the plug after their fight with Ramiel, how she looked how she smiled at him the feeling in his chest that he got when she did. The feeling she gave him whenever he saw her.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just over thinking things." He said trying to stay optimistic.

"Yeah and if he is trying to steal your girl, you bet your ass I'm gonna slug him a good one, even if he is our friend you just don't go poking around your boys' girlfriends." Toji said showing off his right bicep. "But what are the odds of that? I mean he doesn't even look at Ms. Misato… Ms. Misato!" Kensuke chortled.

The two others laughed, Shinji just silently smiled, "Hey guys? I just want to say thanks… I guess I just needed to hear those words. But I know that he'd never do anything like that."

Rei sat in the tub of mud with cucumbers over her eyes, "I don't see how people can enjoy this… it feels dirty." She said to the other women who were all in the same state at her. "Jeez Rei just relax most women would kill for treatment like this." Asuka said as she sat back having one of the staff rub some seaweed cream on her face.

"Rei you're too tense trust me if anyone has earned this it's you and Asuka, god! The fact this isn't free is almost a crime." Misato had her arms stretched out as workers silently scrapped her arms with pieces of plants exfoliating them.

"Still, I thought the purpose of a bath was supposed to clean oneself." She said taking off the cucumbers, sitting upright in the tub.

"So, Rei how've you enjoyed your birthday so far?" Hikari asked hoping to change the subject.

"It's nice, just the time I've spent with… friends is more than enough. But just the thought about what Shinji is planning makes me nervous. I'm worried that… I won't have the right reaction to what he's planned. I'm worried that he'll be disappointed in me."

"You're thinking too much about it Rei, Shinji just wants to see you happy. I'm sure he'll be happy no matter how you choose to express yourself." Hikari removed the cucumbers from her eyes, the two shared a look only the two of them could understand after all they were the only ones who knew where her heart truly lied.

"Well whatever the idiot's got planned the food better be good because I swear if I have to deal with a subpar meal, I may just lose it." Asuka said snickering.

Hikari recovered her eyes and lay back, Rei just sat there sitting upright in the volcanic ash mud, wondering how he was fairing halfway across the world, even the thought of him being that far away seemed to stretch out her heart. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the times they shared the night they slept in one another's arms, the kisses they've shared, the touch of his hands on her skin.

She just wished that he was with the rest of the boys getting things ready, she just wanted to see him again. She just wanted to see him again, to sleep next to him again, to be in his arms one last time.

She just wished he heard what she had said just as he left. But more than anything she wondered what was that one word he talked about in that poem.

Hearing one of the ladies speak to her she leaned back and let them get to work with their various tools and body scrubs, her eyes were covered with new fresh slices of cucumber, she just wished she was in his presence again. She wished she knew what to convey to Shinji, to show him how grateful she was to him, but more than anything she wished she had the courage to tell him how she truly felt.

"So, girls here we are." Misato sighed as they approached her door, Asuka still wore the same relaxed face she had on since the spa, Rei and Hikari however each shared an uneasy look between the two of them. "You excited Rei? I'm sure Shinji went all out just for you." She said grinning at the girl.

"I- I guess I am, I'm just not sure what to expect." She looked down at the bags in her hands that she held in front of her waist.

"Don't worry that's normal." She put a hand on Rei's shoulder, "Now close your eyes."

"Why do I have to do that?"

"God, you're just supposed to do that first, it's tradition or something. Now let's get this show on the road, I'm starving!" Asuka gripped.

Rei closed her eyes, and let Misato guide her into the room, immeditently as she entered the apartment that Shinji, Asuka and Misato shared the smell of spicy curry, garlic ramen and other vegetarian dishes entered her nose. Along with the notes of chocolate, and the faint wisp of smoke.

"Okay Rei open your eyes."

Feeling Misato's grips on her shoulders relax she did as she was told and saw a rectangular chocolate cake with fifteen candles on it surrounded by platters of vegetarian dishes. And the first person she acknowledged was a smiling Shinji, he looked at her and his eyes shimmered in the candlelight her heart felt like tearing into two pieces, he had done so much for her and she couldn't even be honest with how she felt with him.

Just then in a single voice everyone began to sing Happy birthday to her, she felt her chest swell up, just the smiles everyone gave her the way they all surrounded her and looked at her, it made her feel special but not in the same way that he made her feel. As Shinji brought the cake closer to her the singing began to wind down, "Make a wish Rei." He said as he held the candles up to her face, she felt their warm glow but her cheeks burned brighter and hotter.

"What should I wish for?"

"Whatever makes you happy Rei, just be sure not to tell anyone or it won't come true." He whispered to her he gave her a smile with his eyes closed. Just the look he gave her hurt, he was offering up everything he was, yet she felt only a fraction of what he must have felt for her.

What do I want? She wondered, she closed her eyes and tried to imagine the one thing, the one thing in this entire world that could make her happy within her grasp. But when she did she saw Shinji happy and able to live a life without the EVA, him and his father smiling, her living a life with her friends, Nathan at ease and happy, the two of them laying together under the stars, her in a white dress standing across from him. Her sitting in his arms her belly swollen with life, Misato as an elderly woman with small squinty eyes looking at the older EVA pilots as they played with children of their own.

"What if I want more than one thing?" she asked.

"Well then use each candle for one wish then." Misato encouraged, Rei closed her eyes and took a breath in, then she blew out the candles one by one.

After her heart felt like bursting as everyone crowded around her giving her smiles and hugs, Shinji offered her the biggest slice of cake which she almost devoured immediately wondering how it could taste so sweet and moist, the sugary frosting sending shivers throughout her body. Her face felt hot and buzzed from all the attention and then the gift came, the boys all pitched in together buying her a set of perfume and luxury body washes, Hikari had gotten her a pair of sapphire earrings and a necklace to go along with it and Asuka had gotten her a sun tanning set.

Saying something about how "You look dead enough, maybe some color is all you need to get guy's heads turning.", Rei didn't fully understand Asuka's joke but nonetheless thanked her for the present. Rei sat in the middle of all the children sinking into her seat, Misato couldn't help but smile looking at the shy blushing girl, for once it looked like everyone's eyes were on her.

Then her phone buzzed pulling her away from everyone, taking it in the other room she was surprised to learn that the security restrictions on the children were lifted and it was deemed safe for Rei to return home. She looked at the watch she wore on her wrist and saw that it was already getting late, walking back in the room and seeing Shinji holding her hand in his tight and her happy face looking at the rest of the kids. She decided to let them have fun a little longer.

When she did drive Rei home the streets were beyond dead, the only things awake were the cicadas. "So have fun Rei?"

Rei was holding her gifts close to her chest, looking at them as well as the small stuffed white rabbit Shinji gave her before she left. "Yes... it was nice spending time with friends, spending time with people that make you feel special."

"Well we're happy to do it for you Rei, so we surpassed your expectations good to know. I didn't think Shinji could be a party planner as well as a cook." she laughed.

"Well there's one thing that i wished happened differently." she said sadly looking out into the distance, the moon resting over the sea.

"And what's that?"

"I wish Nathan were here..."

Misato looked at her, she saw a tear trickle down her face. "Me too, Rei. Me too."

When they arrived at Rei's apartment complex Misato helped the young girl bring her things up to her room but when she walked in and saw the mess she felt sick, the bastards at NERV just fixed the door. They didn't bother to clean up or replace anything and the overall state of things just felt dirty and cold.

"Rei... you live like this?" she asked almost horrified that the Commander allowed something like this.

"It's fine Ms. Misato, I'm used to living like this. It doesn't bother me. I'm just happy... that I can return back to my room. There's less memories here."

She watched in silence as the small blue haired girl walked forward and clear some trash and rubble from her sink top setting her bath basket on it, "Thank you again for the party." she said giving a small bow.

LIKE HELL, Misato thought. She walked forward in a quick burst and grabbed the basket and Rei's wrist. "C'mon Rei, we're leaving."

"Where are we going?" she asked her eyes growing wide with concern.

"Home, I don't care what they say it's beyond disgusting that they'd let you live in a place like this."

"Where's home?"

"Back at the apartment with Shinji and Asuka. You'll stay there for the night and I'll take you back to HQ until we figure out something more permanent."

Misato felt her blood start to boil as she stormed down steps almost pulling the girl's arm out of her socket, if she was living like this how was Nathan living she wondered. Is that why they were sent to live at NERV for a while? So the bastards could feel better about themselves, she cursed herself for not doing something earlier. Hell she was at Nathan's place, she saw how bad it was in the beginning how much worse could it have gotten?

How much worse could they have both gotten?


	9. Chap 8 Nevada

Kaji and Nathan landed in Nevada just before midday on the long barren airstrip that rested above the hidden underground NERV base, the only things above on the surface were guard towers, electric fences with barbed wire and air hangers. The moment the door opened the hot dead air and dust blew in sucking the oxygen out the lungs of the two travelers. It was a kind of heat that ate through your skin and made you feel as if you had a zippo under your nostrils and were standing in an oven.

"Dear god, ugh take me back to Tokyo or at least some place with AC." Kaji complained shielding his eyes from the sun with his hand.

Nathan robotically walked off the plane squinting in the heat, "Guess the heat doesn't bother you so much huh?" He asked the child, "No I'm used to the heat, it's the cold I can't really stand… besides they've had me spend nights out here and in other environments. It's just something you've gotta learn to tune out."

Kaji continued walking behind him up to a hanger where four men armed with assault rifles stood, each one had desert camo fatigues along with a helmet that had connected goggles over their eyes and covers over their mouths. No part of their skin was visible, but the way they stood like statures ignoring every little bit of discomfort the environment around them threw at them made Kaji's skin crawl.

Come to think of it, things here were very similar to the Massachusetts branch, except no snow, there most things including the guards were covered in ice, but they didn't pay that any attention. They just ignored everything around them, only moving when ordered to do so or when it was time to eliminate a security threat. Except their protection consisted of a white and black insulated polymer armor with a helmet and face mesh to protect from the cold, they even had a skirt or some kind of kilt, you couldn't even see their eyes.

Kaji looked at the kid who ignored the beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead, he pressed on to the hanger door completely ignoring everything around him. He thought back and remembered those classified trips, the ones that Asuka begged him not to go on. The ones where he often took the boy to Massachusetts and let them do whatever, sometimes they would just air drop him somewhere with nothing more than a hatchet, a few rations and his memory.

How guilty should he feel every time he looks at him, he wondered. Just how much of his suffering was to be blamed on him, Kaji shook his head trying to ignore those thoughts, he had it worse though didn't he? Living in a barely post impact world, being a street kid having to scavenge for food and eat things that would make goats vomit. He had it made, always had food and clothes unless he was shoved in the plug for an ungodly amount of time or was sent on a field exercise.

Why was he even comparing himself to this kid, like anything he ever experienced could come anywhere near to what him or any of the other children have to go through when they pilot the EVAs, one of the guards approached them the voice box inside his helmet squawked to life in a robotic voice that raised and lowered in pitch, "Designation and name."

Nathan straightened up looking forward past the guard, "6th child, Nathan…" he omitted his last name, they all already knew who he was.

"Designation and name." The guard turned his attention to Kaji, "Uh-… Intelligence Specialist, Kaji, Ryoji."

"Prepare for retinal scan." The guard took out a small box-like device with a pistol grip, "Failure to be identified will result in immediate execution." Kaji didn't even notice the one guard that had popped out from behind him and cocked his rifle, pressing the flash suppressor against his left temple. Nathan didn't even react when he had a rifle of his own prod his head, he just rolled his eyes and went on with the IDing process. Taking off his glasses he pressed his face against the open end and let the device scan his eyes. A green light cleared him then it was Kaji's turn.

He licked his lips nervously letting a later of dust stick to them and making the inside of his mouth all gritty, he spat out quickly and pressed the device to his face. He was in complete darkness for a second until a bright flash cooked the inside of his brain, but he heard the ding. "Both parties cleared for entering. Open the gate."

Kaji rubbed his eyes looking back at the other two guards who had guns pressed against their skulls, they walked backwards into the lightly blowing sand and shimmering coming off the hot landing strip disappearing like a mirage. But then the slow grinding screech of metal whipped him around and before him the bunker entrance began to open slowly. Lights clacked on in the bunker showing off a set of military vehicles and a set of elevators, "Let's just get this done." Nathan muttered as he strode forward.

Kaji followed him still feeling the eyes of the guards on him, even from behind that sleek reflective glass that covered their faces up he could tell that they had that same blank dead stare he had seen on Rei and Nathan's faces before.

Both men in silence walked into the hanger where the door began to clang and groan as the rusty metal began to close leaving them in the dark where the only sound, they heard was their footsteps echoing in the empty room. The single small bulb in the elevator flickered on and off, giving off a buzzing noise, squeezing in Kaji muttered, "Sure was nicer last time I was here."

"When were you here last?" Nathan asked.

"Years and years ago." He said shaking his head, "So what's the plan check up on your old pals? Find some action? See your dad?"

"I just want to go to bed. If he wants me, he can send for me."

"Just as well, I'd better get to work anyways. No rest for the weary right?" Kaji asked patting Nathan's shoulder, the boy just responded by stiffening up and knocking his hand back then he took a slight step away from Kaji wedging himself in the corner, he leaned his head against the wall staring off into space, he just wanted to go back to Tokyo. He just wanted to go back to Rei, to be in her arms again to forget this place ever existed.

The elevator dinged and the doors rumbled open, revealing an empty hallway with rooms on either side and a hallway in front of them that led to a balcony, whose view showed that the facility had an upside down pyramid-like structure to it and with each new floor were living quarters, offices, medical facilities and other amenities. At the very bottom was a small patch of green a small garden quad, it stood out against the bare white walls of the entire place. The two walked out to the balcony with Nathan leaning his arms and chest over it while Kaji just rested his right arm and elbow on it, slinging his duffle bag over his left shoulder.

"Quite a view huh?"

Nathan stood there silently, rejecting Kaji's initiative in trying to start a conversation. He just looked over the small specks moving around like a hawk, Kaji looked upwards and saw on the other side of the level they were standing on as well as the higher up levels had guards of their own, pacing with their faces over the ledges, guns in hands.

Jeez, this is more of a small police state rather than a UN research facility, even NERV Tokyo doesn't have as much firepower as this place. As he looked around he started to believe those rumors that hung around the US NERV facilities the ones that said some people would disappear in the middle of the night or they would be found in abandoned parts of the facility, with a single gunshot to their head.

"Morning."

Turning around the two of them saw a kid wearing a beige uniform with the NERV logo printed over his chest, he couldn't have been much older than Nathan, but he there he was already wearing a uniform of his own like the tech-crew back home. "I see the two of you guys got here safe and sound."

"Yeah, more or less maybe just a bad case of Jet lag." Kaji joked looking at Nathan, the boy's eyes seemed to widen, and all the color drained from his face, he was shaking slightly, and it looked he had sweat running down the sides of his head. It looked like all of his attention was focused on this one kid, "Hey you're Nathan, right? The pilot? The commander's son?"

He stayed quiet like he was trying to find the right words to say back, "Y-yeah.", his mouth hung slightly open as if his brain was stuck on a single thought and there was no wrapping his head around it. "So, where do you guys wanna go first? We've got a pretty sweet café here, a gym hell we've even got a movie theater and bowling alley."

"Gym sounds nice, a long hot steam might wake me up. Any news on when we're supposed to meet with the Commander?"

The kid shifted nervously, "He'll send for you when he wants to see you. Right now, he's got all his attention on one of our side projects, shouldn't be that long though. What about you Nathan, what do you wanna do?"

He looked away from the kid, "I just wanna go to my room."

"Really nothing in mind, you want to do?"

"No, I just want to go to bed."

The kid shrugged and pointed out the way for him, leading Kaji away who called out saying they'd grab a bite to eat later Nathan shuffled off his eyes growing wide and his lungs slowly emptying like they were being crushed by vice grips. His head started to spin, and he wanted to vomit, his walking became disoriented as he leaned side to side. He felt as if his heart was slowly stopping, managing to find his room he shuffled in, things were bare and covered in inches of dust.

His bag fell from his hands and he walked over to his bed, falling and feeling like he was on the verge of passing out as his breathing became shorter and shorter, eventually he was just making small wheezing nose as his brain burned and his heart felt as if it were going to explode. He began to shake and curl up into a ball, gripping the sides of his head he began screaming inside his own thoughts, how is this possible, it can't be, there's no way, I was there, I was with him, I saw him, I was covered in his blood, I stayed for all those days with him, how can he be alive.

How could Bradly be alive? I saw that thing crush him.

Eventually he couldn't keep up with his breathing and his eyes fluttered shut. He stayed passed out for hours until the ringing of his phone awoken him, shaking his head and flipping on all the lights he walked around bouncing off the walls like a blind rat in a box trying to find its way out. When he finally remembered where he was, he grabbed his phone… and saw that Rei was calling him. He felt the wright of everything fall from his shoulders, collapsing on the bed he held the phone to his head and answered, "Hello?"

"Hi Nathan, its' Rei."

"Hey, Rei."

"Sorry if I'm disturbing you, I didn't know the time difference it's a little after midday here."

Looking at his phone's screen he saw that it was creeping up to midnight. "Well it's almost midnight here."

"Oh, well… I'll hang up then, I don't want to be a bother. I'm sorry for waking you."

"Wait don't! You- uh… you didn't wake me, I was already awake."

"Well don't you want to go to sleep?"

"Not really, I don't sleep so well and when I do… I just have nightmares, I guess. Besides I'd rather talk to you."

"About what?"

He paused, his eyes and brain hurt, he just wanted to shut it all off to just close his eyes and have everything leave him alone. To wake up in the plug and have everything be better. "Anything just tell me anything. I just want to hear your voice."

"Well, Shinji planned a birthday party for me, and it was nice. It was my first, but I just wish you were there."

"Sorry about that, I feel like I'd go and be there with you if… I didn't have to come back here. Could you tell me about it?"

"If I tell you about it, could you tell me about your birthday parties?"

"I don't celebrate my birthday Rei."

"Why not? It feels nice to have everyone in your life around you and celebrate… you. Celebrate you being alive."

"Just don't care much for it, I guess."

"Do you still want me to tell you about mine?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

He rolled over onto his left side and listened to her in detail as she recounted her day, everything except for the lingerie that Misato had bought for her. She was laying on her own bed back at NERV, she rolled over onto her right side wishing that he was there with her. She thought that if she closed her eyes, she could imagine him lying there opposite her. "I'm sorry I don't know what else to talk about." She said finishing up her story.

"That's fine Rei, I'm sorry I don't have anything to talk about with you."

Both of them stayed silent for minutes until she spoke up.

"Have you met with your father yet?"

"No… he's wrapped up in some other things. He hasn't called for me yet. I just want to get this over with, I just want to get back to Tokyo."

"Is something wrong?"

"What?"

"It's just, there's something in voice that has me worried. Are you okay?"

"I don't know, I guess."

"Well is there anything I could do to help?"

"I don't know Rei, I was just gonna listen to music and then maybe try to grab a few hours of sleep."

She lay there silently she didn't even notice that she had her player in her other hand, the flipped through the thousands maybe even millions of songs until she found the one from that one night. "I know that it's not the same but, could we listen to that song from that one night. The night we spent together?"

"Yeah." He fumbled around until he found his player and once he plugged in one of his earbuds he heard her ask if he was ready, giving her a small grunt of acknowledgement both of them hit play at the exact time, they both listened to the slow paced piano, guitar and drums of Hawthorne Heights' Decembers. For almost a moment there both of them felt the presence of the other every time they blinked but once their eyes were open again, they were just faced with the reality that they were alone.

He let out slight yawn, he felt his eyes start to droop, "Nathan?"

"Oh, sorry Rei… I guess. I'm just getting tired." He murmured groggily, "I'm sorry if… I can't be with you… longer."

"It's okay I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

"You will?"

"Yes, I will."

"Thanks… Rei."

She felt a warm glow in her chest that sent shivers throughout her body, she thought back to Hikari's advice. "Nathan…"

"What…?" he murmured.

"I-I- I wanted to tell you… I wanted to… tell you that I… that I… I- I love you."

As soon as she said it, she felt a wave of relief hit her chest. All that weight was finally gone, and her nerves were relaxed, feeling her heart unclench itself she listened and waited for his response. "Nathan? Nathan…?"

Then she heard it, his softly breathing and light snoring he was asleep. Her face scrunched up and her chest tightened again, she could feel the muscles in her neck and jaw clench as she shrank into a ball, he was asleep. He didn't hear her confession, she unconsciously hit hang up and she tore out the ear bud covering up her face as she tried to muffle up her cries and sobs.

She felt her whole body being torn in two and her sobs were the loudest she had ever heard. All she could think was Why, why, why, why, why!

Why didn't he hear it, why couldn't she have told him sooner, why didn't she have the nerve to let him know, why did she have to have these feelings, why does she have to hurt like this, and when is it all going to stop.

She closed her eyes and focused on him, on him standing right in front of her. Looking at her and smiling, staying those words back to her. She saw herself running up to him and tackling him, wrapping her arms around his back and burying her face into his chest, feeling his body around hers and the troubles of the world melting away. The two of them going to a place where it was only them and no one else. The two of them falling but floating to the moon, their hearts beating in unison their bodies melting into one.

Feeling him deep within her heart, but sill the pain of not being able to see him laying across from her, to not feel his hand on her face or her hand on his, seem to splinter her very being. The more she concentrated on this pain, this emptiness she felt something else, something awaken inside her. Something like a glowing light a surge of energy unlike she ever experienced before and then she fell unconscious.

On the other side of the world, Nathan was sleeping quietly in his bed which was nothing more than a thinning mattress with thin sheets and covers on top of a squeaky metal frame. He shifted slightly and the creaking of the springs woke him up, and the sound of Blue October's My Never made his mind fully alert.

I could only dream of you and sleep, but I'd never see sunlight again

I can try to be with you but somehow, I'll end up just losing a friend,

I can only reach for you, relate to you, I'm losing my friend

Where did she go?

He brought his arm behind his head propping himself up staring up into the empty ceiling, slowly blinking trying to see if maybe just maybe the next time he did it his eyes would just stay shut and he would be able to fall asleep again. But each time his eyes opened up again by themselves.

I had a dream that you were with me, it wasn't my fault, you rolled me over

Flipped me over, like a summersault. That doesn't happen to me,

I've never been here before, I saw forever in my never and I stood outside her… heaven.

Just as it seemed his eyes were going to stay shut, he felt that there was something or someone else in the room with him. He felt a rush of light and easiness enter into his chest, he felt relaxed and comfortable as if he were laying in a warm pool of honey or syrup and was slowly sinking into it. And there was a bright light along with an echoing chorus of voices singing or chanting, his head and limbs rolled back, and it felt as if he were being lifted up by his chest.

His knees began to shake, and he began to shiver, and when he opened his eyes, he saw her. Floating down to him from the ceiling bathed in white light, she floated towards him headfirst her arms at her side as if she were diving or swimming through water, she smiled as she got closer to him.

"Rei?" he whispered. His mouth was partially opened and she brought her arms out to him taking him by the face, she got in close and let him take in her scent, funny this time he couldn't place what it was… it kept changing as if it was trying to figure out what would be the most comfortable or alluring scent he would enjoy, but behind it was the smell of LCL.

As her school skirt and legs swished down and it felt as if the two were standing upright in nothingness, she closed her eyes and connected her lips with his tilting her head to the side they interlocked and kissed. His arms wrapped themselves around her, then he heard his voice. It seemed to come from all around them, but he didn't speak. It was his own thoughts that he heard echoing and reverbing from all around them, Is this real? Are you really here with me Rei?

Does it feel real?

No but it feels good… will you be here when I wake up?

This isn't me, this is a fraction of myself, the part that wants to be one with you.

Wants to be one with me? he felt his eyebrows raise but all the muscles in his face were relaxed.

Yes, the part that wants to fill your heart, the part of me that wants you to enter my heart, if you were back here with me, we could do more.

What's more?

Something that would make us feel less lonely and more… connected.

Less lonely… he thought to himself.

Yes, less lonely, we're already connected but look back Nathan, look back and remember.

He finally fell asleep and dreamed of the time the scary man visited him and his father and the strange girl he brought along with him.

He dreamed of that day, or it could have been night for all he knew, he was never permitted to go up to the surface so for all he could've known it was night when the scary man with the glasses came, and he brought that strange girl along with him.

"So Ikari you've sent your son away from what I've heard."

"Are the old men really that concerned with my personal life?" he replied grumbling, who were those old men?

"Well you know what the scrolls foretell."

"Yes, all too well. How is your son?"

Both men turned their attention to Nathan, who silently sat off to the side on the floor burying his face in some book about dinosaurs or sea life, he didn't remember. "Don't worry Ikari, I'm taking the steps to ensure he fulfills his role, what I'm more concerned about is the girl."

The man adjusted his glasses smugly, "You needn't worry about her… she's most likely wandering around the facility."

"But does she know her role Ikari?"

"Keeping her in the dark about her future except for the end goal is the best way to win her loyalty. Say what you will about her raising, there's no accounting for the variable of free will. It's best to stomp it out as soon as possible, or at the very least keep it an illusion."

"And her having similar looks to your wife complicates nothing?"

Nathan pretended to read his book, he had learned long ago it's best to pretend to be invisible and act as if you weren't listening to the things that the grownups were talking about, at least then they wouldn't pay you any attention assuming that you were too stupid to understand them. The glasses man stayed silent and shifted uncomfortably as if he were remembering something he did.

"No, she means nothing to me. Just merely a means to an end."

"If you say so Ikari…" his father looked to him, "Nathan go to your room, I need to talk with my friend."

Nathan silently nodded and closed his book, tucking it under his arm he shuffled silently away looking to the ground as he stayed silent as a ghost leaving only the sound of a whooshing door behind him.

Unbeknownst to him they continued their conversation.

"You do have plans should he not live long enough to see your goals to the end correct?" Nathan's father asked.

"Yes, not only do I have a spare but… I'm willing to use other means to keep him around long enough. All that matters is that they imprint on one another, he may not make the final decision, but he will show her what she's saving humanity from."

"So Ikari what would the status of their relationship be?

Commander Ikari rubbed his chin and then looked out the door, expecting one of the children eavesdropping on them, "That would be up to them, but the closer they are the better she'll come to understand his suffering and what she must do to stop it."

As he made his way to his room, he became aware of the clicking of shoes following behind him. Turning around he saw a girl around his age in a red dress but with blue hair and vibrant red eyes. She stood quietly at the end of the hallway he was walking down, just staring at him. "Hello." She said in a small voice.

"Hi." He replied with after a while in a small voice bringing the book in front of his chest like a shield, "Who are you?" she asked him.

"Nathan… my name is Nathan."

"You are the sixth child correct?"

It weirded him out, hearing someone his age talk in such a grownup way, all he could do was nod back. "If that's the case, then I'm ordered to be your friend."

"What?"

"I was told by Commander Ikari and your father that I should befriend you."

"Why would they tell you that?"

"They say it's to help fulfill my purpose. So, shall we be friends?'

"Do you even want to be my friend?" he asked the strange girl as she slowly approached him, "It doesn't matter what I want. I'm supposed to do as I'm told, and my order was to be your friend."

"Well what do friends do?" he asked slowly walking toward her.

Then she stopped in her tracks looking down at the ground, and a sad look came over her face. "I don't know, I've never had a friend before. Do you want to be my friend?" she asked walking closer to him, less than a foot away from his face.

He looked down at his small sneakers and her small dress shoes, he shuffled his feet. He nodded furiously back, "Do you want to look at my book with me?"

"If that's what friends do."

The two of them sat side by side in that empty hallway, looking at the pictures in the books, the blue haired girl point to each picture and telling him facts about each animal that the book didn't even list. Then at one point she stopped teaching him, new things and gripped his hand. He felt his face and stomach burn as he looked her in her eyes, "Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"Because I was told to." She replied.

"Do you even want to?" taking his answer in, she looked away still holding tightly to his hand, but before he could answer his father and her friend walked up to them. "Come along Rei, it's time to go home."

She nodded silently, "Goodbye… friend."

The glasses man put his hand on her shoulder and led her away, "Goodbye…" he said quietly as he watched her walk away still feeling warm and fuzzy in his chest, she turned around to look at him one last time as she walked away and he looked deep into those red eyes, how could he even forget them he wondered. Was that even a memory or was it a dream?

His phone woke him up the next morning, without even looking at it he answered the call, "Hello?"

"Hey kid, you up?"

It was Kaji, checking up on him. "I am now." He grumbled.

"Well, hey, it's morning why don't we meet up and have some breakfast?"

"I'm not really a breakfast kinda guy Kaji."

"Well hey, I'm sure they'll have something you'll like here." He replied, there was no use in arguing, he gave in and told Kaji his room number and got into a fresh change of clothes. All the while he tried to remember if that dream was even a dream or if it was a memory instead, but more importantly if that was her… how could he possible forget her. He was sitting down rubbing his eyes and aching head he rummaged around his bag, regretting that he didn't bring any aspirin.

But before he could try to think of any remedies there was knock at the door, "Hey Nathan you decent?"

He didn't answer he just walked over and opened the door to see Kaji grinning at him leaning against the threshold, he was chewing on a toothpick. "Rough night? Anyone to blame?" he joked leaning over him trying to peak into the room.

"Something like that, and nobody's in there." He muttered yawning scooting past Kaji closing the door behind him, using one hand to cover up his eyes from the bright white glowing lights overhead. He followed the older man who coolly leaned back while walking leading the way to the cafeteria, they could smell the stomach-churning premade food before they walked through the doors. Most of the food was either grown within the facility or came from a plastic bag with thick black letters on it that read "Powered" whatever and "add water, stir, serve" even the fruit that they offered tasted off.

While Kaji loaded himself up with four platters of various powered food and freeze-dried meats, Nathan grabbed two blueberry muffins and a glass of juice, he took tiny chunks of the sweet tasting bread and tossed them into his mouth. "So has my dad… said anything yet?"

"No, he hasn't called you up, much less me. And I'm only here because he said he urgently needed a security evaluation. I've been walking around here, and it looks like they got most things covered but then again I guess security and safety over freedom is the American way, right?"

Nathan shrugged, "I guess, then again it's been this way since as far as I could remember."

"Any particular reason for that?" he asked looking down at his eggs, poking around frowning regretting grabbing so much food.

"Yeah, from what I can remember."

"Care to share?"

"I'm not allowed to talk about it, with anyone Kaji… period." He said curtly, looking down he scooted his chair back and picked up his tray that had an empty glass and a half-eaten muffin leftover. "They said they had a gym, here right?"

"Yeah, on one of the lower floors."

"You can find me there." Kaji watched as he quickly left and dumped his stuff in the trash, he wondered how much he knew about what was going on here. Whatever it was it must be something serious to warrant a reaction like that, he hated being kept in the dark, how much would the Commander even tell him much less show him.

How much would Commander Ikari tell him? What about Seele? How much would they let him know? He furrowed his brow and put a piece of sausage in his mouth grimacing at its overly salty and oily taste, he had to play his cards right or he could end up in a world of hurt. He looked back up and a look of surprise came over his face.

He was already gone, surprising that someone who walked so slow could just disappear like that he thought, returning to his breakfast he looked at his phone, constantly reloading the text screen waiting for a new message to pop up. His phone buzzed to life, wiping his face he got up and walked away, it was time.

Nathan made his way down to the lower levels, wearing his school gym uniform. His ear buds plugged in avoiding eye contact and any interaction at all with the Nevada staff, it took him awhile, but he eventually found his way to the gym and thankfully it was empty only the speakers playing music could be heard. He jogged up the steps and made his home at one of the hidden treadmills. Cranking up the elevation and the speed he got into a steady jog, keeping his arms close and pumping in rhythm alongside his legs which were taking long silent strides.

He was taking deep breaths into his nose and out his mouth, trying to keep a steady rhythm his brain was on fire, but it wasn't enough. His heart was racing but not from the exercise, putting his thumb on the speed button he cranked it up higher and higher, raising the volume on the music and picking some song that could match the intensity of his speed. He began blasting Prince Daddy & The Hyena's Really? The loud explosive and echoing guitar sent new waves of energy through his body.

I keep on having the same damn dreams, I know you heard this already

But I don't ever want you to leave, I thought you didn't even like to leave

Just around the three-and-a-half-minute mark when the explosive instrumental part came up, he ran faster and faster, his lungs and body burned. His leg muscles tightened and felt as if they were numbed and being eaten by acid, the pain was growing more intense as it felt like at any second, they would go limp. The sensation of having tiny shards of glass inside him being shattered and splintering inside of him should've made him stop even the feeling of his heart being on the verge of exploding didn't stop him.

In fact, the pain made him run faster, and faster he increased the speed and incline, he felt sweat start to run down his forehead, he panted as the cool air ate at his throat, he thought about everyone back in Japan. Their smiling faces, the kind words they've said to him, the things they've done for him, and just how much he took and how many times he hurt each and every one of them. All that pain seemed to be creeping into his heart, his face scrunched up as he tried to hide any tears.

His running had become erratic and he was out pacing the treadmill, his shoes slapping on the plastic slope the treadmill band was fed out of. His stomping could be heard throughout the whole gym, he kept running he didn't bother to check what songs played or even if anyone had walked in to use the gym along with him. Just when he neared the point of collapse Sorority Noise's No Halo played, and the last part with the loud banging, crashing drums and the two guitars being played with such ferocity and pain and heart made him run to the point where he was almost going to collapse.

So, when you show up to my funeral, will you be wearing white or black?

And I know the force is in you, it's the energy I lack

So, if there's a race to heaven, I will surely come in last and if there's a

Race to heave I will always come in last!

After the two vocalists stopped singing it was as if all they stole any remaining energy he had, Nathan slapped the emergency stop button and collapsed to his knee being sent flying off the treadmill and into the wall, cracking his head on the plaster he rubbed it thoroughly as his heart and lungs popped out of his stomach to the point he was breathless.

His legs locked up into place and trembled feeling beyond dead when he tried to stand up and, and when he did vomit erupted from his mouth. It was clumps of muffin covered in a thick mucus-like goo that he had to continuously hack out making himself feel emptier.

Standing up he used every item within his grasp to led him over to the bicycles where he repeated the same routine. He wasn't content until he was on the verge of passing out. And when he was finally done, he walked back to his room, shuffling slowly leaning against the wall leaving a trail of sweat behind him where once he arrived collapsed to the floor of the shower letting the hot water cover him completely.

When he was finally done cleaning up the walk back to his room was agonizing, his legs felt like to lumps of dead meat that trembled under his weight and when he was finally at his bed, he collapsed falling asleep instantly. He didn't wake up until it was near dinner time, checking his phone he saw that he had one missed call from Rei, he sighed cursing himself. Sitting upright feeling every nerve in his body quiver he tapped the phone against his head, debating whether or not to call her.

What would he talk to her about?

He set his phone aside and ran his hands over his face rubbing his eyes. Slowly standing up with his newborn calf legs he walked down to the mess hall, thankfully he found that it was empty. He walked around picking up a Pepsi, a platter of fries and a spicy chicken sandwich. He found a small table against the wall where his seat was hidden behind a fern, slumping down he sat staring off into the empty spaces trying to recall his dreams.

The one where Rei came to him and held him close, the one where he felt at ease and then the one where he saw himself as a child again, the only problem though was Rei told him to remember but it still felt like a dream. Did that ever happen, did she ever visit the Nevada facility, was that a memory or just a false one. A dream that seemed so real that he was sure it must've happened.

It wouldn't be the first one, his foot started tapping at that thought and his chest hurt. He began scratching at his eyebrow, breathing out heavily as he racked his brain trying to go over his memories and dreams, trying to sort out which were which, some were so similar he wondered how he could categorize them. He gripped the sides of his head surprised, well not surprised it's happened before, when his hands came away with tiny strands of his hair. Running his hands deeper into his hair he felt more strands float down to his neck and fall around his tray.

The more he thought about them the more he felt sick and weak as if he just wanted to curl up and go to bed, never waking up, he swore some dreams played out exactly as an average day in his life would. So boring and forgettable that by the end of the night, when he would fall asleep for one minute, he would wake up panicking wondered if that all truly happened or was, he just remembering another day… or was it just a dream.

The worst thing was when he would fall asleep in the middle of the day, waking up with a start wondering what had happened up until that point. But the one place where he was calm, the one place he was aware of what things were and weren't real was the plug.

Even the times his father forced him to stay in there for weeks maybe even months at a time, he was calm because it was only him in there nothing else all that existed was in there. He could have fallen asleep for half a day or even a full week but when he woke up, he knew what was happening.

But he did have those bad days where he woke up with covered in sweat, breathless his heart pounding wondering what was going on outside or if there was an outside at all, if those "friends", those people existed. Or was it just him, was any of it real or was this all just another dream he was having in the plug and up until this point in his life, did he just live in the plug? With thoughts like that how was he supposed to be comfortable much less relieved once he was allowed out of it.

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes again, leaving the tray and empty can in their place he walked back to his room and locked the door, by now he was slouching and couldn't stand up by himself anymore. His head ached and throbbed he just needed sleep, looking over to his phone he saw the screen lighting up. She was calling him again, in fact this was the twentieth call she was trying to make. He picked it up and looked at it, wanting to answer it but he just wanted to sleep and wake up away from this place.

He didn't want anything to do with the people here, he clicked the ignore button sending her profile picture into the dark and set his phone aside. And fished through his things until he found the Ambien bottle, he popped in two tablets and crunched them with his teeth and washed them down with sink water. He collapsed on his bed on top of the sheets, wrapping the pillow around his head and arms he let his eyes flutter shut as he let out one last breath.

He hoped he'd dream of her again, he hoped that things would be better when he woke up tomorrow, he hoped that he'd wake up back in Tokyo and that he would have nothing to do with his father. But he knew that would never happen.

The next morning, he woke up to Kaji knocking on his door, "Hey Nathan, it's time."

Hearing that he only bothered to wash his face and brush his teeth, not caring about the rest of his morning routine he changed into a fresh set of his black school uniform and silently walked out following Kaji. "So, you already talk to my dad about your thing?" he asked. As they rode down a rattling elevator, "We covered part of it, we should get the rest of the checkup done either today or tomorrow, then we can head off back home. Nervous?"

He just shook his head, Kaji reached into his shirt pocket pulling out a pack of cigarettes by instinct, realizing what he did he slipped them back in and reached around his pockets pulling out the blue pack of Nicorette. He looked at them silently shaking his head, "Here chew on some of these."

Jesus Christ, every move I make with this kid I only end up making things worse for him, have I ever done anything good for him? Will I ever really help him in the end? Is that why I approached Asuka differently, is that why I practically raised her as if she were my own? Am I just trying to make up for my past sins by adopting another one? Could I have done better by him?

Kaji looked down at Nathan who slumped against the elevator, his tired eyes wide and his cheeks full, moving a wad of white gum side to side, is there anything I can do for him now? Probably not, then again hindsight is twenty-twenty, I guess we can only understand life and ask what-ifs about the past, we can only go forward and wait until we see the consequences of our actions.

I just wished mine didn't have to hurt this kid so much, then again, I didn't really have a choice, right? Kaji wondered to himself. The elevator dinged and rumbled to a stop the door slid open to reveal an empty hallway with one door at the far end.

Sighing Nathan shuffled on by, wiggling his shoulders slipping the blue plastic piece into his pocket, "Let's just get this over with."

Kaji stood off to the side in the dark low light room, at a massive sarcophagus sized desk sat the Nevada branch's Commander staring down Nathan who was standing in the center of the room with a small spotlight trained on him above his head. He didn't bother to look to his dad in the eye, much less Kaji his attention was trained to the floor. He stood there with his arms at his side digging his fingernails into his thumbs.

"I would ask you for your personal status report, but I feel the reports Commander Ikari sent me… are more reliable. But I suppose you are already here, so talk."

"About what, sir?"

"About how YOU ALMOST DESTROYED UNIT 06 DURING YOUR FIRST DEBUT!" he roared standing up, slamming his fists on the desk, his loud words making Nathan wince, sink his head lower and raise his shoulders. "I tried my best sir."

"You let the other two handle it?! A boy without any EVA training did better than you!"

"But sir- "

"But what?!"

"But I killed one angel, and besides the simulations- "

"What about the simulations?"

"You only had me fight against people. I never fought against an angel before that time, I was set up to fail. There was nothing I could do."

"Nothing you could do. Just piling on the excuses, now aren't you? You made an embarrassment of me and the whole US branch. Let me get this through your head, you not only represent humanity in this fight. But you also represent us and more importantly me."

Nathan felt his face start to sting and grow hot, he kept breathing trying to calm himself down, if he was going to cry, he wasn't going to do it here.

"One means nothing the others have proved more worth than you ever could, more than you ever will. What do you do honestly besides just take the hurt for the others? What are they even to you anyways?"

"Sir?"

"What are the others to you?" he shouted again.

"I guess they're my friends… sir?"

"Friends? Friends? You think that they'd consider you a friend, I've seen the video monitoring, I know what you've done, I heard the things they've said behind your back. And believe me all of you are far from friends, besides why would they want to be friends with you?"

"The things I've did?"

"I know what you and that… girl have done. What you two do together behind the third child's back."

Kaji shifted uncomfortably in the dark, hoping that whatever this was soon ended.

"Do you really think her feelings for you are real? How can you believe it's nothing more than just an act? You know she's only doing this just so she can convince you to stay there with them?"

"No, you're wrong… she cares for me. And I… care for her."

"Smell the roses kid, whatever you feel for her isn't real. It's all merely a byproduct of the surrounding circumstances. Your feelings aren't real."

"But they feel real to me dad!" Nathan yelled his head snapping up, he even took a few steps forward slamming his hand to his chest.

"What did you say?" he asked in a trembling voice, holding back rage. Walking around his desk and up to the trembling pilot, "Uh- Sir?"

"Silence Kaji! Now what did you say?"

"My feelings for her… they're real to me sir." With one swift motion his father swung his backhand into Nathan's face sending him crumpling to the ground clutching his face as his glasses fell off clattering besides his head. "Don't you ever raise your voice to me you little punk."

Nathan rolled over putting his glasses back on getting to his hands and knees his father gave him a swift kick to the stomach knocking the wind out of him, making him roll back another two feet. "Stay down."

"Commander!" Kaji strode forward but the Commander held his hand up stopping him, "Don't get all high and mighty on me now Kaji, like you haven't done worse to the boy." He began to undo his belt and then stretching it out and taking the end swung the buckle into the boy's ribcage. Cowering in place Nathan curled up trying to protect his head on the onslaught of swings, taking most to his right hand and ribcage. His father then turned his attention to the boys' right knee, stomping on it and slamming the buckle onto it.

"Never try to challenge me again boy. You are nothing but a small piece to this puzzle and don't forget you can be easily replaced. And please stop with the suicide attempts… if you're going to do it you might as well succeed in it already, it's honestly embarrassing."

Nathan lay there coughing, trying his best not to show the pain he was taught to ignore, but already his breathing had turned to slow deep wheezes. "You're wrong, they care for me. She does too."

The Commander leaned in close to his son's ear, "Are you sure about that though? How many times have you dreamed about people caring for you… much less wanting to be your friends? You remember where you had those dreams right?"

As soon as the answer popped into his head and his face showed it, a devilish grin spread across the Commander's face. "The plug right? You only had those dreams in the plug."

"Stop it, I know what you're doing."

But he didn't stop in fact he seemed to take pleasure in what he was doing, "How much of your life have you spent inside that thing huh? Months maybe even years? Didn't you have night terrors and suffer attacks after your time out of it? Weren't you scared that you couldn't tell who or what was real? You ever get those feelings, son? Can you even tell if you're in there right now?"

"Stop it please!"

"How do you know this isn't all just a dream? How do you even know that she's real?"

He couldn't fight it anymore tears started to form in his eyes and stream down his face. "How do you know you won't wake back up in there, with me waiting on the other side?"

Nathan stayed silent, shuddering and gripping himself, "You're no fun." His father muttered as he walked away putting his belt back on. Adjusting his suit, he took his seat again, "That's all you're dismissed."

Not saying a word Nathan rolled over and limped away, clutching his right knee, as he was leaving, he faintly caught the words, "Was that really necessary sir?"

"Don't question my methods Kaji, you just focus on your job. You've already done your part in raising the boy now let him grow into what we made him."

That was all he heard, the doors whooshed shut behind him and he used the wall to brace himself as he hobbled to the elevator. "Wait Nathan!"

Kaji came up running behind him, but the boy wouldn't face him he turned his attention to the wall. "You okay?"

He stayed silent not answer him.

Kaji shuffled uncomfortably, "Hey, you wanna check out that bowling alley later? Knock a couple of pins and wings down, I could- I could even get you a beer if you'd like. We could just talk about Rei, or whatever you'd like."

Nathan sniffed, using his wrist to clean his face up, pushing himself off the wall he stood upright still facing away from him, "No offense Kaji but no. I didn't ask for a father and I sure as hell don't need a father figure, so please save your pity for someone more deserving… maybe Asuka." With that he left Kaji and slowly limped away disappearing into the elevator.

"Kaji… we still need to talk."

He stood in the empty hallway, watching the elevator leave him, figuring he'd give the kid some time to cool off Kaji popped in a cigarette and lit it, taking a long drag he sighed and returned to the room to finish talking about the security measures needed for their experiment.

"Oh, and Kaji just remember this… it didn't have to be this way. You could have just said no all those years ago."

Nathan entered his room again, shuffling to the bathroom he went to the mirror and looked at his reflection. His face was thankfully protected but his hand was swollen and already turning dark purple, lifting his shirt he saw dark square blotches littering his torso. Touching them gingerly he winced at the pain, he dropped his shirt back down and opened up the mirror he took out a pair of scissors and with blank eyes started to cut his hair.

He shorted the sides, but just trimmed the top brushing the rest of the loose hair off his head he looked into the mirror, he looked at the scissors notching how sharp they were, he looked back to the mirror, he looked back to the scissors.


	10. Chap 9 Returning home

"Nathan?" Kaji knocked on the boy's door, just by gut instinct he tried the knob and found that it was unlocked, walking in he saw the room in slight disarray. He walked to the bathroom and saw the sink, filled with hair and a pair of shiny silver scissors, "Guess he must've gone ahead of me." He muttered.

And just as he thought Nathan was already on the jet ride out of America, looking out the window in a haze of Ambien and Nicorette. He continued to listening to Flatsound as he texted Rei, "Hedead bak cU son".

His head slumped against the chair as he fell asleep the pilot squawked over the speakers saying how they would stop at the Hawaiian Islands for a halfway stop to refuel. He hoped he'd stay asleep long enough to wake up there, even if they were no longer the sandy beaches and forests they once were and were more a chain of mechanical islands made of metal, concrete and rebar they were still nicer than life back in Nevada.

Falling asleep he thought how nice it would be to feel the breeze of the ocean, to just stand at the edge of a runway overlooking the ocean and feel the wind in his hair to hear the ocean birds sing, if only the water was blue and only if she were here with him. He awoke to the screeching of the tires on the runway, his heart sinking to the ground, he gripped the armrests tightly just as the jet stopped, "Alright kid, we've made it. You've got about half a day to hang around here before we gotta head on back to Tokyo. Enjoy yourself."

Leaving his bag on the jet Nathan took his phone, MP3 and wallet with him walking off he looked around to see men in orange suits working on military helicopters and attack planes. None of them paid him any attention, he just walked past all of them and found his way to the front gates. Figuring he'd have nothing better to do he set off to try and find a place to have lunch, looking at his phone he saw that Rei had sent him a message back.

"I had Hikari help me read your message.

I'm glad to hear this.

It makes me happy.

I will see you soon."

Just as a small smile might have been forming on his face an unknown number called him replacing the text conversation. Without hesitation he answered the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey Nathan, it's Kaji, figured you bugged out after… what happened. Where you at now?"

"The new Hawaiian Islands just got here. Why?"

"And you're stopped there for a couple of hours, right?"

"Yeah, uh- hey not to be rude Kaji but is there a point you're getting at here?"

"Have you gotten gifts for everyone back home yet?"

"Gifts?"

"Yeah, gifts its customary in Japan for a traveler to bring his friends and family gifts when he returns. Just a heads up."

"But Kaji I don't know anything about these guys." He cried out.

"Hey, hey, hey relax Nathan. I'm sure whatever you get for them they'll be happy with it. Listen I've gotta go now, just think about the times you've spent with them. I'm sure you'll get an idea."

With that he hung up, leaving Nathan standing there in silence, "Damn it." He said under his breath trying to recall the times he had hung out with the others only remembering the times he split off early. Shaking his head, he looked around to see his surroundings, out in the distance further into the valley he saw a small town. Hoping that they'd have something there for everyone back at home he set off on foot, it looked like it was a ways away but he had his music.

Besides he liked walking, it wasn't a big deal to him, but he just hoped his leg would feel better soon. Even as he humped it on the shoulder of the road, he found himself pausing ever so often and having to rub his right knee. When he finally made it into town his leg was killing him, and he was basically hopping on his left leg to get around.

He reached a small wooden shack with bar seating. A nice thick red cushion chair was calling out to him. A heavy-set man with a beard was cleaning the top with a rag, when Nathan sat down in front of him, he opened up his sleepy eyes, "Huh, funny."

"What?" Nathan groaned sitting down on the chair, rubbing his leg trying to stop the feeling of a million fire ants eating his nerves. "Saw you walking down from that military base, but you don't look military."

"Maybe that's the point?"

"No, you look more like whiny teenager that sits in the back of the class, so done with the world but not taking any action to change himself."

"And I'm sure you'll just another one of the average sunbaked fat Hawaiian guys walking around in a haze of who knows what trying to remember the beautiful islands that they lost." He snarked back.

The man stood there quietly for just a second before he busted out laughing, "Ahahahaha!" letting out a sigh he looked at Nathan, throwing the rag over his shoulder, "I like you kid, what's it gonna be?"

He handed him a small sticky menu, a small sticker in the corner promised real fish but how was that possible? And so cheap too? "I take it you saw the fish, huh?"

The only fish that Nathan had seen were in the aquarium back at the water treatment facility, even the "fish" and other "seafood" he ate was just synthetic meat.

"How's that even possible, with the oceans and everything?"

The restraint owner just laughed and replied with a small wink, "Call it a little islander secret. So, what looks good, guaranteed fresh."

"But the price! You guys could be making a killing off this and what you're only charging like five or six dollars per piece?"

"Kid, life and cooking's not about making money. It's about taking the best ingredients the earth gives us and using them to create joy for other people." Is that why Shinji loves cooking, Nathan wondered. Looking back at the menu Nathan ordered two Spicy red snapper sandwiches and a coke, and the sign didn't lie the fresh had a taste from a different point in time and tasted so fresh and clean unlike the stuff he normally ate. It was so moist and tender it melted in his mouth bursting with flavor.

"So why are you here kid?" the man had made a sandwich of his own and was eating across from him, "Just stopping here for a couple of hours, but hopefully I'll be back in Tokyo by tonight."

"What's there kiddo, anything important?"

"I mean… a job kinda I guess. But there's someone there… I just hope she's waiting for me. I still don't know how she fully feels about me… I think I hardly know how I feel about her myself."

"So, is that something you kids do now or what? Just unload heavy shit like that on random strangers?"

His eyes went wide, and he sank down into his chair, "Oh, Sorry."

The man busted out laughing again, "I'm just messin with you kid, god. Kids man so damn sensitive these days." He sighed looking down at his half-eaten sandwich, swallowing the mouthful that he had almost dropped he looked back up at Nathan.

"Well at least you've got something there for you but as far as the girl thing. You're always gonna have to deal with what-ifs, just… apart of life."

"Well what should I do then?"

"Just tell her how you feel simple as that."

"Simple as that?! How can it be that simple?"

"Kid calm down you're way too young to get an ulcer, just sit your lady down light some candles or whatever and make sure you bring her flowers and lay it all out there."

"Yeah sure you make it sound easy but just the thought of that makes me queasy."

"Hey, hey, hey, you throw up you're gonna have to clean it. Listen here, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Well we might've said how we feel about one another, but I don't really know how we fully feel about one another I guess."

"Oh, yeah sounds like you have major love problems there kid. Sorry can't help at that point, all you gotta do is take a leap of faith, I guess. Just lay it all out there."

A leap of faith, he wondered to himself. He ate the small last piece of red snapper and bread, he looked out to the red sea and smelt that odd scent, it almost reminded him of the same scent Rei wore in the dream where she came to him. Just lay it all out there, he thought. He thanked the man and he quietly left, continuing his walk into town until he came across a small cluster of shops.

He ventured shop to shop trying to think of what to get for everyone and realizing he knew little if anything at all about everyone, he just hoped whatever he got was good enough to make them happy and forgive him for being well… him.

He went and bought them each bars of chocolate made special from the island, he went off and got Misato, Asuka and Hikari a bottle of perfume Rei didn't seem like the kinda girl to like that stuff anyways. Walking into a health store by accident he was convinced and left with a jar of something that was supposed to help "male development" no doubt Toji would love that, even as a gag gift.

Walking into a bookstore he had to fight the urge to buy himself something and instead got Shinji a cookbook with the best recipes from America, Kenesuke a book about film making, and finally he bought Rei a small stack of books hoping they could replace the ones she lost.

He felt a pang of anxiety as he started to leave the book shop wondering if there was anything more he should have gotten but he didn't have the time with the way he was walking he figured he should play it safe and limp on back to base. Hopefully going uphill would be easy. By the time he made it to the jet and sank into his seat he was exhausted, and his leg was trembling, the nerves in his leg felt like wiggling worms, when he finally settled in the pilot informed him that he couldn't have had better timing.

Closing his eyes and popping some more Ambien he fell asleep, hoping he would be better when he woke up back in Japan.

Throughout the flight he was in and out of consciousness, but when he finally woke up for good the first thing, he noticed was the Tokyo skyline, he was back. He almost felt like smiling until the plane landed and he saw two men in black suits waiting for him, "Nathan?" one of them asked.

Carrying all his stuff he walked up to them nodding, "Get in we're supposed to take you back to your quarters."

"Which one?" Nathan asked.

"The apartment in the city." He replied flatly.

Letting his head sink lower he accepted it and took his things to the back of the car, slumping his head against the window and plugged in his earbuds and watch the city limp on by as he rubbed his knee. He touched the right side of his torso wincing a little, his bruises still felt fresh, he huffed the pain out in a breath through his nose. And when they finally got back to his apartment, he walked up the steps and into the mess alone, setting his things aside he kicked aside the rubble and trash as best as he could and laid out his futon on the one clean spot cupping his side.

He was stupid for thinking things would just suddenly get better for him after that whole fiasco back in Nevada. He stared at the ceiling wondering what he should do next, he didn't even know what day it was. He shifted his head looking at the mess and noticed his backpack was missing, he sighed and shook his head. One earbud had slipped out and just as he was going to wedge it back in, he heard the knocking on the door.

Who could that be? Who would be knocking on his door he wondered as he rolled over gasping a little as he stood up. Smoothing his clothes out he tried to his best to walk normally to the door he tried looking through the peephole, but it was just a smudge with tons of hair-line cracks making it impossible to see who it was. They really went all out trying to replace the door he thought as he swung the door open, and on the other side were the three boys.

"Hiya Nathan glad to see you're back."

"Hey Nathan, didja bring us anything?" Kensuke and Toji made their presences known quickly as they barged past the stunned host and then went wide mouthed as they scoped out the joint. "Dude I overheard Misato say it was bad, but I didn't think it could be this bad."

"For real Toji, I don't know why he'd do it. If my place got broken into there's no way, I'd go back to living there."

"Uh- Hey Nathan." Shinji walked up to him last, "How've you been? Guys you're supposed to take your shoes off." He called past him.

"Have you seen this place? No way in hell am I taking my shoes off. No offense man." Toji said gesturing to the floor where tiny fragments of glass and porcelain lay in wait for a victim. "None taken, I guess NERV can't afford a decent cleanup crew, leave it to a government organization." He said chuckling.

"Hey, you didn't answer me, how're things?" Shinji asked again tiptoeing his shoes around the broken kitchenware. "I guess things are better now that I'm here, only… I am not looking forward to going back to school, they're probably gonna kick me out or something. Like the old sensei's gonna believe I needed to go back to Nevada."

"Doubt they'd just kick you out, school's small enough already." Kensuke said walking over patting Nathan's shoulder. "So…" Toji said cutting in between the boys, sticking his arm out and leaning against the wall. "It is the Japanese custom to bring gifts to friends and family, so where's the presents?" Toji asked.

Nathan nodded over to the table, "All the stuffs on the table and labeled already."

Toji and Kensuke dove in looking for their stuff while Shinji walked past and eyed the mess, muttering something under his breath. Nathan squeezed past the two boys gawking over their things and grabbed Shinji's present, when he was out of the sight of everyone, he found that his limp had returned. "Here… uh- happy Nathan returned day I guess." He joked.

Looking through it his eyes lit up, "You know I've been meaning to expand my culinary horizons… thanks." He said, "Don't mention it." Just seeing Shinji's happy face and hearing his words of gratitude made Nathan's stomach wrap itself up in knots. "Hey, I know it's not my place to ask but… how did things go with your dad?"

Chewing on his lip Nathan shrugged and said, "The usual… I guess. Nothing to write home about."

"Hey, you got a bathroom?" Toji asked already carrying his jar.

"You know that stuff's probably just snake oil and if it's legit it's gonna take at least a couple of weeks to work Toji." Kensuke grumbled.

"Have some faith man! Now bathroom where's it at. I've got a journey to begin." He said grinning shaking the jar. "Yeah it's over there." Nathan pointed out, sighing and no doubt regretting his purchase.

After the boys heard a slam they walked back to the kitchen, "Shinji aren't you gonna tell him about the-?"

Shinji's eyes went wide as he slapped his mouth calling himself an idiot for forgetting to mention it. "Damn how could I forget, Nathan… so Misato and Rei. They planned a little get together tonight for you, a welcome home party."

"Welcome home?" he mouthed silently.

"And they sent us over to pick you up, we've got it all planned out."

"Yeah man, music, food, dancing, I think. The girls will be there, Asuka too." Kensuke said wiggling his eyebrows. "Sure, sounds fun."

Both boys' eyes went wide as they heard his speedy response, but before they could express their joy a sharp yell came from the bathroom, "Oh my god you've got to be kidding me!" Bursting from the bathroom holding his pants up with one hand and a blue bottle with a pump in the other, Toji wheezed his way over to the boys.

"Nair, guys. Nathan uses Nair! I see hair on his head, but not on his arms and I'm guessing he doesn't have any anywhere else!"

His face turned a beet red as his secret was revealed, "Hey didn't you learn to respect other people stuff Toji!?"

"If it's a mess then I've got every right to rifle through it, but that's not the important thing. You use Nair, hair remover. Jeez have you no self-respect man?" he laughed out with tears in his eyes.

"Shut up Toji like you would even know! Like you have hair down there, if you did you would know how gross, unsightly and unnecessary it is." Nathan nervously tried to defend his position. "It serves no purpose." He cried out.

"No purpose, it shows off how manly you are. The more hair the more virile you are everyone knows that… wait did you just say that I lack hair down there?" His eyes turned serious.

"Oh, now you've done it. Toji…" Kensuke walked forward trying to calm down the boy who's veins were popping out of his skull. "Nobody disses my manhood, if you want proof here it is!" in one motion Toji dropped his pants down.

"Arrghh! My eyes I'm blind!" Kensuke yelled.

"Toji what the FUCK!" Nathan yelled, "Twice!?" Shinji cried out covering his eyes last.

"Go on feast your eyes already and tell me it don't serve a purpose."

"Toji pull your damn pants up now, I'm warning you." Nathan shouted fumbling around the kitchen for something.

"Not until you admit man hair has a purpose." He said shuffling forward his belt jingling.

"Oh god he's getting closer." Kensuke whimpered balling up on the floor. Grabbing a random object Nathan said, "Toji I have no idea what this is, but it feels heavy and if your pants aren't up in three seconds, I'm throwing this at you."

"Woah! Chill out man, look the gag's over I'm…"

But Nathan didn't let him finish flinging the object with all his might he threw it where the voice came from, hearing a cry and a thud, just as it left Nathan's hand Toji dove to the ground and pulled his pants back on. "What is wrong with you?!" the sound of smashing glass pulled their attention away.

Opening his eyes and seeing everything was safe Nathan asked back, "What's wrong with you? Keep your damn pants on and what they hell-!" looking beyond the mess right above his bed he saw that whatever he threw had missed his intended target and instead broken the window and the windowsill instead. "Damn it stupid Toji that was my favorite window!"

"That was your only window!"

"Give me my Nair back and what did I throw at you?"

"A tea kettle why?"

"Goddamn it can this day get any worse?" Nathan whined gripping the shorter hair on the sides of his head walking over to the window looking out onto the pavement below.

"Hey, you got a haircut I didn't even notice." Shinji said, "Looks good."

"I think it makes you like a blind insomniac went to town on your head with a pair of scissors." Toji quipped up, he shook off his friend's answer and instead answered with, "So when's this party supposed to be?" he asked groaning at the fact that now his apartment was truly unlivable.

The three boys took their American friend back home all the way Kensuke pestered him with questions about the NERV base in Nevada, apparently his father's files were almost non-existent about the place, and the whole time he dismissively answered them not wanting to think about that place any more than he had to. He passively swung the bags with the gifts for the women in his life by his legs and Toji walked carrying the jar tightly against his chest like a newborn baby. It wasn't until the sun was barely setting when they arrive back at Misato's place.

Walking in the smell of spicy foods hit them hard, and the chatter of the girls could be heard from the door. As soon as they walked in the first thing Nathan saw was the banner that read "Welcome Home!" and the second was Rei sitting nervously with a brown bag by her feet. She was wearing a dress that was almost as white as her skin that made her hair and eyes stand out even more, and the second he saw her he felt warm and cold all over while his lungs emptied themselves out and when she saw him she smiled. Her hair was pulled away from her face worn back and held by bobby pins.

"Welcome home Nathan, so glad to see you're back. Don't worry it's not much but I've got something in the… works!" Misato slurred out her words as she walked over drunkenly pulling Nathan in tight for a hug burying his face into her chest making the boy weak at the knees while he tried to fight her off, while Toji and Kensuke stared daggers at him muttering "Lucky bastard."

When he did manage to fight her off, she stumbled off to her room talking to herself. "Aren't you gonna say anything or are you just gonna stand there gawking at us?"

Asuka's words snapped him back to the party, "Oh sorry, uh- these are for you guys. I guess just give Misato her's when she's better. Sorry if you don't like it Hikari… I guess we don't really know each other that well."

Hikari took out her bottle and gave it a smell, "Don't worry it smells nice, thanks Nathan."

"Really you got us all perfume, couldn't you be more original? But thanks at least Misato has her own, maybe she'll stop stealing my stuff now." Asuka muttered, Rei didn't say anything at first, she was still fixated on her small stack of books he had gotten her. There was a collection of Sherlock Holmes, some plays and dramas, a romance book or two but one that caught her eye was the Princess bride. Her heart sunk when she saw it, was this a sign? She wondered silently, "I just got you a couple of everything Rei, I hope it's a start to replace the ones you lost."

She looked up at him, "This is perfect… thank you. Oh, this is for you. We all thought of it once Misato went to your apartment and saw you were missing some things." She walked over holding the bag out, he reached out slowly careful not to touch her fingers. Taking the gift out he saw that it was a black school bag the same satchel style that Shinji and the others had, except it had a small patch sewn onto it with gold characters. Squinting at them he thought they might've been Katakana he thought it might've read Neisan but he couldn't be sure.

"What's it say guys? I'm kinda rusty on my characters." He said sheepishly to the crowd, "It's your name you idiot, god you really should put more effort into studying." Asuka griped.

My name, he thought, "Yeah we figured since you're staying here you could use something to remind you that you're home." Shinji said walking over with a stack of plates. "Yeah you're one of us now. For better or worse." Toji said slapping him on the back making him almost drop the schoolbag. "Well anything you want to say, and by the way it was mostly Rei's idea." Hikari said.

"I guess… the only thing I've got to say is… I'm home."

"Really that's all you've got to say how cheesy and so original is that!" Asuka said sarcastically. He smiled brushing her off taking a plate that Shinji offered him, sitting down in the middle of everyone he saw that Rei had walked over to the stereo system and plugged in her player. His eyes went wide, and his heart stopped worried about just what she would play and what songs would play by themselves. But once Tiny Moving Parts' headache started to play, he relaxed and felt as if he were able to enjoy himself.

Sitting in the middle of everyone he felt his chest tighten and a half smile work its way on his face as everyone even Asuka smiled at him, Rei looked at him from the corner of her eyes her eyes shimmering as if she were remembering something. And he felt his heart burst looking at her, or it might have been heart burn from the spicy food. But he felt relaxed and almost happy, just being around everyone and seeing that they were so happy to see that he was back with them. Happy that he was simply just around them, he wondered how they truly felt about him and wondered if they could ever be truly friends and if they could one day look past what he was or who he used to be.

Just before he and Rei could share a secret look Toji flopped in front of them blocking them from seeing one another, "Nathan I just wanted to apologize, your taste in music isn't actually that bad."

"You thought my taste in music was bad?" he asked.

"Keyword used to." He picked up a bowl filled with spicy beef and noodles and began chowing down. Nathan was about to reach for a piece of spicy tonkutsu but then his phone started ringing and he pulled it out leaning forward on the couch he saw who was calling, his smile melted away and his heart stopped.

"Uh- guys, sorry but I've gotta take this. I'll be back." He blurted quickly hiding the screen and walking away before anyone could answer, leaving his shoes behind he walked out the door and disappeared.

"What was all that about?" Kenesuke wondered, "His father… his father was calling him." Rei answered.

"And that warrants a reaction like that?" Asuka said stealing the fried pork culet Nathan previously had his eye on, "Leave it alone Asuka… you wouldn't know." Shinji piped up, holding a small cake in his hands, setting it on the table he looked out the open window remembering their talks. A cool breeze found its way in.

"Like you would know." She muttered.

"I do know Asuka, we've talked a few times about that stuff…" with that the mood in the room got more uncomfortable, "What'd he have to say about his old man?" Toji asked curiously.

"Nothing good." Shinji said informing everyone, they all sat in silence while waiting for him to return, a number of songs played but no one bothered counting how many went by. "You don't think he pulled a disappearing act, do you?" Asuka asked.

"Doubt it, he left his shoes." Toji said. "He could walk home without them." Kensuke argued. Shinji stood up checking the time, "You guys stay here, I'll go check on him. Maybe he's on the roof again." He thought.

"Shinji, if it's alright with you. I think I should check on him, he might be unstable at the moment and seeing you might… reawaken those feelings of his father."

"Alright… alright Rei." He left her walk off and she put her white school shoes back on before walking out the door closing it behind her, he hoped that he didn't run off, he hoped that he was doing okay, he remembered one time walking in on Misato while she was passed out asleep reeking of beer. The things she said about him in her sleep, what he did on the bridge back at the festival.

When Rei had arrived at the rooftop, she still heard the music playing from Ms. Misato's apartment, the deep twang of an acoustic guitar's notes floated up, it was Breaking Benjamin's Give me a sign.

She stood in the doorway of the elevator, "Nathan?" she asked out softly, she didn't hear an answer, but she heard something else it was the sound of sniffling and crying, her heart strings trembled at it. And she walked toward it to see Nathan huddled behind a small electrical shed near the railing where the music where coming from.

His phone sat beside him and he was hiding his face between his legs as he quietly sobbed. "Nathan?" she asked again. He didn't respond or acknowledge her he just continued to sit there crying, walking in front of him she sat down on her knees facing him. Waiting until he was ready. "What gives him the right?" he asked.

"Sorry?"

"What gives him the right to talk to me?"

"What gives him the right to hurt me the way he does? I never wanted to have a father and I just had to have him."

He talked while she listened and heard his quivering voice, "What did he do?" she asked.

"What hasn't he done?" he took his face away from its hiding place to show that he was red face and his trails of tears glistened in the moonlight, his face was scrunched up. He twisted his body and lifted up his shirt showing her the bruises that still had not gone down.

"Did he- did he do these to you?" he nodded, and she reached out her fingers lightly touching them her cold fingertips making him wince slightly at the pain, "Sorry." She apologized. "No, its fine… they don't hurt as much anymore."

They sat in silence for a while just long enough for the song to change to Hoobastank's The Reason.

I'm not a perfect person, there's many things I wished I didn't do

But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you

"But that's not the worst of it." He whimpered out. "The worst of it is… he won't stop telling me that all of this isn't real. That I'm not in Japan, that you guys aren't my friends, that I'm still in the plug during a test back in Nevada that you don't exist, and you don't have any feelings for me. And if I am here you don't actually like me, you're just doing your duty to keep me here!" he was almost yelling his answers out now.

I've found out a reason for me, to change who I used to be

A reason to start over new and the reason is you

His hands gripped his hair and he was curling up again shaking as he did it. "Why does he keep doing this to me, why does he hate me?! I'm not even sure what's real anymore, things from my past… they're nothing but dreams… nightmares I had in the plug from my months in there. I don't even know what friends I had or if they were real or not, how do I know what's real Rei!?" he shouted. "How do I know what you feel for me, you said it yourself I can't know those feelings." He cried out hoarsely.

I'm sorry that I hurt you, it's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

She looked away, knives in her stomach, her words had hurt him worse then she had anticipated. He began to hide his face again, "How do I even know this is all real? That you guys are downstairs waiting for me, that you all actually like me?"

Then in a quick fluid motion she gripped his face with both hands bringing it close to hers, tears were still streaming out and his hands were still near his face. were still near his face. In small loose fists, "This is real Nathan, can't you feel my hands on your face? Can't you feel the presence of our friends, the food and the feelings you have. Can't you feel those things, they are real. Trust me it's all real… I'm real and so are my feelings. This isn't a dream." Her own voice began to crack "My feelings for you are real. But this feels like the only way I can express them…"

She didn't know what was making her feel this way, it could have been what he was saying, the pain in his voice and the way he looked or maybe it was the music. Just by the soft ambient sound and lone synthesized guitar she could tell it was Flatsound's The Sponge cake Has Gone Stale. Maybe it was a combination of it all.

"Wha- "he started but then she silenced him, shutting her eyes forcing tears out of them she pressed her lips against his, she pulled him in closer, shuddering as she did so her heart breaking to see him like this. She continuously planted kiss after kiss on his lips and with each one she felt him start to relax and melt into her arms. Just when she thought her heart would explode, she felt his arms wrap around her back and she rolled backwards until he was laying on top of her.

He was now taking the lead his soft lips meeting with hers at every angle, she felt his heart beating against her chest. He held her tighter and tighter with each passing second her legs found their way around his waist, she felt his tongue tentatively breach into her mouth and she returned the soft strokes that he gave her. Their breathing became heavier and hotter as they rubbed their chests against the others' and then she felt buzzing feeling in her shoulder.

Opening her eyes slightly she saw that one of his hands had found its home there and was stroking every inch of skin playing with the small thin strap that her dress used to cling to her body. Her eyes rolled back as that same hand traced its way up her collar bone and neck before landing behind her back just below her rear. It stroked big circles on her left cheek before his thumb found its way into her underwear pulling it down slightly, she moaned in pleasure as one of her hands tried returning the favor.

With one finger she traced down his sternum and stomach to his belt line and then using both hands she undid his belt but once he heard his zipper his eyes opened and he pulled away, wrenching his hands away from her he scooted away trembling, his lips still wet from her saliva. "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have done this." He said as he frantically fixed his pants, shaking from his nerves.

He turned to walk away, no doubt he was running off, but she wasn't going to let him do that again, not this time. She pushed herself up and ran after him not stopping until she tackled him wrapping both her arms around his back and joining her hands together in the mid of his chest. "Don't do this again please don't leave us… don't leave me."

"Why shouldn't I Rei all I do is make everything worse… give me one reason why I shouldn't just go away from all of this. Maybe then I'll stop hurting people if I just leave, maybe things would be better if I just did that."

"They won't be better they'd just be worse."

"Give me one reason why, what we're doing is wrong, and how can I keep doing this when all I'm doing is just hurting Shinji?"

"I want you to stay because… because… because…." The words seemed to be caught in her throat and she felt her chest tighten she couldn't breathe but she fought with all her might, remembering what Hikari had said to her she closed her eyes and figured there was no other way to say. "DON'T LEAVE ME BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! I FEEL EMPTY WHEN YOU'RE NOT HERE, I LOVE YOU!"

Once she confessed her chest hurt even more, she hoped no one at the party heard her but then again, she hadn't yelled that, loud had she? But her face was buried into his back, maybe that muffled her voice just enough. "What'd you say?" he asked turning around his voice trembling full of shock.

"I love you." She said again this time with a little more confidence, "You don't love me Rei, how would you even know?" he questioned. She grabbed his hand with a force he didn't know that she was capable of and placed it over her heart. "Doesn't this show you I love you?"

"You're the only one who makes me feel all warm, you're the only who makes it beat like this. If my heart feels this way about you isn't that a sign that I love you?" she tilted her head at him, her eyes shimmering in the moon light, Nathan's eyes however were wide as saucers seeing his hand groping her breast and she didn't even acknowledge it. He felt excited but sick at the same time staring at her and his hand touching her.

He removed his hand from her grasp and looked at it, "I can't be here anymore.", he turned around and ran for the elevators ducking in and rapidly tapping the buttons until the doors closed and he left Rei alone on the roof, sitting in the corner under the switch board he cupped his head until he heard the ding. From there he stormed into the apartment yanking his shoes on and walking up to the group wiping his face clean, "Sorry guys something came up and they want me back at HQ, it can't be helped I gotta go."

"Wait but we haven't even cut the- "

He didn't bother listening to Shinji's protests, he grabbed the bag they had gotten him and swung it over his shoulder and ran back to the door slamming it behind him, "Hey keep it down out there guys, I don't wanna get another noise complaint!" Misato bemoaned.

"I knew it was only a matter of time." Asuka said grabbing a knife getting her own slice of cake, "You know I thought he'd really changed this time." Toji said shaking his head.

Outside the door, Nathan had slumped against it hyperventilating running his hands through his hair. But then the door dinged and just before the doors rumbled open, he ran for it not stopping until he had made it back to his apartment.

"You think he'll bother coming in today?" Kensuke asked fiddling with his camera, leafing through the book Nathan had gotten him.

"Couldn't say man you saw the way he bugged out. I thought he was feeling happy there with us, guess I was wrong, but you saw the way he looked… Hey Shinji any clue why he'd snap like that?"

"Huh?" Toji pulled Shinji out of his thoughts, he had been staring at Rei for the last twenty minutes, she was just sitting at her desk. She had been the first in the room before anyone else and all she had down was stare down at her desk, her face looked red and puffy as if she had been crying. What could have made her like that he wondered.

"What's eating at Nathan?"

"Well you were there, his dad called him up. And I don't know it's really not my place Toji but…" he fumbled with his thumbs trying to find the right way to phrase it.

"Him and his dad aren't on the best terms I guess… something must've happened on his visit." His friends sensing, he didn't want to spill any more of the runaway's private life left it at that and he returned his attention to Rei, she was staring out the window craning her neck like she was trying to wait for somebody.

The bell rung and not a minute later did the sixth child walk in but as soon as he did the old sensei stopped him in his tracks, "So I see you care to finally rejoin us, Mr. Nathan."

He didn't bother saying anything he just stood there and let the old sensei lay into him, "Nothing to say?"

"If you're gonna expel me or punish me just get on with it." He muttered.

The old sensei took a step back and narrowed his eyes, letting out a low growl he cracked his neck, "No expulsion is out of the question, we lose you we lose more funding. But you will sit at the front of the class for the rest of the school year away from your friends and you will stay after class and write a 10,000-word essay about the consequences of not taking your education seriously.

Nathan let out a light scoff and took the only empty chair up front the one beside Hikari. "Ms. Horaki please keep an eye on him, hopefully you will be a good example for him to follow." He took out a piece of paper and began scribbling on it, "You will begin your essay at the end of the day." He took the paper and crumpled it up tossing it into the trash.

Shinji felt a small smile grow on his face he was happy that he had decided to come, that he was using the bag they all picked out for him. But when he looked at Rei, he saw that she had removed the hand she was using to prop her chin up, and it looked like she was blushing…? Her cheeks had a light tinge of pink on them and he could tell that she had a faint smile on her face. Even her eyes which were normally apathetic and stared forward seemed to grow softer and glow, but all her attention was focused on him.

"Alright class… open your history books to page-" Shinji half paid attention to what the old sensei was saying he just copied the movements and what everyone else did around him never taking his eyes off Rei, once the old sensei had turned his back and started to write on the board she quickly took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. Folding it into a small square she bided her time until no one was paying attention and tossed it at Nathan hitting him in the left ear.

Catching it on his desk he whipped his head around trying to find his messenger, Rei met his gaze and motioned with her finger to the paper. He quietly unfolded it and read it, meeting her gaze he looked nervously and paler but after licking his lips he gave her a slight nod. Folding the paper up he put it into his back pocket and got back to his note taking, Shinji almost didn't notice it but Hikari had been leaning over her desk nearly tumbling onto Nathan.

She had read his note, his chest sunk. No doubt at any second she was going to narc on him to the sensei at any second, but her arm didn't shoot up and her voice didn't ring out calling him on his misbehavior. Instead she leaned back in her desk and… her and Rei shared a look. Like there was some secret only the two of them understood, both of their eyes were soft and Hikari gave her a small thumbs up and encouraging smile and Rei returned her gesture. Looking at her hand unsure but happy, nonetheless.

School had gone by quicker than usual, but Rei didn't mind, she had nothing planned after the day except to meet up with Nathan and try to work around had happened the other night. She had written to him that all she wanted to do was talk back at the apartment they shared at NERV, that he was to meet her there.

But after hearing the punishment Sensei had given him and having the suspicion, he might just go home she opted to sit down on a bench in front of school while everyone else left for home and wait for him. She didn't mind after all she had the books, he had gotten her to pass the time, but she found that she had trouble concentrating on the words. They seemed to blur together, or her eyes would go back up to the floor of their home room to see two figures sitting at desks.

It didn't help that her chest felt tight and her face felt hot, her stomach had been doing cartwheels the second the bell had rung for them and her knees had grown wobblily. She kept chewing on her lip and looking up seeing the sky slowly move and the clouds disappear as the sun moved across the sky and the world above turned into bright oranges, reds and purples.

By the time she saw him walking out the front of the school gripping his right wrist, rubbing and twisting it the sun had all but disappeared, putting her things up she stood in front of the steps awaiting him with her bag in front of her. It warmed her heart to see that his school bag was slung over his left shoulder swishing by his leg, which had a strange limp to it that seemed to appear and disappear. When he noticed her, he removed his earbuds, "Hello." She said greeting him.

"Hi Rei, I didn't think you'd bother waiting for me."

She looked away in shame, "I feel guilty for saying this but given your history… I just thought you would abandon me again. I didn't want to leave this up to chance."

"So, what'd you want to talk about?"

"Us, but not here I'd like to talk somewhere more private."

He took a step back and looked uneasy shifting his weight and adjusted the strap.

"We should make our way to headquarters before it gets later." She turned to walk away towards the train station, Nathan stayed in place for a second before he lowered his head and followed her eventually catching up and walking side by side with her, his heart thudded in his chest which was tightening like a vice, his breathing became shallow, he felt as if he were being walked to the gallows.

As he looked at her from the corner of his eyes, she looked back at him with those enchanting eyes he had often found himself lost in and to him it looked like she had a faint smile just barely there as if she were trying to hide it.

But then she averted her gaze and seemed to blush slightly, as if she were nervous her face would betray her inner thoughts.

They sat silently side by side waiting for their train to arrive, her shoulder barely touching him making him shiver as it bumped into his with each page she turned while reading the Princess bride. She looked at him he was tapping his foot on the ground chewing at the corner of his lip, his eyes looked wide and frantic staring down at his player. The train whooshed in making her hair flutter into her face, she didn't bother brushing it aside it would move back into place itself.

She tapped him on the shoulder snapping his attention to her, standing up she offered him a hand and he slowly took it, she felt shivers from his cold hand that went up her rest and down her spine, but she enjoyed that feeling knowing he was there with her holding her hand. She led the two of them on the train and surprisingly it was empty, putting her book up she scooted closer to him feeling his skin shiver against hers. She leaned over and pulled out one of his earbuds, putting it in her own ear curious to see what he was listening to.

She was just happy that he didn't seem to object to her actions. She heard the slow twinkly guitar plucking, she slid her forearm against his cupping his hand in hers looking at the screen to see the white words, Owen- One of these days, slowly scrolling across the screen. The slow tranquil music had a calming effect on the both of them, and he rested his head on her shoulder sending waves of warmth through her chest, she had to fight back a light gasp.

The song transitioned to American Football's Uncomfortably numb, the soft twinkles of the guitars made Rei smile even more as she leaned her head on his holding his right arm with both hands. The train slowed to a stop near NERV headquarters, "We're here."

Rei stood up quickly yanking the earbuds out of both their ears, she gripped his wrist and yanked him up pulling him from the train. "Hey, easy Rei." He called out but she ignored him she still strung him along keeping him close until they reached the entrance, sliding their cards in each one entered the facility. "So where are we headed?" he asked in a shaking voice.

"Somewhere private, I told you earlier. The living space we share, should… be adequate enough. To talk…"

They stepped into the elevator taking them to the lower floors, "Talk about what?"

She stayed silent he didn't bother asking again he just followed her quietly to their living quarters. After they arrived and removed their shoes, they set their things on the kitchen table, "So we're here, what is it?"

"Do you not love me?" she asked staring away from him.

He was caught off guard by the question, "What?"

"The other night I confessed how I felt, and you ran away, seeing you run away from me like that… feeling you reject me hurt worse than any pain I had experienced so far. I just wanted to ask you how you truly feel about me."

"Rei..." he started.

"It doesn't matter to me if you don't share the same feelings for me. I just want to be with you… I thought you liked me that's all. I just want to make you feel the same way I feel when I'm with you."

She looked at him walking closer to him, "Do you love me because I meant what I said, I love you."

He looked at her swallowing trying to find something to say, "Okay…"

"Okay?"

"Look I don't know what to say Rei, no one's ever told me that… I don't know what to feel, just tell me what you want." he said

"I... am not fully sure of what I want, but I just want to make you happy." she said, "I want you to feel the same warmth I feel."

She lifted a finger to her eye wiping something away, she then walked up to him and gripped his hand again putting it over her breast as she did on the roof top only now she put her free hand on his chest, feeling the thudding vibrations of it against his sternum.

Lup-dup..lup-dup…lup-dup… he let out a slight gasp, but she smiled it felt as if their hearts were beating in synch, she looked back into his eyes, "Do you not believe my words when I say it?"

He shrugged and looked away, "I'm not sure, but I do like you Rei… it's just how do I know you really even love me?"

She looked down at her chest, remembering the secret that it hid. "Maybe there's some way I could show you, I love you." She whispered.

He cocked an eyebrow up in confusion, "Wait here. I'll be back" she instructed. She walked off leaving him alone in the kitchen, he leaned against the fridge tapping his foot fighting the urge to pace around or just straight up leave. Sighing he opened the fridge and took out a bottled Jasmine green tea drink, he took a long drink from it and grimaced at its taste.

"Bagged tea or nothing..." he muttered dumping the rest of the drink down the drain, he tossed the bottle away leaning over the sink he debated about making himself a fresh pot while he waited, "How long has it been?" he asked himself. He heard a small thump, looking over his shoulder he saw her bag had fallen to the floor.

It's contents spilling out all over the floor, he walked over squatting down beside it tossing the bag up on the table he began picking everything up piece by piece putting it all back, but then he found the last few items. A pair of warped, cracked glasses and a bunch of Polaroids. No doubt the Polaroids were a gift from Kensuke but as for the glasses he couldn't say, they looked familiar but they weren't hers. Squinting he wondered if she wore contacts, did she wear colored contacts is that why her eyes were that color.

He set the glasses aside on the table, and began to look at the pictures one by one, and saw that they were from her birthday party. In each photo someone new was sitting beside her, eyes either closed or wide open with a big smile plastered on their face and Rei's eyes mirrored the opposite. If someone's eyes were open hers were closed, and so on but in each photo she had a small uneasy smile.

As if she were nervous about how she was displaying herself. But in each photo the person sitting next to her looked so happy to be celebrating her special day, the second to last photo had the whole group (well almost the whole group) in it. Misato stood on the far left, with Asuka, Hikari, Toji and Kensuke standing in the back row. And in front sat Shinji and Rei, he was holding her hand smiling while she looked at him from the corner of her eyes with an odd expression on her face.

And in the far bottom corner was an empty space, almost as if it were meant for someone who didn't show up.

The last photo was a close up of the two, Shinji had the biggest smile Nathan had ever seen and he had his left arm wrapped around Rei's shoulder and his right hand held up holding the peace sign. Rei's head was slightly slouched her eyes looking up with a small smile on her face, something about looking at that picture made his heart tear itself into pieces. Funny thing about that one photo was that it was the only one in a small case with a stand.

Just as he was about to put the pictures up he felt as if there was someone standing behind him, turning around he saw Rei standing no less than a foot away she softly whispered his name to him, "Nathan...".

Locking eyes with him she slowly reached out to him and took his hand and brought it to her face, making him softly stroke her cheek his fingers trembled as he touched her flesh, but when his fingertips touched her soft lips he yanked his hand backing away dropping the stack of photos in his hand, all of them spilling to the floor once again.

His heart pounded, rattling around like it was on a bungee cord bouncing all around in his chest, a bead of sweat trickled down the side of his head as he looked at his fingers wondering why and what was she doing. He backed up until the back of his knees found a chair and he slumped into it making it squeak as it slid across the floor. He bent over, hugging himself trying to catch his breath but he couldn't help but look at her despite himself.

She was wearing the lingerie Misato had bought her and nothing else, she had squatted down and began to collect the photos one by one setting them on the table next to her bag, and then she came across the photo of her and Shinji. Still squatting down on the floor she stroked the picture, her fingers focusing their attention on Shinji. She then stood up and placed the picture on the table standing it upright, her head turned to him and she walked over close to him.

By instinct he spread his legs open so his wouldn't make contact with hers as she had gotten closer and closer to him, his head was now facing her bare stomach as he looked up at her from the tops of his eyes. She was smiling at him, it was a smile full of serenity the kind of smile... only a mother could give. She tilted her head at him as if she understood what she had done and with both hands brought his head close to her. Her face became serious as she laid his head against her chest her ear against her breast letting him hear her heartbeat.

She began to run her fingers through his hair gently, stroking every inch from his forehead to the nape of his neck, her wrist softly resting on his cheek, she could feel his face burning like coals against her skin. His loud rushed breathing had slowed down, and his heart began to synch with Rei's slow methodical beating. His eyes fluttered as he slowly rubbed his ear and hair against her chest, his arms that were once hanging by his side had now found their way around her waist and he was pulling her closer to him. Then he looked up at her, feeling her body heat start to mix with his own, a sense of calmness overtook him like a blanket.

She was still smiling at him but it was her eyes, he saw that no she wasn't wearing contacts but her eyes... they looked sad. Like the eyes of a bird in a cage. Was he trapping her? Was he her cage? It was as if her face was putting on some facade of what she wanted to look like, but her eyes showed her true self. As if her face was just mirroring what people wanted to see or what she wanted them to see to put them at ease.

Maybe that's why he sometimes caught her with a near blank expression on her face, she was tired of trying to meet other people's expectations of her, she couldn't figure out how to express herself the way she wanted. But looking at them longer they looked lonely... as if they were crying out for somebody to reach out to her, she just wanted the touch of another.

It was the same look he had seen in his own eyes before, but it was the look in his eyes that he felt he had whenever he saw her or even thought of her. He saw his own desires reflected back at him now, the desire to have her as his own to hold her tight and have her say his name. The desire to bind his soul and body with hers, but is this what she wanted or was she just showing him what he wanted?

Did she want to be with him or is she just going along for his own sake?

But no that smile it had to be real, it was real, the way his insides melted when he saw her, the warm fuzzy feeling he got. How he felt less lonely in the world when he was with her, not just by physical distance but how he felt there was someone out there that could have understood him. How it wasn't just him inside his own chest, but someone else living there with him.

He leaned back in the chair staring into her eyes, not breaking eye contact with him her arms went behind her back and she undid the white and blue bra letting it fall limply from her body at her feet, revealing her pale white skin and breasts. He felt his chest tighten as his eyes drifted downwards to see that she was cupping them, hiding them from his view, "You're not disgusted by me?" she asked.

"No Rei... I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen. There's no one else for me." he said, staring into her eyes. Smiling at him warmly let her arms fall by her side she took a step forward to him. His chest burned even brighter and he spread his legs wider, hooking his left leg behind the chair leg and stretching his right one out further. Is this why she wanted to see me, is this why she wanted me here? He wondered gripping the underside of the chair.


	11. Chap 10 Uniting their souls

He sat there with his legs spread wide, he felt his blood rushing down south along with the most extreme heat he had ever felt coursing through all his veins and residing in his groin, he felt his own swelling and heartbeat echo through his body. By now anyone could've have seen what desires he wanted fulfilled.

She fell to her knees in front of him crawling towards him resting on her fours in front of him, she rested her hands on his legs. Smiling at him, he gasped once she started to massage his thighs slowly working her way inward sending shivers through his body. He swallowed nervously once she got her hands on his belt undoing it and letting each half fall at his waist, and once she undid the buckle and zipper she hooked her fingers into his hips and pulled his pants down and he sprung out hitting her in the nose, he covered his face in embarrassment.

Rei just stared at it, she had seen such things in books and in health videos but seeing one up close was a different experience, she leaned her face near it examining it and how swollen it was, feeling a fire build up in her chest she quickly kissed it putting her lips around it, the way she heard other girls talk about doing it in the locker rooms.

She heard him groan and shudder, she felt pleasure in knowing it was her that was making him feel good and make such noises but his taste lingered, she felt her jaw and being tremble and as she neared it looking up at him and he looking back at her, she kept eye contact with him as she opened her mouth and accepted him into it, and as soon as she wrapped her lips around it and took him all the way until she gagged, keeping her eyes on him he was leaning back with his shoulders up shuddering.

Nathan couldn't even focus on anything, his eyes shut for a split second as he felt her get closer and take fist fulls of his pant hips. He opened his eyes and saw the framed photo looking back at him, Shinji stood smiling at him, Shinji… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, he thought as his felt his desires being finally meet, he began gasping and shuddering at her movements. Feeling her tongue on his…

His stomach tightened as he shrank further into his seat and the heat burned hotter as he felt and heard her continue her work on him. Her right hand began to explore his body until it found home in a fistful of his shirt over his heart, getting lost in her touch he grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers and gripped her left wrist that was still welded to his hip. Rei gasped for air in between her movements and made wet slurping noises with each bob. He looked down to only see that top of her feathery blue head, seeing it bob up and down with extreme precision as if she was refining her technique with each movement each time he moved or made a noise. But he couldn't see her face, her hair swooped over it like a curtain hiding what she was doing from the world, hiding the betrayal they were both taking apart of… and enjoying.

Besides the noises they made the room was dead silent, the lights were out so the only light they had was the setting "sun" inside of the Geofront.

His heart began beating and thudding faster in his chest he tried to fight it back but couldn't any longer, "Rei… stop I'm gonna- ugh!" he gasped feeling his heart stop and burn, it felt as he were punched in the stomach as his hips lifted themselves up and one hand pushed her down. Feeling his waist jerk once before both her arms wrapped around his hips and back clinging onto him accepting him and taking him further. He felt himself twitch inside of her mouth and then warmness all over accompanied by a slimy feeling, his eyes rolled back once he felt her continue with her working cleaning him off.

Every inch of his being buzzed in that one moment, as he gripped her shoulders his hands moving up to her head helping her with her motions the feelings grew better. Rei stopped her movement once she felt she was done and sat upright gasping for air feeling his seed on her face. She wiped it off her lips and cheeks taking it rest of it in her mouth with her fingers the way she had heard she was supposed to do. "Where did… you… learn… that?" he gasped out trying to sit up right but finding his legs had gone numb. "The girls at school, in the locker room they share tips and techniques, I just listen." She replied.

He leaned back into his chair sighing and rolling his eyes, "What the hell do they talk about in there?" he wondered out loud. "Now what would you like to do?" she asked pushing herself up by her legs, standing upright in front of him, she saw that his eyes were focused on one spot of her body. Standing up he looked into her eyes, "I- I- I want to return the favor." He said.

Tilting her head to one direction wondering what he meant she was surprised when he lifted her up and hoisted her onto the table spreading her legs, he stared into her eyes for a second until he began to kiss her neck and collarbone working his way to the center of her chest leaving a line of kisses down to her stomach and just as he reached the waist line of her panties he looked back up at her.

Her face was burning bright and her breathing had become short and shallow, she nodded eagerly at him and with that he pulled them off her slowly dropping them by his feet staring at her flower and the small patch of blue above it. Leaning in closer he saw it glisten and smelt her essence then hooking her legs over his shoulders he attentively got closer to it and then planted a kiss on each inner thigh. Feeling her legs shake against his ears and hearing her light gasp, he went for it and planted a kiss on her entrance. Feeling her whole-body shiver at his touch, he licked it feeling the prickles of her hair against his tongue.

She let out a muffle cry, he saw that she was cupping her mouth. Stretching his arms out he pulled her hands away from her face, hearing her loud panting he continued his tongue work acting as if it were a brush and she was the canvas, he was painting every single design he could think of being sure to leave no spot untouched. She began to cry out for him, loud moans and wails that echoed in the small room. Her insides burned but not as much as her entrance was, its fire spread across her entire inner region and only his love was cooling it down.

She gripped his head tighter with her thighs almost choking him in the process.

Hearing her call out for him in pleasure just made him double down his work, he leg go of her hands and gripped her thighs pulling her closer to him and she forced his head down further, he sucked, kissed and slurped every part of her trying his best to make her feel the same pleasure if not something better than what he felt. "Haaaaah, Hnnnnggg!"

She cried out one last time before she stretched out backwards over the table gripping its underside shaking violently, her legs trembling her flower pulsating, he stood up over her planting both hands on the table feeling lightheaded and woozy, he touched his jaw feeling how sore and tired it was. But he also felt the stickiness on his face, he felt her slick fluids covering his mouth wiping his shirt collar on it he cleaned his mouth and still staring at him was the picture of Shinji, he averted his gaze.

Rei shakily got up trying to brace herself, one of her hands planted against her head, she wobbled back and forth. Looking at him she smiled, "Have you been taking notes from the boys' locker room as well?" she asked huffing trying to catch her breath.

"Actually, it was in the heat of the moment, we don't talk about that kinda stuff." He said. He looked at him in a curious way, no doubt wondering what the boys spent their time talking about as well.

She stood up on legs like jelly collapsing into his arms, "Woah, hey easy there." He wheezed out, looking into his eyes she pulled him in for a kiss, "Follow me upstairs there's more I want to show you." She whispered into his ear. Taking him by the hand she led up him up the stairs, and when they arrived in their room, and she shut the door she began to kiss his jaw and neck and slowly removed his shirts.

Standing there staring at his body she put her hands on his chest looking into his eyes, and he silently nodded to her, he took off his pants and socks, leaving his clothes in a pile near the door he followed her onto the two beds she got down onto her knees and waited for him, he rested on his knees in front of her. Parting her lips, she leaned into him touching his face as she kissed him.

He leaned into her kiss folding her back and as she did, she spread her legs, his stomach rested on top of hers and his chest hung a few inches above hers. He had his left hand resting behind her head and the right one running up and down her right leg exploring every inch of skin.

She felt hot all over as if she were burning up and would turn into embers any second, she could hardly even breathe. But she kept rubbing his tongue with hers and adjusting her lips with his, she had her hands on his back feeling his muscles and shoulder blades.

But then he pulled back, he cut off their connection. Rei looked at him with hurt in her eyes, in a small voice she asked, "What's wrong? Is- is it me? Am I doing something wrong?"

He made a small wet choking noise in his throat as he stared down and away from her, his chin tucked into his chest. "No, nothing's wrong Rei, you're perfect… it's just… it's just…"

"Just what?"

He swallowed again and leaned forward, further on top of her, taking her head in both of his hands, she could feel him rubbing up against her stomach. He looked into her eyes and said, "I love you Rei…"

"You love me?" that was it, the first time she had ever heard those words, and she was hearing them from him. He loves me, my chest it's hurting again, and my heart feels as if it's racing, as if it's going to burst. My face feels hot and it stings, "Yeah, I love you… Rei Ayanami." She let out a small gasp when he said it. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I couldn't tell you sooner."

Her heart swelled when those words entered her ear, her eyes went wide for a split second before they half-closed and a smile took over her face, it was the same smile she had given Shinji when he rescued her but then she felt a small wet creeping sensation. Her hand instinctively went to her face and she felt, "Tears, why are there tears on my face. Are they mine, am I crying? Why am I crying, I thought I was happy."

She followed the trail they left but found that they didn't emerge from her own eyes, but they were falling from his, he scrunched up his face and squeezed his eyes shut. Taking one hand and stroking his cheek letting him know that she was there she asked, "Why are you crying Nathan?"

He opened his eyes and shuddered out, "Because I'm happy Rei, because I'm with you."

"Could you say it again?"

He sniffed, "Say what Rei?" she looked at him with hopeful shimmering eyes and with that look he understood.

"I love you Rei."

"Again."

"I love you Rei."

"I love you to-" he cut her voice off as he pressed his lips against hers and reconnected them she opened her mouth and kissed him with a greater ferocity than she ever did, breaking it off momentarily she looked at him with almost a hungry look in her eyes. "Now, please. I want it, I want to feel you within me. Deepen our bond."

"Are you sure Rei?"

He felt his heart jump and his insides shivered as he felt her grip his organ, bringing it against hers. "Yes, merge us together, please. Let me into your heart."

He nodded softly, "Okay Rei, okay.", with her guidance he made his way into her both shuddering and trying to stifle moans as they felt their skin finally touch, Rei let out a groan and grimaced slightly. "I'm not hurting you right? You're okay?"

"Y-y-yes, I'm fine… it just… hurts a little." She let out small huffs, "Please go slow, I want to enjoy this with you." He gave her a nod and positioned himself where his elbows were on either side of her head and he was supporting most of his own weight, she lifted her rear up and while looking into her eyes began to move his hips.

He moved his arms under hers as they stretched outward, she let out slight groans while he huffed trying to catch his breath and control his racing heart, he felt as if he were burning from a fever. "Rei, I can feel the heat… from your body." He groaned as he got closer and his rhythm quickened.

Her eyes were closed as she bit her lip, she pulled herself closer into him, "I can feel you… in my stomach… it feels as if I'm tearing apart."

"Sorry…." He tried to adjust his pace to meet her wants, "Why are you slowing down?"

"I don't want to hurt you Rei." He said as he paused and looked into her eyes, "It's fine, the pain… it doesn't hurt as much as other things. I can feel the heat off your thing. Inside me. Keep going…" she moaned out. Giving a nod he returned to his pace shuddering out a moan as he felt her grip him, her eyes rolled to the back of her head closing as he sped up. She got louder and louder as his hips quickened, then she let out a pained moan. "Wait stop… stop…"

He did as he was told and ceased his movements, her face was bright red and he looked down to see them joined along with the glistening of fluids and blood, she reached a hand down and stroked around her entrance, her fingers coming up red. Looking at them intensely she softly said, "I'm a woman now… but why do I still feel like myself?" looking into his eyes she rubbed away the blood on the sheets, "I want to continue but, the pain. Its' still uncomfortable but it feels nice. it feels nice having you inside me."

"Maybe there's another way we can do this?" he asked, looking into his eyes she removed herself from him and sat on her knees, "Get on your back." She said in an almost commanding voice, doing as he was told he laid flat, using his elbows to prop himself up. He looked at Rei as she crawled on her hands and knees on top of him, gripping him he groaned as she rubbed him against hers. And then she slid him in, not all at once but bit by bit shuddering and shaking as she did. He offered his hands and intertwined them with hers, offering her support as she settled down.

But when she finally settled in, her whole body shook and she gripped his one hand with hers, firmly planting the other on the center of his chest, and with one final look into his eyes she rocked back and forth sinking lower and lower until they were face to face and he had his hands running up and down her back and rear. She firmly pressed her lips against his and forced her tongue in. Her eyes opened wide and she let out a sharp cry as she felt him start to match her movements. She let out cries of pleasure but then he sat up and sharply thrusted into her, she felt him in the pit of her stomach as he moved from her lips and started to plant kiss all over her neck and collar bone.

"What are you doing- aaahhh!" She cried as he began to knead her breasts with his hands taking one and putting his mouth around it, he gave the other the same attention, Rei cried out in pleasure as she pressed his head firmer against them. She rocked her hips faster and faster, with a surprise he rose to his knees picking her up by her legs going in deeper. "More, more! Please don't cut us off…" she huffed out, "I feel something, my head feels light, ungh! You're making me warm. I feel as if I'm going to burst, my insides are melting." She cried.

"I love you Rei, I love you so much… God! You feel so good, I can't stand it, I can't hold back!" his face was buried in her chest, taking a pause he gasped out to her. Out of breath he began to set her down and remove himself, "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I was… I don't want to…"

"You don't want to finish with me?"

"I do but, I don't want you to make a mistake."

She rested on her knees, looking at his organ, then at his face. Taking one of her hands she brushed his cheek, "I want this… I want to experience this with you. I want to feel you with me. It's okay I think I can't get… would it be so bad if I did get…?" her voice trailed off leaving the question open ended, but both knew what she was talking about.

"Rei… I just don't think I could ever be a father. Why would you even want to-? With me of all people?"

She scooted closer to him wrapping both of her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead against his, "Because I feel something in my heart whenever I'm with you, it feels like a memory as if we've known each other forever. It feels as if there was an emptiness in my chest since I was born, and you are the only one who can fill it. I think we were born for each other, do you feel that way?"

He looked back deep into his memories and saw him sitting side by side with that strange girl, could it have been? "Yeah." He softly replied putting his hands on her hips bringing her closer to him. "It's fine then, I want this." She whispered into his ear resting her chin on his shoulder, he rested his chin on her shoulder and felt her prop herself up. With her help he reconnected them and she gasped.

She lowered herself onto her back taking him down with her, she wrapped her legs around his hips pulling him in tighter locking him in place as he continued his movements. Gasping he used one hand to pull her in tighter, the other hand of its own accord drifted to between her legs and to the developing hairs under her stomach his fingers touched her delicately and her eyes went wide and she spasmed, locking him into place her legs tightening him so forcefully he thought she'd break his bones.

"Gaaahhh!" she yelled as her legs wrapped around themselves and her toes and feet curled, "Sorry!" he pulled his hand away, "No, put it back. Your touch feels good, run your hands all over me. I'm yours, do whatever you want just please don't leave me." She whimpered out.

"I'm all yours if you're all mine." She gasped out, he had stopped and was looking down at her. "I'd never leave you Rei… I love you there's no replacing you. No one, nothing on earth could steal me from you."

"Nothing at all? But what if the others don't want us to be together?"

"Rei I love you, nobody could ever stop that or stop me from wanting to be with you. I'm all yours, every piece of me. Just tell me what you want."

"C-c-could you brush my hair back, sometimes it gets in front of my eyes. I want to see you, I want to look into your eyes."

He did as she asked, and with his fingers brushed the hair behind her ears. He tried to brush away the stray strands that rested on her forehead, but they merely swished back into place, both gave a slight grin to one another as he pressed his lips back onto hers.

"Could you finish along with me? Can you make me feel warm and loved, and not so lonely?"

He nodded back and returned to what he was doing, she bit her lip and he buried his face into her neck, occasionally kissing her neck, or her jaw giving her left ear a small nip. "I love you." He shuddered into her ear.

"I love you." She gasped out raking his back with her fingernails.

"I love you Rei."

"I love you Nathan, please don't leave me."

"Don't leave me Rei, don't ever leave me."

The two kept with their declarations of love and loyalty, hugging each other tighter and tighter with each thrust and when his hand reached her spot again, she cried out and held him tighter than she ever had he felt all parts of her squeeze his being. "Rei, I can't hold back!"

"I can't either! My insides are melting away!" she screamed, "Rei!"

"Nathan!" they screamed out for one another, as he felt her tighten up around him pulling him in deeper her warmth turning his whole body into jelly as he shuddered, and his body locked in place before he went limp. With his last movement she felt him pierce the furthest regions of her being, making her body feel as if it were on fire and her heart exploding like the fireworks they saw. She felt his body shiver and tremble against hers. His organ twitched inside her as its warmth left him and filled her, she felt it fill her entire empty space and explode out of her.


	12. Chap 11 dreams lead to suspicion

Both cried out in pleasure, eyes shut tightly trying to hold as much of the other as they could, trying to enfold into the other's being, the two of them shared one last kiss before they both passed out from sheer exhaustion and both dreamed of the same white empty void and both saw the other there waiting for them.

Those voices were singing for him again, the harmonizing chanting voices with no sources sung for him. They were calming and sent waves of ice down his spine, making him feel sleepy and weightless, but he just wished he could meet the beings that were able to produce such a lovely sound.

It was intoxicating to him, like the perfect lullaby, that made you want to sleep forever. It was the loveliest sound he had ever heard, and all he wanted to do was fall asleep to it and stay in this place forever where it felt safe. Where it felt nothing bad could touch him, even though this was the only second time he was here… it felt as if he was here at another point in his life and that made it that much harder to leave.

Nathan woke up in the white place, he looked at his body and saw that he lacked color or dimensions, even details he lacked. He was just a series out thick black outlines that pulsated and moved. Bringing his hands together they began to buzz and fizz as they melted into one another producing a static electrical feeling and noise. Looking around he saw nothing but the void, he didn't notice it before, but he wasn't just floating in midair, he was curled up in the fetal position.

Suspended in the air like bait on a hook.

"Where am I, what is this place?" he thought, his inner mind echoing making his being vibrate.

"This is beyond the inner walls of your heart." a voice called out to him softly and he immediately recognized it, but he didn't utter the name of the speaker he didn't have to.

"The inner walls of my heart?" he asked, "Then why does it looked like a poorly drawn anime story board?" he joked.

The voice didn't respond, "Why is it so… empty?" he asked hoping for a response.

"You've never loved anyone… have you? You never had any love for another have you?"

He took the voice's words to heart, and then he saw her walking towards him, or gliding through the air, not floating like he did. She glided through the air towards him.

"No, I don't suppose I have." He said sickened with himself.

"That is why it is empty here, because you have never loved another or let yourself be loved by another your heart remains empty… mine is exactly the same." Rei replied walking up to him.

"Then why are you here?" he asked, "Because you accepted me into your heart… you said you loved me and took the love I offered to you."

"So, are you really here?"

"No, this is a projection an extension of me and the love we share. But this piece of me shall forever live as you see me now in your heart."

"So, you're going to keep your promise to me? You won't ever leave me?" he asked still curled up hugging his knees.

She reached out a hand to him and held it flat out in front of him, he looked up at her full of uncertainty. But he unrolled himself his legs curling slightly behind him his toes in his black high tops pointing down or up, maybe sideways for all he knew. There was no true direction in this void. He held his hand out flat extending his fingers as she did and held it against her and finally connected.

Instead of passing through it and feeling that static feeling as both their hands melted into one another into a blur of TV snow both of their hands stopped her fingers almost fully touching his. "Do you still feel lonely?" she asked.

"No… not anymore now that you're here. But I still feel guilty."

"Why?"

"This isn't fair to Shinji… I love you and I want to be with you but, how is it fair to him. He thinks you love him and we just… we did…"

"All we did was express our love, did you not find it enjoyable? Did it not feel good?"

"No, I loved it. I loved being able to show you what you mean to me. To feel you hold me and feel myself in you. But what would he do if he found out? I love you and I want you all to myself but if someone else thinks you belong to them… it feels wrong."

"But you still want to be with me?"

"Yeah, I want to you to stay here with me. I want you to stay in this place, I want you to live forever in my heart."

"Good because… I also want you to stay in my heart forever… it feels as if the piece that I have been missing is one you fit perfectly. I just want you to be there forever."

"Forever…" he thought his voice quietly echoed around them.

"Is something wrong?" she asked floating closer to him.

"It's just, what's the point of letting people into my heart?"

She tilted her head at him curiously.

"No matter how much someone could love me… they'll end up hurting me in the end. Or like with Shinji and you before… I confessed my feelings, I'll just hurt them. Is that what love is? Trusting that that one person won't hurt you or at least hurt you that much?"

"But I don't plan to hurt you anymore… I'm sorry if I had done so in the past."

"I know you won't mean it but… you'll leave me I just know it, so will everyone else. Either I'll drive them away, or they'll die or… they'll see what I really am. And then I'll be alone again. Maybe it's better that way, being alone… just being a blurred image in the background. At least then I won't ever have to say goodbye."

"I see… perhaps you should just take a leap of faith on those you hold dear. Trust that they won't hurt you, do you trust me?"

He looked at her and noticed that the only source of color in this empty world, his heart were her ruby eyes. "I do, yeah."

"So then… we both swear to never hurt one another, and to remain at one another's side?"

He nodded to her in response and leaned in slowly, unsure if she would return his movements but she did. And she connected with his lips, then they both woke up.

Nathan almost lifelessly rolled off and landed next to her, his face landing on her chest and his arms around her. She rolled over with the last ounce of strength she had and wrapped her arms around him bringing him closer, she could feel his heart racing alongside hers even through both of their chests. Feeling completely sapped of energy she rested listening to the sound of him breathing until he began to stir, laying on top of her he looked into her eyes and lifted one hand stroking the left side of her face.

"Did you enjoy yourself, Rei?" he asked.

The way he touched her, the way he stroked her face and those words, the look in his eyes didn't match but still those two actions woke something up in her and she panicked. She threw him off and kicked him in the stomach several times as she scampered away and scooted to the corner covering her breasts and other exposed parts of skin. She was shaking as beads of sweat instantly formed on her forehead, her heart was racing rattling around on thin bungie cords.

"Ugnh." Nathan groaned, curling up gripping his stomach.

Rei looked over and buried her face in her arms, "Wh-wha-what's the matter?" he choked out.

"It's just what you said, those words and the way you stroked my face." She lifted her hand to her face and traced the outline of where he had placed his hand, "It… reminded me of something, something that I can't remember. Whatever it is seems like a nightmare… but those words and that touch… they make me uncomfortable."

He crouched over holding his stomach, sitting next to her he wrapped one arm around her. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

"Don't worry about me Rei, it was just a gut reaction. I don't blame you, but hey…" he pivoted over and stared into her face, she had half of if covered still ashamed and in fear of what happened. "You know that I'd never hurt you right? Whatever you remember, I'd never do that to you, and I'll make sure it never happens to you again. We don't have to do this anymore if it makes you uncomfortable. I'd just be happy enough sleeping next to you."

She slowly uncovered herself, letting her body be bathed in the moonlight. She rested on her knees and pressed her forehead against his, "It's not that. It's just a nightmare I hope, but I don't want it to ruin what we have. And I don't want to go back to before, what we did… did it make you happy, did it feel good?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I loved it… feeling you and being close to you. Having you in my arms and your touch, did you like it though?"

"Yes… I loved it as well. Feeling you within in my heart, joining my body with yours and feeling our souls unite. I still feel you, within my body and in my heart. I still feel your essence deep in my body. I don't want to stop but I need you to promise me something." She brought a small hand just beneath her stomach, that empty pit.

"Anything Rei, you name it."

She took one of his hands in hers, "Can you promise me that you'll never join anyone else's body, that only I can have your heart. That you'll only ever love me… in this way? I promise that yours will be the only other I meld with."

He pulled his hand away and for a moment a look of worry washed over her face, but then he gripped her face with both hands. "Who else could I possibly love Rei? I promise only you and me, only us forever."

"Forever?"

"Yeah, forever." She closed her eyes and leaned forward into his lips and softly kissed him, shuddering as she felt him adjust his hands to her shoulders, pulling her in for a tight hug, she was resting her chin on his shoulder looking to the ceiling when he whispered in her ear softly, "I swear only us forever."

She began to wrap herself around him tighter, using her legs, feet, arms and hands to hold on to him tighter, running her face along his and her hands up and down his back to his hair, burying her face into his chest trying to hear his heart again he asked. "What's wrong Rei?"

"I just- my hands can't hold on to enough of you."

"I know that feeling." He said as his fingers curled over her shoulders and he rubbed his nose against her cheek bringing her in for a tight-lipped kiss.

On the other side of the city another was having a dream but not as pleasant.

The second after his head hit the pillow and his eyes opened again, he saw nothing but the train and the orange twilight it was forever headed into. He had been here before, it seemed that ever since he arrived in Tokyo whenever he was having a bad dream, it usually took place here.

He looked around and saw the bare landscape behind the figure in front of him, looking to his right he should have seen the window that allowed him to see into the other train carts, but the window was blacked out. Yet he could vaguely make out other figures there, and they seemed to be looking back at him waiting for him.

Maybe it wasn't time that they saw each other yet.

Turning his head to the windows again he saw tiny red stars that seemed to be zipping across the sky coming towards the train and swimming all around it like fish in a school swimming in a circle. They all seemed to flash brightly and fade out for a second before their glow started again, but the funny or odd thing was those stars didn't feel like stars in fact they felt like something else. Like they had eyes or some kind of awareness, that they knew Shinji was watching them. He felt as if they were looking right at him and acknowledging his presence for a split second before passing on by like strangers in a crowd. But just beneath the circling stars, sat a little figure and the way they hung above its head… they almost resembled a halo.

He looked back to the figure that sat in front of him, it wasn't Rei at least he didn't think so at first, it was a short little girl in a red and pink dress. She was so short that her legs barely hung off the sit on the train, but one thing that caught his attention was the two big red eyes in the center of her pale face that were staring him down. And that head of blue hair, there was no denying it this was some sort of child version of Rei. She sat there giving him a strange smile, as she turned her attention back to the end of the train.

Two figures now appeared at the other end of the train, Rei as she was. And another figure bathed in pure shadows, an aura of black inkiness seemed to come off of him like wings or a cape. A pool of the black ink pooled at the bottoms of his feet, and Rei just sat there with her head tilted and her eyes glowing at him in pure adoration. So soft and glimmering like jewels in a cave being bathed in light for the first time.

Her face became flushed as her breathing slowed down and became heavier and shakier, the figure placed one foot beside her leaning over and stroking her check to her neck, her body folding over his touch. He then whispered something in a hushed tone that Shinji couldn't quite make out, her face grew redder.

"Who is that?" he asked thinking out loud and when the small child Rei responded to him, he almost jumped out of his skin completely forgetting that she was even there with him. "You know who he is."

"No, I don't tell me who it is!"

"You already have your suspicions, why would it matter what I say."

"I want you to tell me it's not him. Why can't I wake up?. I want to wake up, this isn't real stop messing with me! She loves me, she loves only me, doesn't she?"

"Is it that hard to believe that others will not reciprocate an equal amount of love?"

"I thought she cared about me. I thought I did enough, why is she doing this?" he asked his heart starting to race.

"You mustn't blame yourself. She's only following the will of her heart. It isn't something that can be stopped."

"What? What can't be stopped?"

"Her destiny, and his role in it. Don't worry you have a part to play in her life as well." Her small voiced echoed out.

"What… what is it. What's my role?!" he screamed out, ripping his voice raw looking back at her to notice that she was gone.

His attention snapped back to Rei and the figure she was smiling at him as she guided his hand on her face. She pushed his hand away lightly and he backed up letting her stand, she closed her eyes and suddenly took in a breath and as she did a bright light began to glow within her body and then in a gasp her clothes ripped themselves to shreds falling at her feet. And she fell to her hands and knees, Shinji stood up gasping calling out to her, "Rei!"

Her head turned to him, as she swiveled resting on her knees facing him, and the image he saw the first time he visited her apartment and the one thought that entered his mind late at night was now sitting in front of him. He stood there feeling his chest tighten at her image he felt his blood rush and his legs quake as he walked closer to her.

Some primal feeling came over him but just as he neared her, she looked at him tilting her head and with sadness in her eyes and voice said, "I'm sorry Shinji." Those words made his heart stop and turn cold. Two hands emerged from the wall of blackness behind her and gripped her chest bringing her closer to the dark corner of the train a moan escaped her lips that echoed throughout the train vibrating Shinji's being.

She disappeared into the darkness and he ran after her. "Rei!" Running into the shadow he was surprised to see that it was more of a solid ball of gel, grunting and screaming he forced his hands through it and then his face. He forced his entire body through the thick layer of ooze, it felt as if his outer layer of skin was being flayed off but once he crossed over, he felt a sense of calmness. Voices sang out to him from the distance, what they were chanting or harmonizing he couldn't tell but they sent shivers up his spine.

Tiny flecks of red hung in the air, they danced all around him and he could almost swear each one was calling out to him or whispering to him in its own unique voice.

But when he looked up his heart dropped, the two figures were completely pale white as the moon, they rested on their knees facing one another leaning their foreheads together her arms around his neck and his around her waist. It was Nathan and Rei. Rei rubbed her forehead against his, her eyes shut, and a look of complete bliss and completeness was on her face.

They leaned back with eyes half open and with slightly parted mouths leaned forward with their tongues lying in wait as they connected and shared the deepest kiss they ever shared. Their hands pulled themselves closer and deeper into it, while each one moved a hand underneath the other's waist.

Shinji felt his stomach churn and he collapsed with tears in his eyes, vomiting as soon as he hit the ground, he wiped the sick away from his face but couldn't bring himself to look away, something in him… something gross demanded he watch, he wanted to watch.

He felt barbed arrows entering his heart, and it felt as if someone were flicking the shafts making them wiggle deeper into his heart.

He stepped forward ready to tear them apart but as soon as he did, he noticed he stepped into a white puddle, stepping back he noticed this white ooze was seeping out from underneath the naked pair and it was spreading out into a circle underneath them.

Little bubbles at the edges of the pool were birthed and then upwards they shot off thin spouts of the muck like a water fountain or the webs from a silkworm. Thin tiny lines focusing on the point on the ceiling above them, making a cone or ball like structure. The voices calmed him down as he continued to watch but he still felt sick.

Rei and the figure continued to stare into one another's eyes and touch each other's bodies and soon enough the tiny oil bubbles had shot enough webs off and he could no longer see them and instead what lay before him was a cocoon. It looked like a giant Jell-O mold made of slick jiggly oil, curiosity overtook Shinji as he walked up to it. Nearing it he saw that it seemed to pulsate and move, maybe it did so more as he got closer, maybe it was excited that he was nearing it.

All around him those tiny little human voices singing out to him, those little red balls of light flew past him and into the cocoon.

Then in one motion he placed his hand on the cocoon and his felt a surge of electricity explode from his heart and travel to his hand leaving it and enter the cocoon. Then its outer skin seemed to unravel or peel off as it fell revealing a thin white membrane that looked foggy or milky.

Then blue and orange veins pulsated up from inside and made their presence known on the outer skin and then he fell back seeing that the world around him had melted away.

Leaving him and the cocoon in a black empty world.

Then he heard it, thump-lup-dup, thump-lup-dup, thump-lup-dup. A heartbeat echoing from inside the cocoon, he walked over to it cautiously and cupping his hands over his face peered into it. And he saw nexus of stars, suns and other celestial bodies inside of the cocoon, then a blue flash of light blinded him. He squinted and then saw Rei and Nathan floating in that void.

He floated over to Rei who was curled up holding her feet close to her body by her ankles, he took her face with both hands making her look him in the eye and he gave her a smile unlike he had ever seen on his face, she slowly released her legs and he pulled her head to his chest.

She closed her eyes as his heart calmed her down then she peeled away from him looking into his eyes and then it appeared, the blue light. The blue light shone behind them, but he saw what they did, what they had done, with one hand she took his length and settled onto it taking him within her gasping as he cupped her breasts. He was holding her close as both rocked their hips while kissing each other slowly, rubbing and touching every part of the others' exposed skin. Just as both leaned back and then grew closer together with mouths open shuddering out silent moans.

Shinji gripped his face, he tried to cover his ears and shut his eyes but something inside him still commanded him to watch, it didn't even matter that his ears were covered he could still hear them in his head, he could hear the noises he'd never have her make inside his head. Rei's cries grew more intense and louder, as she synched up her movements with Nathan her head rolling back as he cupped one of her breasts and cupped her rear bringing her closer to him.

Their movements were slow but with each thrust both of their bodies shook, and they let out an exhausted huff. Looking outside Shinji saw that the world had grown dark as if now they were the only things in existence and nothing else existed.

And more of those tiny red lights swirled past him rising up from his feet, looking down he saw an ocean of liquid… of blood red orange liquid. Its smell was so familiar, was this a sea of LCL he wondered.

He could hear the groaning and metal screeching of the train as it crumbled around them into nothing and he turned his attention back to the two of them, their movements quickening. He could hear the slapping of their skin both of their shudders and moans as they stared into each other's eyes.

Then in a single voice he heard the two of them cry out in an unknowable ecstasy, both of them crying out for the other as they pulled each other closer. Just as he thought they couldn't get louder Rei let out another cry, her body half rolling backwards as her eyes went to the back of her head and Shinji saw the cause.

Nathan's hand had sunk into her breast up to his wrist, and he shuddered as it did. His other hand had followed suit and sunk into her rear and already her legs that were wrapped around his waist had begun to melt into his own flesh like candle wax.

She continued to let out little soft whimpers and gasps that echoed throughout this world, even though they carried some warmth into his ears and down his spine still those noises he knew he'd never have her make himself made his heart run cold.

Her smile was the biggest and most serine he had ever seen, as if she were finally at some peace that she had been denied her whole life. Rei rolled her back up and stared into Nathan's eyes as she slowly sank into his waist smiling at him stroking his face. And each time her hand left his face webs of whiteness resembling glue or melted marshmallow came off with each touch.

Closing her eyes and curling up she pressed her head against his chest and slowly sank into it. Both figures feel quiet letting out one last sigh that turned into a soft, slow high-pitch, manic laughter. It sounded like two voices blended into one another, laughing as they finally left everything behind and went to a better place, finally free as if they knew they were no longer alone. The last remnants of their shapes were their eyes and smiles staring into one another, before their eyes went wide and looked into Shinji's soul and in a single blended voice said.

"We're sorry Shinji." And then they became a single mass without any true shape like a melting putty.

Just as they did the cocoon jiggled freakishly fast before it stopped and fell silent and then like a curtain draped over a lightbulb, all the glimmer from the universe died out as if it were swallowed up by a black hole. And then just faintly, very faintly he saw a pin prick of red light start to emerge from the center of the cocoon and then it started to burn bright. The light had wisps of light trailing off of it in three separate directions.

Somehow, he knew that it was Rei, waiting alone… then from a corner of empty space a smaller oddly shaped light slowly made its way towards her, swimming like a tadpole with a tail until it made contact and then both red lights bonded together and were lost in one another. As both lights began to dim out, it began to stretch and pull itself apart taking a shape of its own the shape of a young being in the fetal position.

Just then the light died out and the cocoon began to shake and quiver as if were alive, then in the upper center it split open drawing a perfect line down the center of the cocoon. And a beam of pure white light shot out from it and those angelic voices grew louder as it cracked into two pieces like an egg, he saw the figure still curled up hugging itself. Then it must have noticed his presence because it looked up at him, its hair curling over its eyes but then the hair fell into place as two red eyes were revealed.

They were the only color on the milk skinned being but the hair and eyes, the being looked exactly like Rei. The being sat up on its knees and then leaned back quickly its eyes open wide as if someone yanked its head… no, her as if someone grabbed her by the hair and yanked her hair back. And then three pairs of thin pink-like wings burst from her back spreading and unfolding themselves.

And then he woke up with a start, his heart hammering in his chest the sheets wrapped around his legs, gasping for air Shinji sat up right. He felt the hot sticky mess inside his pants, "Was she? Did she? With him?" he questioned his knees knocked into each other. He sat gasping holding his hand over his chest trying to catch his, breath.

Seeing there was no way he was going to be able to sleep now he rubbed his eyes and got to cleaning himself off as well as the loads of laundry they had made for him.

But at NERV HQ, Rei and Nathan were laying on their mats their parts locked together again, and from the screen monitoring them Gendo, Fuyutsuki and Dr. Akagi were watching the two lovers. Fuyutsuki looked at Ritsuko out of the corner of his eyes scowling as he waved a hand in front of his face, nothing more repulsive than a woman who smokes he thought silently.

"So Ikari is this part of the plan?" he asked looking to Gendo who sat in front of the screen with his hands in front of his face, Gendo grunted.

"Their souls have merged with one another's and now she has a place in his heart, the one place he has hid a lifetime of suffering. When the time comes, she will look back to him when it is time for us to bond and she will surrender to me it if means helping him and others like him. And if that fails, the first one will make her bend."

Ritsuko averted her eyes disgusted by what was going on in the tiny foot by foot screen, her stomach wrapped itself in knots just seeing enjoy the synthetic fake body that she was inhabiting, those atrocious eyes and that pale moon flesh. Skin and flesh that weren't even hers but an echo of someone else's. "Something wrong Dr. Akagi?" Fuyutsuki asked wryly.

"How can you predict that her loyalties won't change to him?" she asked the two men, "Well women do sometimes have a habit of being… too dependent on their male counterpart." Fuyutsuki said bitingly giving Ritsuko a look only she saw as his corner lip curled into a smile.

"We have contingencies for this Dr. Akagi, leave this to minds that understand the sequencing of events. Besides we can always dispose of the current one and replace her with a wiped one… it wouldn't be the first time we've had to replace one of them." Gendo muttered.

Ritsuko leaned in close to Gendo ashing her cigarette, it was only halfway done but she had put the tray near Gendo so when she leaned in her breasts would be near his face, she just hoped that he smelt her perfume she wore it especially for him it was one that… she used to wear. Taking out a fresh one she lit it and took a drag and as the smoke escaped her mouth she asked.

"So, what of the new creatures was there any luck in your research?"

"Unfortunately, we have not found any comforting answers- "

"I wasn't talking to you Deputy Commander." Ritsuko shot back.

"Silence both of you." Gendo said his voice full of annoyance, "It is true Doctor Akagi, we have not found any comforting answers for our new adversary. But we have collected enough residue from the units to begin a detection signal for them. From now they will have the classification of S-class Angel."

"Until we can figure out their true name." Fuyutsuki finished.

The adults continued watching in silence as Nathan bonded with Rei from the back hugging her tightly as he cupped her breasts from behind her, both of them on their knees upright kissing one another.

Unbeknownst to each of them Fuyutsuki and Ritsuko both looked at Gendo with an unsettling look, disturbed and even a little disgusted with the intensity he was paying attention to the screen. "Well the hour grows late I think I will be headed off." Fuyutsuki announced leaving unstopped.

"It's best I left as well, the old men have told of strange AT reading coming from space. It's best they do not go unnoticed even if they have no relations to the S-class." Just as Gendo turned around to leave and Ritsuko had taken his seat he paused, without facing her he asked her.

"You have made sure the proper measures have been taken to ensure she can't bear any, correct Dr. Akagi?"

Ritsuko focused all her attention on the children seeing them shudder together in one motion before collapsing side by side, his arms still wrapped around her pulling her back tight to his chest. "Yes, sir there is no likelihood of that happening."

"And if she does?"

Her eyes shifted uneasily, "If it does, I am ordered to report it to you and procure the asset."

"Good, at least your memory serves you correctly. And Akagi?"

She swiveled her chair around, looking at him.

"Never wear her scent again, next time I won't be as forgiving understood?"

"Yes sir." She said rotating the chair back, when he left, she kept puffing on her cigarette staring at the two seeing Rei roll over onto her side and smile, actually smile at him. That thing smiled at him as if it thought he actually could care for it.

As if it thought he was interested in it beyond its body and what it could give him, like it was ever capable of being in or receiving love. "Disgusting…" Ritsuko said as she pressed the dying cigarette against Rei's face in the cheap screen burning a hole into it and making it whine and fizz out.

Both of them woke up wrapped in each other's arms still breathing heavy from all last night, both of their hair messy and eyes with dark circles under them. Even a hot shower didn't take that look away from their eyes. Rei stood by the door tying her red bow around her neck while Nathan sat on the floor pulling on his black high-tops, pulling on the last one he looked up at her just as she finished her knot.

Seeing her messy hair and her eyes reflecting that same love he had for her back to him made him smile, standing up he walked over to her and pulled her in tight resting his chin on her shoulder. "Forever?" she asked whispering into his ear.

"Forever." He whispered back, feeling his heart tear wondering how he ever was going to explain this to Shinji, but feeling sorrier than he ever had, more so when he looked back to how good it felt. To how right it felt, remembering how happy he was to finally be with her.

But he felt even sorrier about how he couldn't have told her how he felt about her sooner and how he had missed her birthday. But maybe there was another way.

School made Shinji's skin uncomfortable, his heart felt as if ever since he woke up that morning it hadn't beat once. Hearing Kensuke and Toji's excited chatter about the new war game they were going to play at Kensuke's house, just made it hurt that much more. Made it hurt that he had to keep experiencing pain, while others could be so happy and enjoy little things.

Looking over to the window he was surprised to see Rei hadn't arrived yet, it wasn't like her to be late, maybe if she had some testing then maybe she ran a little later but not this late. The bell rang just as two kids ran into the classroom huffing from exhaustion, Rei and Nathan stood at the front of the class breathless looking for a place to sit.

Clutching his right knee, he hobbled over to his spot next to Hikari and Rei took the empty desk next to his the two of them shared a quick look and he smiled at her the exact way he had done so in his dream. It can't be he thought, feeling his soul crack into splinters. But the tiny looks they shared how it seemed like they were scooting closer together, how their shoes were touching one another, and they were subtly playing footsies with each other.

Shinji's knee started bobbing up and down, as he drummed his pencil on his desk while he chewed on his left thumb nail, he saw Rei digging around in her bag for something but whatever it was she didn't find it. She then leaned over and tapped Nathan on the shoulder asking him something, he offered her the pencil he was writing with and she slowly took it her fingers meeting with his.

They looked like they were trying to resist to do more, but she nodded to him and got back to her note taking while he fished out a spare. Shinji narrowed his eyes at the boy in black, feeling some hot fire kindle inside him, but he didn't want to just straight accuse the two of them but somehow, he felt he already knew the answer.

Maybe there was more to that dream than he thought, looking over to Asuka he saw her struggling to balance her chin on her hand. Her head wobbled back and forth as it looked like she was fighting a losing battle against the sandman, he hadn't even given Asuka a thought as of late his mind had been focused on those two. She looked terrible, dark circle under her eyes, her skin hanging low on her face.

But he couldn't pay attention to her he had to focus his mind on Rei and Nathan, he just had to think of a plan. He had the whole school day to think of one, chances are he wouldn't be able to focus in school anyways. The school day had flown by in a blink for others but for Shinji it might've lasted a million years, and by then his stomach and heart were doing back flips as he rushed out of the school trying to avoid everyone and find a place to watch them from afar.

He hid in some bushes, lying flat out in the dirt resting his bag on his back hoping that his bright white shirt wouldn't give away his position.

They were the last two to leave, walking down the steps together in silence but sharing nervous glances with red cheeks. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Rei held her bag in front of herself and she was looking at the ground asking something, her weight shifting side to side nervously.

He nodded in acknowledgement and mouthed something back to her before he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb, she nodded and reached out for him lightly touching his arm, rubbing it up and down, he returned the gesture by lightly touching her elbow. They took a few steps closer to one another, but just stopped shy of one foot away from each other.

He tilted his head and said something, then he turned to walk away, in the same direction Shinji lay. Panicking he flattened himself out and threw some dirt on his shirt hoping it would hide him, but Nathan walked past not even noticing him. And Rei… she just stood there with her arm still hanging in the air.

She brought it to her face and turned to walk away. Turning his head, he watched Nathan walk down the street and when he turned the corner Shinji wormed his way out from the brushes getting his arms cut by their twigs for his troubles. Brushing his shirt off he walked off after him crouching down, hoping to get a glimpse of where his "friend" was headed to, Nathan kept walking straight with his thumbs in his pocket. Shinji ducked behind anything he thought could hide him every time he got the hair-raising feeling that Nathan was about to turn around. But thankfully it seemed like his mind was somewhere else, Shinji kept up his spying mission until Nathan walked up to a small tea shop.

He stood outside the door for a minute or two looking up at the sign tapping his foot nervously, scratching the back of his head. Then with a slow reaching hand gripped the nob and opened the door, he disappeared inside the building. Shinji debated whether or not he should find a place to hide and wait for him, but then he felt a drop land on his nose. Looking up he was surprised to see that the sky had turned dark as charcoal and tiny droplets were already starting to fall.

"Damn it…" he muttered, holding his bag over his head he started to run back home just as the downpour began, while running through the streets he couldn't stop replaying the dream he had or the way the two of them were acting around each other in class earlier. Come to think of it both of them had disappeared during lunch time, he gritted his teeth and pressed on his feet slapping against the concrete making his knees and shins rattle.

When he finally made it back to his apartment, he was leaving trails of puddles behind him, stripping down to his briefs he shoved his clothes in the dryer and toweled off. Just as he was pulling on a pair of sweatpants, he heard a knock on his door. "Just a second." He called out. The visitor knocked again louder and with more force, "Just a second!"

They knocked again, throwing his shirt down he stormed over to the door and flung it open, "What?" he yelled, seeing Asuka standing in the doorway covered in a blanket shivering as sweat ran down her face. "S-s-s-shinji?" she croaked out.

"I'm sick… can you make me some miso soup?" her words fell out from between her chattering teeth, as she wrapped the blanket tighter around her body pulling out a small tissue blowing her nose into it.

"Can't you just get it yourself, I'm busy. Believe it or not Asuka other people have their own problems too." He said his words seeping with venom, his heart rattled, and his blood felt like acid. His tone scared him… it sacred him because feeling that way felt good.

"Hey, I was just asking for a favor you don't have to be a dick." As she turned away, she muttered something under her breath.

"What was that?" he shot walking behind her.

"I said that maybe you're just being a bitch because Rei's holding out on you."

Those words made his heart stop as his mind went blank with rage only focusing on the moment the tow of them shared on the train, how it looked like both of them were enjoying each other but more importantly how it looked like it wasn't their first time doing something like that.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" he shouted, he lost it and before he knew it, he stepped forward and shoved Asuka to the ground, she crashed through her door and fell on her bed mat. And before he knew it, he was back staring down at her with tears in her eyes. Seeing what he did made his insides quiver and tear themselves apart.

"A-Asuka I'm sorry, I'm sor- "

"Screw you Shinji." She muttered, looking away from him, covering her face up she dove into her walk-in closet and shut the door leaving him standing in the middle of the hallway looking at what he caused, the broken door and the small droplets of blood from the cut on her forehead.

Rei sat alone in the kitchen back at the shared living space in NERV HQ, staring down at the photo of her and Shinji she felt her stomach twist in knots… their smell still hung in the room. No matter how many times she cleaned the chair and the table, she still smelt the evidence of their deeds. Remembering the closeness, she felt with him, how gentle and soft he was with her, his touch and warmth it should have felt good remembering those moments.

But whenever she looked at the picture, all she could feel was a knife being driven into her heart, the only thing that gave her any relief was turning the picture around. At least then she didn't have to face him, yet anyways.

She instead turned her focus to her real reason being there. The broken and warped glasses that sat on the table stared right back at her, she might have successfully played it off not being bothered by Nathan not walking back home with her but now she wished he was with her more than ever. Maybe it would make what she was going to do next easier, knowing that she had him waiting behind her.

But this was something she'd have to do for herself.

She looked to the floor as she walked to his office, she didn't need to watch where she was going. She knew the layout of the whole facility, sometimes she walked around with her eyes closed just to reaffirm to herself that she could do it. And as for the worry of bumping into someone.

It wasn't an issue, most people even her avoided her or walked around her. Most of them just stopped in their tracks and let her pass not even bothering to acknowledge her.

As Rei neared his office, her body seemed to grow heavier and her chest grew tighter, her whole body felt like ice. She kept brushing her hair out of her face nervously, just the tiny strands touching her forehead made it feel itchy and uncomfortable.

Walking out of the elevator she made her way down the halls to his office and just as she did the doors whooshed open and Dr. Akagi came walking out adjusting her coat, she eyed Rei with a dominating sneer. But there was something else in her eye, it was the same kind of look a snake might have in their eye. As if she knew the secret Rei was wanting to hide, "I'm not surprised, after me he calls you…" she said rolling her eyes dismissively at Rei.

Her eyes immediately turned into a look of disgust and contempt as if her very presence was an inconvenience or an offense to her, it was a look that she's been on the other side for as long as she could remember. Still feeling those eyes on her, made her skin feel like melting off, as if she just wanted to disappear back to nothingness.

It felt like those eyes were carving a scar into her very soul, she turned her ruby eyes to the floor and walked past quietly, closing them she tried to shut out the next few remarks Dr. Akagi shot her way the only words she bothered to listen to were.

"Don't forget Rei you have a check-up coming soon, and don't lie to me during your physical… I know everything about you."

She closed her eyes as she continued walking forward towards the lone desk, trying to imagine his soft dark brown eyes and the feelings they gave her, how they glimmered at her like she was the only thing in his world. She hoped her eyes reflected that same feeling.

She walked up to his desk to see Commander Ikari sitting at his desk, "Rei… I don't recall asking you to be down here."

"Forgive me sir, but… I have something to return."

"First answer my questions. What's your relationship with the sixth child?"

She moved her arms back to her sides, "I think we have become something more than just… friends. I feel closer to him than the others. He makes me feel… human."

"Have you divulged anything to him?"

"No sir."

"What about your relationship with the third child?"

"Your son, Shinji?" he gave no response to her question, she looked down and began to fiddle with the glasses in her hand. "I don't know how I would define our relationship anymore but… I still like him. I just would like to see him happy and safe, I care for him but not in the same way as I do for Nathan."

"If you had to choose one to save… who would it be?"

"Sir that question makes me uncomfo- "

"Which one would it be?" he asked his booming voice echoing in the room.

She stayed silent, thinking about both boys and the moments that they each shared, and the different feelings they awoke within her, all she could answer back with was.

"I don't know."

He let out a sigh, trying to calm down his shaking shoulders, angry at her indecisiveness. "Very well, what was it that you had to return?"

She walked up to the desk and placed his old pair of glasses in the center, "Here, I won't be needing these anymore."

Examining them close to his face he tiled his head, "When did you take these from me?"

"During my failed synch test sir, when you rescued me from the plug."

"And why did you take them?"

"I thought I knew before but now, I'm not sure why I took them."

Pushing himself away from his desk he dropped the glasses into a trash bin the dull clunk echoing, he walked around his desk behind Rei. Putting his hands on her shoulders, she felt her eyes burning holes into the ground, feeling his rough grip on her she tried to shrug him off, but he held on. "I know what the two of you did Rei... just remember who really owns you."

He turned her around and held the left side of her face with hand, his thumb rubbing her bottom lip and chin. "Remember where your loyalties truly lie and what your duty is. You wouldn't want anything to happen to the third child or to… Nathan." He whispered in her ear.

"No!" she shouted knocking his hand away from her face, in a fit of rage he pushed her by the chest and pinned her to the desk by her stomach using his arm pinning her own arms at her sides. Holding a single fist above his head he stared down at her huffing in anger, he stared down at her ready to strike, his eyes had a predatory-like look to them as they drifted from the top of her head to her feet.

He lowered his fist, unclenching it and starting from her stomach or just below it, stroked her clothing moving up touching her stomach and chest and grabbing her neck with such force she gagged and then he gripped the sides of her face. He was leaning over her, his face mere inches away and his eyes still had that hungry look but before his skin could touch hers, but then he let out a wheezy sigh and composed himself and removed his hands.

"Forgive me Rei. You may leave now." She lay there spread out on his desk her heart ramming itself against her chest, with her eyes wide and her shoulders raised she kept her hands close to her body, she kept her eyes locked on him afraid of his next movement. His eyes reminded her of a creature she had seen at the aquarium, she thought it was called a moray eel, but she couldn't remember fully.

He called out to her, "Rei… it would be in your best interest as well as the others' if we kept this conversation between us. Don't forget all your lives are in my hands, especially yours."

"Yes sir." She whimpered out, she continued walking out and as soon as the doors closed behind her, her legs awoken themselves and carried her as fast as she could run. She ran until she made it back to her room where she locked the doors and hid herself in their room, pulling his pillow close to her she hyperventilated into it.

She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that once she opened them, he would be there, and she would be able to hide in his arms from the world again. She took whiffs from the pillow and slowly her nerves were calmed down, and when her breathing was finally under control, she was able to open her eyes. She only had one thought on her mind, she would let nothing get in her way of protecting Nathan or Shinji. Nothing would ever steal him from her arms, not after he finally confessed his love.

Not after what he made her feel, her stomach burned. A warm glow like a handful of embers sat in the pit of her center and slowly warmed the rest of her body up, placing a hand over it she let out a small smile. After one last sigh, her chest no longer felt tight. But her nerves and muscles still felt tense, she thought a hot bath would calm her she got up and began to run the water.

She went back and began to rifle through his small shelves and things, not finding much. Most of the things he had left he must have taken with him on his trip, but she found a small black cylinder, his blue tooth speaker. She hoped it was okay if she used it, but she felt listening to some music would calm her down further.

Once the player was linked up to the speaker she sat in the tub skipping lazily through each song, each next one not having any effect on her. But then just as she thought it would be hopeless one song started to play and she closed her eyes listening to the lyrics, and finally it felt like she could breathe again.

Nathan stood outside the teashop, chewing his lip while tapping his foot how long had it been since he had seen Ms. Ainu?

She'd offered him a job, and he had accepted but how long ago was that? Would she even remember him, would she still want him around? He didn't even bother to call her or see her at all before he left or after the attack by that thing.

Why was he bothering anyways, chances are she wouldn't want to see him after he had abandoned her, but still she was the only person who really left an impression on him before he heard Rei tell him that she loved him. Taking a deep breath he opened the door and let out a shaky sigh as he pulled it out making the bell jingle, walking in he heard the soft plucks of that mystery stringed instrument playing over the speakers and the smell of earth, flowers and spice hung in the air.

He took a few steps looking side to side for any sign of life.

But then the sound of water hitting dishes and the sounds of vigorous scrubbing came from behind the kitchen, and so he walked slowly towards it setting his bag on the counter by the register. He called out softly to her, "Ms. Ainu?", making his way into the kitchen he saw her bent of the sink with her short hair tied behind her head.

"Ms. Ainu?" he asked again getting closer, he reached out to her and tapped her shoulder and she turned around screaming bloody murder, "Aaaaaahhhh!" flipping around she waved a small knife in front of her almost slicing his arm in the process her earbuds popping out of her ears.

"Woah, woah, woah! It's just me Ms. Ainu!" he shouted leaping back with his hands up his eyes focused on the tip of the knife, "Oh, oh, Nathan don't do that! Sneaking up on someone I almost hurt you and you could've given me a heart attack." She groaned setting the knife in the tray to dry holding on to her chest taking in deep breaths.

She let out a long sigh she put her hand to her forehead, finally relaxing herself. She looked to him, and a small smile took her face, "So you finally showed up huh? I guess you know how to make a girl wait." She said jokingly.

"Sorry, it's not like I meant to. Just… a lot of stuff happened and then I had to go back home to Nevada for something. I haven't been back that long but… I'm sorry I should've tried to see you sooner."

Her face grew serious, "I was only joking but it's nice seeing you back. But honestly, I was more worried something had happened to you. With that thing coming out of nowhere and then not hearing from you… I just thought that you…"

He had to bite his tongue to keep from telling her the truth, about how he almost probably did die, the pain he experienced and what happened on the bridge.

"Sorry about that again. I wanted to come by and see if I could make up for it, I mean that's if you even still want me around."

"I do want you around its just…" she sighed dabbing her head with a rag, "Now's not a good time, I've got a delivery to make to the elder care home then I've got another errand to run- "

"What if I run the store? Keep an eye on things here for you? I'm a fast learner and I'll make sure everything's exactly how you leave it."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Yeah, anything to make up for… everything I guess."

The next few minutes she rushed in training him, even though most of it was a blur and he only caught half of it if not less he acted as if he understood all of it. He was just silently thankful that all the ingredients and things were labeled in English too, while he was sitting by the register on a stool, he looked around at the quiet tea shop.

He heard her footsteps coming down from the upper floors and he saw her in a tight black dress with black shoes putting her keys and other belongings into her purse. Picking up the brown bag that sat next to him, "Thank you so much for this Nathan, I wish I could stay with you and show you the ropes, but I can't miss these things."

"No worries I just hope I can do you proud."

"I'm sure you'll do great." She said smiling at him.

How wrong she was, the few if any customers that did stop by for a quick tea to go or a bag for the week had to deal with a nervous wreck who completely forgot how to work the register screen and would often overcharge them or make them pay for the wrong thing.

He would then spend the next minutes with them profusely apologizing and taking yen notes out of his wallet and giving back what he had taken from them, before replacing the item he had messed up. His heart stopped briefly and then hopped to a million miles per hour whenever he heard that damn little bell jingle, all he could think about was how he could possibly screw up this next order.

And no matter how many cups of licorice tea he drunk, he found himself not getting any calmer. He was probably going to give her more money than she would ever give him, but that was fine by him. Just being in the shop hearing the calming music, the quiet and taking in the smells from the ingredients was heaven enough. The only thing that could make it better he thought was if he was a little older and he saw Rei on the other side of the table doing a tea ceremony for all the customers.

She'd be standing there smiling at him, with her belly swollen. Wait her belly swollen, his stomach began to twist, and he tasted bile in his throat, and he felt cold and his chest was tight. How could he already be thinking of something like that with her? How could he even possibly think of having a child especially with how his life turned out. Why would he subject to someone else possibly living a life like his?

Besides how long did he realistically have anyways, the worse thing he could imagine would be to leave her with a piece of him, and having her take care of it and see him in it and remember that he's no longer around there for her.

He tried to do other things to keep those thoughts out of his mind, sweeping, cleaning the windows anything that would distract him for even a second. He stayed there for a few hours before he noticed that it was thirty minutes passed closing and there was no sign of Ms. Ainu, turning the sign off he decided to just sit and wait for her, however long it took.

He owed it to her anyways, he pulled out his homework and earbuds. Plugging in he got to work and focused all his attention on it, he hoped that she got back soon. He had promised Rei that he'd stay with her again at NERV HQ and he still had to swing by his old dwellings and pick up his things. Even after he had thrown in his clothes in the wash during the night, he still smelt both of their essences on them.

He wondered if anybody else could tell what he and her had done.

Just as he was finishing with his biology homework, he heard the bell jingle looking up he saw Ms. Ainu stumbling in, her shoes in hand and swaying back and forth, her dress was slightly messy, and her pantyhose were hanging out of her purse. "Oh… you're still here. Good… that's good. How was- ""Business?" she asked stifling a hiccup that no doubt would've turned her into a vomit fountain.

He could almost smell the alcohol from where he was sitting, he only noticed now that she was wearing mascara and that it was now running down her face in streaks. "Are you okay, Ms. Ainu?" he asked getting up.

"Oh, fine I'm just fine… don't worry about me. I just had a little to drink, I just wish he was fine too. I wish he didn't die." She said bluntly before stumbling down collapsing just a few feet away from the door. "Ms. Ainu!" he shouted as he leapt over the counter rushing over to her lifting her up, gasping at the strong smell of alcohol that hung around her.

Turning her over she started to cry again, "Why did he have to die? Why did he have to leave me? It wasn't my fault, I didn't mean it. How could I have known I wasn't meant to be a mother? I would have made a good one, right?" she asked slurring her words choking out her sobs. She begun to cling to him, "You remind me of him when we were younger…"

"C'mon Ms. Ainu, let's get you to bed."

Hooking his arms under hers, Nathan walked backwards slowly dragging her up the stairs until he found himself in her room, propping her up on her side he covered her in a blanket and left out a bottle of Gatorade and a bottle of aspirin. He sat beside her a little longer, watching over her until she stopped sobbing.

Until then he just kept dabbing at her eyes with tissues, trying to keep her face clean. Feeling a tightness in his chest, throat and eyes, it wasn't like the kind of tightness he felt around Rei, he wanted to cry but not out of happiness. "Tell me this girl… do you love her?"

He swallowed remembering the night they had shared, and how happy he was. How happy he truly was feeling her in his grasp and feeling her hands on him pulling him closer, comforting him. "Yeah… I do Ms. Ainu."

"Have the two of you done it yet?"

"Done what?" he asked growing uncomfortable, inching slowly away.

"Sex! Have you had sex with her yet?' she slurred out reaching out and grabbing him by the wrist.

"Yeah, yeah we have. Why is this any of your business?" he asked trying to escape her iron grip.

Growing silent she looked at him, her free arm wrapping around her stomach, "Would you still stay with her… even if you knew she couldn't give you a child?"

"I'm kinda young to be a dad don't ya think?" he asked.

"Answer me!" she barked with more pain than anger.

"No, I wouldn't care about that… I guess maybe it'd be nice but, I love her and it doesn't matter to me if she can make me a dad or not."

"Can you promise me that?"

"That I won't leave her just because she wouldn't be able to make me a dad, yeah I promise." He said trying to appease her.

"Can you promise me that you'll never hurt her or leave her?"

"Yeah… I'm done hurting her forever."

"Good, good…. That's good." She said before she finally fell asleep, "Good night… Ms. Ainu" he said softly as her hand lost its grip and fell limply off to the side.

He moved her hands closer to her body trying to make her comfortable, but just as he turned around, he saw it. A small shrine, with a photo getting closer to it he saw Ms. Ainu a couple of years younger than she was now, with a serious looking Japanese man and a small bump in her stomach. Candles surrounded the photo and at the base of the small shrine was a stitched piece of cloth with characters written on it.

Squinting his eyes at them he was able to make them out, they read "Baby's first blanket".

Picking it up and staring at it then at her, he felt a few tears try to slip themselves out. Who was she comparing him to? The child she lost or the husband that left her? Walking over to her he put the blanket in her hands, she let out a soft moan and cradled it closer to her face almost burying her nose in it. "Goodnight Ms. Ainu." He said again before he took his leave, locking the front door.

He opened a window on the second floor and shimmied his way down, jumping down he felt a stabbing pain in his right knee. But it didn't matter, he promised Rei that he'd be there for her tonight and he intended to keep that promise, as well as the others he had just made. He made the walk back to his old apartment and took whatever he needed.

By the time he took the train back to NERV HQ it was almost ten and the moon was fully out, with his eyes half shut and his feet shuffling it was a miracle that he had found his way back to their quarters. By the time he climbed up the stairs and dropped his bags on his side of the room he didn't bother to change.

He dropped down in his school clothes and socks on the mat next to Rei who was still awake staring at his empty spot. "You're still up?" he asked bringing his left arm behind his head, leaning over to look at her.

"I just wanted to wait for you, I felt I'd sleep better with you next to me. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for Rei. I'm sorry I was late… I just had some things to take care of."

He only now noticed her in a thin white nightgown, looking at her he noticed how her albino skin seemed to glow in the moonlight. She stared back at him breathing deeply, her hands moving to her hips. They gripped something and began to work their way down until she pulled her underwear off and tossed it aside, "Do you… want to reconnect tonight?"

He sighed and looked the ceiling, rolling over he laid his head on her chest and said, "It's been a long day Rei, I just want to sleep in your arms tonight. Is that fine?"

"Yes, as long as you're here when I wake up." her words stabbed him in his heart, he was thinking of Ms. Ainu and what she said, he was thinking about what Shinji would say or do when he had found out what the two of them had been doing in the dark.

"Don't worry Rei, like I told you. I'll never leave you, not ever again."

Both of them stayed silent, she began to slowly stroke his hair keeping her nose near it taking him in. "When are we going to tell Shinji the nature of our relationship?" she asked.

"I was hoping you had already done that." He said.

"I wish I could but, I'm just afraid of the pain that I will cause him." She said stopping her stroking motions, he sighed taking his arms and wrapping them around her. Wedging his ear into the empty space of her chest.

"We'll tell him at the end of the week, together. Promise?" he said.

She stayed silent for a second, "Promise." She debated whether or not telling her about what had happened with Dr. Akagi and Commander Ikari, but it seemed as if he already had enough on his mind, she didn't want to trouble him any more than he already was.

She kissed the top of his head and brought him closer hoping that if she kept a tight enough grip, he wouldn't be able to escape and leave her alone.

Asuka shivered underneath her layers of blankets, a small thin bandage over her forehead. The beads of sweat that ran down her head stung her wound, but no matter how cold her surroundings felt under her blankets was a heat that could have rivaled the earth's core.

She kept her knees close to her chest, trying to have all the blankets swallowing her in a massive ball of warmth, her eyes were squeezed shut trying to fight her tears and her jaw was clenched it felt as if at any point her teeth would just shatter from the sheer force. Just then the floorboards in her room creaked and she opened her eyes seeing who had intruded into her space, at least the floor still could warn her of when people entered her room.

Standing past the doorway beside the pile of rubble that was her door was Shinji with a steaming bowl of something in his hands, his face drawn tight and his eyes avoiding looking at her. "Um- hey Asuka. I made you some…" his voice trailed off.

"Save it… I don't want you around. You think some stupid bowl of miso soup is enough of an apology you ass? Go away."

"I just thought it was a start… I am sorry Asuka. I don't know what came over me, it's just- "

"What? Just what? Hurting a girl makes you feel like a big man?" she shivered out, "All because you aren't getting any from stupid silent girl? I bet even she can see what a loser you are… like she'd ever give it to you. Like anyone would."

Part of her thought it was too cruel to say something like that, another part of her was scared about saying it… it wondered what he would do to her now.

He swallowed hard and his voice wavered, as he set the bowl down by her feet, shakily he said, "There's more in the fridge if you want." A small clunk of a sprite can was the final noise he made before he shuffled off to his room and closed the door, after she was sure he wouldn't be able to hear her she sat up and brought the bowl to her face and began to eat quietly.

It wasn't that bad she thought popping open the sprite can and taking in the fizzy lemon lime soda, and just below the noise of the fizzing bubbles she could hear a soft crying noise, with quiet whispers. She wished she could have just closed the door, she instead opted to use the blankets to cover her ears and slurped the soup even louder hoping to drown out the noise.

"Of course, I'm on the roster." He groaned looking at the sheet of paper posted outside the door, it was the middle of a new week and already for the last few days he had been selected for back to back cleaning duties. No doubt it was just another one of the old sensei's punishments for him having missed so much school, he was hoping to see Ms. Ainu again.

Help around the shop more but, ever since that one night whenever he was there, she acted like nothing had happened.

Staring at the list he saw the three names printed in tiny lettering, it took him a few moments to decipher the list, but he managed it, it was funny the way his mind was working them out. He'd notice a few familiar characters side by side then sound them out in his head until he found out what the whole word was.

For cleaning duties: Horaki Hikari, Ayanami Rei, Nathan

He couldn't help but smirk slightly at the fact that he was still just a first name, but then again if he still had his father's last name tied to his own it would just be another thing connecting the two of them. Sometimes he even forgot what it was, all that he knew was that it was a short one. But there was no use in fighting it he shuffled back into the class and just as he was about to lay his bag on his desk Shinji quickly rushed past him his head down.

Nathan raised his hand and was about to call out to him but he was already out of the door, Toji and Kenesuke gave Nathan a nod goodbye, talking about how lucky they were that he had screwed up big time and was probably going to be the guy's scapegoat for cleaning.

And once they left, he heard their shoes squeaking as they ran off calling for Shinji to wait up, leaning against the desk he waited for everyone else to leave Rei sat quietly at her desk reading one of the books he had gotten her. He couldn't help but steal small glances at her with every view he felt his chest tighten and grow warm.

Once the last group of kids left Hikari rattled in carrying armfuls of buckets, cleaning supplies, brooms. "Alright guys, if we all tag team this we can all leave early. So, here's what I was thinking Nathan you go ahead and start trash duties and Rei you can start- "

Just as Hikari was giving out her orders Rei's small voice perked up stopping her. "Um… Hikari about that. If you would like Nathan and I could handle today's cleaning duties and you can leave early."

Bewildered Hikari's eyes went wide, "But the list says that all three of us have to do it. I can't just leave the two of you alone, it's a lot of work and we're all meant to do it together."

"It's okay Hikari the two of can handle it, you can trust me. We're friends, right?" she asked a little unsure of herself.

"Yeah, we're friends Rei, but still are you sure?"

"Yes, the two of us can handle can't we Nathan?" she asked him, he looked into her eyes, and that slight sly smile was on her face. That warm alluring look that made his knees wobble and his insides shiver, that same look she had back in their room. His heart felt like it was skipping beats he had to shake his head to escape from her trance, looking over he nodded to Hikari.

"Yeah, Hikari the two of us can handle it." He said, feeling his cheeks blush and his legs shake, his insides started twisting in on themselves. He could feel butterflies dancing all around inside of him at just the thought of being alone with her again. Hikari looked unsure but she finally lamented, giving Rei a strange look, she nodded and took her things and left.

With her gone the two got to cleaning, Rei had started to clean the floors while Nathan had the unfortunate duty of having to scrape gum from the undersides of desks and Toji seemed to be the most guilty offender, thick wads of multi colored gunk were wedged in every corner and space of it. Groaning as he did, he called Toji an idiot as he got to work threw down the scrapper down in frustration, when he finally took a breath and calmed down, he reached out for it.

And when he did, he saw Rei on her knees across from him a small plastic bucket by her, she was wringing out a cloth twisting it while crossing her arms and it left him breathless, seeing the slow retreating sun behind her gave her body an outline of orange warmth. Seeing her hair cling around her face and the front tuff hanging loose off her face, he could almost picture every curve of her body, every little detail and inch of flesh.

He felt his breath escape him, he closed his eyes for a second and saw her bare, he swore he could almost feel her touch and her body against his. He couldn't take his eyes off her, to him every inch of her was perfect, she looked so small and frail but so beautiful like a bird and in this light, she had an aura coming off her back that almost resembled… wings.

And while he admired her, something else made its presence known, it was a case of thermal expansion, his lower stomach and legs began throbbing in pain and discomfort. It felt like a ball of lead was being shoved into his stomach, resting on his knees he turned away and quickly undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. Giving things a quick shake and readjustment, he made himself comfortable, feeling his face burn with embarrassment and his body turned cold he couldn't believe it did this to him.

Cursing himself for letting it have a mind of its own and thanking his lucky stars she didn't notice had his hopes bashed and felt his insides sink when he turned around and saw that Rei was sitting upright staring intensely at him. His jaw dropped slightly, and he looked away but out of the corner of his eye he saw her cheeks blush tomato red as she turned away her chin touching her chest.

It seemed to flutter and quiver as if she were having a hard time breathing or she were excited, and she had a small smile that was slowly building up. Looking away he softly whispered to her, "Sorry about that." And got back to cleaning, they worked in silence until they were both done and just as he was putting the last of the supplies back into the closet, he heard the door creak open, turning around he saw Rei standing there.

She had her hand rested against the threshold of the door, in her small voice she said, "You don't have to hide things like that from me. I've already seen it and I know what you mean by it."

"Uh- what do I mean by it?" he asked nervously shaking wondering how a simple case of thermal expansion had any deeper meaning to it.

"It's… an open and honest part of yourself. It shows how you desire to be with me. I've seen you look at other females and they have no effect on it, but when I notice you watching me, I see it grow. Only I have that affect on you and… knowing that makes me happy."

He let his eyes drift away from her and thought back, and she was right, no other females had really caught his eye or had this control over his body the way she did, she really was the only one for him. Even if he thought about it with someone else, he felt nothing but when he remembered the two of them, he felt relaxed and connected.

She walked closer to him, eyeing him up and down, he scooted back until he knocked into the shelves behind him. She stood before him looking into his eyes, "I would prefer you not to hide anything from me, I share those same desires to be one with you. For you to make me feel nice and warm inside… I just want to be the only one for you. Forever, just like you said."

She smiled at him tilting her head, her eyes warm and smoldering, melting him as if they were filling his body with embers and he felt that heat travel down to that one place, his hands instinctively went to his beltline but just as they did she made her move first and took them in her hands. "I'm so tired of this… I just want you to be comfortable with me, are you not?"

"I feel like I'm almost there Rei, but still there… you know with Shinji and all. But don't worry from now on I'll work on this, I don't want to hide from you anymore."

She stopped fumbling with his hands and turned her attention back to his eyes, "Do you think that there could ever be one day where, the two of us can be like this together out in the sun. Unafraid of the world seeing us together?"

"One day yeah but even then, maybe we could…"

"Could what?" she asked staring at him intently, he could see the wheels in her head turning, he thought about it, but where would they run off to? He didn't know his way around this place, and even then, in the past he'd never leave HQ but now maybe with her at his side. His hand in hers maybe that could give him the strength.

"Nothing forget it, I'm sure one day we'll be able to."

His breathing that was heavy and uneasy was now relaxed and light, he shifted his hips forward letting her see the product of their love, she eyed it and then him again. She walked backwards holding one of his hand with two of hers, her eyes half closed and that soft smile of hers. That small smile that told him that he was the only one in her eyes, that they were the only two in their own little world. That they had found a home within the other.

He let her lead him back to the homeroom, that look in her eyes let him know what she wanted and when they got there and she offered him a chair, sitting on his lap feeling him up smiling at him. He was happy to show her how much she meant to him, all the while she whispered into his ear, "I want you to be a part of me forever."


	13. Chapter 12 a moment alone

Another NSFW CHAP, don't worry nothing too plot relevant happens just more relationship building, feel free to skip to the next chap

Rei sat on his lap softly rocking her hips while feeling him, "Can I play you a song, I feel as if it's one of those that was made for us." She asked.

"Sure." Nathan said breathily, trying to hold back his urges. Still sitting on his lap in the empty classroom she leaned over to her desk and pulled her blue player out of her bag and put one of the earbuds into his ear and the other into her own. He closed his eyes and surrendered to her and listened to the same song she listened to alone in the bath. It was The Red jumpsuit Apparatus' Your Guardian Angel.

When I see your smile, tears run down my face, I can't replace…

… I will never let you fall, let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever

I'll be there for you through it all, through it all

Even if saving, you sends me to heaven…

… cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart…

…Please don't walk away and please tell me you'll stay…

Before he knew it, he buried his face into her chest and twin streams were running down his face, he was already a part of her, and she continued her gyrating motions making him gasp and huff as she swiveled on his lap. His arms were wrapped around her and both her arms and legs held a tight grasp on him, she let out tiny moans and pants as she made him dig deeper into her body she could feel him at the center of her being and hearing his light gasps made her work her pace matching it with the music that played in their ears.

She felt both of their heats mixing into one. Her eyes were shut tightly as she let out tiny moans feeling him throb inside of her and he had his eyes partially closed as he looked at her and as he melted into her body. Feeling all the nerves in his body go limp as if he were numb all he felt was the vice Rei was slowly building around his body, grabbing him and pulling him into herself tighter and tighter, she even bit his shoulder lightly. It was as if she were trying to use her whole body to devour or absorb him, to take all of him inside of her own being.

And he was perfectly okay with that, he leaned back as she tightened her grip on him and looked to the ceiling his arms slowly falling to his sides off her body all the while the chair under them creaked under their weight.

He was surprised at her strength, how he felt as if he were trapped in a cage or a vice and he was perfectly fine being at her mercy, if she wanted to break him, he was fine with that. With each clockwise and counterclockwise motion, she made, forward or backwards he felt her trying to siphon off his inner essence as if she wanted him to empty all of his being into her, all he could do is fight his fluttering eyes while his legs went dead.

But he kissed her neck, leaving small marks all over the left side of it. He could taste the slight sweat she had on her body, its' saltiness, he let his head hang limp as his lower half buzzed and throbbed with heat. He hoped this feeling with her would never end, he just wanted to hear the music that described their love and her tiny sharp gasps and moans in his ears. If he had the strength, he would have unbuttoned her shirt and threw her bra away and suckled at her breasts allowing him to have that connection and closeness he threw away as a child.

But he was fine littering her neck with kisses and taking in her salty taste and having her steal his warmth away, he didn't care he had plenty to give and the heat he felt from inside of her made his knees quiver it took all his strength and dexterity to not burst as soon as she bonded the two of them. Rei smiled as she took the back of his head and pressed it firmer into her neck, she didn't care if he left any marks on her flesh as far as she was concerned any marks, they left on each other were love brands.

Showing one another that they belonged to and only to the brander. That they were bonded to each other, those marks on her neck would just show the world that she was his and that he loved her. Her eyes fluttered just as she senses a twitching and convulsing feeling deeper inside of her stomach and she smiled ready to take his essence in her once again, she worked her hips faster and harder wanting to empty his body entirely into her. "Hua, haa, unh it feels good, I feel itchy inside." She mewed

"Don't stop Rei, don't stop." He gasped out.

Grasping the back of his head they looked into one another's eyes, and opened their mouths letting their tongues collide and run all over one another, each one letting out soft aahhs, hmmnns and unghs. As she pulled away a shared string of saliva fell apart limply landing on their chins and then Nathan shuddered his eyes closing as his hands gripped her hips tightly.

Rei's eyes slammed shut and her arms around his neck brought her closer to him and a scream she tried hard to fight back was unleashed and she felt her whole body quiver as his body went limp, his life essence shot up into her coating her inner walls with his heat. For a brief moment her heart stopped, and she collapsed into his body, her legs falling limply on either side of the chair.

She sighed as she tiredly smooshed her lips against his, after their halfhearted kiss her chin fell onto his shoulder letting out a soft "mmmm", as she felt the heat off his body coating hers like blanket. She felt him start to stir and sit upright and it felt as if he were about to pick her up and remove her from his lap. "Wait…" she started.

"Wh-wh-what is it Rei?" he wheezed out no doubt exhausted beyond all belief as a result of their after-school activity.

"Can we stay like this?"

"Huh?"

"It's just… feeling you like this. Holding you and feeling your body inside mine, it feels nice being this close to someone. Can we stay connected just for a little while longer?"

Nodding he rested his chin on her shoulder and sat up right, unknowingly going deeper into her being making her shudder out a moan, "Hey, none of this hurts you too much right?"

Gasping out she held him tighter, "It… still hurts sometimes. It's a strange feeling but don't worry I'll get used to it, what we share is too nice to stop."

The two of them stayed locked in together for a few more minutes until Rei felt him reenergized she slid off him and hid a small sly smile from him, as he leaned on a desk pulling his pants up again she pounced on him wrapping her arms around his waist she took him in her mouth with resurged energy.

"Gyah! Rei what're… doing?!" He groaned his head sinking into his shoulders as he collapsed on the desk, stopping her head bobbing she let him fall limp from her mouth, coated with stickiness she stared at him running her hand on his length.

"I don't want to waste a drop of you, I want all of your being inside me. This just seems like something we both enjoy. Do you want me to continue?" she asked tilting her head at him moving it closer to her lips.

"Yes, please Rei, yes."

Her fox like eyes shut as soon as she took him in again, shuddering he gripped her head stroking her hair, giving her words of encouragement, helping her head with the movements he gasped out trying to hold back wanting her to go on for as long as possible.

With his hands on either side of her head he pressed his hips forward massaging her scalp as he brought her face close to his stomach he could feel himself reawaken within her and when it was ready she opened her eyes and looked up at him, she looked up at him with those two rubies that gleamed and even though her mouth was occupied.

Just by the softness her eyes filled him with, the way they were half shut and the tilt of her head he could tell that she was smiling at him. He moved one of his hands to her face, brushing her hair away from her eyes and stroked her cheek. She paused her motions and removed him, holding his hand close to her face letting him feel her skin she smiles and said, "I love you."

"I love you Rei." He replied trying to catch his breath hoping his face wasn't too red.

"Forever?" she asked in her soft voice.

"Forever."

She held him in her hands and looked up kissing his length she closed her eyes and took him in again, he could feel her trying to take him in further than she ever had before and with every new stroke she managed to cover a new part of him, with every little moan or gasp that escaped his lips her face burned brighter in pride and she massaged his hips pulling him in deeper.

Her own spot burned for him again, "Mmmm" she moaned at his taste, that strange need or hunger for him awoke once again and she reenergized her pace. "Ah, not so hard Rei." He whimpered out to her surprised at her vigor, "Sorry." She said muffled, adjusting her speed to his liking.

His shaky legs gave way as he started to put more of his weight on the desk behind him and in response Rei crawled further atop him and grab more of his body pulling him in further wanting to feel every inch of his body. She began to feel him twitch and erupt, she closed her eyes and let him in.


	14. Chapter 13 discovery

Hikari cursed herself for being so forgetful, she was usually so on top of everything but why would today of all days would she forget the notes and homework she was supposed to take to Asuka. She speed walked through the halls running her hand through one of her ponytails, she quickly hopped up the stairs to the class taking in deep breaths trying to calm herself down.

At least the school wasn't locked up yet, but where were Rei and Nathan she wondered, they couldn't have been down already, could they?

It wasn't until she neared the homeroom did, she hear the sounds, the groans followed by soft cries of "Yes, just like that" and "I love you Rei" in between the wet, sloppy choking noises. Stopping dead in her tracks her gears began to turn, she tiptoed over to the door trying to stay as quiet as possible.

Peering just past the door she saw Rei on her knees in front of Nathan's waist gripping him firmly as her head bobbed in front of him, but then she noticed how loose his pants were around his waist and how his belt's ends hung limply from both of his sides. Her eyes went wide upon seeing the two locked in their secret act, then she saw him shudder and almost collapse into Rei who closed her eyes in enjoyment peeling her face away she saw the remains and dropped her bag.

Both of the pilots quickly turned their faces over to the noise aware that they had caught, one with his pants down literally. "Hikari?" Rei asked curiously.

"Hikari?!" Nathan shouted, pulling his pants up, facing away from the class rep who was now shielding her eyes, Rei handled the situation more calmly pulling out a hankie and beginning to clean her face while Nathan was slowly working his way into a conniption fit.

Muttering under his breath about how stupid he was, how he should have just waited and about how the two of them were now caught and there's no doubt he'd find out.

"Hikari what are you doing here?"

Hikari still had her eyes covered, she couldn't bear to look at them, is this why they wanted her gone just so they could do this? "I forgot Asuka's packet, I was just coming back to get it from my desk."

Shielding her eyes, she stepped around Rei while staring at the ground until she made her way to her desk and of course it was the one he was just sitting on. Not bothering to hide her disgust she groaned and quickly pulled the stapled pack of papers from inside and began to walk away but then just as she did her mind recalled that one-word Nathan had said under his breath.

And only now did she put two and two together.

Her hands falling limply from her face she looked over to them and saw Nathan, pale faced and sweating. She saw his chest and the way it shook as it collapsed and Rei with a look of fear and worry.

"You two… aren't… you guys aren't official yet. Are you? You're not still with Shinji are you Rei?"

The blue haired girl looked away, her hand covering her mouth trying to stifle her gags no doubt what once she loved was now just a poison reminding her of the betrayal, she was taking part in. "Hikari"

Nathan took a step forward, his voice wavering his eyes fighting back tears. "Please you can't tell Shinji about this, please."

Her stomach started to twist in knots, she couldn't bear to look at the two of them. How could they, how could the two of them be doing this to Shinji no less. Someone who was supposed to be their friend.

"I can't believe you two, how can you do this. He's your friend isn't he! If I knew you were going to do this Rei, I never would have told you to tell him how you felt."

"Do you mean that Hikari?"

Rei's small voice broke Hikari's heart, looking back now she noticed the small glances Rei had given him, the way her voice was when they talked in the changing room. The one day when they came in together to class at the same time, how much closer they seemed. How the two of them snuck off to have lunch under a tree, how he looked… happier with her around.

She gripped her head with both hands, on one hand she didn't want to hurt Shinji the way he handled himself and his shyness, it looked like he was hurting enough already. But now she had to be the one who pushed the two of them together and no doubt when he found out this would destroy him.

But would Rei have ever gotten the courage to tell the boy she really loved how she felt?

She did consider Rei a friend and she did want to see her happy but…

"No, I don't but… if you two have any self-respect you'll tell Shinji the truth about what's been going between you two behind his back."

"So, you won't tell him?" Rei asked.

"No, I won't it's not my place to tell but… until you two come clean to him and fix this. Don't bother talking to me… either of you." None of them had ever heard this amount of venom coming from Hikari, Rei had turned teary eyed as she looked to the ground disgusted with herself.

Hikari stormed over to her bag yanking it up she didn't stop until she was out the school, leaving the two stunned children in the homeroom. She didn't enjoy saying that, especially to Rei who seemed to have almost no friends beyond her and her two love triangle boys. And now the one friend who reached out to her essentially cut off all contact with her. She just focused on the sidewalk in front of her, keeping her eyes low until she had found her way over to Asuka's place.

Ringing the doorbell, she stood in silence, she swore that she wouldn't tell Shinji about Rei and Nathan's deeds but now that she was here, she felt her nerve starting to give. Just then the door opened revealing Asuka bundled up in a house robe, "Hikari? What're you doing here?"

Hikari hoped that she was able to hide her emotions, "I just wanted to drop these off for you and I wanted to see how you were doing." She held out the packet for Asuka to take who rolled her eyes and groaned at the prospect of having to do any amount of homework after she had just gotten over her illness.

"Ugh, are you serious you know you could have just 'lost' the paperwork I wouldn't have blamed you." She said snatching the paper and giving them a look over muttering how she was going to be murdered by the reading assignment.

"So, you're sounding better, think you'll be ready to come back to school soon?"

Asuka sniffed wiping her nose, "Maybe after another day or two, I still feel a little icky."

"Well I'm just glad you're getting better…" she looked at her watch seeing that it was getting late and her older sister Kodama would be getting home with her promise of dinner, but still no doubt her idea of dinner was just going to be take out from the first fast food restaurant that caught her eye.

Still it had been awhile since Kodama had been home, ever since that thing attacked the city during the festival it seemed she was spending more and more of her time at work. "Listen Asuka I've got to- "

"Do you want to come in? Just for a bit Hikari, please?"

The way she said that caught Hikari off guard, her voice seemed small and timid, it wasn't the usual loud and boastful voice Asuka had and only now did she notice the way her hair was. She had small bangs covering the corners of her forehead and her hair was tied in a short ponytail in the back, and under a small patch of bangs was a bandage, its gauze pad had the distinct dark smudge of blood.

Her eyes were small as well as her mouth, Hikari had never seen her like this it was as if she were afraid of something. "Sure Asuka, I've got time."

The two girls sat at the kitchen table sipping hibiscus tea, Hikari couldn't stop eyeing the bandage on Asuka's forehead, but she noticed how unnaturally quiet it was in the apartment, the only really making any noise was Pen-pen who looked beyond rundown, reeking of beer he gripped his head sipping his tea from a straw making soft groans.

But there was no sign of Shinji being home at all. "Asuka I don't mean to pry but what happened to your head?"

"Slipped in the shower." she said quickly almost as if she were trying to dodge the question. Looking down at the steam rising from the red liquid she asked meekly, "Asuka do you have any idea where Shinji is?"

She let out a huff, "No, he didn't show up after school today but who cares?"

Hikari wondered where he could possibly be, at least by not seeing him here she wouldn't feel tempted to blurt out what she saw.

"Hey Hikari…" Asuka's voice grew serious, looking up at her friend Hikari saw that Asuka was squirming in her seat, shifting nervously. "Do you ever have any nightmares?"

"Nightmares about what? I mean sure if I watch a scary movie or something. I remember when I saw pulse when I was little one night on tv and then I spent the next week and a half covering almost everything with redtape." She let out a halfhearted laugh trying to break the tension. But the look on Asuka's face showed that whatever nightmare she was talking about outclassed any stupid scary movie.

"Yeah I wish it was just some stupid movie I was afraid of." Asuka rubbed her stomach, she could almost feel the claws raking her insides, the teeth sinking into her flesh and ripping chunks out of her body. The tiny barbed hunks of flesh with needle like hooks slamming inside her body and ripping out her insides.

How all the things pinned her down and devoured her while she screamed. Lately it seemed that those dreams were the only ones that she was able to have, it was getting so bad to the point she actively tried to fight off sleep. But in her weakened state, it was almost but impossible to stay awake for the whole night.

"Well what kind of nightmares then Asuka?"

Asuka remembered what the voice would repeat, night after night after night to her. The things attacking NERV HQ, seeing Shinji, Rei and Nathan be torn apart, gored, disemboweled and dying in almost every conceivable way imaginable before she met the same fate. She looked at the steam rising from the red tea, her stomach twisting itself into knots because now all she could see what a cup full of blood.

"Nothing… never mind. It's stupid."

After that no matter how hard Hikari tried Asuka would hardly talk to her and even if she did it was just a quick one-word answer that she would hardly even be able to make out. Taking her leave, she made her way outside of the building leaving through the front entrance she saw Shinji walking towards the doors quietly with his head down and his earbuds in.

She paused, stopping to watch him walk by. His grey stormy eyes shimmering in the light staring down at nothing like they were painted on to his face. He walked past not even acknowledging her, she felt her heart skip a few beats as it rammed itself into the back of her throat. Maybe that was for the best, because when she saw him, she wasn't sure how she'd be able to hold her tongue.

Alone again she made her way to the train station and then back home not bothering to stop until she had made it past the door and found herself sitting at her kitchen table with her head slumped on the table in front of a greasy cold hamburger bag. All she could think about was how on earth could she have gotten into such a big mess, how did she get tangled up in someone else's lies. How could she be a part of something that was going to tear their circle of friends apart.

Something that would kill Shinji.

She closed her eyes silently cursing them, hating them for putting her in this position, hating herself for hating them. Hating herself for feeling happy and good that she pushed Rei into doing something that made her happy.

Not bothering to eat she just went to her room to work on her homework in the dim light of her lamp and the moonlight, after she made the last circle period and she laid her head back she felt her eyes close almost immediately and she dreamed of life before. Before that thing attacked the city, before Asuka and the others came to live in Tokyo back to when things were more… simple.

Rei walked behind Nathan through the city after they both left the school, not a second after Hikari left he stayed silent and just stared at the ground. With his hands in his pockets he shuffled along the streets, she wanted to talk with him about what the two of them would do or at least something thing, anything but she couldn't find the courage to make her voice heard. So, she just silently walked a few feet behind him like a shadow, just as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and she almost bumped into him she barely noticed that his earbuds weren't even in.

"What's wrong?"

He nodded his head towards a small supermall, "We're running low on some stuff, and tonight… I'd like to give cooking you dinner a try. You mind if we stop in really quick?"

"You want to cook me dinner?"

"Yeah Rei, I mean you've cooked for me a few times I think it's about time I return the favor, right?"

She stood taken aback, she could feel her heartbeat start to slow down at she stared at him in the off yellow glow of the streetlamps, his short hair waved slightly in the breeze that blew past them. She nodded and replied with, "I'd- I'd enjoy that."

He gave her a small smile and walked in grabbing a shopping cart and walked off towards a bath supply store, she stood outside of the mall and placed her hand over her chest feeling her heart's vibrations. Wondering why she should be ashamed of wanting to keep this feeling but thinking of Shinji made it ache. "Why do you betray me like this? I just want to be happy with him, but people think Shinji and I are still together... why do you ache like this?" she asked herself quietly.

The door whooshed open and she saw Nathan kicking the shopping cart forward while resting his foot on the bottom bar, "Hey Rei, what's the hold up?" her hand dropped from her chest.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about… something." It didn't take him that long to guess what it was that she had on her mind. He shifted nervously behind the cart, "Well… hey they got a bookstore, you wanna check that out while I do the shopping?"

The thought of being able to look around an actual bookstore and see just to see how many books there were cheered her up a little, she looked to him and agreed to have him meet her thereafter. She walked in and followed the way the map directed her to, she walked past several clothing stores and other little shops with a large food court that took up two floors in the middle of the mall.

All around she saw other kids that were maybe around her age and some looked a little older, groups of them huddled around tables chatting with each other excitedly with shopping bags at their feet. She stopped in her tracks and stared at the groups of kids, each little group dressed in different fashions than the others with either darker or lighter clothing. Sportswear or dressed more formerly but still one thing they all shared was they all looked happy, no matter the social group everyone looked happy as if they belonged.

But one thing she noticed was there was no one group that looked like the one she belonged to. There were the kids dressed in all black like Nathan, the girls dressed properly with tight rigid movement like Hikari, the girls dressed in expensive looking clothing as if they were trying to draw attention towards them the way Asuka would often appear.

Boys with glasses and game devices in their hands with shirts covered in pop-culture artwork the way she would sometimes see Kenesuke, the boys dressed in track suits and jerseys like Toji would be, some boys dressed in plain clothing talking quietly amongst themselves away from the crowds like Shinji might. But none of those kids were all at one table, they were all with others that looked like them.

They were with their own kind, they didn't even seem to acknowledge one another in fact they seemed like they were trying to actively avoid or ignore the others' existence. So, if this was the way things were outside of school and Ms. Misato's apartment… how on earth could her and the others really be friends? Could they even co-exist?

But the most heart-breaking thing to her was, there was not one group or a single person that even remotely resembled her. Not one single being looked like her at all, not even a lone being sitting alone off somewhere away from eyesight. There was no one like her at all, even in a sea of groups of different people no one like her could exist.

She felt a slow hot trickle run down her face that ran down her cheek and fell off her chin landing at her feet, she turned around wiping the tear away from her face wanting to get away from the sight of the food court she walked into the first store that was in front of her and it was a jewelry store.

The bell chimed just as soon as she entered, and she hoped that her tears had stopped flowing by then. Just behind the counter she saw a small bob of hair walking from around the counter and then out popped a small elderly lady who could have not been much tall than four feet or so, she had her hair tied off tightly behind her head and a face full of so many wrinkles her eyes appeared to be shut.

"Hello dearie, how can I help you?"

"Help me?" Rei asked curiously walking over.

"Of course, that's why you came in after all, to see the beautiful jade jewelry I have for sell?"

The thought of jewelry never even occurred to Rei, she had seen other girls at school that wore small necklaces or earrings and often the necklaces were certain kanji characters or tiny lockets with something inside them.

But she never pictured buying, having or someone else buying her jewelry. She wouldn't know what to do with it once she even owned it, chances are it would probably sit some where on a shelf or inside a drawer gathering up dust.

"I'm sorry ma'am but… I don't really wear jewelry. I'm not even sure if I would like it, I don't see much occasion or reason for me to own any. I'm not even sure of a reason that would lead me to buying any jewelry."

The little old woman walked up to her and grasped both of her hands in hers, lightly tapping them she cooed. "Oh, no worry dear you needn't any special reason to buy anything nice for yourself. You don't even need a special occasion to buy or wear any, sometimes it just feels nice to wear it. But there is another reason for buying it."

Rei racked her mind trying to figure out this secret reason, but she was coming up blank.

"I'm sorry but I don't know that reason ma'am."

"Sometimes…" she began "It's a nice gesture you do for the ones you love, just to give them a reminder of how much they mean to you and nothing says that better than a piece of jade."

"Jade?"

The small lady let out a small laugh, "Yes, dearie jade. Not only is it a symbol of love that you can give to another, but it also gives the wearer peace of mind, heart and calm their soul."

Rei took her words in and walked up to the counter looking at the display of necklace pieces. "There is someone I… I love but he doesn't seem like a jewelry person and some of these I'm not sure if he'd like them."

The old woman walked up behind her, "Word of advice dear, when buying jewelry for men keep it simple and practical."

Rei leaned on the glass almost pressing her face against it, narrowing her eyes at the yellow, white, black, blue, red, orange and green pieces, searching for just the right one. Her eyes landed on a small circular one that resembled a donut, it was a beautiful deep green and it was just smaller than a 500-yen coin. "That one… I think he'd like that one." She said putting her finger on the glasses just above it.

Walking around the counter the lady piped up as she slid the glass open and took out the precious gemstone. "Ah good choice but you want to know how I know he'll love it?"

Rei had both of her hands on the glass, her heart leaping in her chest waiting for the lady's answer. "How?"

"Because it's a gift from you. You bought it because you love him." Taking it in her hands and setting it on a velvet cloth the lady took out a small box filled with samples of different cords, from simple cloth to thick and dark leathers.

"Now which cord?"

Rei furrowed her brow letting her fingertip drag over piece trying to imagine which one he'd enjoy hanging around his neck. She thought that since he liked darker colors, she'd get him a leather cord but none of them felt good to her touch. She closed her eyes briefly and saw him sitting on a bench with her under the sun and a tree that was letting down a waterfall of cherry blossom petals.

He was giving off a light laugh that warmed her like honey and was smiling at her, his hand tightly wrapped around hers both of them finally unafraid to show the world what they felt for one another. She felt her heart start to swell as soon as she saw what cord the jade stone hung from and her hand went to the center of her chest.

Her other hand followed in suit and she untied her bow, holding it limply between her right thumb and forefinger she asked in a small voice, "I know that this isn't an option, but can you use this one? It's just… this belongs to me like my heart and I'm hoping that this just reminds him how much he means to me. And reminds him how much I mean to him."

The small lady wiped a tear away from her eyes, and gave her a small "Okay, dearie, okay."

Taking both to the back of her store she combined the two pieces together, and not five minutes later she came back with the necklace, the red ribbon tied tightly around the jade piece end with two adjustable knots at the top. As the lady demonstrated to Rei how to adjust the height of the necklace Rei watched intensely seeing the length of the ribbon constrict and relax.

Rei handed the lady 2,500 yen and put the leather pouch with her gift in her bag she felt more relaxed and at ease. Even seeing the food court didn't bother her anymore, she continued on her path to the bookstore and just as she was outside it, some older girl probably in high school ran up to her and got her attention. "Hi, do you have a minute to talk with us about something veeeerrrrry important?" she pleaded in a high-pitched voice.

"I'm sorry but I have to meet my… someone. I have to meet someone in the bookstore." She replied pointing over her shoulder at the store behind her.

"Oh, c'mon it'll just take a minute." She took Rei's wrist lightly and pulled her over to a table where another girl sat at. You couldn't even see the table top it was covered in pamphlets and a massive bowl filled with tiny square foil packets.

"What's all of this?" she asked concerned at the two smiling girls who were just leaking excitable energy that was already sapping Rei of her own.

"Hi, I'm Kieko and you are?" the girl sitting down at the table shot out her hand towards her and Rei hesitantly took it and shook it, "Rei, Rei Ayanami." She replied.

"Well Rei I'm glad you decided to stop by- "

"But I didn't stop by, she dragged me her." She pointed at the other girl.

"Well you're here now that's the important thing." The dragger said.

"Yeah because we have something important to talk to you about. You're in middle school right, that outfit's from first municipal junior high right?"

Rei nodded back to her. The girl grabbed one of the pamphlets and handed it to Rei, "Well we all know what goes on there right? The third-floor romances and everything else."

"Third floor romances?"

"You don't have to be shy Rei, it's okay." The dragger patter her shoulder and Rei looked at the pamphlet the words "Teenage pregnancy and the things you need to know" was printed across the top of it. "With the way everything is… we know what you crazy kids get up to, I mean we've probably done the same things right Tomi?" she asked.

"Yeah but Rei we don't want to shame you or any other girls that choose to do this. We're just here from the high school to spread awareness about teen pregnancy and what you can do to avoid it. I mean waiting would be ideal but hey we're all human right?"

Human? Rei thought. "What are those?"

Kieko picked one of the shiny packets up, "This Rei is a condom and we are giving these out for free as part of Tokyo 3's plan to curb teenage pregnancy because believe it or not it's becoming a problem. Just another way for you to stay safe and protected."

Rei thumbed through the pamphlet and saw that they were indeed used for that act, she thought about the numerous times she had already bonded with Nathan, but they haven't had any kind of problems yet but still. Seeing all the images and blurbs of info this paper told her about casted some doubts in her mind. Maybe it'd be better if they used condoms, and they were free, but she was trying to figure out how many she would need or how many she'd be allowed to take.

"How many can I have?" she asked.

"As many as you need." Kieko replied.

With that Rei's hand reached into the bowl and stretching her hand fully out and grabbed such as massive handful of the tiny foil squares that both girl's eyes popped wide open and their jaws dropped, Keiko even dropped the condom wrapper in her own hands. Rei's hand was so full that she had to move slowly and couldn't even close her fist, or she'd risk spilling all of the packets. And just like rainfall they all clattered into her bag covering the leather pouch.

"You're going to use all of those?" Tomi asked.

"Yes, me and my… other half. We both like being together like this, it makes me warm inside and it makes him happy. And that makes me happy, happy that I'm connect to someone like that."

"Of course, it makes him happy, he's a guy." Tomi said.

"Oh, shut up Tomi, don't worry Rei I think it sounds sweet." Kieko said in her defense, Rei thanked both of the older girls for their help and made her way into the bookstore and just as she was about to start browsing, she heard him calling her. "Rei, you all done?"

She was happy to see him, but she had just gotten there and already the smell of books was starting to fill her nostrils, but she agreed that they'd leave once he met her there.

"Oh… well…" she let her voice trail off.

"Didn't find anything you liked yet?"

He asked giving her a soft look, "It's okay, we can stay here for a little while until you're ready to go." He said giving her a smile. "Thank you." She said softly.

She spent most of her time just walking up and down the aisles of bookshelves running her finger along their spines reading their titles trying to find any that called out to her. After she had built up her stack of thick leather-bound books the pair left and with Rei close by his side, she looked behind her to see the two girls waving goodbye to her smiling widely. With her books swishing by her leg she waved goodbye back.

The pair walked down the quiet and empty streets and before long she realized that he was struggling to keep up with her pace and his right leg was dragging along behind him. He seemed to be struggling with the weight of all the groceries he bought but he still pressed on acting as if nothing were wrong with him.

He even tried to hide those little groans from his aching knee, Rei slowed her own pace down not wanting him to over exert himself, she kept her head down when they were side by side but once she felt his shoulder bump into hers she looked back up at him and saw that he gave her a small tired smile.

Feeling her chest tighten she looked away out in front of them and saw a small park and not that far beyond them was a hill with a bench and a tree resting at the top. With her free hand she gripped his wrist and began to pull him in that direction, "Can we go up there? I think the two of us could use a quick rest, besides I'd like to look at the stars with you for a bit."

Trying his best to hide the pain his swollen knee was giving him he nodded to her and let her lead the way up the hill and just as they climbed to the top he collapsed groaning before he could even make it to the bench, putting his bags on the seat he rolled on to his back and gripped it firmly trying to massage it. "Ah, damn what the hell is wrong with you?" he muttered to it.

Sitting upright he gripped the area above and below it squeezing and rubbing it with his last bits of strength, he could feel the muscles already locking up and burning. Just then he felt Rei's small hands touch his own and begin to rub his leg alongside him.

"You shouldn't force yourself like this, you'll only make your injuries worse. Lie back and rest."

Not bothering to fight he landed on his back letting out a pained sigh as Rei rested on her knees beside him and massaged his leg, he could feel her warm touch through his pants and before he knew it the pain in his leg had become a small buzzing sensation. "Is that better?" she asked leaning over his face.

He nodded slightly, "Yeah, thanks. Y-you wanna lay down here next to me? Look at the stars?"

Her reply was simply to lay down beside him with her arms stretched out at her sides, the two stayed silent as they watched the stars slowly start to pop up in the night sky, the small distant little white dots that twinkled against a light blueish black inky soup with small streaks of violet and purple. Rei saw in silent amazement as all the stars glimmered in the sky, how some seemed to be dim and other burned bright and close by.

So close she thought she could almost reach out and touch them pluck them out of the sky and put them in her pocket, but then she felt a small cold sensation in her hand that ran up her arm, she couldn't help it she let out a small gasp. Looking down she saw Nathan had inched his pinkie finger to her own and that they were lightly touching.

And as her heart fluttered, she saw him wrap his own finger around hers. Feeling her face burn bright she released his pinkie and gripped his hand intertwining their fingers and scooted closer to him. He broke their silence when he finally said, "I'm so tired of all this."

Rei looked over to him and asked, "Tired of what?"

Sighing he rolled over unintentionally on top of her. He let out a gasp when he realized the position they were in, "S-s-sorry." He rested his knee by her hip and was about to remove himself from her, but she stopped him gripping his arms, she asked again. "Tired of what?"

She brought up a single hand to his face and stroked it. He returned the gesture leaning in closer to her, "I'm tired of hiding what I feel for you. Tired of the sneaking around and hoping no one sees us, like you said before I just want to be able to stand in the sun with you and let people know what we mean to one another."

He let out a sigh, "I'm just so tired of hurting Shinji, I'm tired of doing something that hurts him but… feels good for me." He had started to play with her hair and was now kissing her neck. "Nathan." Rei said flatly.

He stopped himself realizing what he was doing, he rolled over off her and turned his face away. "Sorry." He apologized again, but he didn't feel sorry how many times had he apologized already for doing this. What was the point of saying sorry if he was just going to do it all over again?

He felt her grip his shoulder and turn him back towards her, "I'm tired of this too. I'm tired of feeling as if you're being torn from me. But Shinji… what would he think? He's sensitive to pain, I want to tell him. I want him to know I've found happiness but if he realizes he's not the source of it. I don't know what he'd do."

"So, when should we tell him and the others? The longer we wait the worse it might get. They all might just freeze us out."

"We just have to wait just a little longer that's all, I just don't want to hurt him. I still love you." She climbed atop of him again, the moon resting behind her head made her glow, leaning her head down she kissed him so lightly on the lips that they barely touched. Staring deep into his eyes, she kissed him again pressing her lips against his with more force gripping the back of his head.

His hands ran up and down her back, taking turns between gripping her shoulders and squeezing her butt. Both of them let out a shared moan and she lightly bit his lip and he returned the gesture, keeping them connected she reached out to her bag and started to dig through it she dug deeper and deeper into it feeling every single thing in it and then she pulled it out.

A small leather pouch, breaking her lips away from his she sat up right holding the pouch close to her chest. Propping himself up with his elbows he pointed to the pouch, "Hey what's that?"

"It's a gift for you… I'm not sure if you'll like it but I got it for you, so you'll remember me. Remember what you mean to me."

She overturned it and let the jade piece fall into her hand, tossing the pouch aside she picked up the bow by the end and let the necklace dangle in her forefinger and thumb. "It's jade, it's supposed to calm your mind and soul, but it's also supposed to… give feelings of love." She opened up the red bow and draped it over his head guiding it down his neck until the jade piece rested in the center of his chest.

"And the bow? Wait…" he noticed that her school was missing, "Rei, this isn't yours is it? I mean can't you get in trouble for this?"

"It's okay… the bow is just a piece of me. And knowing that you'll always carry with you, that it holds this thing around your neck and is near your heart makes me feel warm. Here in my heart." she said pointing to the center of her chest. "Do you like it?" she asked hopefully.

He picked up the jade piece in his fingers and felt its coldness, and the old heat that the red bow carried with it, letting out a small puff of air out through his nose he looked back up to her and smiled. "Yeah Rei I love it. I swear I'll always keep this with me."

Slipping it into his shirt he sat up propping her on his knees and hugging her tight, burying his face into her shoulder he rubbed his face against her chest trying to listen to her heart. She pulled him into her closer, but there it was again that small sharp pain that ran across her scalp like a knife. That splinter that dug itself deeper into her brain, the question that she had been begging to ask him since the night they had bonded together in the dark and he had said those sweet words to her.

Letting out a small shaky sigh feeling her heart swell she whispered into his ear.

"What would you do if I died?"

Rei sat at the dinner table working on today's homework while Nathan stood in the kitchen squinting at small recipe notecard while he watched over the curry that was on tonight's menu. She sat there tapping her pencil's eraser against the table in boredom, she had already finished her assignment in the first fifteen minutes since they had been home but…

Her mind was still distracted. He didn't answer her back under the tree, he just went silent and pulled her in closer. She tried to decipher what he meant by it, there were a million things that he could have said but didn't.

She wasn't sure what he would do if she did die or whatever her fate was once Commander Ikari had her fulfill her purpose. He had said there was no one else he could ever love but still the thought of seeing him alone in the world again made her heart splinter. She wondered how he would go on if she was gone or if the situation was reversed, already she felt funny.

Not in the same way she did when they united their bodies and souls together, she felt stretched or thin. Like parts of her soul were being ripped away from her into different directions and she was going to slowly fade away. What would she do if he died? She wondered to herself, she had read books about how some animals that mate for life but once they lose a mate they seem to give up on life and wait to die. They just grow tired of being separated from the other half of their soul.

She wondered if that would happen to her. She didn't even notice him walk over with her bowl of curry, "Here you go, vegetarian just like you like it." He said sitting across from her.

"Oh, thank you." She said setting her things aside bringing the bowl closer to her, she took a small scoop of it and brought it to her mouth, it was… "It's okay."

He gave a small nervous laugh, "I guess cooking is just one thing that's not gonna be in my forte."

He lightly picked at his food, mostly just moving it around. He tried to keep a brave face, but she could tell that he was hiding something, no matter how hard she tried he wouldn't make eye contact with her. Maybe asking him that was too far, perhaps thinking of a situation like that was too uncomfortable for him. Soon he stopped picking at his food and laid his spoon down and slid under the table, she heard him crawling under it towards her.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Then she felt his hands slid up to her waist.

Hooking his fingers into her panties he pulled them down and simply replied, "Returning the favor." And once she felt his touch, she let out a gasp.

Rei sat by herself on the balcony, on a chair she was curled up her knees covering her bare chest, she looked over her shoulder and saw Nathan sleeping deeply on the couch, his black boxers half pulled off his waist. She returned her attention out towards the geo-front again, she was listening. Cicadas and crickets that's all she heard in the still and empty night, whether they were real or not was anyone's guess.

She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing down, focusing on shutting everything out and then like someone snapping their fingers in one quick instant all the noise in the background faded and it was silent, even his slight asthmatic breathing was shut out. And then it felt like before, before him and before Shinji. It was just another one of those nights that she spent back in her old apartment alone, in the dead part of the city where everything was quiet.

Where it felt like there was nothing else in this world besides her, how lonely she felt and how hollow. The only thing she could feel was her hollow heart beating in her chest, her breathing slowed down and she covered her ears in an attempt trying to hide the lone heartbeat. But then she felt two arms wrap around her chest, "Hey sorry I fell asleep back there. You okay?"

She pulled herself deeper into his arms, "Yes, fine. Everything's fine." She lied.

"You wanna head upstairs to bed?"

She nodded, standing up she stood before him just a few inches short of his own height clad only in her panties, she leaned forward into him and hugged him, her bare chest against his. She could feel his heart beating against her own chest, taking her hand in his he led her upstairs where he fell asleep resting his head above her heart.

She stayed up just a little while longer stroking his hair, holding him close to her. In the moonlight she saw that true to his word, he was still wearing the necklace. She wanted to fall asleep with a smile, she wanted to be happy that he liked her gift. How close he was to her at the moment, how good he had made her feel under the table. How the only thing he longed for was to be able to walk out with her in the light and show the world how he felt about her.

But all she could think about was how lonely and cold she felt when he was back home in America and she wondered how he would feel if she ever left him.

The next morning just as the pair were getting dressed, they heard a knocking downstairs, just as Nathan finished buttoning his shirt, he asked Rei cocking an eyebrow, "Were we expecting anyone?"

Rei silently shook her head and the two walked downstairs. Opening the door, they were surprised to see Shinji, Asuka and Misato standing in front of them. "Morning you two!" Misato said in a chipper tone.

"Good morning Ms. Misato." Rei replied, "Good morning Shinji… Asuka."

Nathan just gave the three a silent nod wondering why they were all here, normally when it was time to head off to school it would just be him and Rei, no one else. So why were they all here now? Was this going to be a new regular thing?

"Why are all you guys here?" he asked but not watching his tone it might have come off ruder than he intended going off of Asuka's answer but then again, maybe she just wasn't a morning person.

"Are you seriously asking me that? You should be happy enough that we even stopped by on the way to pick you guys up." she walked through the door planting her hand in the center of Nathan's chest giving it a hard shove, pushing him out the way where she started to snoop through the kitchen. "Seriously nothing to eat. What's wrong with you two?" she snarked.

"I don't like breakfast foods." Nathan muttered walking past her lightly bumping her out the way closing the cabinets that she opened up, where Rei piped up with her own answer. "I'm not experienced cooking any breakfast foods."

"C'mon even Shinji knows how to cook an egg first!"

"I don't like eggs."

Asuka just rolled her eyes and huffed, "Can we just get this day going?" she kept brushing her hair that was covering a small fresh scar on her forehead, Nathan squinted at it wondering what had happened. When Misato sighing and shaking her head at the red head's demands nodded her head towards the door. "You're right Asuka no sense in putting this off any longer."

"Sorry but put off what any longer?" Nathan asked.

"Well I had wanted it to be a surprise but Asuka…" she said putting heavy emphasis on the girl's name, "demanded to know so I guess it's only fair the two of you know as well. Today you four lucky kids are getting new plug suits. Top of the line, they're going to help you with your synchronization and hopefully give you extra protection."

"Do we get to choose the colors? I kinda forgot to ask." Shinji said rubbing the back of his head nervously, but his eyes were on Misato. They were instead bouncing off of Nathan and Rei, noting the small distance they had between the two of them.

"Sorry Shinji but no, the suits are now the same color schemes of your EVA units. Don't fret though I'm sure you'll look handsome in purple." She playfully tussled his hair.

"Ugh, Ms. Misato." He groaned turning bright red trying to fight his way out from under her grasp on for her to give chase and pull him close to her body to continue to fluff his hair in every direction. Asuka narrowed her eyes at the boy who was now crossing his legs tightly and trying to cover his face, she silently called him an idiot in her mind before pushing past everyone calling out behind her.

"Let's go already!" she yelled as she made her way to the locker rooms.

Shinji looked at himself in the mirror and eyed the glossy new purple plug suit, with patches of green, dull yellow and black on his knees, and forearms. There were two small bumps on his shoulders that looked like they were tiny pauldrons.

The more he eyed the suit he noticed how the chest piece seemed to be made of a heavier polymer like material, he even had forearm gauntlets and shin guards. The suit looked more like combat armor from a science fiction movie. "At least they didn't add the horn." He muttered.

"You don't like the new suits?" Nathan asked from behind the set of lockers.

"It's not that it's just… did they have to make it look so much like the EVA's armor?"

Sighing he walked around the lockers and learned against them looking at Shinji, his own new suit was slick and shiny like oil with orange and bright crimson coloring. And true to his EVA's design his armor looked like it was made of razor blades, with more pointed edges jutting out.

"You're not the one wearing this but hey I like it so…" he gave a quick shrug before eyeing his hand opening and closing his fist, he noticed how pieces of the polymer armor seemed to pop out with tiny sharp curved arrowhead points. And his fingers had tiny sharp ending tips, "At least they made the cuffs smaller." He said finishing his thought before turning around.

But Shinji couldn't help but ask, "Hey what's that thing around your neck?"

Pointing his finger to the center of Nathan's chest where the small green jade donut dangled, hanging around his neck with the help of a red bow ribbon.

Picking it delicately with his thumb and forefinger he held it up, "This oh, nothing just a necklace I picked up at a shop. Now let's go they're probably waiting for us." Turning around quickly Nathan walked off muttering something about how could they have forgotten pockets on the suits.

Shinji just stood there thinking about the necklace and what it was hanging off of, thinking of it he noticed that Rei wasn't wearing her ribbon that was mandatory with her uniform but they had come pretty earlier maybe she just didn't have time to put it on right?

"What pervert made these outfits?" Asuka groaned looking in the mirror, posing and turning her hips eyeing the new tight red suit she was in. "You can almost see everything!"

The suit was squeezing her chest tight and no matter what she did to fiddle with the wrist cuffs there was no making her suit comfortable. But she did like the upgrades to it, the more armored pieces the shiner look to it at well as that weird D3o gel stuff that lined the inside of the suit that was supposed to help regulate temperatures and dull the pain they could get from being thrown around inside the plug.

She heard the click and whoosh of compressed air and Rei walked around giving her a quick glance before walking away in her new white and blue suit, surprisingly her suit was the least armored. And instead of sharp points or ninety degree points her armor and pieces were more rounded and smoother, the complete opposite of what Nathan's armor looked like.

She eyed the albino girl's rear and chest seeing how the new suit seemed to make her thin waist stand out more and even lifted up her butt and made her smaller breasts look bigger. She stopped in the middle of the room and asked. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing! I'm looking at nothing, what are you looking at?" Asuka yelled feeling her face burn in embarrassment, "I'm looking at the door." She replied back softly.

"Go on just get out of here!" Asuka yelled at Rei, who quietly obeyed and walked away, Asuka returned her attention to the mirror calling herself stupid for ever wanting to be friends with that emotionless plank of wood. She turned off to the side and slid her hand down her stomach and grabbed at her sides.

All she could think about was Rei's smaller frame, Asuka might've had a shapelier form than her but why then did it seem that Shinji and Nathan seemed to eye her more than herself. What did that doll have that she didn't? Frowning she decompressed her suit and eyeballed her stomach again, putting her suit back on she walked off to the toilets and began to slide one of her fingers down her throat.

When all the pilots were in the waiting area, Shinji noticed a small look Rei would occasionally shoot Nathan and the one he would return. Their heads were tilted down, but they would still eye each other and share a small smile. Rei would rub her arms or her stomach nervously like she had a chill, and he would shift nervously.

They all heard the clicking of heels and saw Ritsuko walking towards them, her nose pointed towards her clipboard looking through her data sheets muttering under her breath. Looking up at the children she pushed her glasses up, "Good I see you're all adjusting to the new suits nicely enough any complaints?"

"These suits are too flashy! Everyone's gonna be able to see my… to see my you know!" Asuka held her arms outward showing the doctor how tight the suit was, to which she just sighed. "The suits are gonna have to be tighter, that way the D3o can help absorb and physical shocks and it's gel liner can regulate your body temps. But hey nothing's perfect any other complaints?" she said rolling her eyes. Asuka took a breath in ready to ramble on no doubt just to be heard only for Nathan to cut her off with, "The suits still don't have pockets."

Ritsuko narrowed her eyes and scribbled on her papers, "You can't wear that for today's test." She said using her pen to point at the necklace dangling around Nathan's neck.

"Why not?"

"We need to limit any background interference as much as possible, it'll have to be taken off before you can go through with your testing."

"Why? I wear my glasses in the plug and Asuka wears her hair clips and stuff."

"Those were specially built for you kids, so that way they wouldn't interfere with the readings now go on and take it off we'll wait here until its off."

He gave an angry sigh and flung his hands in the air, Shinji noticed that Rei's small smile disappeared and how sad she looked, it looked like someone just stomped on her chest. "Hey Nathan… maybe just take it off?" he suggested.

"Go on you idiot you're holding us up!" Asuka screeched grabbing his shoulder which he flung off aggressively and she backed up a look of fear in her eyes, "Don't tell me what to do Asuka! Fine! Let me go put it in my locker."

He walked off back to the lockers, pulling the necklace over his neck and keeping it in one palm, Ritsuko narrowed her eyes at the boy as he walked off and took more notes. Rei's eyes were alarmingly wide and her hands near her chest, Shinji put a hand on Asuka's shoulders trying to calm her down, Nathan's outburst even scared him a little.

"You okay Asuka?" he asked to which she brushed off his shoulder.

"It's nothing, he's just an ass."

They all waited until he came walking back fiddling with his wrist cuff, "Well? Daylight's burning let's just get this over with." he said looking at the floor raising his eyebrows as he walked past everyone.

Ritsuko and Misato watched the children on the monitors, Shinji had a furrowed brow, Asuka had her eyes squeezed tightly shut focusing all her energy concentrating while the two secret love birds sat back in their chairs calmly.

"Hmm, Shinji looks like he's improved he's sitting at 64 percent." Misato mused.

"Yes, but look at this." Ritsuko's fingers ran along the keyboard pulling up Shinji's latest data. "Here sure he's made it up to 64 but see these spikes… his focus is off. Something is messing with his concentration annnnnd now he's at 48 percent."

Misato furrowed her brow and wondered what could be eating at him, at home she had already begun to notice that he was spending more time alone in his room, which no doubt was normal for a teenage boy but whenever she would spy on him he would just be laying in his bed on his side facing the wall. "How're Rei and Nathan doing?"

A smile grew on Ritsuko's face "I was wondering when you'd ask me about them. Bring up the data for pilots 01 and 06."

Hyuga did as she asked and in seconds on the holograph both of their still faces popped up along with their data, both were sitting at 72 percent perfectly, from the moment the testing had started to that very instant both graphs matched perfectly with no sign of difference. Even their heart rates and psych graphs rose and fell at the same time.

"That's- that's…"

"Unheard of almost mathematically impossible yet there it is."

"They're in perfect synch. But no this has to be a glitch or something."

"Fine if you think it's that." Ritsuko cleared her voice getting ready to give orders but a rapid beeping stole her attention, "What that can't be. Asuka's leveling off at 32 percent." Ritsuko's confused tone worried Misato who saw that the red head girl was shivering or trembling in her plug tightly gripping her controls.

"She's the lowest of the bunch no way she'd be able to pilot based on that."

Rubbing her head Misato sighed, just her luck when one thing goes right something else goes wrong. "Anything we can do to fix this?" she groaned.

Before she could react Ritsuko spoke over the comms to the pilots, "Alright everyone we're gonna change things up a bit you're all still nowhere where we need you to be. But Nathan it turns out that you're at the highest rate congrats. So, here's what we're gonna do- "

"What do you mean he's at the highest?" Asuka shouted.

"What can I tell you Asuka his synch ratio has always been impressive, maybe now he's unlocking his true potential… wish I could say the same about you." Misato glared at Ritsuko who held up her finger and cut the comm link.

"What're you doing?!"

"You don't get it Misato, Asuka's the kind of person who once you put down and try to break down gets mad and then her results shoot up. Her anger and competitive nature might be the only thing that's gonna get her to be in synch with anyone of them."

Asuka had fallen silent and was staring down at her feet her shoulders shaking as she seethed with anger. "Shinji you doing okay but there's always room for improvement and Rei disappointing you are nowhere near your average synch rate."

"Sorry ma'am" Rei said softly.

"We'll just have to do this the old-fashioned way. Nathan we'll raise your plug depth see if you can't surpass your ratio manually, the rest of you we'll sink and see if that can't boost your scores."

Every one of them except Asuka gave a slight nod, and before each of them knew it they felt their chairs moving. Asuka just gritted her teeth and shut her eyes, concentrating with every fiber of her being. She imagined piloting unit 02, feeling herself flying through the air and running through the city ready to cut down another angel. "Please, please, please, please." She kept saying over and over.

Nowhere near my average… I'm a failure. Rei sunk her head forward she felt a tightness in her chest and her face burned but not out of love or embarrassment but sadness, she could feel her eyes trembling as she realized that she failed her duties.

If she couldn't fulfill them what point was there in her existing. There it was again that hollow, empty feeling. She sank further into her chair, she just wanted to close her eyes forever. Her chest continued to tighten, and she felt a single tear escape her eye, she felt like she was breaking. And she wasn't sure she could go on after everything, the physical pain, being unit 00 when it went berserk. The strain she felt piloting the EVA like something was trying to pull her out from her body.

Seeing Shinji and Nathan get hurt, going behind Shinji's back and betraying his feelings. Not being able to fully embrace her heart, she felt as if any second she would collapse in on herself… it didn't use to be like this. Back before everything nothing felt like it hurt her or hurt for long anyways, but she also couldn't feel things.

Or at least know what those feelings meant, her hands drifted to her head she was so tired. She ripped the headset off her head and covered her face, but then just before her chest felt like it was going to explode out of her body, she thought for a second she heard his voice.

"Rei…"

"Rei…"

"Rei…"

She heard his voice calling out to her, she let out a small sigh "Nathan."

A smile grew on her face as she felt warmness overtake her body and she stretched back into her chair as a smile grew on her face and her breathing became heavy. She felt his hand on her cheek and all the weight left her body, she felt his body press against hers and for a brief moment she could almost even hear his heartbeat.

Lup-dup, lup-dup, lup-dup

The plug all around her began to glow vibrantly and whirl with activity as a high-pitched noise began to flood her ears. "You're with me in here aren't you?" she said softly to herself.

"You were always in there… in my heart I just had to meet you."

Misato's eyes were wide as she saw the graph, "A second signal inside her plug?"

Ritsuko sat smiling holding a cup of coffee to her face, "And check whose it is."

Squinting at the monitors she saw that the tiny minuscule pixel that separated them and those vital signs and synch rates were… "Nathan's?"

"Yes, and the strange thing is that wasn't there before once she composed herself his exact bio-readings appeared out of nowhere. And they both broke 101 percent and he's at the very top of the plug depth, and her readings are dead center in his data."

"What does this all mean?" Misato asked wildly.

"It means that we can move further with the secret American project well one of them anyways." She said smirking as she sipped her black coffee, sitting it aside she lit a cigarette and took a drag. "Oh, look Asuka's at 33 percent good for her." She gave a long sigh, "I think we can call it we have the data we need."

As soon as the testing was done and the children were let out Asuka ran off to the lockers not wanting any of her fellow pilots to even look at her, Shinji saw that Nathan was wearing a small prideful smirk on his face, no doubt happy that he got the top synch rate for that day. He sat on the small platform watching Nathan hop off the last two ladder rungs before Rei walked up to him, he could almost see her blushing face from where he was.

Her hands were close to her chest and she smiled at him, shuffling her feet she said something to him to which he nodded and smiled back, scratching the back of his neck before looking both ways. He gestured with his head towards the far exit and then both of them walked out the far end side by side.

Shinji crept after them trying to find out where they could have possibly gone, by the time he arrived there he could only try to follow them by the echoing of squeaking footsteps but no matter what direction he ran to there was nothing there but empty hallways and what seemed to be infinite unmarked doors.

His heart raced as he darted everywhere trying to find the sources of the footsteps but then he heard silence followed by the whooshing of a door, and then nothing he lost them. All he could do was slump his back against the wall and cover up his eyes and try to control his hyperventilating that made it feel like a bomb had gone off in his chest.

"What are we doing here?" Rei asked Nathan who convinced her to walk with him to a supply closet. "I wanted to show you something." He replied smiling slyly, locking the door and then turning around he decompressed his suit the polymer chest piece snapped in half and hung on one of his shoulders. He set it aside and began to wiggle out of his suit showing off his chest.

Blushing Rei took her wrist in one hand and decompressed her suit much to his surprise, "What're you doing?" he asked.

"Oh well I thought… I thought you wanted…"

"Keep your suit on." He replied shyly as he struggled to take out one arm, she did as she was told and clicked her wrist cuff again and when she looked up at him his arms were behind his back tying the sleeves around his waist.

"I just wanted to show you this." Holding up his right hand he showed her that the red ribbon was tied around his wrist and hand, the jade donut piece rested in the middle of his palm.

"You kept it?" she asked feeling a little teary eyed.

"Yeah, I said I'd keep it with me, right? A promise is a promise."

A smile grew over her face as she tackled him with outstretched arms pulling him in tight, "Gyah." He cried out as they tumbled around in the closet knocking boxes and small cleaning bottles around off the shelves. Resting in the middle of the floor he stared up at her, she had one hand planted firmly over his heart and was looking deep into his eyes.

Both of them were letting out small heavy breaths, resting his arms on her elbows and running them up and down her suit brought her face down to his and tilting his head kissed her. Through the soft wet sloppy kiss Rei let out small moans before she pulled her burning lips away from his. "I felt you back there."

"Back where?" he gasped out.

"In the plug, I felt bad… but then it felt as if you were there with me. Embracing me, warming my heart." she smiled at him, resting her head on his chest she felt her face grow hot as she listened to his racing heartbeat. "I heard this noise in there with me. You calmed me, thank you."

He didn't know how to respond, all he did was wrap his arms around her tighter and pulled her closer to his body, even though he felt his chest burning his legs felt so cold. "Hey Rei, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Could you not come back to our place until after dark? It's just… I want to plan a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise?" she asked curiously.

"The point of a surprise is that you don't know what it is." He said coolly looking at her, she was resting her chin on the center of his chest and he began stroking her hair. She gave him a small nervous smile, "A surprise? Do you think I will like it?"

"I hope you will."

She crawled up on him until they were face to face, "Do I still have your heart?"

He nodded slowly to her, resting his hands on her waist he could still feel her shuddering under his touch and feel the heat of her skin. "Then I'm sure that I will love it." She said before closing her eyes and gripping the red ribbon around his neck bringing his lips up to hers.


	15. Chapter 14 strange happenings

Rei stood under the showerhead letting the hot water wash off the LCL that was sticking to her skin, running her hands through her hair rubbing in the shampoo she felt the corners of her lips twitching trying to form a smile.

Even if the shower was causing a small cloud of mist to cover her lower half completely the warmth, she felt swelling up in her chest burned so much more. All she could think about was what he planning for her. She let out a quiet sigh tilting her head up letting the water run down her face, then she heard the squeaking of knobs.

Looking around she saw that Asuka was heading back towards the lockers, Rei hadn't even noticed the that the red head was still there. Cutting the water off Rei took a step out her feet squeaking along the wet floors catching Asuka's attention.

Stopping in her tracks Asuka turned around and saw Rei walking towards her with a towel resting on her shoulders as she dried her hair, covering her eyes she shrieked at Rei. "What are you doing oh my god cover up!"

Letting her arms fall at her sides Rei looked down, then back up to her. "What's the matter? Aren't we both female?"

"That doesn't matter cover up you gross perv!" Rei with a puzzled look on her face did as the redhead told her and wrapped the towel around her chest and covering up her waist. She then walked over staring forward to her locker opening it up she saw the small photo she had asked Kensuke to make for her. It was a group shot of everyone at her party and then taped to it very crudely.

Was a candid shot of Nathan, still with that semi stern look on his face staring off into nothing, still she couldn't help but let her finger run down his picture stroking his face. A small smile popped on her face but once she heard the locker on the far room slam shut it disappeared. She could hear Asuka's grumbling getting louder and louder, "So stupid how can he be better than me? Stupid Dr. Akagi calling me out in front of everyone."

She continued to curse all of the NERV staff and everyone else, her voice wavering as her fist punched the locker which only made her let out another curse. Before she could help it the words, "What's the matter?" left her mouth.

"What's the matter?! What's the matter! That stupid idiot is probably all high and mighty now knowing he did better than me!"

Rei thought back and noticed how he did seem to be a little happier after the testing but then again it could have been for another reason. "Do you view Nathan as a threat to you?" she asked.

"No not him that idiot, Shinji! I don't care about Nathan he can go ahead and die for all I care!"

"Don't talk about him like that."

Asuka glared at Rei surprised at the coldness in her voice in that instant, "Talk about who Shinji? Just because you're dating him doesn't mean he's special or anything." She snapped walking over to Rei whose red eyes were shinning now with anger, it was a feeling that she wasn't accustomed to.

She felt her hands curl up into fists and she couldn't control her breathing, but she knew she had to control her emotions, one little giveaway could spill her secrets. Standing now face to face with her Asuka sneered at the albino girl looking deep into her eyes which were blank. With a swift hand Asuka struck Rei across the face leaving a bright red imprint on her left cheek, "Why do you bother defending him and the other one you know that boys' feelings for you only come from one spot right?"

She lifted another arm ready to strike her but just before it could make contact Rei stopped her grabbing her wrist so tight that both girls thought they heard the bones crack slightly. "Ow let go of me you bitch!" Asuka growled, thrashing around only for Rei to let go of her, causing her to slip and fall to the ground on her back.

Staring up at the towel clad girl Asuka averted her eyes, and muttered coldly "I hate you, why don't you just die?"

Rei simply stared down at her and said, "Leave me now, you don't know anything. You've never been loved by another and by your actions it wouldn't surprise me if you never are." Rei was a little surprised at her sudden callousness but even then Asuka's sheer dismissal at Nathan's fate awoke that hidden anger within her. She hoped that it would die out soon before someone else encountered her.

Tilting her head down so her hair would cover her face Asuka made a small choking noise and runaway from Rei, her shoes slapping the floors until they disappeared. Rei turned her attention back to her locker and got out her uniform and dressed herself, she felt heavy as if her body was chained to the floor and her heart was being ripped from her chest.

Looking into the small mirror she had in her locker she lifted her fingertips up to her cheek and touched it, feeling the small sting of hot pink flesh. "Guilt, I'm feeling guilt."

She winced slightly once her fingers left her cheek and she continued getting dressed and once she did, she decided to walk to the snack machines and wait until Nathan told her it was okay for her to return. She wished she could have known about what he was planning sooner, maybe she could have gotten one of her books and sat outside in the geo-front and read to pass the time.

But here she was instead, sitting by the drink machine upright and rigid with her hands folded in her lap, with each tiny tick that the clock above her head emitted she felt her heart skip a beat as her arms shivered. A small part of her was worried what he'd think if he found the small stash of foil squares in her bag, she was worried that seeing all of those would make him uncomfortable and cause him to run away.

"Rei?"

A small voice called out to her, turning her head she saw Shinji walked towards the machines with his wallet out timidly. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh, I was just waiting…" she said she felt her heart race as it felt a lump was growing in her throat.

"Waiting for what?"

"Nothing important… was there something you needed?"

He fumbled the wallet around in both of his hands, "It's not important but I just wanted to… I saw you leaving with… it feels like it's been forever since we've talked." He said gloomily.

Rei looked up at him and saw how scrunched his face was, how his lower lip trembled and how hurt and empty his face looked, and she knew who was to blame. Looking away her fingers collapsed in on themselves. "I apologize for that it's just… your father has been wanting me to spend more time here."

"And what about Nathan? It seems like you've been spending more time with him."

She felt her eyes start to mist, "It's… a special project. Your father says he wants us to be better friends, something about the two of us having a better synch-connection than you and the second."

Both of them stayed silent staring at the floor, both of them just noticing the tile pattern was a diamond with two points ending at both of their feet. The square couldn't have been more than three feet or so but still it felt so much further. Shinji let out a small cough and asked, "You want a snack?"

Rei realized that she was just a little hungry, but if not asked or offered she would have gone all day without food. "Yes, please." She said not feeling worthy of eating anything at the moment.

Obliging her Shinji bought two cans of orange soda and a bag of cookies the two of them split, they munched the tiny chocolate chip crusted cookies that seemed they had more in common with a tightly packed clump of dust. Every so often they would reach in the bag at the same time and their fingers would touch, Shinji would immediately pull his hand away quietly muttering "Sorry."

Rei would just silently shy away from his touch and look into his eyes when he finally looked back at her, she saw a mixture of nervousness, fear and something else in his eyes. And it hurt her knowing that she could never look at him in the same way as Nathan.

"Rei whatever's making you distant are you sure it's not me? Because if you want me to, I can change into something you like."

"The problem isn't you…" her voice trailed off she knew who the problem was, but she wasn't ready to voice it just yet.

"Do you think tonight or tomorrow you want to grab some food and talk? Maybe see if things can go back to the way they used to be?"

Rei felt her phone buzz in her pocket and looking at the screen she saw that Nathan was ready and waiting for her, she wanted to smile but her heart felt like it was dying. How could she live with Shinji seeing her smile for someone else?

She slipped her phone away looking at Shinji whose eyes were glimmering with hope, she realized what she would have to do even if it might hurt. "Tomorrow at school the two of us can have lunch together."

And in an instant Shinji grew a bright smile and pulled her in planting a kiss on her cheek, "Thank you, thank you, thank you so much Rei. I've gotta go, get started on our lunch tomorrow." He scrambled out of the bench almost falling in the process giving her a smile before he ran off. She sat there with her fingers on her cheek feeling the slight dull buzz he gave her.

But still it wasn't the same.

She slowly made her way to their quarters shuffling along with her head down and her heart heavy trying to think of the next best course of action. When she came to the door and after it silently opened, she saw that the whole room was bathed in darkness and she could faintly see the moon through the window, walking in she flipped on the light to which she heard a sudden cry.

"No Rei don't turn on the light!" she panicked for a second before quickly switching it back off, once the dull click rang out she heard the small faint sound of a clicking and then slowly but surely behind the wall small yellow orbs began to pop up faintly illuminating the living room.

"You can come on back now." He called out the sound of wood creaking was under his voice. She kicked her shoes off leaving them in a small clump.

Rei slowly walked towards the light and once she turned the corner she saw Nathan sitting on the kitchen table a small row of candles on a coffee table near him and in front of him sat a vanilla cake with birthday candles on it and in blue and white icing it read "Happy late Birthday Rei" and doting the I was a tiny heart.

He was fiddling with his MP3 and when he pressed play sewerperson's u are perfect to me began to play, he gave her a small smile as he shyly murmured "Happy birthday Rei."

despite what you see, you'll be perfect to me

I can repair you in time, please, at least let me try

you're all I need, all I need

"Why are you sitting on the table in the dark with a cake in front of you Nathan?" she asked tilting her head.

He immediately began turning red, "Oh sorry. It's just something I saw in a movie once… never mind it's stupid." He said as he tried to get off the table, "No… thank you it's nice. I like this."

She slowly got on her end of the table sitting on her knees across his cross-legged stature. "So, what're you gonna wish for?" he asked. Rei gave a slight frown as her head leaned forward, "I don't know I can't think of anything right now. I feel happy and my shoulders they feel warm, but I don't know what more I want."

For a split second she was worried that he would get upset with her or become overly anxious, but he gave off a small shrug and held out his hands, "Just wish for whatever's keeping you happy I guess… or whatever you feel like the world owes you." Rei took his words in, putting her finger to her chin and then leaned forward slowly and blew out the candles. "Any chance about me guessing what you wished for?" he asked.

"I'm not supposed to tell you… it won't become true then." She said shyly giving him a smile, "Thank you for the cake."

"Any time Rei." He took out a knife and prepared a slice for her, taking the plate in both hands she took a small piece of it to taste and once the sweetness filled her mouth she simply said, "It's good."

Rei sat on her hip looking down at Nathan who was curled on his side softly snoozing, she tentatively brought her hand to his face and stroked his hair, he still had yet to answer her question. But at this moment it didn't matter to her, she just wanted him. He made a soft moan and she drew her hand away, she watched him roll on his back and stretch out. Once he got comfortable, he stopped moving and his restful breathing returned to its steady pace.

She shuffled closer to him looking down at him, she rested on hand on her stomach where she felt a small spot of warmth the size of a pin head but just as soon as it came it went. She crawled atop of him looking down at him with her hair covering her face, she settled down atop of him with her ear on his chest trying to remember its sound.

The next morning when the two of them awoke Nathan looked down at her smiling and kissed her forehead ruffling her messy hair, "Morning." He said stretching out.

Rei felt her cheeks start to blush and burn, "Good morning." She said shying away from him propping herself up, she looked down at him and looked away slightly feeling her chest start to tighten and it felt harder for her to breath. "Hey something up?" he asked giving her shoulder a rub, "Nothing… it's nothing."

Shrugging he got up off the pile of blankets and the two mats they shared and began stretching out feeling sore all over his body for some bizarre reason, just as he was about to make his way to the shower his phone started to ring. Sighing annoyed by its sound he unplugged it from its cable and held to his head, "Hello?" he yawned out.

"Nathan, Dr. Akagi you are to report to the cage immediately for an impromptu synch test." With that she quickly hung up not allowing him to have a single word in, he looked at his phone before walking over to a pile of yesterdays' clothes fishing his own out and pulling them on.

"What's the matter?" Rei asked walking over with her medicine in hand, "Dr. Akagi just called me in… I have another synch test again."

"So, you won't be coming to school?"

He sighed, "I guess not, hey I've been meaning to ask what's with the pills? I didn't want to say anything but…"

Rei looked down at her palm and the several multicolored pills she had resting in it, she looked back at him worried about what he might be thinking of her. "Dr. Akagi prescribed them to me, she said these would help me get better. That they would keep me healthy."

A look of concern overtook Nathan's face as she pulled on a shirt, "You're okay though right… you're not dying or anything? Wait is this why you were asking me about what I would do if you died?" he asked his voice almost breaking.

"No, I'm okay… I was simply asking because the dangerous nature of fighting the angels. I… won't leave you." She walked over to him and cradled his head in her hand pressing it against her forehead. "I swear to you."

He leaned closer into her, but just as their lips were about to connect the phone rang angrily again. Pulling away he let his head sink, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize it's our orders. I will see you later tonight."

Nathan finished dressing and preceded to the lockers to change into his plug suit, and while he was gone Rei found a small drawer on her side of the room and emptied the tiny foil packets into it.

Sitting on the bench he adjusted his headset, tapping his foot he wondered why he was having to do yet another synch test. He thought the data they got from the last one was good enough, at this point they were just wasting his time.

He flexed his hand making a fist feeling the tiny stone nestled like an egg in his hand, for some odd reason it still felt cold like ice, but that was fine. Chances are if it got warmer, he would probably be tempted to take it off. But there was no putting it off any longer, he stood up and walked out only to be greeted by Dr. Akagi.

"Good to see that you finally decided to show up." she snarked, Nathan just brushed her words off, "Why am I here Dr. Akagi? I thought you guys got enough information from my last test."

She narrowed her eyes at the boy's response, she looked down back to her notes, if she was right about this. "Oh, no we have the data we need it's something else entirely. Besides you should feel happy private training secessions and tests only one other pilot has that privilege."

She nodded towards the cages, "Let's get this show on the road." She walked the silent pilot to the cage and let him walk up to unit 06 alone, looking down at her notes she saw the new print outs from the last test. A perfect synch ratio with another pilot, even if they were having sex and were truly emotionally connected even if that thing were capable of them, there had to be another factor to this. Ritsuko wasn't going to leave this alone until she knew what was really making fall in perfect synch.

One thing that always bugged him was his odd ability to jump synch ratios and how he could compose himself. The more obvious things were how he was able to bond with unit 01 and unit 00, but of course there was the time his unit went berserk. But more so how it changed physically turning into some kind of beast, if she was being completely honest with herself.

That thing unit 06 turned into scared her even more than what that thing was. But the way his files were either redacted, hidden or just plain nonexistent bothered her even more. And those weird fugue states he seemed to go in and out of, the more she thought about him the more it seemed like he wasn't wholly a person but more of an idea or some slate. But he was better at acting human than Rei, but there was still something off… not even Shinji with unit 01 was able to reach his own abilities.

But the more tests Ritsuko ran looking for any background signals or any possible outside interference she noticed tiny invisible pinpricks being barely read. Like a cloud of haze running alongside his ratio readings, but even on the highest possible settings it was almost like they didn't exist. "Alright you settled in?"

"As much as I can be, I guess." He muttered shifting nervously in his chair.

"Okay, Maya bring it online. Let's start from the top."

Maya gave a silent nod and then with a few clacks the tube was filled with LCL and had started to buzz and whine to life, Nathan saw flashes of light with tiny stars and galaxies littering them all around him as the cool blood tangerine liquid encompassed him making his bones shiver. "So how long am I gonna be in here?" he asked.

"Until I say you're done. Okay start with plug depth at one percent, lower it every twenty minutes and track everything. Aoba, Hyuga run every background interference check we have under everything under the sun."

Aoba gave a grunt while Hyuga nodded giving an obedient, "Yes ma'am!"

"Cut the comms…" Ritsuko sighed as she slumped into the chair, she stared into the screens as she lit a cigarette. She tilted her head looking at the screen seeing something about seeing his profile in the dim lighting of unit 06's tube looked vaguely familiar but she just pushed her thoughts away as soon as Aoba spoke up, "Anything in particular we should be looking for ma'am?"

She exhaled wearily, "I'm not even sure what I'm looking for." She muttered. His testing went on for hours, Ritsuko watched every single shift of the boy's synch rate looking over every data point with a fine-toothed comb trying to watch any changes or shift but she mostly looked for any alien signals in the background. But no matter how far they lowered the boy, no matter what inhibitors they placed on him his base rate still hung around 74 and only continued to slowly but steadily climb.

She rubbed her tired eyes-tired feeling burned out as she had been staring at screens and data sheets for the past day and a half. She sighed again, looking at the boy's closed eyes, and his profile still something about it seemed so familiar but at this point she was ready to call it if not then so maybe she could get at least an hour or two of sleep.

She was dreading have to compare his data to the other pilots, maybe if she had fresh eyes, she'd be able to see any similarities between them or if any of the other children had any weird background interference going on themselves. "Call it, let him go." She sighed walking away from the tech-crew. "Uh- what do we do with him?" Maya swiveled in her chair.

"Let him do whatever he wants. Forward me the data when you've compiled it all. For all the pilots go as far back as the testing phases for each unit if you have to. Send me all the readings on the S-class angel while you're at it." She barked before walking off.

When they were completely sure she was out of ear shot Aoba groaned cupping his hands behind his head stretching out, "I guess we're not going home tonight. We might as well order in."

"You feeling pizza, burgers or what?" While Hyuga and Aoba debated over what to eat Maya was getting straight to work, she looked at the screen to see the plug slid open and a small figure pop out. When Nathan landed on the catwalk, he again began to rub his knee and stretch out his right leg, he twisted and stretched every inch of his body and curiously enough he looked like he was rubbing his body in certain places.

Maya simply rolled her eyes and got to work again wondering if all young boys were like that during puberty, just looking at their small non-existent muscles in the mirror. Something made Maya look back at the screen and only managed to catch a glimpse of him walking through the set of doors to where they were storing unit 01, out of some strange curiosity she opened up a second window on her screen.

Looking to Aoba and Hyuga who now were arguing over whether or not it was socially acceptable to put pineapple on a pizza pulled up the security feed for unit 01's cage. But no matter what camera she pulled up it would only give her the same black screen with the bold red text reading, "Feed Signal Not Found".

She shook it off blaming it on a system update or a glitch or something else.

Nathan was walking through the corridor leading up to unit 01, normally he would be fine but for some reason he felt heavier in his legs and a little cold. The hairs on his neck were tingling, there was just something about the units lately that was getting under his skin.

Sometimes he swore when he closed his eyes, he still saw that giant eye under the EVA's armor looking back at him. In fact, just walking past the EVAs he felt eyes on him, making him feel small like an ant under a magnifying glass.

Funny enough unit 06 didn't scare him all that much even if it did whatever it did last time, it was unit 01 that he had been thinking about. If you walked the halls of NERV long enough you'd hear rumors about how there were times it seemed to just come alive… no plug, no battery or any other power source at all it would just move of its own accord.

He wondered how Shinji could pilot something like that.

But the blood or whatever shot out of the units when they were hurt… no wait not hurt damaged, they were damaged. These things are just… no there's something more to them.

Try as he wanted to, he couldn't lie to himself, ever since he saw that eye, he felt that there was something else to the EVAs something that even he didn't know. Sometimes it felt like they had wills of their own, sometimes gripping the controls he felt like the EVA knew what to do even before the thought crossed his mind.

He let out a shaky breath as he walked on the catwalk, the metal clanking under his feet echoing in the empty room. And it was no surprise the first thing he saw was the giant purple robot, but the second it entered his eyesight, he couldn't help but think that it was eyeing him down as well.

This one… this thing something's off with it. If there's more to the EVAs then this one has something else playing for it. He thought silently to himself. Looking across the room he saw the door, his chest tightened how far was it? Fifty feet? Seventy-five? A hundred, more or less?

It didn't matter to him right now it seemed like it was a million miles away, and already his head was getting lighter and lighter, it felt like the walls were closing in on him and he was about to collapse. Gripping the railing he closed his eyes and started to take a few deep breaths in, feeling a little easier he opened his eyes. And spread his legs resting on the balls of his feet he leaned forward and then he pushed himself off.

His knees rattled as his feet slammed on the catwalk making it rattle under his feet, it felt like the whole tings was going to come crashing out from under him and he was going to fall into the liquid unit 01 was resting in. And then he heard it, a sound that deafened him and almost made him lose all sense in balance as it rattled his skull. "Oooofff!" he gasped out as he slipped his stomach landing on a guardrail knocking the wind out of him.

With his eyes bulging out he rolled on his back gasping for air all the while that sound took over his mind.

Wha-boompf… Wha-boompf… Wha-boompf… Wha-boompf

He rolled over and saw he had fallen in front of unit 01 and there was a small observation walkway that lead up to its red core that was gleaming and glowing. His brain felt like it was on fire while his shoulders were frozen over, then like a moth to the flame he began to walk to it. His stomach and navel tightened as he near the core and his mouth hung agape, the beating grew in intensity.

Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf Wha-boompf

Leaning over the rails he held out his right hand to stoke it, to caress and fondled it, his hand was in the same soft, tentative, eager lust filled form as it was when he slipped his hand and touched Rei's toe-curling spot. And just when he was inches away a breach opened up and a red hand and arm shot out grabbing him. "Ahhhhh!" he screamed feeling its iron grip on his wrist.

With one swift pull that felt as if it yanked his arm out of its socket, he was yanked off the catwalk into the liquid, and just as his head broke through the water's surface he felt his heart stop and the world go black as his head shot back up. With his heart racing he took in his surroundings, he was laying on the catwalk, nowhere near the edge but he was still in front of unit 01. He rubbed his gut as he tried to get his heart under control, rubbing his head he wondered what the hell just happened.

Just as he got to his feet that sound… he heard it again.

Wha-boompf.

With that noise back in his ears he took off running to the showers, not bothering to stop until his shins almost slammed into the benches. The whole time his heart still bounced around his ribcage, ripping the plug suit off he saw that he was soaked with sweat, and this stupid thing he was wearing was supposed to stop that.

He looked to the jade necklace that was again wrapped in his hand clutching it near his head he breathed into it, and with each shaky breath he began to feel a little calmer.

Under the jet of hot water, he felt calmer and more collected, watching the suds circle down the drain he caught a view of his stomach and legs, he quickly rinsed off and then grabbed his towel. Drying off in walked back to the lockers stopping in front of a mirror he saw that is eyes weren't playing tricks on him. Back when he had just barely gotten to Tokyo 3, he had the barest outline of muscles but that was probably because he was so skinny his skin had no choice other than to wrap around his smaller muscles.

But now he had more definition, he wasn't ripped by any means but now his chest was popping out a bit and it looked like all his other muscles were following in suit, he wondered how he had started to lean out so quickly. He wasn't proud of himself, but he started to flex in the mirror making them pop out, a small prideful grin grew on his face.

Gripping the towel he walked over to his locker, wondering what the cause of his new developments. The more he thought about it, he felt… happier or at least a little more collected, he looked less sickly and felt less dead tired and burned out all the time. He felt better than he ever had in years, as he dressed, he tried to think of some common denominator. And the only one he was able to find was Rei… just thinking about her made his blood rush and made his body vibrate with her warmth.

But of course there was another drawback, "Goddamn it not you again." He groaned looking back down, it wasn't always like this only after they had started to become closer and after they told one another how they felt, how they spent that one night did he start to feel these weird urges. But only for her, no one else… he tried but nobody else worked for him.

Not Asuka, not Dr. Akagi, not Misato, not even Hikari… no matter how he tried to picture them his mind just burned out from boredom but just thinking about Rei and imagining her arms around her waist the two of them laying down next to each other seemed to awaken those urges with in him. Pulling on his pants he groaned from the pain, something seemed to be squeezing his stomach in a vice grip.

He shook his head and walked back to his quarters, finding a pizza in the freezer he got to making his lunch but still that thing wasn't leaving yet, he did everything he could to distract his mind. He flipped on the TV, he walked around the room, did push-ups, sit-ups. He even hopped around the couches, but nothing was making it disappear.

He was so distracted he almost pulled out the pizza pan with his bare hand no oven mitt or anything, dropping the pan on the counter he flung the oven mitt away and ran upstairs. Splashing water on his face he tried to calm down, but his insides were still hot and jiggly, but in the bathroom mirror something caught his eye. Turning around he saw a pair of girl's underwear hanging from the little drying rack looming over the tub. He felt his eyes fixated on them, squeezing his eyes shut he walked out and slammed the door. The fire in his belly roaring now he whipped out his phone and texted Rei urgently.

N- REI PLEASE I NEED YOU SO BAD NOW!

N- I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT BUT HURRY HOME!

N- I JUST NEED TO HOLD YOU!

The phone remained silent for another five minutes until his phone chirped.

R- okay

He felt his eyebrow rise in confusion at her reply, but he didn't have time to mull over what he could have meant by okay, he tossed his phone on his pillow and stomped back downstairs collapsing on the couch. His eyes were glued to the ceiling while his heart pounded, his fingers rapped the sides of his skull.

He didn't know how much time had passed but the pizza had gone stone cold, and he was already starting to sweat bullets and his legs were getting sore from all the pacing he had been doing. Just as it seemed like his was going to lose it the door opened, and in the doorway stood Rei. "Hello."

"What're you doing here?' he gasped out crossing his legs, pinching his sides sucking in his stomach.

"You said you needed me here, so I came as quick as I could. I had to leave school however."

"You came for me?"

"Of course, to be honest my heart started to feel warm and heavy when I read your messages… now why did you want me here?" As she walked over, she saw what he was hiding, dropping her bag in surprise she lasered in on him. Her eyes shifted from his waist to his eyes as she walked closer to him, "Is this why you wanted me to return home?"

He nodded rapidly as she inched closer and closer to him, she felt her heart start to swell up like a balloon. "Let me comfort you then." She said as she took his hand leading him up the stairs. Walking him up to the room they shared both of them felt their knees start to tremble and arms shiver. Just as soon as the closed behind them Rei took his face with her hands and leaning her head forward connected with his lips feeling that intoxicating spark flooding her body.

And when she felt his hands wrap around her small waist, she felt like she was going to melt, "Mmmm." She let out a soft moan when she felt his hands dancing up her back and stomach. She pulled him closer to the bed but just as they were going to step on it she felt a shift in his strength and demeanor, breaking off the kiss he looked into her eyes and she saw something new in them.

His eyes had a certain look of hunger or dominance in them, it was something she had never seen in his eyes before, he gazed at her clothed body and then holding her close to him pushed her back to the wall. And with an uncertain look in his eyes looked to her inquisitively, she nodded furiously and was met with his mouth wrapping around the side of her neck walking its way down to her collarbone.

Next part is NSFW so sorry to end on a note like that for those of you who don't wanna read that stuff, hopefully I get the next chap done soon, like seriously heads up things are gonna get weird. I'm sure if someone cares enough they'll leave a comment or something to let you know what happens


	16. Chapter 15 awakened feelings

Rei's eyes bulged out at his touch, all she could do was run her hands up and down his back while he littered her neck with kisses and whenever she felt his teeth drag along her skin she felt her legs about to give. And then he backed off and began to fumble his shirts off tossing them to the ground, Rei saw his new developing physique, almost without her knowledge she found herself running her fingers down his stomach feeling his body.

Only then did it occur to her that she should start to undress if she wanted to continue, as she tried to unbuckle her skirt she found that Nathan's hands had pushed her's away and was fast at work tearing the clasps apart letting the dress fall down at her feet leaving her only in a dress shirt, socks and everything else that lay beneath it.

She felt her whole body burn as if she had a fever and was chewing the inside of her cheek surprised and drunk off his newfound eagerness. Hooking his thumbs into her shirt with one swift motion he ripped it apart, not only tearing the buttons free sending them clattering to the far corners of the room but ripping the stitching as well. With her bra exposed he began kissing the tops of her breasts, she began to breathe harder as she tried to focus her mind on how she could return the favor.

With her left hand she began rubbing his member through his jeans and was surprised to feel how firm it was and the heat that seemed to radiate off it. Feeling him pull her bra down under her breasts making them pop up firmer before she could tell him what she wanted he was already suckling her, and with his left hand had begun to massage and tease her right nipple.

He tried to imagine and envision every possible movement he wanted to make, just hearing her moan and her heavy breaths, feeling her shudder against his skin energized him even more. Nathan's face and brain burned like the sun and felt heavy, he felt so drunk off her body and wanted to continue this feeling.

Pulling his mouth away from her left breath that was now coated in his saliva planted his mouth against her lips, feeling her hot breath escape her body making her shiver. He broke off their kiss and with a free hand began to rub her cheek, out of the corner of his eye he saw the "sun" within the geofront at its' peak.

It couldn't have been later than midday yet, she was just as beautiful as she was bathed in the moon's light. Her face full of eager and a bright scarlet, he remembered the first day they saw one another, no matter how embarrassing it was he found that she had stuck in his mind like a screw and with every thought or interaction had found herself wedging deeper into his mind.

And then when she saved him from the tube, how she held him tightly comforting him, was that when these feelings woke up? She moved her hands to his shoulders, closing her eyes she kissed him while his own half opened eyes looked back into her face. Feeling his eyelids droop shut, realized it didn't matter when these feelings for her had made themselves clear. All that mattered was that he loved her and now with this passion burning within him, he wanted to show her what he had to offer.

He wanted to show her just how she affected him and how much she meant to him, he wanted to show her that no matter how bright that flame of attraction was that from the moment she graced him with her presence that she was the single thing he had waited his whole entire life to meet. And now that she was her in his arms, he was never going to let her go.

They broke off the kiss realizing that breathing was a key part to their survival and through her gasps Rei managed to utter, "Now… please…" as she fumbled with his belt and pants, stepping out of them almost immediately once they found themselves wrapped around his feet he saw Rei was struggling to take her panties off but by now he no longer wanted to wait.

He had to become one with her again. Pressing her body up against the wall she breathed nervously as both of them turned their attention to below their waistlines. Peeling her underwear off to the side he held himself with one hand, pulling his attention away he looked into her shimmering begging rubies and just as he bounded them together, he silenced her cry of ecstasy with his lips.

As Rei shuddered out a gasp a cry of surprise left her feeling her whole weight being taken up, looking down she saw Nathan had lifted her up by her thighs and was pressing her against the wall letting gravity and his own force drive himself deeper into her body. "Haa, haa, haa, hua, hau nnggh!"

Rei cried out as he began to move his hips while lifting her up and down on his member, piercing her body, she gasped out burying her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck pulling herself closer to his body. The thin wall almost seemed to rattle with their force and weight being thrown against it. Her eyes shut as that burning numb feeling overtook her senses.

She looked back to the other times they had bounded their bodies, he had been shy and timid, he always let her lead and have her way with his body. In fact, there were times where she outclassed him, and he was pulling back or begging her to slow her pacing. But now with his new body and this new hunger for her she found that he was overtaking her own desires. "Ungh! So good please… more, more, more!" she begged him, feeling her toes curl she wrapped her legs around his waist.

And then her whole body locked up as her being squeezed his body, but this did little to slow him down in fact it only seemed to make him more lust filled. "Rei I feel your whole body…! Squeezing me, you feel so warm it feels so good being in you!" he gasped out while continuing his motions.

"Are you… guh! Satisfied yet… mngh!" she gasped out feeling her face grow hot as her hair bounced up and down around her whole head. He shook his head, "Sorry but… I need more! I just want to…. Haa, haa, keep this… ungh up!"

Feeling him start to set her down Rei tried to brace her legs but found she had lost all control over them, she saw him bracing himself against the wall, his chest falling up and down quickly, and it was in front of her face. She thought her mind was playing tricks on her, but it looked more swollen and more rigid than it ever had been. Closing her eyes, she wrapped her mouth around it taking him in, "Haa, Rei." He gasped.

She felt a prideful smile grow on her face as she bobbed her head in front of his body but no matter how much she wanted his taste her flower burned and yearned for his seed, peeling her lips away with a kiss she looked back up at him. "Why'd you stop?"

"Because I want it inside me… I want you to leave it in here." She said planting a hand over her stomach, getting down to her level he nodded to her and kissed her passionately falling on top of her body the two found themselves rolling over to their bed and when they were on top of the covers he was resting over her body looking down at her. "Get on your hands and knees."

Hearing this from him her mind tried to work out what he was going to do but hearing the restrained lust in his voice only made her comply that much faster, presenting her rear to him he rested on his knees behind her. And then with a gasp Rei felt him enter her again and this time taking her wrists and pulling them far behind her he began to use her own body's leverage against itself.

With each trustful slap she felt her chest bounce up and down as her shoulders were pulled back further and further, and then she felt it, her eyes widen as she felt the tip of his member touch the end of her tunnel teasing her womb. "Faster please! I need this too! I love you!" she cried. "I love you Rei! I've wanted you for soooo long ung!"

With a grunt he quickened his pace, gripping her wrists tighter matched each pull back with each thrust pulling himself deeper into her body, and then he saw it. She had turned her head and was looking back at him, her eyes brimming with tears and her mouth open letting out cries of pleasure. Soon enough her eyes shut as a smile overtook her face and she stared out towards the windows to the still high sun, he continued loving her using her arms to pull himself deeper into her being and with each quiver her body gave him he felt closer to release but it didn't feel right… this time he wanted to look into her eyes.

Letting her arms drop at her side she slumped forward, removing himself he helped roll her to her back to where he saw her whole face and chest was flushed with scarlet. He crawled atop her and biting her lip with a nod he followed her desires and reconnected their bodies, "Ahhh." Both let out a sharp gasp of pleasure only he wasn't done yet, manipulating her hands he placed them behind her thighs and pressed her legs around her ears and sharply thrusted down. "Gyah!"

"I didn't hurt you did I!" he asked wheezing.

"No… you only surprised me. Continue please."

"As you wish."

A small smile on his face he thrusted his hips again into her, both their bodies shaking from near exhaustion he felt a shiver run through his body and quickened his pace pressing her body tighter against itself. "Gonna break… I feel like my body's going to break. Ung! My insides, melting again, your cutting deeper into me!" she cried out.

"Almost there, I'm almost there Rei!" he gaped back to her, looking deep into her eyes he felt his release was nearing and all he could think about was how beautiful she was, how unordinary and unique like a rare bird. The kind whose colors you thought were only possible in a dream but looking to the one memory he had of the two of them in their youth he wondered how he could ever forget someone like her. Maybe that was why he never found any other women attractive or interesting, from the moment he saw her he realized that she was the only one ever for him.

But now he could have all his desires for her met, all those years of yearning for someone's touch, their body against his and their heart resting against his, all those feelings could finally be met. He looked into Rei's face, her eyes were open, but her teeth were gritted as she felt him reach her far depths.

"I want to be one with you Rei, I want this all the time. Only us together… ugh… my heart… your soul… gah our bodies!"

"Yes, yes, yes!" she cried.

He pressed his lips against hers, their tongues fighting for dominance, and focusing on his movements he wanted to hear those words of pleasure and cries of approval she shot out of her mouth. He wanted to remind her how he was her other piece and how she no longer had to fear being lonely. How they were destined for one another and how all those years they had to wait to meet again were worth it.

He wanted to be the one to make every single dream and desire of her's real, to be the one she chose to love and be with forever.

"Rei, rei, rei, rei, rei, REI!"

"Nathan!" both of them cried out and just as he was going to burst Rei let out the loudest cry of pleasure she ever graced his ears with, he had breached into her womb and coated its' entirety, with a stomach cramping gasp he collapsed onto her and staring deep into her eyes he kissed her and she grasped his head. He rolled off to the side, "That was amazing." He wheezed out.

"My whole body's numb, that was surprising you aren't normally like that." She said noting, "Sorry if I got a little intense there." He apologized.

"I wouldn't be opposed to you doing that again though." She murmured.

"Really?"

"Mnhh." She said nodding, she rolled into him pressing her chest tightly against his letting out what might have been a slight playful giggle as she kissed him.

That was the last thing both of them remembered before passing out, both tired beyond the point of exhaustion.

Nathan was the first to awaken, seeing the moon resting above them and the sheets coated with what accompanied those activities was surprised to see it was awakened again, "Not again." He looked over to Rei who was resting peacefully on her side, her hair clumped around her face.

He debated waking her up but decided against it, he ran his eyes all along her body that seemed to glow in the moonlight, he edged over to her and peered into her resting face. Kissing her cheek lightly he pushed himself up and got on a pair of black sleeping pants and a grey t-shirt with black sleeves. Putting on a pair of slippers he decided to walk around the facility, maybe that would calm him down he thought.

He didn't even track where he was headed but after awhile it seemed it was following its direction, there were times where if he went an undesirable way his navel and guts were squeezed with such force he would almost collapse in the halls. But at other times one path seemed to alleviate the pain and burning and so following its orders he walked down the path it clearly had chosen for them.

"Talk about following your second brain." He muttered, but as he looked to the signs and the arrows pointing out the way he knew where it was leading him, it was leading him to the EVA cages. His face was covered in a look of disbelief as he neared the cages, his heart raced, and all that fresh blood being pumped by a weary heart seemed to be headed for only one place.

His guts and lower parts burned hotter and were swelling up even more than his anticipation for wanting to be with Rei. He came upon a set of doors and when they slid open, he saw only one thing beyond the viewing glass, Unit 01. His heart raced but not out of fear this time, it was pure excitement. Sharp gasps left his body as he neared the viewing glass and his knees quaked, he found himself bracing his body and anything surrounding him trying to avoid collapsing at least until he rested on hand on the glass.

Then like a devout monk collapsing at his alter of worship Nathan feel to his knees, his butt hitting the ground spreading his legs into a W shape, "Ahh!" he cried out the pain in his crotch grew, it was as if something were clamping it in a vice and at any second his organ was going to burst into a bloody, pulpy mess. The fire stretched from his loins to his heart making his body cramp up and twist in on itself, his nerves felt like they were being flooded by lightning and fire.

The pain he was experiencing was beyond what it felt like getting sawed in half by that one angel, his inner thighs begged for a release anything to alleviate the pain was that causing the sensation of ice water running down his spin and legs.

Freeing himself from his pants he pushed himself on his knees, slamming his forehead into the glass he wrapped one hand around his member and cradled his balls with the other, and began to rub and stroke both furiously. And as his hands quickened with their duties, he felt a laughter build up inside his chest as all his organs shook and shivered with pleasure.

His hands ran up and down, his eyes fighting to be closed he imagined it was Rei, behind him kissing and nuzzling his neck, whispering sweet things into his ear as she used her hands on him. He felt his back arch back and his spine give out and his whole body lit up and it felt as if every nerve and every cell was in a hurricane of acid, lightening and fire and bursting and their deaths vibrating his whole being as in one second every organ simply shut off.

That noise started up again, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf!

With each thudding beat his breathing became heavier and more erratic as his hand rubbed every inch of his being, his eyes grew wide as his chest tightened, all he could focus on was that noise.

Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf! Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf! Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf, Wha-boompf!

But if he was imagining Rei behind him, who was in front of him, tempting him making him feel this way? "Gyaaahhhh!" he yelled as his body went dead and he fell on his back and then in one instant he was purged and his eyes shut leaving him in darkness laying on the floor as a stretched out, quivering, slobbering, semen coated mess.

When his eyes did manage to flutter open, he saw a trial of seed leaving from a limp member to a massive splotch on the window that almost completely blocked Unit 01 from his point of view. It was maybe the most he ever produced, seeing it lay there with its mess trailing up to it like a disgusting slug, Nathan rolled over and vomited, he pulled his pants up once he emptied his body for the second time and looked back to the mess and to Unit 01.

His eyes wide, red and on the verge of tears he whispered, "What the fuck is wrong with me?" he stumbled his way back to the quarters washing his mouth of the vomit in the kitchen sink and when he arrived his saw Rei laying flat on her back, while he was walking over to the bed he must have made some noise because then she stirred all groggy.

"What's the matter?"

Remembering what he had just done made his body shiver, and he grew hotter. Taking off his shirt and pants he walked over to Rei and pressed his body down against hers. His eyes drifted down to her entrance and he saw that she was still coated in his mess, he looked into her eyes once again as he reconnected their bodies, hearing her gasp he buried his face besides her, hearing her moan in his ear he tried to forget what he had just done.

When both pilots and fallen asleep with foreheads pressed against one another's if they had just opened their eyes for one split second either of them would have caught the small dim glow of red light illuminating from Rei's lower stomach, but even if they had opened their eyes quick enough chances are very slim that they would have caught it.

For just as soon as it appeared the light quickly died out.


	17. Chapter 16 Time apart, Asuka's move

There it floated steadily towards earth, the mass of three objects lumped together. Deep into the far reaches of space where there existed celestial bodies that had yet to be discovered by humanity. Two of the longer objects floated around the glossy ebony cube, spinning as they increased in speed nearing the little blue ball that glowed far off.

Around the cube spun an elongated spear with multiple tips pointing outward and towards the shaft where the user would hold onto and the other resembled a roman gladius. The cube bore the same marks that the archway hidden away in Keel Lorenz's dungeon, and as they got closer and closer to their destination the markings on the cube were shifting and changing rapidly as if in glee.

Steele and NERV were aware of the strange readings that they were giving off but neither knew what was the source giving of those strange alien signals. What they were was a source of information about their new adversary and two weapons but more importantly what they were… were gifts.

Gifts from a tear in the skin of their universe, bleeding through like an infection from somewhere else. And they knew of their destination and where they would land in the dead dessert where humanity first emerged.

But like all new foreign bodies entering a new host they carried something malevolent with them and that white off yellow wax colored pulsating tumor clinging to the cube waited shivering with anticipation ready to take its form.

Nathan stood in front of the bathroom mirror making an annoyed face as he tried to twist his head to the left to find that one hidden spot behind his right ear that had caught his eye. But trying to confirm what he saw was turning into more of a pain than the paranoia that was eating at his brain. "What's the matter?"

He turned around to see Rei standing in the doorway, "I could've sworn I saw some white hairs or something right here but now I can't freakin' find them. Could you help?"

Rei silently nodded and gently bent his head forward searching in the spot he had been digging at. And there it was, a small patch of no more than five or six long hairs sticking out from behind his right ear. They weren't white but against his jet-black hair they stuck out more clearly, to her the color was more of a whitish-grey almost the color of ash.

"Are these the hairs?" she asked giving each one a light tug, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here can you pluck them for me?" he asked shoving a pair of tweezers into her face, wide eyed and not understanding she took the tweezers and slowly yet methodically pulled each one from his scalp careful not to disturb the rest of his hairs.

Once the last one was removed, he looked back into the mirror moving his hair around with his hands looking for anymore. "Thanks, Rei." He smiled, walking away he left her alone to eye the six light ash colored hairs that rested in her palm, she wondered why he didn't want them on his head after all they were a part of him weren't, they.

She took another look at him, seeing him give his things another look over making sure that he had everything with him ready for school and when he walked over to her side picking up the other half of his shoes her heart almost stopped since its resting place was near the small hidden cupboard with all the tiny foil squares. But he merely picked up the shoe and went back to looking over his things.

She walked forward silently eyeing him up and down in the glow of the morning light, she felt her chest palpitate and for a second she had to brace herself against the doorway feeling too lightheaded. Sometimes just merely looking at him made her have this sensation of weightlessness as if she would fall tumbling to earth but instead of connecting with the earth…

She would instead float up to the sky and past the clouds to the stars and when she opened her eyes in this dream-like state she would see him cradling her neck with his other arm hooked under her legs looking deep into her eyes as he brought her up to his chest. And just before he connected with her lips her whole-body shivering in anticipation her eyes would shoot wide open and that dizziness would leave her body.

But this time that feeling only made her worry and it turned her stomach in on itself.

She remembered what happened yesterday the small lunch Shinji had made for the both of them and how happy he was to be with her again, but it was all happiness based off a lie. And he had asked her if they could have lunch again together this day as well.

"Nathan, there's something we need to discuss."

Pulling his shoes on he stood up tugging his shirt trying to make the wrinkles disappear, "Discuss what?"

She turned her attention away from him, "For the time being until… Shinji knows of us. I think it would be best if we weren't seen at school together and maybe in other settings as well."

He walked over to her pulling her shoulder making her face him, "You're not breaking up with me, are you?" he asked his voice shaking. She fought his grip keeping her eyes off him, not wanting to see what she was doing to him already listening to him was hard enough. "No, I don't want to break our bond but maybe taking an absence from one another. Maybe it would be best for now it's too painful for me."

"Too painful?" he asked snarking off now forcing her to look him in the eye, "Too painful? You don't think it kills me too knowing what we've been doing to Shinji? Knowing what I've done with you and how I loved every second of it? Can't we just tell him already? I don't want to stop this… I love you." He said gripping her face. "Please Rei there has to be another way."

She put on a hand on his wrist and brushed him away, "That's why we need to stop. What if he ever saw us or found out about us? I love you too but… if we can't fully be with one another, maybe it'd be best if we…" she let her voice trail off and as it did, his other hand fell away.

"How long are we supposed to do this?"

"For however long it takes… it's just the timing isn't right yet. Him and I are supposed to eating lunch together school today, maybe in time he will be stable enough for me to tell him about us."

"And how long is that supposed to take?" she didn't give him an answer, she merely stood there her eyes drifting away from his, "How do I know you won't develop feelings for him again? Or whatever feelings you do have… how do I know they won't…?"

She took a step forward, wrapping one arm around his neck she moved his right arm around her waist pulling herself closer into his body, leaning her ear against his chest she said, "My heart tells me that you're the only one that I can truly love, I feel as if we were made for one another. Please all I ask is time." Looking up to his face she planted one hand on his cheek. "Please…"

"Whatever happened to forever Rei?" he tilted his head, she saw his eyes beginning to water, in response she lifted her other hand to his cheek just in time for her thumb to wipe away a fresh tear. She was surprised by how cold they were.

"We still have forever… all I'm asking for is time. Time so we can finally be together… just like how we both wish it to be. The two of us together in the sun. Isn't that worth waiting for?"

He made a wet choking noise in his throat, "Don't do this please Rei, you're the first person to ever say you loved me. You're the only person I could ever love. Don't push me away now." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips and slowly made his way to her cheek and then to her neck. He started to litter her neck with kisses slowly putting his hands on her waist and running them up her back.

He slowly started to walk her against the wall, slowly having her rest against it, his used his heavy chest to pin her against the wall, his heart started to ram itself out of its cage only then did she start to try and protest. "Stop… mmm… stop. Please stop…"

She limply pushed him away at arm's length. Her chest rose and fell as she stared back at him, he looked back at her nothing but hurt and rejection in his eyes. She caressed his cheek again, "Please you're making this more difficult for me. Trust me this is the best option."

He took her hand off his cheek and slung his bag over his shoulder, his eyes to the ground and that empty cold stare and stone face returned. He began to walk out the room, "Where are you going?"

"If we aren't meant to be seen together, I might as well go to school by myself."

He took a moment to pause outside their bedroom door, "Be seeing you… I guess."

"Nathan…" Rei raised a hand, but he already left and soon enough she heard the door to their quarters open and close, she stood there quietly feeling her chest tighten as if her chest was crushed and a stake driven through her heart. She felt tears start to escape from her eyes, and they landed on the floor with soft thumps.

She stood there a little longer before she realized that if she didn't get a move on she would be late, but more than that she hoped that maybe, just maybe if she was somehow quick enough she would be able to at least catch one last glimpse of Nathan before they walked into the school. When she made her way to the kitchen, she noticed on the table was the necklace he said he would always keep with him.

As she walked out the door she began to wonder if this was the right choice.

Nathan sat on the crowded train that was racing towards his stop, he was staring blankly at the floor with his earbuds drowning out the world again, he didn't hear the businessmen prattling away on their phones, groups of kids complaining about having to get up for school, mom's talking to their young children planning out a day out. Nothing he heard nothing but the old mournful baritone voice of Johnny cash singing.

What have I become? My sweetest friend?

Everyone I know goes away in the end

… I will let you down, I will make you hurt

At that point it was no contest that he hated himself more than ever, the only reason he had said what he said and done what he had done was because she had hurt him more than any person ever had. He didn't care about the beatings, the drownings, the tasering, sleep deprivation, starvation, strangulation or having blanks fired against his skull.

All he cared about was how he found one person who he felt could love him unconditionally, one person who he felt something towards, who he felt close to and unified to.

And now she was pushing him away, maybe it was for a good reason but still at that time he couldn't fully admit it was probably the smarter idea. As soon as he had said he loved her and she said she would love him forever and never leave him, he just hoped that it wouldn't just be words. He hoped that they would stay together forever, how it would just be the two of them.

But those were probably just stupid fantasies. The train came to a screeching halt and he shambled off the bus with his hands in his pockets, from a distance he saw Shinji along with Toji and Kensuke walking to school on the sidewalk. He stayed paused on the platform watching the three of them smiling and playfully punching one another, he didn't know why he bothered. He'd never be able to do things like that. He saw that Shinji was carrying an extra bento box.

The moment he walked into the school it felt like the first fresh breath he ever took, all the weight on his heart was lifted. In fact, it felt like the corners of his lips were hurting from all the smiling he was doing. Shinji set the two bento boxes in the center of his locker, his little heart fluttered at the thought of getting to sit next to Rei and just eat lunch together.

To him it didn't matter if they talked necessarily, just as long as they were together. The first warning bell rung, slinging his bag over his shoulder he rubbed it, he let out a small chuckle thinking about how excited Toji and Kensuke were for him and the stupid arm punching they had gotten into. Just as he took a step towards the classroom the locker in front of him swung open almost smacking him in the face.

"Hey, watch it!" he cried out backing away. Looking down he instantly recognized the black pants and shoes with the white tips, and there was no shadow of a doubt who it was. He stepped around the locker and saw "Nathan?"

He didn't even acknowledge Shinji, he simply got what he needed and put on his classroom shoes and gave Shinji a quick dismissive look and then walked away to the class taking his spot at the front of the class. "What's his deal?" Shinji asked thinking out loud, and then the smug voice of Asuka piped up from behind him after the slamming of a locker.

"Maybe he's finally realizing what everyone else already knows." She said as she walked over to Shinji looking at a small envelope in her hand. He saw a small blue heart with a capital K drawn on it.

"And what's that?" he asked worry overtaking his voice, with a single flick to his nose making it bounce up and down instantly turning red she replied as she balled up the envelope and tossed it into the trash. "That you're overrated and honestly a waste of everyone's time."

"What's with you all of a sudden Asuka? You think you'd be happy getting another love note." He said in a nasally voice as he rubbed his nose, letting out a sigh Asuka looked back to when she first started her middle school career for the second time, she still couldn't believe Misato was forcing her to go, she was a college graduate for god sake.

"You really think I want another love note that tells me the same old boring garbage from another stupid horny little boy who does more thinking with his junk than with his brain. If I wanted that Shinji, there's about a whole classroom to pick from and then you down the hall."

"Asuka why do you gotta say weird stuff like that?" noticing what she said and how he turned her words against her Asuka's face turned as red as her face before she shouted, "I didn't mean it like that you pervert! All I'm saying is that there's no decent men in this word anymore… there's nothing but a bunch of stupid horny kids."

She whipped around her small ponytail brushing and tickling Shinji's nose as she walked away, following in suite Shinji entered just as the last bell rang. Asuka took her new spot by Hikari while Nathan stared blankly at the wall ahead of him and beyond it.

Shaking his head Shinji quickly took his spot in the back of the class near his friends, walking past Rei he gave her a small smile but was surprised to see she returned one back but there was something more to it. Her eyes seemed smaller and her face a bit puffy as if she had been crying and she didn't manage to meet his eyeline.

In fact, it seemed like she was looking at someone behind him and being disappointed that they didn't return the gesture. He pushed the thoughts away from his mind the old sensei was starting the math lesson and he figured he'd better concentrate on that at least even if he didn't understand what he was saying at least it was another distraction. His lessons flew on by and before he knew it, the bell was already sending them off to lunch, just as the bell rang, he saw that Nathan was already out the door. Looking back, he saw that Toji and Kensuke were giving him thumbs up.

Feeling his confidence boosted, he marched up to Rei who by now had taken to her previous duties of looking out the window aimlessly, leaning over her desk about to get her attention he saw the small boy in black walking away down the street towards a couple of convenience stores.

No doubt he was hoping they had better food than the stuff they had in the school café, already he heard Toji's coin purse rattling as the two discussed what they would feast on today. But what was more concerning were the hushed whispers he gave to Kensuke about that product not working and instead how he felt he was getting hot flashes and how his nipples were sensitive to the cold and how he swore he saw a trail of milk from one.

Shuddering at what was going on with him wondering if Nathan's gift to him was a gag-gift or something meant to women he shook his head and returned his attention to Rei. Giving her shoulder a soft rub Shinji met Rei's turning gaze with a smile, "You ready Rei?"

Giving him a long silent look, she looked down before replying with, "I suppose I am… after all this is what couples do… right?"

He mulled over her answer before offering his hand out, taking it, she stood up and looked deep into his eyes before letting go of it and heading towards his locker. The two taking their bento boxes went up to the roof finding a small spot hidden from eyesight sat against a small shed.

"So, Rei how's the food?" Rei looked at the small boxed filled with pieces of fried vegetables, rice and small bits of tofu. She bit into a small brussels sprout and even with her taste buds overwhelmed with flavor her mouth still felt dry and whatever she ate turned into a sour mush or paste. "It's good as always Shinji… you really are a good cook. Thank you."

Feeling his face glow Shinji looked back at her, "Oh, it's nothing too hard Rei. This stuff's really simple… you know maybe some time I could show you how…?" he said letting out a small nervous chuckle.

"Perhaps one day." She said agreeing. Then for what seemed like forever for the both of them, she finally met his gaze. And Shinji felt his heart flutter, but he still couldn't help but think that there was something else behind those eyes, but he didn't care anymore.

She was meeting his gaze and looking into his heart, he felt his knees quake and his palms start to sweat. His heart races as his stomach did cartwheels and he felt so cold that he thought he would freeze to death just after vomiting everything he ever ate. He just hoped his breath smelt nice enough, he looked back at his bento box and saw the tiny octopi hotdogs smiling back up at him.

Before he knew what was happening, he found his hands on her shoulders, and they were pulling her closer to him. His lips slowly parted and she let out a small surprised gasp that almost escaped her lips, but he silenced her when they made contact. With his eyes shut he pulled her in deep letting his hands run down to her back pulling her in tighter, he shifted his head's position playfully tickling her nose with his.

He pulled away slowly feeling his lips buzzing wanting to reconnect with her soft lips. Looking down and away from her he asked, "How was that?"

"How was what?"

"The kiss Rei."

She tilted her head slightly as if she had to remember its sensation and was now taking notes over every little aspect of it, she then replied to him with "It was nice it seems your technique has improved."

"You wouldn't mind if we did it again?"

He stared into her eyes and she averted her gaze, her hands run up and down nervously on her lap as if she was being racked by some feeling she was trying to fight off. "This- this is what couples do correct?"

"Yeah I mean… it seems all couples like to kiss one another."

"And would this make you happy? Make you relaxed?"

He gave her a quick and confused look, wondering what she meant by her choice of words. "Yeah I guess it'd make me happy."

"It is fine with me then." With no tone in her voice, she turned to face Shinji with her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. But her hands were taking fist fulls of her skirt, slowly scooting closer to her Shinji closed his eyes and reconnected their lips. He kept his movements slow and tight, letting off for less than half a second before pressing his lips back to hers.

But as he pushed deeper and deeper into her body, he found himself wondering, "Why is she holding back? Why doesn't she hold me? Why is she shrinking away from me?"

He opened his eyes partially and saw that her own were fluttering open with tiny glistening droplets forming, he opened his mouth a little wider and slipped his tongue into her mouth while running one hand up her back and gripping the back of her head with the other one.

As they fell onto the floor their bento boxes clattered away and he wound up being on top of her yet again, with her arms stretched out at her sides he used one of his hands to wrap her arms around his body and was surprised to find out that once they were limply draped over himself she began to slowly and shyly pull him into her body. Once he felt her arms wrap around him, he began kissing her with a reenergized vigor, laying one arm out stretching past her head his other began to explore her chest.

She made small little mews at his touch as if this was something she had felt once before, but to his surprise Shinji found that his hand had slipped underneath her shirt and was cupping her left breast. "Rei…" he moaned through their tightly wrapped lips, he felt his stomach burn as his thighs quaked getting tighter.

He tightened his eyes pulling her closer to his body and just before his hips started to gyrate against his will the door near them slammed shut along with a small clatter, both of them looking up in surprise and fear, their lips making an audible suction cup like noise as they looked at their voyeur.

Standing there and quickly moving what looked like a small black and gold paper box behind his back was Nathan and at his feet was a small box of sushi spilled out. He stood there with a stone face and eyes burning past the two, seeing them and where Shinji's hands were returned his attention back to the open spilled out eel sushi. "I wasn't hungry anyways." He muttered before shuffling back to the door yanking it squeaking open before it shut again.

Shinji pulled himself off Rei and saw that she was now hyperventilating with some new look in her eyes he had never seen before. He rubbed her shoulder and she in surprise backed away from his touch, his hand floated there before he tried to plant it again on her should this time, she let him. "You okay?" he asked.

Nathan sat in the boy's bathroom on the third floor in the stall near the window. Cracking it open he smelt the summer breeze drift in, taking out the small paper box he looked at it. It was a pack of cigarettes. He didn't know why he stole it. He still had some of the gum stuff, but this was out on the counter behind no glass or anything, so he just swiped it along with a lighter.

Plugging his earbuds in he hunkered down near the window and listened to Slipknot's vermillion part 2 while he flicked the lighter and once it sparked to life he focused on the tiny blue part of the flame dancing around wrapped up in the mix of orange and yellow. Taking a cigarette to his mouth held it to the flame and once it a trail of smoke started to emerge, he released the lighter killing the flame. Taking in a breath he gagged and coughed feeling the smoke enter his throat and nose, its heat tearing at his insides.

Clearing his throat with watery eyes he tried again, pinching the cigarette between the first knuckles on his middle and forefinger held the filter to his mouth and took a small drag and then quickly gasped, he felt the smoke travel and get trapped in his lungs. Then like a cracked egg on his scalp felt relaxed as his blood vessels tightened, the burning inside his stomach compelled him to let his mouth open and huff out the small cloud.

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame…

…

I'd do anything to have her to myself , just to have her for myself

Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad

He found himself taking smaller drags but holding the smoke in his lungs longer and soon his whole body buzzed in pleasure, his face felt droopy and before he knew it the cigarette was almost all gone.

She is everything to me, the unrequited dream

He looked at the orange circle that glowed as if it were alive, seeing the ash that tailed and fell behind it. He held the shrinking butt near his face and the small tip glowed with glee as he opened up his left palm and pressed it against the skin, there was the sizzle and quick crackle of skin being cooked along with its unpleasant smell.

His fingers lightly trembled as they curled up in on themselves like a dying spider and then once the ember had been extinguished he tossed the evidence into the toilet he was sitting in and stared down at the swollen little red circle that encompassed a small yellow pus looking mound that resembled the eye of the thing locked away in the EVA. He flexed his hand until the pain died away and lit another cigarette, he wondered how many he'd have. After all there was still plenty of time for lunch.

His stomach growled in anger.

When the day was over it was no surprise to Shinji to see Nathan was the first one to leave, Asuka and Hikari had already taken off and Kenesuke along with Toji agreed to let Shinji take Rei home alone. Being the last two to leave felt awkward especially with their friend walking in on them. Shinji himself wasn't totally sure of what he would've done had Nathan not interrupted them. He wasn't sure whether to feel angry, annoyed or relieved.

"So… do you wanna talk about what happened back there?"

"I'd much rather forget about it, if you don't mind." She replied softly, scratching his face Shinji nodded, "Yeah so would I."

They rode the train in silence with Rei staring down at her feet, Shinji wondered if she had a problem with people seeing her in such a situation, he scooted closer to her and slipped his hand into hers surprised to see that this time she didn't try to fight him off instead she limply accepted his grip. He followed her somewhat eager steps to the room back at NERV headquarters, once she slid her ID card in the slot, he asked her a question for some unknown reason.

"Hey you think my card would work here?"

"It should." She replied not bothering to look at him instead she walked into the room looking around her eyes landing on the table seeing that it was empty, and on further inspection it appeared the things he kept on the first floor were already gone along with him. "This room was built for us… all of the EVA pilots. If you excuse me, I think I will shower and go to bed. Goodbye Shinji"

She walked up the stairs and disappeared from his view, he heard her door shut. He turned to leave but as he did, he felt like he should stay, that he should walk up those steps throw open the door and grab her shoulders.

That he should hold her tight to his chest and beg her to tell him what's wrong and comfort her. He imagined the two of them holding one another, he collapsing in on herself while he rested atop of her looking down into her ruby eyes. Then he slowly moves his head down to hers and kisses her, she then wraps her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. With tears in her eyes she asks him to stay and if he loves her, gripping the sides of her face he assures her that he does.

Then she undoes the clasps on her skirt and disrobes in front of him, and then kisses him in return before removing his clothes for him. He felt a burning sensation deep in his guts and being disgusted with himself walked away letting the doors close behind him. He took a different path from the one they took to arrive at Rei's dwellings, and then he passed a lonely door not giving it much thought he continued walking only thinking of what was going to be for dinner that night.

There was no way he could have guessed what was hiding behind that door, but maybe if he had paid more attention to it, he would have remembered it was Nathan's old quarters the small cramped one. And already inside the bare room with nothing inside it but a single mat that by now had been used by more than enough couples for quick hook-up secessions was Nathan passed out asleep with an open bottle of Ambien next to his face.

How many pills were in it before he chose to give up the rest of his day only he knew.

Shinji held the bags of groceries in his hands and trying to juggle everything else somehow managed to open the door and stumbled in using his toes to make the door swing back in and close. Once the sound of the door closing rattled the empty apartment Shinji heard a light pitter-patter head his way, and out of the corner Asuka's hair swished out followed by her eyes. Shinji had to hold his breath, he never noticed how blue her eyes really were… but with only Rei's eyes on his mind now did he realize how much like sapphires they were.

"Whatcha looking at?"

"Huh?"

"I said whatcha got there?" Shinji's head bounced back as he looked into the bags not that he had too, he had already mentally gone over his list of things to get more than humanly possible to count. "Oh, I got us some seabass thought it'd be nice with some jasmine rice or something along with fried vegetables, how's that sound?"

She let out a small quick laugh, "Seems like you're going all out today, what's the special occasion? Rei finally let you get to second base?"

His face grew red within an instant, "NoOoOoO!" he shouted out of embarrassment, "You don't know anything Asuka, she's not like that. And does there really have to be some kind of special occasion, can't I just do this to be nice?"

Asuka let out an annoyed huff, "Ah, I guess so… oh Misato's gonna be working late so it'll just be the two of us."

Trying to make the best of the situation Shinji smiled holding up the bags, "Guess that means more for us, then right? Well then I'd better get started."

Kicking off his shoes he headed towards the kitchen and was surprised to feel a cluster of small warm fingers touch his wrist and take hold of the bags, "Asuka?" he gasped out quietly, "You're gonna drop everything if you try to do this by yourself."

Nodding he let her take half the bags and walked with her to the kitchen, setting everything out Shinji pulled on an apron and eyed his materials, trying to plan out what to do first only to feel Asuka tug at his sleeve. "Hey… do you mind teaching me some stuff- I mean do you mind if I help? It'll probably go by faster if it's the two of us, together right?"

He was surprised he had never seen or thought a side like this could exist in someone like Asuka, "Yeah no problem, just wash up and get an apron on." He fished around the cabinets and pulled out a pink apron tossing it lightly out for her, "I'll go ahead and get everything ready then we'll tag team it okay?"

She gave a quick nod and bounded off to the bathroom where he only now noticed a large blue tarp at the end of the hallway, raising an eyebrow wondering not only why was she headed to her room to wash up but why there was a tarp shrugged his shoulders and gave up trying to figure out the reason why. Instead he turned his attention to the fish and taking out a small knife had begun the long process of deboning the thing.

At least with cooking he was able to distract himself from everything else, the only thing he was thinking about at the moment was whether or not to leave the skin on. He heard Asuka's bare feet pitter-pattering up behind him again, "Oh hey Asuka what do you think skin on or off?"

Turning his head around he saw that Asuka had discarded the yellow tank top that was covering up her shoulder and was only wearing some fancy looking bra along with the apron itself and shorts. "Asuka!" yelped before, "Ow!" quickly throwing the knife away with a clatter and gripping his left thumb tightly with a clenched fist near his chest looked down to see that he had nicked and cut into it. Almost down its entire length in fact. There was only a small drop of blood on the deboning knife that was now laying in the sink.

"What's the matter you see me like this and all of a sudden you lose all focus you horndog what'd you do now?" Walking over she saw that he had cut himself, groaning she led him by the hand over to the sink. "Here keep it under water while I get the medical kit you idiot." Only this time her finishing word lacked the same venom it usually carried.

As she turned around to walk away, he saw her shoulders popping out and her slender back leading down to her shorts, feeling his face burn he squeezed his thumb digging the nail in trying to push away those thoughts. "Here let me see." Pulling his hand away from the water she dried it off with a bit of gauze, "We'd better sit down."

Following the doctor's orders, he sat down in front of her holding out his hand, feeling her soft fiery fingertips dance along his hand putting on the alcohol and some anti-bacteria pain management ointment before wrapping it up nice and snug. He felt his heart take a slower heavier pace as his face was merely inches away from her face. "Don't breathe out of your mouth its' rude and make you look like a moron, moron."

"Sorry."

Once she was satisfied with her handiwork she announced, "There all better, now let's get to work."

Looking at the wad of bandage and gauze that was wrapped around his thumb and hand merely looked at Asuka, "Asuka I can't work like this. My hands… they won't be able to keep up I think it'd be better if we just order in."

"Oh, no you're not gonna deprive me of some good food just because you went and hurt yourself like a dumbass. It's common sense to know to always have your eyes on the knife while cutting!"

"Well what do you expect me to do!" he asked pleading, wanting to make a nice dinner for the two of them and not wanting the food to go to waste but feeling and being powerless to do anything. He felt like crumbling in on himself, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his good hand whispering for himself not to cry and then rubbing her shoulder Asuka spoke up nervously. It was a tone Shinji couldn't even remember hearing ever.

"Tell me what to do then."

"What?"

"I'll do the cooking just stand off by my shoulder and… tell me what to do. Teach me."

"Asuka…" he whispered softly under his breath looking up at her.

So that's what they did, while Asuka boiled the rice adding spices to it then she would gracefully slide to the fish that was slowly cooking being sure to remoisten it and in between chop and dice the vegetables Shinji hung by her shoulder. Shadowing the movements, he wanted her to do and gave her suggestions being her eyes telling her what to do and what needed attention.

He was barely half a foot away from her with his chin level with her shoulder, he could hear her heavy breathing as she was trying to focus herself and see bits of sweat from the heat beading up on her smooth skin. He could smell her fruit scented body lotion coming off her body, his heart raced as at times they would almost collide with one another and how sometimes it seemed unconsciously one of them would intentionally bump into the other or move ever so closer. His chest was pounding so hard his ears were vibrating.

But Asuka never got… well Asuka with him over bearing down on her or almost bumping into her in fact at times it seemed like she was moving closer to him and her eyes would dance off his face back down to her dishes and maybe there was even a slight tinge of pink on her face. And even once her butt almost bumped into his crotch, and when he saw it slowly moving towards his waistline he sucked in his gut and popped his butt as far back as it could go to avoid their collision.

And when they were done they had two perfectly fried sizzling slabs of fish with lemon wheels sitting on a bed of spicy jasmine rice encircled by mixed fried vegetables. "Not bad for a team up, we should do this more often." Asuka said bring the serving dish over to the living room.

"It was really more you than us Asuka, you just listened to what I said. You did all the work. You did a great job, especially for only having me as a teacher. Imagine if you had someone even better, man I wish Gordan Ramsay were still alive." Asuka looked at Shinji who was carrying a stack of plates over out of the corner of her eye, feeling her face blush and burn she quickly averted her eyes back down to her work.

Then in a small voice she whispered, "Thank you."

"What was that?"

Her eyes popping open she looked over to Shinji, "Um-uh… I said let's eat."

"Yeah sounds good, uh- hey what do you want to watch? I'm cool with whatever you want."

He held out the remote to her, staring down at it and then back up at him she felt warm and fuzzy, his soft face was comforting, and that small head tilt and smile sent shiver from her back to her arms. She reached out and took it, making her forefinger softly touch and stroke his hand feeling a warm and inviting buzz come off him.

She knew that he was sugar coating how she really had done. She knew that there were times she almost ruined the food. She knew that he could've done a better job by himself and it was probably gonna only be a fraction as good as what he could probably whip out blindfolded.

But was he lying to her? "Hey, the food… do you really think I did a good job?"

He gave her a nervous chuckle, closing his eyes and rubbing his neck, "Yeah, I wish my first time was that smooth, I uh-… kinda almost burned down my uncle and aunt's kitchen when I tried cooking for myself the first time. So, you got that over me."

Feeling her chest tighten she slowly brought the remote closer to her body, she had discarded the apron already and was just wearing Misato's lingerie gift to her along with her sleeping shorts, she had felt his eyes on her sometimes but was he looking at her or seeing her? "Thanks Shinji."

While Shinji served the two of them Asuka sat down flicked on the TV until she reached some reality-dating show about several guys and gals trying to find their soulmates while doing crazy, scary or embarrassing challenges. Shinji never seemed to like it whenever she had it playing but she was just hoping that Mikato and Yumi would end up together since they were her favorite couple, she hoped that they would stay together as a team, get married and win the five million dollar prize money.

Just before tonight's episode ended Asuka had her eyes glued to the screen and in a hot tub under tiki torch light and the moon the camera zoomed in on Mikato slowly wrapping his arm around Yumi and her shyly scooting in closer. She turned her head to look deep into his eyes and turning her chest to face him, he mirrored her movements. Their eyes began to flutter as they moved in, leaning forward and tilting their heads the screen cut to black and showed the credits.

"Aw, man of course they cut it just when I was about to get closure." She bemoaned. "Well you know that they do that stuff on purpose right? They just want to sucker you in for the next episode. Hey, you in the mood for some mochi ice cream?" he asked walking back over to the fridge.

She looked down at herself, tugging at her sides just above her waist feeling some extra mass that wasn't there before. "I think I'll pass." Getting up she walked around the room to a wooden cabinet that was carry numerous bottles of liquor, she eyed each one before grabbing a bottle of rum. Walking back to the couch she uncorked it and whiffed it the unbearable sweetness of the caramel and molasses almost made her throw-up.

She grimaced just as she brought the bottle closer to her mouth just then, "Asuka! What're you doing?", Rushing over he tried to snatch the bottle from her but was only met with a stiff arm blocking his body. "Oh, c'mon don't act like you've never wanted to try some. Besides it's only the two of us here… nobody could ever know what the two of us got up to here."

With that she gave him a small wanting look, she lifted the bottle to her mouth and despite the taste of burning wood followed by sweetness then the burning of anti-septic she fought her gagging and looked into his eyes. Swallowing the mouthful, she felt her mouth curl and dry as if there were hairs sprouting up.

She watched him out of the corner of her eyes, her face and chest started to burn. Looking down she tried to pop her chest out. She offered him the bottle, and with hesitation he took it and took a quick swig, his eyes bulged as he fought spewing it out.

He offered it back almost immediately, shaking his head, "Think I'll wait a few more years for this stuff."

Taking it back from him she drank from it again, her mouth feeling dryer and finding out the burning didn't hurt so much this time around, her head started to swell, and she felt dizzy, heavy she just wanted to lay down. With shaking legs, she brought herself down and kept taking long swigs, feeling that trail of fire run down her throat into her belly she felt warm all over, but her skin felt cold.

"Don't you think you should slow down?"

Asuka turned to face him but found out that her body moved faster then what she was expecting and almost flipped onto her side, "I'm fine Shinji! If anything,… you should catch up ta me!"

Shinji eyed the bottle in her hand when she started drinking it was maybe just a little under three quarters full but now, she had almost drunken a fourth of the bottle by now. Swaying side to side she set the bottle on the table and then slumped over landing with a loud thud, Shinji scrambled over rolling her on her side, it wasn't the first time he had to deal with someone who was liquored up.

And he knew that it wasn't going to be his last. "Asuka you okay? You want me to get you some water or food?"

Her head was rolling limply on her neck as she tried to look up at him, with her head and stomach tightening she found every little head movement made her want to vomit, "Shinji… did you ever want to kiss me?"

"Huh?" He tried to get her on her knees and steady her but her lower half was all stiff, heavy and dead while everything above her waist flopped all around like one of those balloon men. "When we met, did you ever want to kiss me? I still sometimes think about how you tried spying on me when I was changing."

"How many times do I have to apologize for that Asuka?" he groaned.

Her head finally was able to hold itself up and she looked into his eyes, he fought a tiny gasp from leaving his eyes seeing tiny pockets of light hidden but only now coming out of her eyes. Usually they were a deep and almost aggressive blue but not they were softer color, almost like the tanks of water back at the water treatment facility.

"No… it's not that… I know what you do in your room late at night, I've seen you. I just want to know if you want to kiss."

"Why-why-why would we kiss?"

"I dunno… becuz I'm bored." She slurred, her words started to run together, and a pocket of drool was starting to come out the corner of her mouth, sighing he reached over grabbing a napkin and cleaned her face.

"Is that really a good reason for kissing? Besides Asuka I'm… I'm with Rei. That's just not something I would do."

"Oh, c'mon! This'll be our little secret. You don't think wonder girl has her own secrets? Even Nathan has to have some kinda deal… please just between us."

"Asuka no, besides I've already kissed Rei and… and…"

"What you've groped her too? You don't think I know that? Wha daz she 'av that I don't?! You really think that she's not getting' her fix somewhere else?"

"What fix?!" he cried out trying to stop his nose from curling, all that molasses and sickening sweet alcohol was now coming out in her breath and out of her pores. His eyes started to sting and avert from her, she just snickered and leaned forward curling one thumb and forefinger together making an O, she then rapidly mover her opposite forefinger rapidly out of it leaning forward almost knocking him back. "This fix."

"Asuka you don't know what you're talking about, she wouldn't do that to me."

"You don't know that… besides I'm… willing to do more for you."

His chest tightened almost stopping. "You don't mean that." His eyes were now fully glued to the floor and she was completely out of his eyesight, "Hey look at me."

He still kept his eyes glued to the floor even as her arms flopped to her chest.

"Look at me Shinji." He saw that red and white fancy bra laid in front of his eyes on the floor, "Shinji look at me." His eyes focused on the floor, until he felt her hands take his face and she moved his eyes up her stomach to her perky chest. "You can look at them for the whole time if you want. You don't have to look at me in the eye, just please look at me."

His throat started to feel dry like he had hair in his throat, "Asuka…" he shut his eyes.

"Just please look at me." He squeezed them tighter. He felt a hot steamy sensation, he opened his eyes for a brief second and saw Asuka was leaning forward, eyes closed and lips slightly parted, he scooted back, and she fell on top of him.

He rolled his face on its side avoiding all eye contact with her, "You don't have to do anything… I can do it all for you. I can be better than her. Just please look at me Shinji." His face started to tickle as tiny droplets fell down on his face and ran down his cheeks. She was crying. But no matter the pleading he still kept his eyes off her. He squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced as he felt her sit on his stomach, gripping his shirt and limply shaking him.

"Tell me what you want… anything Shinji, anything just please look at me."

She moved down his waist and he stayed silent until her hands found his belt and rocking in every direction like a broken dashboard hulu girl she tried to loosen it. "Asuka stop. I don't love you, I'm in love with Rei."

"She hasn't done this for you yet right? I can do this and more. You… don't… have to love me… just look at me!" her voice broke out into a crying fit, he sat up right slowly sliding out from under her, "Asuka stop it now. I don't want this, if anything I'm gonna have my first time with Rei, and… her's will be with me." But even he had to admit to himself his voice sounded a little unsure.

"What does she do for you! She hardly looks at you anymore, all she does is look at him! Look at me Shinji, Look at me! I'll do anything, just look at me!"

Her hands left his waist and instead gripped his face, all he could do was just squint his eyes shut as she held him under her and at her mercy, but she had grabbed him and put her hands on him before. Only those times he felt her trying to use her full strength and all those years of anger behind it, he felt every muscle in her body teaming up with the sole purpose to hurt him but now… it was different.

For once her grasp felt weak and almost childlike, it was almost inviting. It felt more like a gentle hold a mother would use on her newborn. He could have easily slipped out of her hands, but he just held his eyes shut with his arms stretched to his sides, he felt like retching just from the smell coming off her breath. Her palms resting on his cheeks just enough space for the heat of her skin having to fight against the cool air of the room and her fingers stretching out and trying to weave themselves into his hair.

"Please Shinji… look at me." With his eyes still shut she tilted her head off to the side and connected their lips together, parting her mouth slightly just enough to allow her tongue in but as soon as the foul taste of rum entered, his tongue backed away. She let out small moans trying to entice him into going along with her but even though his lips still connected with hers his face and neck tried to get away. Even their chests touching did nothing to bring him closer to her.

She brought her head upright facing his, rubbing his nose with hers as she pulled away. He made a small groaning noise as his lips curled and tightened up, Asuka's eyes were glimmering as she tried to hold back the tears. She scooted backwards rubbing up against his body looking back down to the pinned boy's waist she put her hands back on his belt drunkenly trying to fumble it off.

"Don't worry… I know what I can do to make you look at me Shinji-arhghargh." In one instant Asuka's voice was silenced and nothing but vomit came out of her mouth all over the crotch of Shinji's waistline coating his black pants. "Ugh Asuka!" he cried.

He finally looked up at her, her eyes rolled up into the back of her head as she swayed side to side, her lower mouth and chest were covered in sick and then like a cut-down tree she lost her fight with gravity fell hard on her shoulder. It was now that Shinji heard a hollow clunk and saw the nearly empty bottle of rum rolling away from them, it was no wonder that she got sick. He looked down in disgust, he reached over and shook her shoulder, but she was already passed out.

Giving up he went off to clean up and change, then pulling Asuka by her arms to the bathroom got a soapy rag and cleaned her up as well. To top it off he moved her to her bed and rested her on her side, covering her bare chest up he saw her lips moving apart she was whispering something. He leaned in close trying to hear what she was saying he couldn't make out the first few words but what was clear was she was finishing with "… hold me."

He turned away from her and got to getting rid of the evidence dumping out any last bit of rum in the bottle and tossing it in with the rest he got to cleaning up the floors, but no matter how much product he used how hard he scrub that burning acidic smell was still in his nose along with that stomach churning sweetness.

And he could still feel Asuka's tears on his cheek burning holes through him like acid and he could still hear her voice asking him to "look at me."

Even after he heard her snoring, he still heard her voice breaking, asking him to just look at her. He plugged his ear buds in trying to drown out her voice and stared at the ceiling, hoping that he'd be able to fall asleep eventually.

Rei sat at the dinner table in front of the door staring at it intensely, she had done so the minute she got home. The necklace was gone, his clothes were gone so was anything else that was any evidence that they had been living together. The moment that he caught her and Shinji together she felt a strange numbness taking over her body, making her feel cold all over. She just wanted to curl up and die, she didn't want to feel this pain anymore this emptiness in her stomach and chest.

Just the empty look of betrayal in his eyes when he saw her, it felt as if he were looking past her. As if in one moment his brain flicked some switch and she no longer existed in his eyes, she was resting her face behind her folded arms. There was a feeling of razors being shook inside her belly, it rumbled with hunger but at this point no matter how hungry her body felt she didn't feel like eating. Maybe this was some form of self-inflected punishment on her part.

Her eyes drifted to the table, already the room was dark and still. She felt her eyelids growing heavy and it soon became apparent to her that he wasn't going to show up that night. She just hoped he could forgive her in time, she hoped she didn't sever the only pure connection she felt she ever had. She pushed herself away from the table and slowly walked up the stairs, with each step it felt like her heart was gaining a hundred pounds.

Her whole being felt weighed down as if she would rip apart, but somehow she finally made it to the two futon mats pushed against one another, undressing and letting her clothes fall in one single pile she climbed into bed. They hadn't bothered to wash the sheets, their combine smell still lingered. She took his pillow and brought it close to her face, she smelt it and for a second it fooled her heart into thinking it was right there with her.

It skipped a few beats and she brought it closer to her body squeezing it, robbing it of its life and curling her whole body around it until she was in the fetal position rocking back and forth trying to stop the tears from flowing, wishing he had been the first one to ask to be with her.

His alarm woke him up and he just laid there in that old used room staring at the walls while it blared angrily at him, when he finally did silence it all he could think about was how much of a dick he was to Rei. She didn't deserve any of that, sitting up right he rubbed his face and yawned. He wanted nothing more than to see her, to wrap his arms around her and feel her melt in his arms, to feel her soft lips against his and to rest his head on her lap and feel her run her hands through his hair while he whispered every apology he could think of.

But he didn't have the courage to face her, or Shinji or anyone. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his lap, he just wanted to curl up into a tight ball until he collapsed in on himself and disappeared.

When he finally did check the time, he saw that by now everyone should've been walking to school, at least he could have a shower while she was away. Toweling off he got dressed in workout clothes in their old shared room he headed off to the gym, some strange glow affected his muscles. It felt like he had been stuck in the microwave for the whole night, every step made his whole-body quake.

Maybe if he just over worked himself he'd feel better, hoping on the treadmill he started at a slower pace and gradually got faster and faster, only when it felt like he was going to vomit up his lungs did he stop. Stretching out over the railing he looked around the empty gym and saw all the different machines. At least he had all day, he just wasn't sure what he wanted to do when nighttime came.

Asuka's head killed, the light seared her eyes shut and ate its way to the back of her skull. With every little sound her head throbbed, but she still managed to make it to school somehow. Before she left the apartment, she took some painkillers and a Gatorade but still she felt stick, the heat radiating from the sidewalk didn't do anything to help her mood either. She wished she had gotten her sunglasses, cupping her hands around her face did little to help.

Normally she would've walked to school with Shinji but lately and after last night she couldn't bear to face him. How many hints had she been dropping to him, how many slips she made? Walking out of the shower in her towel to her room and "accidently" walking into his room, the loose tank tops and short cut bottoms. Asking him to play his cello for her when the two of them were alone and her attitude towards him being a little softer.

Still it wasn't enough, she only did those things when they were along. Why was she infatuated with him anyways? What was it about him that was pulling her closer towards him? She would never admit it even if she was tortured or threatened with death but there were times where… she would dream about shinji. And she would wake up with her heart racing.

But no, he wanted to be with the teacher's pet, and now it was becoming more and more obvious that he wanted nothing at all to do with her. Even when she would have been at his mercy to do whatever he wanted with her, or her willingness to do anything he wanted, and he couldn't even look at any part of her.

Maybe that was why she had been off lately and feeling worthless. After all, if she couldn't even get someone like Shinji to warm up to her and accept her what good was, she? Just thinking about that endless cycle pissed her off, made her blood boil and her temples pulse and none of that was good for her headache. She wondered about what would happen to her if her synch score kept falling.

Why would they still need her here if she couldn't pilot an EVA? What would be the point in keeping her here?

She made it to school finally and somehow remembered where her locker was, putting on her slippers she hated to admit it but was a little heartbroken to see no mysterious note from blue K. She sighed, just another man that left her she thought quietly. Walking to class she saw Hikari waving her over, and in her usual spot sat the first looking out the window resting her chin on her hand.

And sitting back with the idiot duo was Shinji, looking at her with those grey-blue eyes. Staring at her like she was the only thing in the world, she let out a small huff and whipped her head to the ground, big mistake as soon as she did the world started to spin and she almost tumbled down. But bracing herself against the door and then with slow steps tightening her stomach she managed to walk to her spot next to Hikari not at all surprised to see that Nathan had turned up missing again.

The bell rung making her whole head throb in pain, all she could do was wait out the day and hope they weren't covering anything important in class today, if she could she'd just find the first chance she could get and head to the infirmary and sleep it off. Bells came and bells went, old sensei droned on and on about things that Asuka would just have tuned out even if she was a hundred percent, but she found herself even too weak to walk to the nurse's much less say she had to go.

When the day finally ended her eyes fluttered slightly to see a beaming Shinji standing in front of Rei, taking her hand in his the two walked out of the class together no doubt Shinji was taking her back to NERV HQ, and Asuka was forced to walk home alone. She could have asked Hikari to tag along with her, but she had mentioned something about her older sister finally being able to return home after a while. Even Asuka wasn't that selfish.

Alone in the locker room Asuka picked out her street shoes and things, just as she was going to robotically put her slippers back in there, she felt something hit her foot. Gently falling from the locker like a petal from a flower was a note with a blue K and a heart on it. Asuka's eyes focused on it, she made a small choking noise as she bent down to pick it up hoping to avoid the headrush.

Mystery guy had written to her after all. She left out a small soft smile and stuck it in her chest pocket, getting her shoes on she walked home this time not feeling so lonely. Her checks and chest burned as she let her mind wander about what her secret admirer had written to her.

She didn't bother to read all of this guy's notes but some of them were really flattering, and sure others were just from another stupid horny boy but… at least he was looking at her. When she had finally made it to the apartment, she entered in quietly like a ghost trying to make sure she was completely alone. All she heard was the combined snoring of Misato and Pen-pen, knowing nothing short of the apocalypse would wake them she tiptoed to her room and shut the door.

Wishing now more than ever that she had a lock on her door she laid out on her futon and opened up the note the first thing to hit her was a print-out picture of a boy no doubt a few years older than her, but her eyes went wide. It was just a picture of his chest and stomach but was he cut… she couldn't help but bite her lip. Like a Hershey's bar she thought blushing. She then turned her attention to the note.

Sorry pretty little woman I would've gotten this to you sooner, but I had a doctor's appointment.

I've seen you opening your locker and all the love notes that come pouring out. I know how you're at the heart of every guy at school's fantasy, but you know what the difference between them and me is?

I know a special woman when I see one and I know you need a man not a tiny twink boy that still gets surprised when it stands up.

So now I'm shooting my shot.

If you're interested in seeing how I can treat you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Meet me tomorrow in the storage room, third floor you know what goes on there right?

Lunch time, just the two of us. You may not know my name now but I guarantee I'll have you screaming it by the end of our little meet'n'greet.

~K

Asuka's face burned and her knees wobbled, so far this "K" had never been this forward, he was wanting her and only her. Someone wanted her and only her, she felt her head grow woozy and her heart turn fuzzy. A sly smile grew on her face as she thought about what they would do at this meet up.

"Well here we are Rei." Shinji and Rei stood outside of her living quarters at NERV HQ, she had remained silent for much of their walk from school and even holding her hand her grip seemed to be limp. "Thank you for bringing me back here."

He knew she played things close to the chest and often had a more monotone voice and her face was usually blank. Only now as they stood outside her door her eyes… they seemed sad, almost empty. "Hey… you know if there's anything bothering you, I'm, here right? You can talk to me about anything." He took her hand in his and gave it a light squeeze.

Her brow furrowed slightly as she watched his gesture, Shinji shuffled over close and place one arm on her waist and brought her in closer for a hug. Resting his chin on her shoulder, "You I really like you Rei. If something's making you unhappy, I can fix it for you. Just give me a chance." His head lifted off and he gazed into her red eyes, their heads couldn't have been more than a foot away from one another. He closed his eyes and tried to connect his lips to hers.

Only for them to end up meeting her cheek, she had moved her head at the last second. He only noticed when he opened his eyes realizing what she did that for this whole time she hadn't blinked once, it seemed like something was making her stuck inside her own head. Pulling his head back he tilted his head and then let it sink as his eyes were glued to the floor. "You still like me right Rei?"

"Yes I do Shinji. You are important to me."

"Is that it?"

It only occurred to him now that maybe he didn't know the mysterious blue haired albino girl as well as he thought, "I'm tired now. I think I want to go rest, farewell… Shinji." She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a quick hug lifting herself up on her tiptoes. Then after swiping her card she disappeared behind the blank white door, Shinji stood there feeling more alone than he ever had.

Part of him wanted to go through that door and embrace her, to wrap his lips around hers and kiss her with every bit of passion he felt that was burning up in his stomach. To hold her and stroke her hair, to feel her holding him. He thought about the things Asuka said and hinted at doing for him, he thought about doing them with Rei. He remembered the time he walked in on her after a shower, how he landed on top of her and her still beautiful eyes looking back up at him.

He wanted to go through those doors and show her what he had to offer to her and give her a reason no matter how small to stay with him. But he decided against it, turning around he slowly made his way out of the facility, maybe things would have gone differently if he had walked through those doors. The only thing he could swear was that it looked like something was eating deeply at her… it looked like she was struggling to come up with the words, but still thought it wasn't important enough to bring up to him.

Rei heard the shower running softly as she walked up the stairs and just as she made it to the top it squeaked off, looking through the open door to her room she saw a pile of dirty laundry. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized it was Nathan's clothes. And when the door behind her creaked open her head whipped around to see him standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He stood there silently staring at her, his chest slowly rising and falling.

His eyes shimmered in the light as it looked like he was trying to keep tears away. He licked his lips nervously before saying, "Hey."

"Hello."

"Listen Rei…" he began but then she cut him off.

"I'm sorry."

He looked shocked and confused, he raised an eyebrow, "Sorry about what?"

She looked to the ground, "I'm sorry for the position that you caught Shinji and I in. I didn't mean for it to go as far as it did but… I only did it because that's what couples do."

"I wish you hadn't brough that up." he murmured sniffing covering his face up.

"Why not, it was wrong of me. I hurt you and betrayed your feelings."

"Look even if I hadn't caught you guys… you still would've done it. Besides me and you… have done worse. We're both in the wrong here… doing what we've done behind his back. He's just ignorant of our situation." He took a pause and cleared his throat.

"Look Rei I don't blame you for what happened. I'm the one who put you in this situation. You're just doing the smart things and I… I got jealous." His voice started to break as he looked into her ruby eyes. "When you said we should stop being so close I panicked… you're the first person I've ever loved and to feel you push me away… hurt. Then seeing you two like that made me think… just for one second that I lost you."

She silently walked over to him and put her hand on his naked chest, even though that developing muscle she still felt his heart, beneath the freshly showered skin that should have felt hot from the water still felt cold. But there it was the beating of a small, lonely damaged heart. He let out a small gasp at her touch and for a second almost sunk into his old habits of backing away from her touch, but he didn't… he stood up straighter and placed his hand over hers… squeezing it lightly.

"Am I still the only one who makes it beat like this?" she asked feeling his heart start to race. His mouth slightly open he nodded, his wet hair hanging over his forehead bobbed up and down sending tiny droplets of water on her face. She let out a small smile, the kind she only ever let loose around him. Small, sultry and inviting, the kind that told him that she felt their connection and bond. "Do you still love me?" she asked her eyebrows raising making her eyes look softer as she gazed up at him.

"Forever Rei. Do you… still love me? Even after I've been well… me?"

With her free hand she placed it on his cheek she raised herself up, taking a small breath in first she said, "Yes… I love you. My other half." Closing her eyes, she connected their lips and melted into his touch, she felt her skin burn as his damp hands ran up and down her back gripping her hips firmly. Her own hands ran all over his face and chest, raking them through his hair.

When they finally pulled away both of their hearts were aching and their chests burning as they panted pressing foreheads together and smelling the other moved in closer. He whispered in a husky voice, "I love you Rei Ayanami."

All she panted out was, "What's your last name?"

"Huh?"

"Your last name Nathan. The name of your family?"

He wore a face that clearly painted someone in pain, either in pain from the memories or the lack of memories. He sighed and simply said, "I don't even remember sometimes. But that's not important right? I don't care what my last name is, all I care about is you." He said bring a hand to her face caressing her cheek.

Her cheek blushed and burned as his touch and she closed her eyes for a second and when they opened again she met his gaze then as one both of their eyes made their way to their bedroom.

When night had finally came the pair were both bare only a blanket from the mid of their stomachs to their knees was the thing that covered them. Rei opened her eyes and gazed to the ceiling she felt almost physically exhausted and warm all over, every muscle group in her body was twitching the same went for Nathan.

She saw a smile on his face and seeing that made her smile. "What's the best thing about uniting ourselves?" she asked.

"Huh?"

"This act… the one we both clearly like, why do you enjoy it?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Could've sworn we've had this conversation once before." He muttered. Nervously scratching his chin, he thought about it for a second, then he blushed, and in a nervous voice said, "Well, I guess… I like how your body seems to squeeze me. How you squeeze me, holding me tight like I don't know like you're reminding me that you'll never leave. That you'll always love me?"

"Really?" he gave a smile and quick nod in return to her, she felt her own cheeks burn, "I like how you squeeze me too. Can I squeeze you again?"

He let out a small "Hmm?" before she rolled facing him and pulled him in for a tight hug, smiling with her eyes shut she let out a small giggle, "I'm squeezing you."

He only let out a chuckle and wrapped his arms around her back and whispered, "Squeeze." Back into her ear. "Squeeze." She replied.

But even if she did a good job at hiding it something about that giggle scared her or made her uneasy, how ghostly and empty it was. She didn't even make the conscious decision to giggle this time or the last time, in fact it was as if this body still remembered making that noise back in the tank with the others. As if something deep within her remembered the time this thing she inhabited was nothing more than an empty shell.

As for Shinji the night didn't bare well, he was laying in his bed tossing and turning. His breathing was only getting quicker as his heart was racing, his skin was soaked in sweat and it felt as if he had the worse fever he ever had. That night he tried to go to that one happy place in his mind, whether it was a dream or a memory he didn't know.

All that he knew was that he was happy… and that his mom was there. It seemed like it was the truly only happy place he had in Tokyo 3 but now… he was there, and he was ruining that happy place.

"Mom… mom… mom… mom…" he groaned. His brow furrowed as he began to have the worse nightmare he ever had.

Okay my dudes thank you so much for reading this, thank you if you've started to read from my posts to reddit and thank you more than I can express if you've kept reading my stuff. Now fair warning this next part may take me just a while to get right and when I do post it maybe heads might turn idk, because I'm probably gonna touch on Freudian levels people didn't know existed, and if you've read from the beginning you might just hate OC more

Seriously warning ahead shits gonna get weird, no yui x shinji stuff im not that dementated and don't worry no OC jacking off to an EVA again


	18. Chapter 17 Shinji's dream

xxxxxxxxxxx Big warning here this chapter is where things are gonna get weird well weirder, so if such things make you uncomfortable feel free to bypass this chap, hopefully with spring break here i can pump out another chap for everyone that prefers SFW stuffxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shinji's mind went to that one place where he felt true happiness, or what he felt was nearest to true happiness. He awoke in his desired reality, he didn't know much of what existed outside of the walls and rooms he was able to explore but even if something did exist outside, he didn't care what it was.

His wide eyes opened up as he felt a tickling sensation on the top of his head. Slowly letting the light in he saw his mother… Yui Ikari, her short brown hair clinging in small tufts all around her face. Her green eyes shimmering like emeralds in the light, Shinji felt his chest tighten as he let out a gasp. "Good morning Shinji, did you have any good dreams last night?" She asked sweetly.

Shinji sat up surprised to see that his body had shrunk or somehow it reverted to back when he was younger, he looked at his short legs hidden under the covers and his small hands. Flexing them and feeling oddly heavy let them sink by his sides, a small frown came over his tiny face as he let his head sink. "No, mama."

A concerned look came over Yui's face, bringing him closer to her chest, her soft voice full of concern, "Did you have that nightmare again?", he gave a small nod and grunted, taking his tiny thin arms and wrapping them around her as far as they could go. "I'm sorry honey. You know that I only want you to be happy right?"

He nodded furiously, rubbing his face against her silky pink shirt and full bosom, she let out a deep sigh, taking him gently by the shoulders turned him to face her. Resting a hand on his cheek he felt a warm, calming buzz that relaxed him, "Shinji, I know things feel hard right now, especially after daddy…" she blinked and let her eyes fall to the floor, for a second Shinji swore her eyes looked sad.

"Shinji… you know that I won't always be here for you right. You know that'll you'll have to learn to take care of yourself and make your own happiness like a big boy, right?" she started to slowly stroke his hair backwards only for it to flop back on his forehead. His grey-blue eyes shimmered, he never liked it when she talked like this.

"But don't worry Shinji… mommy's job… what I'm doing, will help you find happiness. But its' cost… might hurt for a while. Just know that your mama will always love you."

"You're wrong mama."

A look of surprise overcame Yui's face, then standing upright, Shinji stared his mom in the eyes before wrapping his arms around her neck tightly pulling himself close to her. "You'll always be here for me mama." All Yui could do was smile and close her eyes, and hug her son tightly, they held onto each other for a while until she had to break their hug. "Now c'mon get cleaned up and dressed, your friend is coming over today. You remember Natey right?"

Shinji stood on a tiny stool in front of the bathroom mirror vigorously brushing his teeth, the sweetness from his favorite bubble gum flavored toothpaste just twisted his tummy and made him sick. He looked at his small face in the mirror, looking at his short limbs, he had scrubbed his teeth with so much force he started to eventually started to taste blood in his mouth.

Rinse and spitting he thought about his "friend" Natey, so far the only things he knew about this mystery boy was that he lived in America, and his father with worked with his own mother. He thought about the boy with the big head with the funny mark on his left eye, skinny legs that seemed too long for his small torso. Super skinny arms with large hands and those big thick black glasses he always had to wear.

To him the boy just looked like someone took spare parts out of a bin and just mashed them all together, but what upset him most about the boy was the fact that his mother had seemed to just dote on Natey, and show him special treatment, whenever they would have snack time she would always give Natey the biggest cookies and the bigger juice cup.

His name wasn't even Natey… it was Nathan. He couldn't really remember if he had liked him at all, but what he hated most of all was how his mother had already given him a nick name and seemed to give him tighter hugs and more attention, she almost even seemed to ignore Shinji.

Finally getting dressed Shinji sat on the couch watching cartoons on the TV waiting for his mom to return with his "friend". The more he thought about it though, the more he was starting to realize how happy he was that he never left this place and saw the outside, it seemed nothing good was out there. In fact, from what little memory he felt like he had about this place, he never liked the outside world. His mom's work took her away from him, school was filled with bullies and people who made him nervous and anxious.

In here it was just him and his mom, he felt warm, safe and comfort here but out there, he hid his face behind his mother's waist or in her chest. He never knew what it really was about the outside world that made him so anxious, even with friendly people though like that nice purple haired lady just rattled him and made him want to cry.

All he could do was shrink behind Yui as she cradled him, smiling and apologizing for her son's shyness. At least in his room and house he felt things were familiar and that they wouldn't change, his tiny heart wouldn't hurt. Even if he started to cry or feel scared his mom was always here and he could just run into her embrace. The door opened snapping him from his thoughts and that strange boy was standing right by his mom, it seemed that he was just as nervous about seeing Shinji.

He was standing behind Yui holding a piece of her lab coat over his weird, sullen, withered and slightly malnourished body. All that Shinji could see was his left eye with the funny brown spot and a small brown eye hidden behind those big "buddy holly" (as his mother called them) glasses. Shinji had to hide a glare from his mother.

Already she was looking down at him with soft eyes and a warm smile, she was patting his head whispering to him, the room wasn't cold by any means, but the strange boy was already shivering. "It's okay Natey, Shinji come say hi, don't be rude now.". Furrowing his brow Shinji pushed his tiny body off the couch and walked over, even as he neared them Nathan hid further behind Yui's lab coat. "Don't worry honey, it's just your friend Shinji."

"Hi."

It took the strange boy a few minutes until he shuffled around Yui and in a small voice he murmured back, "Hi."

"Okay you boys get comfortable, I'll be back and read you two a story." She gave the stranger another soft look before she walked away to her room, once she was gone Shinji glared at the strange boy who now looking at the ground shuffling around him taking the long way to the couch. All he could think about was why did he have to share his mom's attention with this intruder.

When his mom came back with the thick reddish-brown book with funny scratchy symbols on the cover the two boys sat down in front of her, Shinji stared at his mother and had to admit she was very pretty, her brown hair framing her darkish green eyes. Shining with some kindness, her pink blouse stretching over her full chest that Shinji used to hide away from the world.

A short skirt that was curving over her wide maternal hips, all of her features radiated some curvy softness or maternal kindness that calmed Shinji's nerves and made him feel loved by simply holding her and having her embrace him.

The story his mom was reading to them was one she had read to them often whenever Natey came for a visit, it was a story or a fairy tale about a boy and his mom who fought big scary monsters. Shinji saw his mother's pretty face gleam as she told the same old story again and it seemed with each telling she only had more and more enthusiasm that lit her face up.

What should have been a nice moment between mother and son was just ruined by the outsider. Shinji tried not to be obvious, sneaking looks at Nathan he saw that the strange boy was just staring at the corner. Looking at nothing with a blank and miserable expression on his face, it seemed that Nathan was making a conscious effort not to make eye contact with his mother.

But every once in a while, he would take a glance at Yui, his blank face giving off a small frown just before he quickly turned his head and returned back to staring off at nothing.

"Then after defeating the monsters and enemies of humanity. The brave young prince joined his mother the Queen, at the gates to paradise uniting together once again. Then as one they used their love to open the forbidden gates that behind them held a paradise for all humanity. Then the Queen taking her son the prince, both of them walked through heaven's gates together and gave humanity its' release everyone yearned for.

All physical bodies were lost as everyone's true hearts were released, and every soul joined together as one in harmony and happiness. Then the young prince whose mother had sacrificed so much, finally realized what she was trying to do. And the young prince was happy along with the rest of all humanity. The end."

Yui finished her story with the same satisfied hopeful smile, looking over at the two boys, giving a small amused smile she released a playful sigh. "Well?" she asked stretching the word beyond infinity. She looked at both boys trying to gauge their reactions, but her amusement grew at their shy nature and confused expressions. Her soft eyes just sparkled even more, glowing with that maternal softness.

Sighing she figured either she'd better lead the boys to answering her question, no doubt they were both afraid of getting the answer wrong, afraid to disappoint her, "What did you two think about the story? Specifically, the ending?" She gently asked, trying to calm both of the boys' nerves.

Both sat there silently tilting their heads to the floor as they racked their tiny minds for an answer. Shinji this time hadn't really been paying attention to his mother's story, he was just happy enough to hear his mother's calming voice. He just wished that this time he was paying enough attention to what she said to give her an answer that would make her happy.

Make her happy and have her tell him what a smart boy he was… make her give him some words of kindness and encouragement.

He would never tell his mom afraid of hurting her feelings but he never really found the story satisfying, it's ending had always bothered him and left him with more questions. It left him feeling confused and other funny emotions. To him the ending didn't reflect that same happiness his mother's voice had in it, but he didn't want to hurt her. He figured he'd just stay silent.

But the silence was broken by Nathan, who in a timid voice answered her question. "I liked it… I thought the ending was happy. There was no more unhappiness, nobody felt lonely anymore and the prince was finally able to be back with his mom."

With his mumbled voice, he let his thoughts out into the world, somberly as he looked at the wall with that same trademarked thousand-yard stare. Yui satisfied with the answer beamed at the shy boy, "Yes, that's good Natey. That's nice answer." Smiling at him, hearing those words of praise Nathan's sunk head rose a little and he met her gaze for a few seconds, giving off a small smile.

Already Shinji felt his blood start to boil seeing how happy his mom was making another boy, Shinji watched as his mother gave Natey that same small warming smile that she only seemed to give him. Shinji felt all his anger building up in his body, anger fueled by jealously. Why wasn't his mother focusing her love and attention on him? Why was she focusing on this outsider? Why did he have to speak first?! He could've said something like that if he had wanted to!

Shinji just wanted to lash out, lash out and rebuff Nathan's answer to make him look and feel just as stupid as he was making him feel. To make him feel just as worthless as he made him feel in front of his mother.

"No, the ending wasn't happy! Everybody in it died… or they lost their bodies! How can anyone see that as a happy ending?! You're stupid, you're- "By now Shinji was standing over and lording over Nathan, making the small boy shrink in on himself. But his cries of anger were silenced by his mother.

"Shinji! Don't be rude or make fun of Nathan and his opinion." Her voice was still soft in gentle but firm, however to Shinji's ear it was like the cracking of a whip as if she just yelled at him with enough force in her voice to tear her vocal cords. Finishing admonishing her son, Yui turned her attention back to Nathan, the small boy cowering before Shinji wrapping his arms around his knees burying his face.

Already she could see the boy's face turning red with tears welling up in his eyes. Walking over to him shushing him, she hugged the boy pulling him close to her chest, and once he felt her warm presence around him, he hugged her back burying his face. "The reason he feels this way, the reason why he liked the story so much tells me that he's lonely and in pain. He's hurting Shinji and words like that are just making him feel worse."

She continued to whisper small caring words to Nathan who only could whimper out about how much Shinji hated him, and how much he wanted to go home. But Yui just shushed him and began humming to him in an effort to calm him down. To see his own mother giving treat him with such gentleness and compassion hurt Shinji because it was the same way she would care for him whenever he felt the same way. "That's what's wrong in this world boys… nobody knows how much they can hurt each other. Don't worry honey he didn't mean it."

But to see those feelings that were only meant for him given to someone else reignited that anger. Yui lifted Nathan's head from her chest, wiping away his small tears. He looked slightly panicked by this touch of affection, this attempt at contact but once he felt her arms around him cradle him more, he stopped shying away. As she touched his cheek his eyes locked with hers. "You've had a hard life… haven't you darling?" she said stroking his cheek.

'SO HAVE I! SHOW ME ATTENTION, STOP LOOKING AT HIM, I'M YOUR SON, LOOK AT ME MOM, LOOK AT ME, LOVE ME, ONLY ME LOOK AT ME MOMMY!' Shinji screamed in his mind, he felt tears of his own start to build up as he watched Nathan and Yui continue their moment completely forgetting he existed.

His mother yelling at him, having this newcomer steal his mother away from him, and being made a fool of by Nathan was too much. And now his mom was showing love and care to this new intruder, he couldn't bear to be around them anymore. His hair on his scalp tingled like they were standing up, the little hedgehog wanting to protect himself and roll up to feel safe did what came easiest.

This was the first time ever he felt uneasy in his safe place, feeling his little spine raise up he let out a small sniffle and ran to his room as fast as his short legs would carry him. They wouldn't miss him anyways. Just as he reached his room before he closed the door, he heard Nathan ask quietly if she would read him the story again. Even with the door closed he could still hear his mother's excited voice as she began telling the story again. About how the sky mother who lived in the stars made humanity.

He jumped onto his bed burying his face under his pillow trying to muffle out the world. He didn't know how much time had passed but no one had come to check up on him, how much of the world did he miss by muffling it out. But when Shinji took his head away from the pillow, he was surprised to not hear any voices. Worried that his mom had taken Nathan and the two had gone off and left him, he slowly gathered the courage to open his door and leave his room… quietly making his way to the living room.

Creeping down the hallway, he saw Nathan sitting on his mom's lap. Yui's back was straight as a rod, her smile and eyes as soft and warm as ever giving all her love and attention to Nathan who sat on her lap looking deep into her eyes while she returned his gaze.

He straddled her legs with his own like a cowboy would sit on the saddle of his horse, Yui smiled bouncing her knee up and down making Nathan bob along to her leg.

Giving him a contented smile, Nathan's gaze seemed to intensify. His eyes widening, but his innocent expression melted into an inquisitive look as he raised his eyebrows. It was as if he was trying to deduce some question or some thought had caught his mind and he was trying to rapidly break from that trapped cycle of thought. The strange thing was the way he stared into her face.

It was as if her face hid some answer from him and that… he was almost hypnotized by it. Yui just gently pushed his glasses up his nose and moved a lock of hair behind his ear, letting her fingers trace behind it down his jaw and letting her hand rest on his cheek.

He let out a shudder at her touch and whispered out a shaky gasp as his knees knocked together making a small hollow, thong noise.

Then his hand shot up and rested on her hand, his eyes slowly grew wider as if they were finding their way to the answer he so desperately wanted, as if they were coming upon a life changing realization or that they were on the cusp of recognition like he was greeting a stranger only to remember that they were previously a lifelong friend who had caught him in a crowd.

Clearly Yui had seen this kindling burning in his eyes before Shinji because she leaned closer to him, and with an amused smile full of delight whispered, "Yessss."

In the same fashion and excitement a teacher might have done to a student who was previously struggling with a problem and after the gentlest of nudges had finally figured out the answer and now was praising the student with pride wanting to bolster his confidence and to see the wide smile of success.

Nathan gasped out as realization hit him, his face shifted and held an expression of blank awe, as if she were the first person, he had ever seen but then again very few men could not be swan by the beautiful angel that was Yui Ikari. Smiling at his acknowledgement she leaned forward his eyes shut as Yui kissed his forehead softly, as she pulled away and returned her gaze into his eyes, he rubbed that spot on his head.

Then taking that same hand he placed on the center of Yui's chest in between her breasts, his hand was resting directly over her heart and once he felt its beating, he gasped taking his hand away for a split second. Looking up at her as if asking for permission, she simply smiled and gripping his small hand in hers returned it to its previous resting place.

With his free right hand, he slowly raised it to her cheek, touching and caressing it. At his gesture her eyes shimmered, her beautiful perfect face that not even the best sculptors of Greece or painters of the Renaissance could capture only continued to grow softer and full of joy.

Her emerald eyes shimmering as if she were on the verge of tears but if any tears were able to break free she wouldn't mind shedding them, the look on her face was one that perhaps a woman would only give once in her life, the look she gave once she caught a gaze of her first born child. Why doesn't she ever look at me like that? Did she ever look at me like that? Shinji wondered, silently gasping and weeping, the only noises he made were wet chokes, sniffles and the light tapping of his tears hitting the hard wood floors.

There was just so much raw emotion and adoration the two were giving each other that it crushed poor Shinji's heart.

Yui sighed at Nathan, somehow that breathy gasp echoed in the room and with it felt like the entire atmosphere changed. While staring at Nathan with a smile she absent mindedly caressed her breast. Unbuttoning her shirt, she revealed her bare chest, and Nathan could do nothing but simply stare at them with wide eyes.

She continued to massage her breasts making them bounce slightly, making them seem fuller and more inviting. Nathan watched as she started to rub, pinch, stretch a brown nipple, twirling her fingers around it Yui let out a gasp as it slowly rose and hardened. With each motion she made soft ripples of flesh made her breasts jiggle.

Smiling at him conveying her yearning, Nathan needed no invitation, he latched on. Burying himself in the fleshy cushion, he began to suckle from Shinji's mother. She let out an excited gasp at his eagerness, giggling at his brave action she wrapped her arms around him.

Bringing him in closer as she cooed at him, letting out a muffled almost embarrassed moan or gasp at his gluttonous feeding.

Rocking together, Nathan clung tighter to Yui's chest like a baby kola as she shifted excitedly, her eyes squeezed shut tightly in pleasure at this close connection. Shinji was just turning away from this gutting scene.

It felt like a large hook was lodged in one of his sides and it was being pulled across his stomach. But as he did so he covered his eyes, but his ears unprotected heard the distinct noise of tearing fabric. Unable to not know the source of the noise he looked and saw those rips were coming from Nathan.

Somehow to Shinji's shock the boy was growing, it was unbelievable, but he seemed to be aging rapidly. The boy stretched out of his clothes making them rip as they stretched to impossible lengths. Taut lean muscles grew were nothing, but small pockets of baby fat were still previously.

Yui opening her eyes didn't seem shocked by this new development, by now Nathan had taken his hands and was now cupping her large breasts, slipping his hands underneath them squeezing them and firmly massaging them.

Yui's eyes grew with excitement as she let her hands explore the older boy's new muscles, and then when she ran her hand down Nathan's stomach he stopped suckling for a second as he gasped out at her touch only for her to cup his head with her free hand, pressing it firmer down against her breast where he returned to his previous duty.

Nathan rested his head on her shoulder stopping his feeding he began to rub his forehead against her soft skin sounding exhausted. He took deep breaths in as he wrapped his arms around Yui bringing his young lean body against hers.

Shinji stared at the young Adonis's body that was before him, no longer was a toddler trapping Yui's legs beneath him… now sat a young teen whose body was developed by years of athleticism fueled by the youthful mindset of immortality and idea that he would never age.

By no means did he resembled a body builder with muscles that popped over bones and his whole body, but small groups popped out making him appear lean like a marathon runner. But one thing Shinji noticed was that something new had his mother's attention, he saw her hand traveling up Nathan's body Yui now focused on was a large erection, standing rigidly upright, pulsating as it found itself pointed to her breasts.

Nathan wearily opened his eyes as Yui gazed into his reborn eyes, she gave him a warm smile before she brought the slumping boy's face close to her opening her mouth she kissed him letting her tongue enter his mouth and when it did, he melted into her body, shuddering at her touch. As they parted with strings of saliva coating their lips, she smiled at him bringing him back to her shoulder she playfully flicked his member finding it had no give, smiling at him she kissed him again.

She stared at the boy in amazement, smiling as she took her hands and ran them down his body, the way her eyes beamed with pride was almost the exact same way an artist's eyes would shine once they gaze upon their magnum opus.

Then she began to whisper softly into his ear, Shinji couldn't pick out what words she was giving him in a hushed excited voice, but he did make out a few words.

Such as NEW, OTHER, UNIVERSE, SEED, DESTINY, GODDESS, PERFECT, EXISTENCE, PARADISE.

Whatever she was talking about, it would override her voice with excitement. Nathan's own excitement was growing as he began to nuzzle Yui's neck. Her whispering became low and intimate, with her left hand she ran her fingers through his hair and her right which had been resting on his thigh made its way slowly to his member. As she inched closer, he began to shudder.

Then gently cupping it, she looked into the boy's eyes which burned with lust at her touch, he eagerly nodded to her, then with soft eyes she slipped her tongue into his mouth and began to stroke him. He let out a sharp gasp at her advances, he groaned deeply as she smiled down at him working every inch of skin. As she slowly quickened her pace his breathing became ragged as he gasped out for her. Yui let a prideful smile grow out on her face as she saw the boy's hips rock and grind into her strokes.

He continued to nuzzle her neck, exhausted somehow the boy fought through his lack of energy. He continued groaning as she began to whisper to him again, by now his moans and shudders were getting louder as his hips rocked back and forth. Then as if she knew she closed her eyes then with a loud cry, Nathan arched his back up and then spurted his seed all over her chest.

The boy collapsed onto her legs drained of all energy. He opened his eyes and looked back up at her, she smiled and helped him stand up, then preceded to undress herself letting her clothes fall on the couch.

Shinji seeing those sights had fallen to the floor dry heaving and scratching his eyes until the skin on his face was red and raw. He looked up to see his mother putting her hands on the boy's shoulder bringing him in close, then with hesitation or just exhaustion let his hands run up her taller frame, up her thighs to her butt where he couldn't help but massage them. Smirking at the young teen's lust for her took one of his hands and ran it down the small patch of hair resting above her flower.

Just as his fingers made contact, he gritted his teeth and collapsed into her, as he hugged her deeply his member twitched again spraying his seed to the floor. Then looking up into her eyes she softly put her hand on his cheek, "You're ready now…"

His face panting with confusion stared at her, she smiled simply taking his hand in hers and walked him to her room. The pair walked passed a shivering Shinji, not even bothering to acknowledge him.

Walking into her room Shinji followed he watched as his mother slowly made her way to the floor, bringing down him along with her. "Are you ready to join with me Natey?" she asked spreading her legs wide and with her fingers spread her entrance offering herself to him. Silently nodding to her, he crawled atop her and then taking his reenergized member with his hand slipped into her glistening entrance both parties moaning as they bonded. Yui quickly shut her eyes as that primal knowledge hidden deep in Nathan's mind took over his body and he placed his hands on either side of Yui's head and bracing himself.

He began thrusting, crying out Yui wrapped her legs around the teen's waist and with each thrust pulled him in closer and deeper with her own being. She cupped her breasts, squeezing them as Nathan sped his motions up.

"Mom what are you doing?! You can't do this! Mommies don't do this!" Shinji shouted cupping his head, staring at the pair he saw Yui raise herself up right and using her older bigger body forced the boy on his back, he cupped her breasts as she bounced up and down over his waist. She brought him closer to her chest, and biting her lip brought his mouth back to her chest letting him choose which one to suckle from. Shinji tried to cover his ears as the sound of flesh colliding grew louder and louder, the wet smacking as the two beings continued to bond their bodies.

With each bounce her voluptuous chest and butt jostled, from her forceful movements and each movement made her depths grow tighter around Nathan who squeezed his eyes shut and increased his movements tenfold.

Pulling away from Natey a sly smile came over the busty mother's face, now on her hands and knees she presented her backside to him. Looking over her shoulder she nodded eagerly, propping himself up on one knee he gripped her waist and with a sharp thrust reconnected their bodies. Gripping her large fleshly backside, he shuddered as he worked his hips, collapsing to her elbows Yui's back side raised.

This only fueled his lust for her as he wrapped his body around her's, his stomach resting on her back and gripping her breasts, massaging them he playfully nibbled her ear making her cry out in pleasure as she slipped a hand in between her legs to massage herself. She fought her body's shuddering as pleasure overtook her mind and raising herself up, she twisted her torso looking Nathan in the eye and with one arm she brought his face closer to hers, closing her eyes she firmly pressed his lips against hers and kissed him. Before she had to let go of him once again using her hands to brace her body.

Just as his mother's cries were becoming unbearable, he saw that she started to glow a ghostly white, it was as if the color was draining from her being, her hair seem to shorten and turn blue, she squeezed her eyes shut. Her breasts began to shrink, becoming more smaller and firmer, her butt shrank in as her back curved more nearing her hour-glass waist.

Her skin grew as white as milk, and her deeper grown up voice, became smaller, softer and a higher pitch. Just as she started to cry out about being "there" she brought Nathan's head up to her face, her young teen face with a small sharp nose opening their eyes he saw that Nathan's hair had turned into an odd silver or light grey charcoal color, his own eyes had changed as well.

Both cried out at once and from the spot where they both connected his seed poured out of her and she called out to him once more before her body spasmed trying to grab him and pull him into her own being, as he removed himself Shinji saw that he had finished within her and planted his seed in her body marking this newly transformed young teen Yui being as his own.

But the thing that stabbed at his heart shocking him awake covered in sweat and coughing up sick onto his shirt was the eyes of his younger mom, even after he woke up being kicked out of the dream world, he still saw those two red ruby eyes.


	19. Chapter 18 A new Asuka

Rei and Nathan sat along quietly on the small rail cart that was slowly taking them to the surface, forehead to forehead they took small shaky gasps and they held each other knowing once they were up there, they couldn't afford to be seen together. Lightly gripping each other's elbows in a half hug, he whispered in her ear, "I'll do this with you… as long as it takes. Just can you absolutely promise that… you won't fall in love with him?"

Rei lifted her head from his, she tilted her head and connected with his lips the two made loud passionate smooching noises as they felt their hearts race as feeling the other's hands run down their backs. She pulled away lightly gasping for air, lifting one hand to his face she caressed his cheek.

"Just like we promised, we only have each other's hearts." She reached out and picked up his hand placing it square in the middle of her chest, "You're the only one who makes it feel this… funny. Who makes it feel less lonely." With her thumb she stroked his palm until her eyes went wide, she turned his hand over and saw what he had done to himself. That tiny burn circle in the center of his hand. A mix of yellow, red and puffy skin stared back at them.  
"What happened?" she asked her voice shook a little, she never had much inflection in her voice but the way her voice cracked at the sight of him injured made his heart hurt knowing what he intentionally did to himself. "I… guess I must've burned myself making a tea or something."

Holding his hand between their laps she made small circles around it with her thumbs, "Does it hurt?"  
"Not really, just kinda stings."  
Looking up at him, she swallowed a small lump, "When we get to school, I'll take you to the infirmary. I… I will heal you."

Shinji sat upright in his bed, covered in sweat and sick. The morning sun shone through the blinds showing Shinji's mess, gasping he gripped his head quaking, no matter how tightly he shut his eyes he still saw those red eyes, Rei's eyes.

He shook his head trying to dismiss it all as nothing more than stress, even though Rei seemed that she was starting warm up to him again and he felt closer to her… it still felt like she wasn't full there beside him. All he could think about were those long looks, short glances and slight flutters of breath Rei gave Nathan.  
How they played footsie in class and disappeared all in the same day.

How much time it seemed that they spent alone together… it didn't help that they lived together or that his dad seemed to be planning some secret project that involved the two of them.

He steadily his breathing, trying to calm himself down by saying he was being overly paranoid, Rei was the first girlfriend he had ever had, he was probably being over possessive of her. But then again if she was his girlfriend that meant she belonged only to him right?

No doubt all this time and energy he spent worrying about how close the two of them seemed was bleeding into the back of his mind and affecting his dreams, he was letting Nathan get into his head and steal his last spot of happiness away from him.

He shook his head, 'No Nathan wouldn't do that… he'd leave a get together but he wouldn't hurt a friend like that, besides he doesn't even seem to like girls, there's nothing going on between them… I'm just being stupid as usual.'  
'It was nothing more than some stupid dream, god I hate puberty'

Shinji collected himself finally convinced that he was just worrying too much and was just too pent up, that day he had made out with Rei, he felt good and relaxed but still energized. Feeling all those pent-up urges and needs used on her made him feel good, but then again that was just him being selfish he thought.

Getting up he got to cleaning his sheets and disinfecting his mattress, he went to the bathroom to wash his face and had almost ran into Misato who was storming out, pulling on her jacket. "Sorry Shinji, but I can't stay here with you guys. Something's come up at NERV and I probably won't be home tonight, there's cash on my desk for dinner."  
"Wait what's going on? When will you be- "

"I'm sorry Shinji really, I am but I don't even know what's going on. But I'll let you know if we need you four!" she called out as she ran out the door, Shinji sighing figuring out that it was something else wrong with synch data or the EVAs pushed the thought away, even as he splashed hot water on his face, plucked those tiny stray hairs off his chin and applied acne-wash he couldn't help but think about why his mother had turned into Rei.

No doubt it was just some stupid teen hormone filled nightmare, after all if Nathan was his really one of his friends the last people on earth he would want to see him doing that to would be his mother and Rei, yeah that was it. After all any guy would hate any friend who slept with his mother or girlfriend.

Sighing he decided that's all what the dream was, being done with his morning routine he went to get dressed, but just as he pulled on his pants he groaned in frustration, only now did he realize that he didn't make lunches for him and Asuka last night. He racked his mind trying to figure out if there was something, he could quickly whip up but realizing what he could make off the fly wouldn't meet the red head's standards decided he'd just buy her something from school.

He let out another sigh trying to prepare himself for the verbal beatdown that Asuka no doubt was going to give him once she learned about the lunch situation. But little did he know Asuka was watching him.  
Asuka stood outside his door watching through a hairline crack, she saw him pulling on his pants and saw his thin boyish body. She didn't know why she was ogling Shinji, he was nowhere near as sexy as this mystery K boy, but still there was something attractive about his boyish features. Maybe it had to do with them living in such close quarters.

Or no matter what she asked or how she treated him, it seemed like he was always there. She saw him pull on a short sleeve shirt and tuck it into his pants and her heart skipped a beat. This time… she thought to herself hopefully. She licked her lips nervously, taking in a shaky breath she composed herself trying to bring out the nonchalant cool and confident Asuka.

Once he was done putting his shirt in she lightly knocked on the door, she had been up for a while already and was already dressed in her school outfit as a backup. His head whipped side to side, pulling on his white button up he rushed to the door, with a confused look on his face. Asuka may have tried to look like her old self, but there was still something off about her.

"Uh- Asuka… you saw, didn't you?"  
Her face grew red almost instantly afraid that he knew she was perving on him for once "That I didn't make the bento?" he asked warily ready for the words to start coming out.  
"No… I actually didn't know about that. I wanted to talk to you about something else."

Shinji raised an eyebrow, "Talk about what?"  
"I heard Ms. Misato leaving earlier, and I pretty much know we won't cover anything important in school today so, I was wondering…"  
"Wondering about what Asuka?"

'C'mon girl, just say it, say it! Say you want to stay with him, say what you want from him, say it!' She screamed in her head, she didn't know what she would offer him but if he just told her that he'd stay with her, as far as she was concerned, she'd do anything for him.

"Do you want to skip school with me today? We could just stay here the two of us, and we could do… whatever." She tried to play off the end of her request as if she didn't care but inside, she felt cold and jiggly, "You know… nobody really lives around here so we can do whatever we want."

"Whatever… you want." She added quietly.

Shinji stood there in his doorway, he felt his chest tighten and his eyes wandered away from her's to the floor, he scratched the back of his neck nervously. He didn't want to tell her but ever since her drunken night he felt weird around her, it was just uncomfortable. Especially how okay she would be for him to cheat on Rei with her.

He tried to clear his throat, but it instantly went dry as he tried to swallow, but he just found that he had an itch deep at the back of his mouth like he had hair at the back of it.  
"Look Asuka the thing is…"  
He fumbled over his words but just then his watch started to beep. Glancing down at it he saw the digital face blinking, "Hey we'd better go, or we'll be late." he quickly brushed her off and went to finish getting ready, Asuka let her head sink, she quickly turned on her heel and grabbed her bag.

She walked out the door and let it slam shut behind her, huffing as she walked to the elevators, she called herself an idiot, if Shinji didn't even want her, she wondered what this "K" guy saw in her.

"Let me apply the antiseptic. It already looks infected."

Nathan sat quietly on the bed in the infirmary while Rei grabbed bottles and a medical kit. He stared back down at the small patch of puffy skin that already was turning different colors, the fact that it felt like he was holding coals in his hand while it throbbed with pain let him know that he was in bad shape.

Rei sat down beside him and took his hand gingerly dabbed the burn with a cotton ball, when she was done she gave it a light blow. Silently she applied creams to it and then put a small pad onto and wrapped his hand in gauze. Even though it stung and ached like he had a nail embedded in his hand he kept quiet.

"Does it still hurt?"  
"Just a bit."  
She silently looked at him in the eyes then she brought his hand to her mouth and kissed the lump of gauze in the center of his hand. He felt his cheeks burn and his heart swell, "What was that about?"

He saw her cheeks turn a light pink, "Well… when you kiss me, I feel good. I thought that maybe if I kissed your wound, you'd feel better. Did it work?"  
She looked at him and his look of confusion quickly turned into something else, his eyes shimmered they grew softer, but they also looked sad. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no, no Rei… it's just I thought for a second… I felt like I remembered something or someone. But yeah, I'm feeling way better thanks." He sighed looking at her the way she smiled slightly bringing her chin to her chest letting her hair drape over her forehead. With his good hand, he slid a finger under her chin and lifted her face up, gazing deeply into her eyes he risked one last kiss.

Her eyes went wide surprised at his risk-taking, she let him push her head back and when he pulled away she couldn't help but press forward kissing him again, reconnecting with him. One kiss turned into two, then three and three turned into six. They tried their best to keep quiet, letting out sharp little gasps in between their lungs begging for air.

Neither one of them would vocalize it but they wanted nothing more than for the other to take the reins, to shut and lock the door and pin the other to the bed. But they fought against those urges and found the will to stop, with their foreheads pressed against one another they sat side by side holding hands. They sat quietly waiting for the school bells to start ringing, it was so silent in this part of the school they were convinced that they were alone.

And if that was the case, then they'd want to spend as much time together as possible before they would have to separate again. Just then they heard a shuffling coming up to the door, looking up they saw Toji enter and just before he did, they let their hands fall from each other's.

"Oh, Nathan, Rei what're you guys doing here?"  
Giving off that slight dismissive smirk Nathan held up his hand, "Uh, mishap with the teapot, she was just here patching me up. What're you doing here?'

Gripping his stomach Toji walked over to the cabinets and pulled out a tiny box, "Needed an antacid, that shit you gave me as a gift has been doing murder on my stomach and there's some other personal stuff that we need to get straight. Mainly I think that stuff was made for WOMEN!"  
Trying his best not to laugh at his screw-up or whatever cosmic irony was at play Nathan tried to keep his cool, "Look man I didn't know I'm sorry if I got you the wrong stuff, I thought it'd be like a gag gift or something."

"Well male lactation ain't nothing to joke about."  
"Male lactation?" Rei piped up, Toji's face drained of color and his eyes went wide, "Forget both of you heard nothing you got me. And me and you gotta have some words after class today got it Nathan?"

"Yeah sure dude whatever.", just as it seemed Toji was going to leave in a huff he stopped in the doorway, turning around he asked. "Hey, you guys know what the deal is with all the NERV vehicles and stuff out there in the streets? On my walk here I saw a ton."

Nathan furrowed his brow when him and Rei made their way to school, they didn't see any and he hadn't received any calls or anything not even a text. So why were all those trucks and stuff doing out there now? Shrugging he looked at Toji "Sorry man no clue."  
Unsatisfied Toji left with that Nathan turned his attention back to Rei, looking back at her she gave him one last smile. "I'd better get to class, it's probably a better idea if we head there separately. Thanks again." He pushed himself up flexing his wrapped hand but before he could walk away from the bed, he felt a tug on his back.

Looking over his shoulder he saw Rei pinching his shirt, "Why are you thanking me?"  
"Just… thanks… for being you." He replied. The first bell rung, "I'd better get going now, just wait here a minute or two before making your way there."

But she asked him one more thing before she allowed him to leave, "Wait…"

Feeling his stomach quake, he asked, "Yeah?"  
"Before we separate… can you squeeze me one last time?"  
Facing her with her head level with his stomach he nodded and hugged her, her head felt fluffy and warm against his chest, Rei slowly blinked her eyes and smiled, relishing the sound of his heart beating before he separated. Looking over his shoulder and whipping around, he gave her one last kiss on her forehead.

When he reached the door, he turned around one last time, smiling and giving her a backwards peace sign flicked his wrist to the left, "See ya later Rei." With that he left and Rei couldn't help but think that even though his eyes still looked a little sad at the thought of them having to distance themselves, he still looked a little happy.  
Rei sat there silently with her hands in her lap, then she moved her hand up to her lips to feel a wide and contented smile taking over her face, in her mind she thought, 'See you again, Nathan'.

Gendo Ikari wiped his brow, the heat was excruciating. Squinting he saw the sword and spear resting above the shattered cube, all the pieces were deeply embedded in the sands of the Sahara. His phone buzzed, "Fuyutsuki. Yes, she'll be in charge of things until I return. Make your way here as soon as possible. No… we haven't done anything yet we're still taking in readings from our position."

He stayed silent as he listened to the other end adjusting his glasses hearing about the manpower Fuyutsuki had been shifting from Japan to Africa for this excavation. To him it seemed that the only way that these weapons would be removed was through the will and power of an Evangelion, but which ones would he call?

If there was just the off chance that he pulled them all over to him he would be leaving Tokyo 3 open for attack and the terminal dogma completely at the mercy of whatever angel graced Japan with its presence. He thought to himself before remembering that Fuyutsuki had stopped talking to him, "No it would be foolish to allow any of the children here before we know for certain. I'll confer with the council, maybe the another reading of the scrolls has told them when the next angel shall arrive."

Clicking the phone he deposited it back into his chest pocket, his cool and stoic face over looked the rolling hills of golden sand. He walked back to the command tent he had set up, peering over the shoulder of a technician he saw the readings the objects were giving off, the same as the ones that SEELE had detected from space.

But there was something else, there was a missing piece of data in their frequencies, as if one dancing bouncing line were missing, but what could it mean, he turned his head back to the objects and saw that they were giving off a light violet color, almost like the aurora borealis only these stretches of color were brighter and visible during daylight.

Their lights drifted off all in one direction, he didn't need a map or anything to know where they were heading. It was almost as if they were calling out to their owners. None of this was in the scrolls, he thought angrily. He hated whenever things never fell into line, he hated outside factors intruding on his plans, once an unknown variable entered the equation nothing was longer certain.

"Yui… if you were here what would you do?" he asked quietly, feeling tiny flicks of sand brush against his face from the gentle dry breeze.

Asuka sat in the back of the class she figured she might as well try to catch a glimpse of this guy before they met up.

She stared out the window her knee bouncing up and down as she tapped her pencil on the desk, looking around she only saw just half of the kids in their desks, no doubt whatever NERV was doing scared enough kids into staying home or they just saw all the traffic and thought "Nope."  
Either way her eyes danced on the few boys that were in class, but no matter who they danced off to they kept sticking to Kensuke, god if I'm meeting Kensuke later today I will fling myself off the roof of this building, she thought to herself. But then part of her thought what if it was Kensuke, she never saw him without a shirt on, for all she knew he could be this Hershey's boy.  
EW! Gross no! Get your mind out of the gutter girl, not even you're that desperate!

She saw Shinji eye Rei excitedly, he was almost wiggling in his seat like a dog, she rolled her eyes and shook her head a scowl quickly took over her face. Just then the bell for recess rang, she almost jumped out of her seat but whether it was out of fear, nerves or excitement she didn't know. Walking to her locker she overheard Shinji asking Rei to go grab a snack with him during the break.

True to her submissive nature she agreed if it would be something that would make him happy as she said, Asuka just shook her head, reaching inside the small metal rectangle she found yet another note from this mystery guy, snatching it up along with a bag of kale chips she made her way to the stairs. She held the note out in front of her eyeing it, a small smile creeping up on her face, she didn't even notice him until she bumped right into Nathan, knocking him over she almost landed right on top of him.

"Hey watch it you jackass!" she yelled.

"You watch it you're the one who bumped into me!" the two of them glared at one another from the ground, looking under his hand he saw the small box of cookies and cream pockys that were now no doubt crushed into dust. He turned his eyes back to Asuka, shaking his head he muttered something before pushing himself up and walking away.

Just then she felt the color drain from her face, there was no way that it could be him, right? They couldn't stand one another but then again she didn't know his last name, and he did have some odd mix of features like her and her German- Japanese mixed heritage, but to her it looked like he was just a mix of Hispanic, maybe some German just a dash but a smidge of Japanese, but the Hispanic percentage defiantly outweighed the rest.

Brushing herself off, Asuka walked to a secluded stairwell where she posted up and sat down, tearing open the small bag she began chewing on the dry bland pieces of kale. Her foot tapping made a small echoing noise in the empty halls, outside she could hear the excited yells of everyone else. Walking over to a window it looked like she had a perfect view of every one that was in class that day, Toji and Kensuke (she let out a sigh of relief) were playing a pickup game of soccer with some other classmates.

Shinji and Rei sat alone together watching them sharing a small bag of cookies but the only one she didn't have eyes on was… Nathan! Was that why he was still in the building, her fingers instinctively shot to her hair, by now it was long enough to where with no effort she could pull it halfway around her face and cover one eye on each side.

She still remembered that poem he had written that Toji had read to everyone, the teasing from the girls was remorseless but then again they did sound just a tad jealous that they didn't have their own poetry writing stalker. Your red... she remembered that one line, was he talking about her red hair? Oh, no it couldn't be him could it? What was he expecting from her anyways?!

No! She yelled at herself, scrunching her face she remembered all those innocent looks and sneaking glances that Nathan had given the first child, how he looked so small and nervous whenever he did so. And the way her ugly eyes looked when she looked to him or Shinji she couldn't help it she growled, why on earth would the two of them pay attention to her only!

What did that pale, disgusting albino have to offer that she couldn't offer as well or even out do her in. Just then a thought rang in her mind that twisted her guts making her drop the bag of chips and run to the bathroom, she didn't know it, but she still was carrying the balled-up paper note in her hand. She didn't stop running until she had barged into a stall and emptied out her entire stomach into the toilet bowl.

How long were the three of them here without her? Her mind had flashes of the three of them all together, wrapped around one another, maybe that's why they only seemed to have eyes for her! That little blue haired slut was probably doing them both and with her nature she was probably happy to be shared by them at once, the more the imagined the three of them all together the sicker and angrier Asuka got until she couldn't vomit anymore.

Turning her attention to the sinks she rushed over and punched her reflection, but the plastic cover stopped her from connecting fully with the glass, "Damn it! Damn them!" she yelled clutching her bruised fist. Slamming it next to the sink she looked to her reflection, what on earth did the first have that she didn't? Any of the losers here would be lucky to be seen with her, they'd give anything on earth even to have a picture of her to spank it to or show off and say "Oh she's my girlfriend but goes to a different school."

Besides out of everyone here Shinji's at the bottom rung of the ladder so he should be groveling at her feet thanking her for offering herself to him. She was the best-looking girl in school, she was the most mature girl in school, she could take on any of the guys in a fight, she could do it all, SHE WAS ASUKA LANGLEY SOHRYU!

She was out of every guy's league at this dump of a school so why was getting rejected time after time by shinji DOING THIS TO HER?! But why REI OUT OF ALL THE GRILS HERE WHY WERE THOSE TWO MOUTH BREATHERS FOCUSED ON REI?!

Her hands popped up her chest, that stupid homunculi Rei was practically flat chested compared to her, and Asuka knew she had the best ass. Even in those gawdy ugly school swimsuits she felt the eyes of every guy on her, and she'd never admit it but she'd intentionally make her curves pop out more, in fact she had gone so far as to get one size smaller so she would appear even fuller.  
She could get a tan, her skin was better than that plain porcelain was stuck in and speak of smooth, sometimes Asuka couldn't help but touch it herself, softer and fuller hair she had it all! So why were they into a plank of wood!?

Why is she losing to that doll, a fucking doll, Why, why, why, why, why WhY, wHy, wHY, WhY, wHy, Why, WHY,WhY, wHY, WhY, WHY WhY, wHy, wHY, WhY, wHy, Why, WHY,WhY, wHY, WhY, WHY WhY, wHy, wHY, WhY, wHy, Why, WHY,WhY, wHY, WhY, WHY,!?

She screamed inside her head, gritting her teeth she shut her eyes, banishing that weak trail of thought before it led her down into places she didn't want to go to or return to after all Asuka Langley Sohryu wasn't weak. She returned to a calmer state of mind but she was still huffing as if exhausted like she had just run a marathon.

Her head hurt so much, she felt run down, drained and… depressed. She sighed looking back up at herself thinking where did everything go wrong, to her it was probably just before she even arrived in Japan but once her foot got off the boat nothing seemed to go her way at all.  
Chasing after Kaji had led her nowhere other than him calling her a child, and she had to have Shinji help her kill her first angel, and ever since then whenever she could should've been front and center it seemed like she was never able to live up to the myth she had built herself up to be in her own mind.

The worst and most recent thing though were how her synch scores seemed that now it was falling down like a meteor, this was all she had! As far as she knew the only thing, she could count on besides herself was Unit 02 and already it looked like that fantasy was crumbling apart.  
What would she do if she lost the ability to pilot? This was her sole reason for being alive, to pilot the Evangelion and defend humanity, if she couldn't improve her scores there was no doubt that she'd get taken off the roster and then another nameless jerkoff would take her spot… and then Shinji, Hikari, the others, even Rei and Nathan would want nothing to do with her. She'd be a nobody. Nobody would need her, then what would she do?

She looked to the note in her hand and remember the days when it seemed everyone was giving her one, well every guy and even the occasional girl but Asuka didn't swing that way. How all of them loved her sapphire eyes, one boy even offered to pay her millions of yen just for a lock of her hair. But then it happened… they saw the real Asuka… when she tried to befriend Rei.

That was when the notes slowly started to stop trickle in… they saw who I really was, and now nobody wants anything to do with me, except this guy. Asuka let out a small smile opening the note. Somebody still wanted her. She was feeling better giddy even, holding it to her chest she saw the few words that K had written.

Today, during recess or lunch, I'm all yours cutie- K

She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, almost as if she were meditating. In her head she repeated her mantra, over and over again going over it and etching it in her mind like scripture.  
"This is it, You are the greatest, You are Asuka Langley Sohryu, nothing and nobody stands in your way!"

Her body no longer shook with fear or anxiety, a half smile that stretched to her ear over-took her face, "I'm back." She said to herself, walking to the door she gripped the handle firmly tapping her fingertips on it, "The moment you open this door girl, the new Asuka's born. Forget Kaji and forget Shinji, you never needed them, you'll make them sorry for rejecting you. Whoever is behind that door you'll show him what sweet rewards await those who never abandon, reject or refuse Asuka Langley Sohryu."

Yanking open the door, Asuka strutted down the halls, head up, shoulders back and back straight. She walked up to the floor with the abandoned classrooms, as she neared the storage room her pace slowed down but still, she promised herself that no matter what happened behind this door.

This old weak Asuka who cried over Shinji and Kaji pushing her away would be dead.

Only the old confidant take no prisoners, need nobody Asuka would emerge again.  
A new beginning, a new Asuka she thought to herself staring at the Door

She still had time to walk away, she could just walk away she thought to herself but as her hand moved of its own accord grabbing the handle, she saw Kaji and Shinji rejecting her, she saw Kaji wrapping his arms around Ms. Misato and saw Shinji with Rei and Nathan all three guys ignoring her. Then again it seemed like Nathan either hated her or just had nothing but full apathy for her.  
But then she heard Dr. Akagi's voice belittling and teasing her for her falling synch scores, and those secret dreams she had, the ones where she wore a long white, shoulder-less wedding dress while Kaji or Shinji lifted her up and spun her around surrounded by a group of people congratulating them shattered.  
"Good riddance." She muttered.

She slid the door open, stepping there she shut the door smiling. There was a loud click as she turned the lock in the silent, still and inky black room. There was nothing she could see besides the outlines of desks and tables stacked up on one another. It almost felt like that clicking lock could be heard throughout the hallways, she slowly made her way past the mystery black objects, only the smallest slivers of light ate their way into the room through the ratty old plastic blinds.

Just as it seemed that she was in the middle of the room, the teeth grinding screeching rattle of the blinds being lifted shook her, turning to the source of the noise she was blinded as light flooded the room, just before she shut her eyes she saw the millions of dust bunnies dancing in the air and a figure sitting on a desk beside the window.

"Ah! What the hell close the blinds, I don't want anyone to see me here!" she shrieked, she only heard a slight chuckle and the loud clack of the blinds falling close. "Heh, Sorry about that I just thought you could use something to ease up." Mystery guy twisted the blinds open just a smidge, enough to let light in so she could see who he was. It wasn't Kensuke or Nathan thank god, but she didn't know what his name was.

She had seen him around class or playing rugby with the other guys but usually it seemed like this mystery guy was always in in-school suspension.  
"I'm relaxed enough, don't do stuff like that."  
"Oh, I'm sorry girl don't worry it'll be the last time."

Asuka looked at this Mr. Rugby guy, he had light bleached hair that kinda stood out everywhere in tangles, he had a sharp nose and smooth facial features, her heart skipped a beat at how good looking he was and if rumor were true he was the oldest student in the class, being held back two years or so.

He was definitely taller than any of the other guys and more muscular, he smiled at her as he walked over, taking one hand he brushed a stray strand of hair from her face. It was only then did she find her voice, "So what's your name?"  
"Kazuo… Kazuo Yamada. And you are… Asuka… Langley… Sohryu the hottest girl in school." He said slow and sultry tapping her nose playfully, Asuka felt her heart skip a beat as she saw his shirt stretching over his slightly bulky frame. He was hot she had to admit, and if she had to be with someone from this stupid school it might as well be the hottest guy at school

Her eyes danced around and saw that he had a pad and chair pulled out to the center of the room, she wondered what made him want her so badly, it wasn't just the fact that she was hot but there had to be something else right? Maybe it being the end of the world just made people care less and want to live up more, it would definitely explain the far wall of the room where she could vaguely make out several lines of two names separated by an X.

She let out a shaky sigh, this guy didn't have the suave coolness of Kaji or even the pleasant soft features of Shinji. But he radiated something else that made her attracted to him, and he gave her a feeling that he would never refuse, reject or be intimidated by her.

Before she knew it he had backed her up into sitting down at a desk, she felt his hand touch her cheek, her eyes were wide. Smiling down at her he rested both hands on either side of her waist pressing forward and kissed her, her eyes went wide as she felt him start to stroke her hair. Asuka's shaking hands rested on his shoulders and she began to feel his bulging muscles. Feeling the heat, he radiated, pulling away he looked at her slyly.

Her hands trailing down his muscles she swore she could feel his heartbeat through them, it was slow and heavy.

"You know for a second there, I wasn't so sure the most desired girl in school would show up here. I thought you'd be more of a girl who would just want to be chased. Yet here you are."

"I'm here because I want to be. Besides it's not like I think you're hot or anything!"  
"Your voice says otherwise." He whispered in her ear and yes her voice was wavering at his presence.

"Well show me then… show me that I think you're hot. Show me what a real man's like." Whether it was his musk or that smoky cologne he was wearing burned her nostrils making them flare but she couldn't stop taking in his scent, for a second her mind became bombarded by pictures she saw herself and Shinji kissing, and him rejecting her, not looking at her.

"She me that I am the most wanted girl in this dump of a school!" she saw herself in her plug suit, wind blowing through her hair back when it was longer, fists on her hips radiating confidence. "Show me that I'm wanted."

Even though those words left her mouth in her own mind they all sounded like the words of a little girl, and all she saw was herself as a child crying to be looked at and after. Clutching her tiny dolly surrounded by tall adults with hazy faces that all just ignored her.

She whispered to him intensely, "Show me."  
He gave her an odd look before raising an eyebrow and tilting his head, time slowed down for Asuka. Her heart thumped in her ears, Kazuo let his hands drift to her hips, and he pulled her in closer, she let out a small yelp. But his body heat and muscles comforted her, "Anything you want gorgeous."

He kissed her, and the small gasp she tried to let out was muffled by his lips pressing into hers and his tongue slipping in and wrestling its way onto of hers, that small gasp turned its way into a moan as she pulled him in closer to her.

As far as she could remember, affection and Asuka were never used in the same sentence, the most affectionate she had ever been up until her drunken night with Shinji were the hugs to Kaji. For so long she had tried to press that side of herself, keeping those feelings and urges locked away until she found that one person, she could trust to bestow them upon.

All this closeness and physical contact were new for her, but now this moment compared to those ones long ago was a totally different beast. Everything he was giving off to her overloaded her senses. It was only when she felt two hands work under her skirt and grip her butt did she fully melt into his touch, and decided to do whatever he wanted, openly her eyes just a bit saw his were barely open… he was looking at her. 

xxxxx note the next chap is gonna be NSFW just a heads up, and after that there will be one last NSFW chap that's gonna have an alternate version that more clean for people who don't want to read that kinda stuff, this part's almost coming to a close thanks for hanging in there xxxxx


	20. Chapter 19 Asuka reborn

xxxx heads up this is the NSFW chapxxxx

Asuka broke away from the kiss, shuddering out, "Oh god."  
She had a dopey look on her face as she was press so tightly against his body that she felt it start to grow and bend in his pants. Feeling this pulsing hard member against her leg she grinned with joy as she let her hands start to explore his lower regions.

She felt him grow against her hand, it felt like her confidence and self-worth were inflating him up and growing alongside him. She felt reinvigorated and free from this downward spiral she found herself in, she felt reborn.

She took the initiative, her hand caressed his stomach, she felt those Hershey carved abs and shuddered, then she slid her hand into his pants and began to feel it. Asuka sucked her breath in surprised by just how much heat this thing was giving off, it felt like a hot water bottle.

Undoing his pants she felt her insides leap for joy once she let it spring outside and firmly gripped it stroking it while teasing the tip of it with her thumb, and once he moaned out, "Asuka, that's so good. You're soooo good, crooning and groaning at her touch she felt thrilled.

She continued this for some time, relishing that over time it was just getting harder in her hand, she felt it pulse and beat like a drum as she spread its stickiness all along it. "Mnnnh." She let out a small moan as she felt his hand slid from her butt to her flower teasing its outside before moving up to her chest, undoing her buttons single handedly before yanking her bra off and gripping her left breast.

They stared into one another with smoldering eyes, they both eyed the chair but once they tried to step over they found themselves collapsed on the plastic blue mat, Asuka gave him a lust filled look. He laid his back against a turned over desk, she smiled smugly at him, even with a guy who was trying to act so cool before she was in control.

But she wanted to please him and let him know that she was worth his time, that she could do things to keep him around and make him ignore all the other girls around him.  
She knew what to do though, she had practiced this act many times on bananas and popsicles she knew she did a good job since Shinji would get that glazed over look in his eyes before rushing off to his room, she had seen plenty enough videos.

She knew that if she were to lock down a man like Kaji who had years of experience she would have to hone her skills and show him a time that no other woman could've, after all she had already had her bleeding she was a woman by now so it was only natural for her to want to do it. But he rejected her.

And all those acts, the accidental viewings and charged moments she gave to Shinji led to nothing. But remembering all those moments of them pushing her away left a small scowl on her face. But it quickly disappeared.

She was only taken slightly aback when his manhood stood in front of her face, she looked to Kazuo and then back down to his arousal. There was a slight pause as she looked up at him licking her lips, she held it between her two hands, kissing its tip before licking it from its base to top with a long fat stroke she sucked on its top forcefully making him groan.

Taking a deep breath in she engulfed him. He let out a shuddering "Asuka!"  
She closed her eyes letting her hands fondled the rest of his manhood while her head bobbed up and down, slurping every inch of him, twisting her tongue around the thick organ in her member. With each gasp or little whisper of her name she would use her tongue more and take him in deeper, trying to stifle her gags.

He started to breath heavier as her pace quickened. Needing to take a breath she playfully pinched his skin in her tightly pressed lips and let it snap back, shaking it like a tree in a strong wind. She then began to furiously stroke his member, stretching it while she kissed its tip, the low skin slapping sound echoed in the room. This only made him moan louder, "Shut up you idiot do you want us to get caught."

"Hurry up… th- th- then. Ugh… sorry it's just… you're soooo gooood Asuka!"

She smiled at him rolling her eyes like it wasn't a big deal but then she rolled to his side and gripping his swollen balls that pulsated she worked again sucking the tip with the force of a vacuum while she gripped his member with a tight okay shape her hand made, squeezing and milking it like a cow's teat. "Mnnnggh!" with that and the trembling she felt she gave it one last kiss and sloppy lick before moving her face away and saw the nearly foot high stream that twitched out of his organ spraying across the floor, he sat there almost drooling with his eyes shut.

"Mmmmmnnnn!" he groaned as he shook himself up, looking at her with dazed eyes "Wow, I've been with so many chicks but man you are something else Asuka. You uh- want me to-?"

Just then the bell rang, snapping them back to reality Asuka grabbed his shirt sleeve and cleaned her face on it much to his annoyance, "Looks like our time here is over." She said pushing herself up fixing her clothes and hair.

"So is that it? You're not gonna give me your number or anything?"

"Look when I want you… I'll know where to find you. Until then just wait here for me like a good boy and maybe I'll let you look at it."

"And if someone else wants to use the room?"  
She leaned in close, that smug smile on her face had returned, "I guess they'll have to find another room huh?" she tapped his nose and skipped to the door and off to the bathrooms to clean up. She felt her body burning up like a fever that could cook a frozen chicken just by touching it, she had to fight to stop giggling and smiling ear to ear.  
She was back.


	21. Chapter 20 shinji breaks (clean)

Shinji felt his heart fluttering more than it ever had, he wouldn't lie to himself and say it didn't feel a little weird around Rei after that dream but it was like she had warmed up to him today, she gave him small smile with her eyes closed and had taken to forcibly grabbing his hand in hers and giving it a gentle comforting squeeze.

He felt his chest tighten and his cheeks burn. After the recess break the two of them walked hand in hand back to class, they along with Nathan were the first few already in the room. Hikari stood outside the door keeping track of everyone coming back, and he couldn't help but notice the odd look she gave them.

Shinji noticed once he was back at his desk that Rei bent over her own and looked like she was reading something, but then slipped whatever it was back inside it. Then she turned her head towards Nathan sitting at the front alone. Resting her chin on her palm it looked like she gave a long and breathy sigh as her shoulders heaved up before her whole body relaxed.

There it was again that small splinter of doubt, he furrowed his brow and frowned. He fiddled with his thumbs before looking up to see Asuka strutting into class, he couldn't help but think of the time they first met and how confident and bossy she was. It looked like she recaptured that same energy.

Slowly but surely the rest of the kids filed into the class ready for the next lesson, Shinji lazily scribbled in his notebook. But he really wasn't paying attention to Old sensei, he was too focused on Rei who seemed to be honed in on Nathan.

Her body language made her look smaller and nervous, she hugged herself as if she had the shivers and all he could think of was when he cooked her a bento for the first time. How shyly she accepted it, how her cheeks blushed and those small glances she threw his way.

To him from this angle at least it looked like she was giving Nathan those same glances.

He shook his head, trying to dismiss those thoughts. But still some part of his mind kept repeating that dream, he didn't even notice when the lunch bell rang until Rei stood silently at his desk. "Shinji…" she said in her small voice, "Do you want to have lunch with me again?"

Fumbling his things almost dropping them, he looked back up at her. "Sorry Rei… but I didn't have a chance to make lunch last night…"

"Oh." She sounded disappointed and it killed Shinji knowing that he was the reason for this screwup, he saw her eyes grow small as her head lowered, all he could do was shrink in his seat.

Opening his wallet, he saw that he hardly had any cash, he sighed. His stomach growled at him in anger, all he could think about was how much he had screwed up until he felt something poke his back followed by, "Pssst!"

Turning around he saw Kenesuke shoving a small wad of Yen notes in his hands, shocked for a second Shinji held the money, "Kensuke what's this for?" he whispered rapidly into his friend's ear. "C'mon Shinji what're friends for? Besides anything for the happy couple and the least you could do for the nice girl is at least buy her a school lunch." He gave Shinji that trademark Kensuke smile, where he shut his eyes and grinned ear to ear letting out a small chuckle.

"Y-you sure Kensuke? I mean I can just not eat… and I can pay you back later on or I can help you study for that geography test we got coming up."

"Don't worry about it, that's what friends are for. I've got your back and you've got mine. But if you do want to pay me back you could recommend me to Ms. Misato if there's ever a need for a new EVA pilot."

Shinji's nerves slowly started to settle, he felt his hairs fall back into place, even if Kensuke still said that he wanted nothing back and joked about wanting to become the next EVA pilot, he still felt a spotlight on him and a need to match or exceeded this gift Kensuke was giving him. He must have been wearing this look of worry on his face because Kensuke eyebrows arched up and his voice grew serious, "Hey… Shinji is… is everything alright?" he put a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "Yeah, yeah everything's fine." Unbeknownst to him the quiet blue head had snuck away.

Looking back up he saw Rei headed towards the door, to him it looked like she was sneaking a quick glance his way, but he wasn't sure, all he saw was that small loving smile. Getting up Shinji quickly ran after her, his shoes squeaking as he skidded to a stop outside the door, he whipped his head around to see Rei walking down the far hall.

He saw her walking at the far end of the hall just about to reach the stairs, "Rei!" he called out running after her. She stopped just before she placed her hand on the rail and looked over her shoulder, she was wearing her normal face. Calm and collected, lost in her thoughts with all her features as smooth as clay. He couldn't help but think that she almost looked disappointed.

He held up the bunch of notes in his hand, "Hey Rei…" he gasped out breathless, "Kensuke gave me some money, so I guess I can get us some lunch after all. Is bread alright?"

She stayed silent for a second, her features softened as her eyes burned through Shinji looking past him, glancing over his shoulder Shinji saw Nathan standing outside the door staring right back at them. He stayed there until Toji came up behind him snatching him into a headlock, he dragged the boy in black away as he struggled to free himself.

And running after them was Kensuke with his camera in tow giving a wild wave over to the couple, turning his attention back to her Shinji saw Rei's eyes. To him it looked like they were focused in on the trio walking away, but her eyes looked empty, cold and lonely.

Almost like they did when they first met, the only fresh memory of her eyes looking like that was when he fell on top of her. How she looked up at him, like he was nothing.

How what he was doing didn't bother her at all and was just a minor annoyance. Her expression towards him didn't even change, looking back then he felt he could have done anything at that moment, and she wouldn't fight back, and even then when she spoke up her voice was so small he almost didn't even hear her.

Those thoughts twisted his stomach.

Her small questioning request sounded more like a statement anyhow. She didn't even ask him to leave while she dressed or avert his eyes, his chest began to swell and burn remembering that meeting.

His mind snapped back to the present thinking she had said something, but if she did he missed it. "So hey, bread… is that fine?"

Rei returned her attention back to Shinji, "Bread will be fine, whatever you would like."

Walking side by side Shinji couldn't help but feel like there was some aura of icy air hanging around Rei, but he found out that the more distance that he put between him and Rei the better he felt. When she asked him if they should hold hands, he didn't bother answering her, but when she took his hand in hers it was a surprise to him that he didn't squeeze hers back.

In fact, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to be feeling at that moment, all that he knew was he felt heavy. And looking at Rei with her calm stoic face staring right back at him, it felt as if he was holding hands with a stranger. That tiny worrying scratch of doubt at the back of his mind started to itch, and all he could think of was how much her face seemed to light up with life whenever she saw him, and what they had done together in his dreams. He looked to the ground and thought of Nathan, and their talks they had in the dark.

The two of them sat on the rooftop of the school, each one picking at their own loaves of bread taking tiny pieces and popping them in their mouths. Shinji looked down gloomily at his, somehow the outside was slightly burned yet there were pockets that were doughy. He thought about walking back down to the school café and showing the lunch ladies, but he was already up here. Besides now he didn't have much of an appetite.

"Is something troubling you Shinji?"

He shook his head, snapping himself from his thoughts he had forgotten for a second that she was sitting next to him. "I don't really know, I guess maybe. It's just… I know Kensuke said I didn't have to pay him back but I still think I should do something for him or just give him his money back when I can."

"That's not what I was referring to."

Shinji limply tossed his bread aside to a group of huddle birds waiting to swoop in on any spare crumbs, watching the feeding frenzy he tried to collect his thoughts. "I don't know it's just… things seem to be going good for me for once. Or as good enough as they can be but, I still don't feel happy."

Rei sat in silence watching Shinji rest his elbows on his legs leaning forward.

"I have friends, people need me… I have you but still, I don't feel happy. I still have bad thoughts, and I've been having weird dreams lately. You ever have weird dreams Rei?"

Rei looked away from him and stared straight ahead of herself, "I don't know. I don't think I dream often, but I think I do have nightmares or memories."

Shinji looked up at her from the corners of his eyes, he wondered what she dreamt of. Even if she were the kind of person to vent and tell him every little detail about what dreams she was having, he would never tell her about the ones he was having.

"What would make you feel happy Shinji? Would you even know if you were?"

Her question caught him a little off guard, his ears perked up a little at a chorus of voices coming from the courtyard. Walking over to the fence he tried to remember when he last felt genuinely happy, even before his father sent him to live with his Uncle and Aunt, he wasn't even happy then.

Looking down he saw a circle of kids standing around two others, squinting his eyes he noticed that it was Toji and Nathan that they were circling around excitedly cheering on.

In a flash Toji cocked his arm back and rocketed his fist into Nathan's face, knocking the boy to the ground who after a second brushed himself off and stood back up. Gesturing to Toji it looked like he was telling him to him again, harder. Toji obliging knocked the boy's head back so hard it looked like it was going to rip free and soar away, collapsing to the ground the boys around them roared with some primal adrenaline.

Howls of laughter and cries of excitement filled the air.

To shinji it looked more like a scene out of a gladiator or prison movie, where everyone was yelling with pleasure watching the tiny guy get beat down and bleed. It looked like Toji was offering a hand to pick him up to which Nathan batted away and made a 'come at me' motion with his hand. Wanting to be hit again for some reason.

Toji began yelling at him but Shinji couldn't make out what he was saying, Nathan quickly stood up getting face to face with Toji. Toji just walked away from the boy who then walked up behind the taller boy, grabbing his shoulder and flipping him around Nathan sucker punched Toji in the face.

Stumbling back gripping his face Toji yelled once at him before grabbing the boy's black collar and punching him in the gut making Nathan double over, realizing what he did in his anger Toji quickly lifted him up to his feet. Nathan stumbling around side to side yelled loud enough for Shinji to hear, "Again! Do it again!"

The raw scream that he let out hurt Shinji's ears, it sounded like the boy's vocal cords were on the verge of ripping apart and turning into wet guttural choking noises. Shinji cocked his head and listened closer, "No, once was enough and I'll forget the sucker punch! We're even!"

"No we're not hit me again! Do it! Everyone wants it! I fucked everything just punish me already, hit me again! I deserve this!"

He saw a figure step forward trying to separate the two boys from one another, and then Kensuke's voice drifted up. "Break it up guys, enough is enough."

But then Nathan did something that made Shinji's eyes burn cold and grip the chain link fence until he felt the metal biting into his fingers, in a swift move Nathan shoved Toji back and then punched Kensuke square in the nose. The crowd caught the boy with the camcorder who cupped his face, then in an instant the group turned on him.

Out of the group of boys two stepped forward, shoving Nathan to the ground. Not bothering to get back up he let four more join the two in kicking and punching him, he only rolled up into a ball and let them go at it. Until Toji had steadied Kensuke, after checking the boy out he pushed the others off his alleged "friend".

"Why are they doing this?" Rei stood beside Shinji staring down at the boys, her normal gaze seemed more empty and sadder for some reason. "I don't know… Toji punched Nathan and then he just… wanted Toji to keep on punching him. I thought they were all friends."

"Does this have anything to do with the male lactation Toji is experiencing?"

"The what?!" Shinji's eyes bulged at what Rei just revealed to him, feeling that it would be best to ignore whatever that was, he tried to divert the conversation. "Rei do you ever feel happy. I mean sometimes it just seems like you show a little bit of something but other times-." He let his sentence fall flat.

Rei slowly turned her head over to him, she let her head sink. "I apologize if I can't always show what I feel, it's just I'm not entirely sure what some emotions mean. There are times though when my chest feels tight, funny and warm. I think that's what happiness is supposed to feel like."

Shinji returned his attention back to the group of boys leaving the small clump away in the dust as they surrounded and consoled Kensuke. Nathan rolled over his back and stared up at the sky, "Shinji what would make you happy? Is there anyway… I could help?"

Rei turned to face Shinji, leaving one hand on the fence she touched the boy's face who gasped at her touch, in his mind all he could think was how familiar that feeling was. He felt his heart racing as Rei stroked his face, and in that instant, he felt his heartbeat start to slow down.

"Does this make you happy?"

Shinji's eyes drifted over to her hand that rested on his face and then they drifted away, "Can you tell me something Rei? Before I came here… were things better for you?"

Her hand left his face, and now even the summer's dead air felt cold on Shinji's burning cheek. That same hand found a spot over her chest, "I- I really don't have much to compare how much my life is different from then and now. But I prefer things as they are now. Can I tell you something Shinji?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm glad to have met you. You are the first person to care for me and show me how nice it is… to have connections with others. Thank you."

Shinji felt his chest tighten again, "Rei." He gasped out lightly.

"Could I hug you Shinji, would that make you happy?"

Shinji didn't show any objection but he didn't give any affirming answer either, he simply let Rei wrap her arms around his and pull him into herself, he gingerly put his hands around her hips feeling her small figure. "I can feel your heart against my own Shinji."

Shinji pulled her in tighter, closing his eyes and taking in her scent, he felt as if he would collapse into her. He felt a burning sensation throughout his body, but it wasn't the raw knee shaking lust filled drunken feeling he had felt before.

It was a warm comforting feeling like a blanket, something he felt like he had almost forgotten but her scent and the soft way she held him felt as if he was discovering lost memories, the way she held him felt familiar. "I… I… I love you Rei." He whispered in her ear.

Rei simply remained silent staring ahead of her at nothing in particular.

Nathan stayed in his spot in the dirt, letting the blood from his nose drip on either of his cheeks and trickle down the back of his throat. His lower lip was split and stung as the air touched the cut. He could feel his welts start to swell up, in fact everything in his torso felt as if it were covered in bruises. Pockets of his body had the feeling of his blood hanging in clumps under his skin, he turned his head slightly and spat out a glob of blood.

He looked at his red knuckles, he knew punching Kensuke was uncalled for. So was pushing Toji but two punches just weren't enough, not for what he was guilty of. He could give a shit less about what that stupid present did to Toji. He wasn't even going to get him a present, so if he wanted to blame anyone it should've been Kaji.

All he could think about was what he was doing to Shinji, and how much he should be punished for being happy, how he loved being with Rei behind Shinji's back. Then again what kind of self-flagellating asshole was he, did he seriously think getting punched and hurting himself was punishment enough. That hurting his own body was somehow making the two of them even?

Even now after all those guys ganged up on him to protect Kensuke he still felt like it wasn't nowhere near the amount of pain he should be in, even if every little stiff movement he made hurt his bones. Even if his organs felt like they were bruised, pulsating under his skin resting in clumps, they were by no means even.

(How big of a hypocrite are you? You're hurting your friend and think this phony bullshit martyr stuff makes up for it? That if you suffer enough that it makes it okay. How much of an egomaniac are you? Do you really think that you deserve her, that you deserve happiness? You know what a shit person you are, you've ruined everything since you were born.)

"Shut up." he muttered aloud to himself trying to shut out his inner voice.

(Everything you've ever done was crap, oh wait then again what have you done? Nothing, all because daddy stuck you in an EVA for months, you don't even know which of your memories are real. You've done nothing but dream your whole life. And now here you are screwing your friend's girl, oh wait you don't have any friends)

"Shut up. Leave me alone"

(I can't leave you alone, I'm you. I'm just the thoughts you don't want to acknowledge. )

"I do have friends."

(Oh, what the ones you beat up just so they'll hit you back so you can distract you with physical pain so you can avoid just constantly thinking about how much things would've been better if you just had offed yourself your first night in Tokyo 3? Face it once they all see what you've been up to, each one of them will leave you. )

(Nobody likes you or needs you, you can't even name one decent thing you've done. You are just shit, nothing but a burden to these people. At this point killing yourself would just be a gift to them. I'm sure they'll be glad when you're gone, they probably wouldn't even miss you. Someone else will just take your place, and they'll forget about you. They'll probably even like the new guy better. Just do it, how many times have you tried and failed anyhow? Can't you get anything right, you've done nothing good, you give up on everything, the bass you didn't even play it, your writing is shit, you give up on everything eventually. You just stop why because its' too hard?)

The inner voice took on a fake whining mocking tone as it continued to berate him.

(All those things you wrote are just shit, all those things you wrote and put on your walls? Nothing but half-ideas that you thought up and thought they were good. Face the facts you're never going to end up writing them. They'll just be ideas on a wall, just ink on a page, you won't do anything with them. Just do the world a favor and stop, stop everything. Burn the shitty poems you wrote, burn the ones you gave Rei, burn your ideas, burn every trace of your existence then yourself. If only your father could see you now. The failure, the son he never intended to have, the screwup that can't even kill himself. Absolutely pathetic.)

Nathan squeezed his eyes shut and pinched his split lip, digging his fingernail into the cut. His eyes watered and his fingers along with his lip trembled as a thick glob of blood burst over his fingers and down his chin as the skin on his lip tore away. He waited until the warning bell rung then made his way to the infirmary patching himself up, shoving cotton balls up his nose and bandaging his lip.

When he did finally make his way back to class, he didn't bother to look anyone in the eye, chances are the whole school already knew what he had done, even from the front of the class he could hear Kensuke sniffle. Sneaking a quick glance behind him he saw a group of kids huddled around the boy who was trying to tough it out, quickly wiping tears away.

Nathan returned his attention back to his desk and covered his ears, hoping to ignore everything. He shut his eyes and wished the day was already over, wished that Toji and Kensuke never introduced themselves, wished that he could have just remained that unknown kid at the back of the class he had planned on being.

Already he felt tiny strings in his heart tearing away, he just buried his face in his desk. Tearing out a sheet of paper from his notebook he scribbled a quick message in it, wadding it up while everyone was focused on Kensuke, he tossed it to Rei hitting her in the arm who unfolded it.

Not bothering to look at him she slipped it into her desk. Meanwhile after she had done so Nathan saw Shinji turning his head, the two boys stared into one another. Nathan wore a blank stare with his eyes half-closed.

Shinji narrowed his eyes back at the boy, not only did he just see the guy who was in his dreams and the things he had done to Rei and his mother, but now he saw the boy who beat his friends and abandoned them whenever he wanted.

And to him it didn't look like he was showing any sign of guilt, but there was still something in his small eyes. There were looking right back at Shinji conveying some hidden message, he looked different. For a while now he didn't look so sickly or tired like he used too back when he first moved to Tokyo 3.

But now his eyes just looked empty, the way Rei's eyes used to look back before he had started to talk to her and bring her bentos. The boy in black's hand reached to his nose and felt the sopping cotton balls had started to fall out, letting thick trails of blood seep from his nose. Even the bandage on his lip started to fall off, covering his face Nathan walked off with his bag.

All Shinji could think of was that he was hoping his lip hurt, he felt a strange sensation. He looked down to see that he had made a fist against his will and his knuckles were now turning white.

He looked over to Rei who was focusing on the door, the small piece of paper she took out from her desk. He couldn't make out the writing from the back of the class but after she had reread it, Rei put the note back in her desk.

Shinji felt his heart start to slow, and the corners of his eyes sting as his face grew hot. The sides of his head began to throb, he walked down the aisles of empty desks, past Rei and into the infirmary, just as he was about to enter, he swore he heard the echo of footsteps before a door slamming shut.

Walking through the door he saw bloody balls of gauze and medical supplies littering the sink, it didn't take a genius to guess who was here. Shinji walked over to the beds and laid down in one, closing his eyes he rolled over.

He didn't know what was going on anymore, he didn't know why he was having these strange dreams. Or why it seemed like Rei only looked at Nathan in that special way that he wanted her to look at him. The way she looked at him with those glimmering, yearning eyes, the exact same eyes she had in Shinji's dreams.

At the end of the school day Shinji hung back, resting his chin on his palm he stared at Rei who quietly packed her things away. Everyone took their time to leave for once, it wasn't just a mad dash for the door that ended up with people all bunched together stuck in the doorway.

Some of the guys walked by Kensuke and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulders, and the girls gave him soft smiles as they brushed their hair over their shoulders.

Nobody except for him noticed the blue headed girl leaving the room, he sat there wondering if he should stay and check up on Kensuke. But another part of him wanted to chase after Rei and see where she went. It wanted to know what that note said, and why she looked at his desk, and why Nathan left.

That tiny crack in his mind, that damn tiny itch just wouldn't be satisfied until he finally found out. He looked over his shoulder, everyone was focused on Kensuke, nobody noticed him put his things in his bag. Nobody noticed him leaving his chair, nobody noticed him reaching into Rei's desk before heading out the door. Nobody noticed him leaving the school, as he did all he could think about was that feeling, how it felt being unseen by everyone around him.

He wondered if he made the right choice in leaving school early. Then again, it'd just be a powder keg waiting to blow if he decided to stay, nobody would want him to stay there after the mess he made for himself.

Of course, he did feel bad for what he did to Kensuke the boy who was nothing but nice to everyone it seemed, but only slightly. Keeping his eyes glued to the sidewalk as he scuffled his shoes along until he found himself standing outside of Ms. Ainu's tea shop.

Gazing up at the sign he wondered how he was able to make his way there without having once looked up since his foot hit the last step outside of the school.

He didn't even stop or look up at the crosswalk signs.

Figuring he had nothing better to do, he walked in jingling the bell behind him.

Before the bell jingled for the last time as the door closed Ms. Ainu appeared in a flash ready to serve her new customer but just as she arrived from the back removing her yellow gloves her cheerful disposition was replaced by a look of total confusion. "Nathan? What're you doing here? And what happened to your face?" Her confusion was in an instant replaced by worry as she darted over carrying a wet rag.

"C'mon it's nothing serious Ms. Ainu." He tried brushing her off as she began dabbing at the spots of dried blood he'd missed. After she had her fill of coddling the boy, she relented letting him sit at the counter with his things, he simply told her he wasn't feeling good and left school early and his injuries were just an accident in gym class.

He sat at the leaning over nibbling at some new cookies Ms. Ainu was experimenting with, some kind of shortbread cookies coated in peanut butter and chocolate. He continuously kept popping one after another as he watched her prepare the two of them some tea.

Sighing she turned around letting the brew boil, "Hey I just wanted to apologize, Ms. Ainu. With me showing up on and off… I must be the worst employee you've ever had huh?" he joked. "I've just got some stuff I'm going through."

"I was actually going to apologize to you first… I know we've kinda brushed it off, but I hope things didn't get too awkward for us after my drunken night. I thought that was one of the reasons why you were avoiding seeing me."

He shook his head, "No that wasn't it. I mean you did ask me some uncomfortable things. Honestly that might've been a part of me staying away."

"What exactly did I ask you?" she raised an eyebrow as her face began to burn red in embarrassment wondering what on earth she could have possibly asked. Sighing in exasperation he covered his face up and recounted their little conversation, every little detail of it. Needless to say, neither of them were feeling very comfortable.

Covering half of her face she barely looked him in the eye, "I am so sorry. I had no idea I'd ask you things like that." She let out a half nervous laugh as she tried to diffuse the tension. "Yeah, I mean you kinda seemed dead set on knowing if me and her… well you know. But I'm not sure if you remember me telling you fully or not but, I do love her Ms. Ainu. With everything I have, even despite the circumstance we're in."

Just then her voice grew serious, looking at him out of the corner of her eyes she asked. "What circumstances?"

Nathan instantly grew calmly, and his heart stopped. Beads of sweat started to run down his cold as clay face, he realized what he had just said. He was finally caught.

With his eyes empty and hollow he turned his attention to the counter, he stared at his hands and for a second, he could feel the buzzing warmth of Rei's skin. The light touch of feathered tips from her blue hair, normally that warmth and presence would relax him but now he just felt his heart sinking like a stone.

"Nathan what did you do?"

(It finally comes out)

"What did you do."

Her voice was growing more forceful.

"WHAT did you do!"

She was no longer asking warily, she was demanding to know his sin.

(Remember how much you enjoyed it? You pathetic fuck?)

Please stop. Stop mocking me, he thought to himself.

(Remember how happy you were? How good it felt stabbing him in the back, you enjoyed all of it didn't you? You enjoyed it…)

stop, I feel bad enough… stop don't remind me just let me have this.

(You smiled thinking of how you were with his girl, you loved stealing her from him. You smiled at her and saw her smile back.)

no… we love each other, I'm not a bad person… I just didn't confess soon enough.

(You never deserved to have anyone like him in your life, after all the times he's reached out to you. You're the worst thing to ever exist… just admit it already. ADMIT IT ALREADY!)

I'm sorry Shinji…

"I slept with her… while she's still going out with my friend." He murmured. The shop fell dead silent until the sound of a porcelain dish shattering on the floor echoed. "You what?" she asked her voice shaking with anger trying to hold back the venom she was going to spit at him. "I-I slept with her while she was with my friend."

In a low throaty growl Ms. Ainu could only say, "Get… out."

Hearing this new alien tone from her his body was instantly flooded by fear. "What?"

"Get out of here… now!"

She came storming around the counter, grabbing his bag and his collar she yanked both of them over to the door, "I should've known better once I recognized him in you. I thought you'd be different but you're nothing but the same filth."

"Wait Ms. Ainu I can explain!" he pleaded.

"I couldn't give him a son so he decided it was okay to sleep around with my best friend! What's your excuse!? Get out of here and never come back again!" she flung the door open and tossed him out into the sidewalk making him land headfirst on the pavement, once his bag hit his head.

His chin bounced off the sidewalk scrapping it and embedding small pieces of gravel into it. Whipping around he stayed sitting down looking up at Ms. Ainu who stood with heaving shoulders, her eyes like burning coals.

"Please Ms. Ainu just let me explain!"

"I just thought you were a lonely kind boy, but you're nothing but a cheating bastard. You've ruined and hurt your friend all just because you couldn't keep it in your pants. I hope everyone sees you for what you are. The next time you walk into my store… I won't be responsible for what happens."

With that chilling promise she slammed the door shut, leaving him to sit there out alone. His heart raced as he tried to absorb what just happened, covering his face up he fought the tears back wishing he could go back in time and change what he said, wishing that he hadn't just burned down this bridge.

Wishing that he told Shinji all those nights ago his feelings for Rei, wishing that they were together from the start or that he had just died in her arms… whichever inconvenienced the least amount of people.

It didn't take Shinji that long to catch up to the blue head, he recognized the street address that was scribbled on the paper, it was somewhere near the mall but he failed to remember the building.

"Meet me here after school…" that was all the note said, nothing else but the way she looked at him after he had left made Shinji's mind into a storm. He made sure to stay at least a half-block behind Rei, thankfully her hair made it nigh impossible to lose her in the crowd.

Whenever he got the creeping feeling that she was going to look behind her, Shinji would duck down behind someone or step into an alley or a bus stop hanging his head down trying to blend in with everyone around him. He was constantly fighting the urge to just run up behind her and grab her shoulders, turn her around and ask her what was she doing.

Swallowing down those feelings he kept pressing on, his long-determined strides eventually turned into a meek shuffle as the soles of his shoes scrapped along the sidewalk. As the streets became less populated, he kept compulsively eyeing the note with the address, his mind raced at every single possibility.

Only when his eyes returned back to Rei's head did his heart skip a beat panicking over how much time he spent staring at the note before diving behind something to hide and catch his breath. He felt his heart ramming itself into his chest and his stomach felt as if it was the one being filled with air while his lungs shrank, losing the fight for life with it.

He felt his eyes bead with tears, the sides of his head hurt, his sides hurt, his stomach and chest hurt. Everything was just aching, cold and hot he just felt tired beyond all belief. He looked at the address once more, then daring to peak out from the wall he was hiding behind eyed Rei and her surroundings. His eyes drifted to the street sign, then to the diner that lay at the end of the road.

So, that's the place. Shinji took a breath trying to steady himself but just as he took one step out his knee bumped into a trash can at the very corner he was hiding behind. And with the ear-splitting clatter and banging his heart stopped and his eyes went wide as Rei stopped dead in her path. Perking up she slowly turned around.

Rei must have turned her head no more than a nanometer before Shinji dove into the alley, knocking trash cans, bottles and bikes over. He scrambled over the mess hiking his feet above his waist as he waded through the mess he was making as he desperately tried to hide, his heart racing as he heard soft footsteps along with a small passive, "Hello?" following behind him.

Shinji slammed his back against a dumpster, grabbing his things and holding them close to his chest, as loud huffs left his mouth, with each exhale and inhale his back lightly slammed against the sheet of metal that hid him. It might have been a soft thudding noise but to him it might as well have been thunder.

"Hello? Is someone there?" Rei had already made her way to Shinji's alley. His eyes bulged as his hands clasped over his mouth, he ceased all movement and sank into the piles of garbage bags he was nestled in, fighting against the small poking and prodding pains of who knows what he shut his eyes. He didn't even dare breathe.

Instead he slowly rolled to the side trying to hug the wall, deciding the best place to hide would be the small space between the dumpster and the brick wall. He couldn't stop his nerves from shaking and twitching under his skin, his stomach shrank and began to burn. He tried to hide his movement underneath the small clatter and noises Rei made as she inched her way closer to Shinji's hideout.

"Is someone there, who are you?"

Shinji slowly backed up behind the dumpster, plugging his noise and stifling his gags as he heard a small thunk. Rei had braced her hand against the dumpster and was now making her way past it, he sat in horror wondering how she hadn't heard his racing heart by now. Already its racing thunderous clapping was making his head throb in pain. He squeezed his eyes shut bracing himself to be discovered by Rei.

"Rei, what are you doing down there?" a familiar voice.

Shinji's eyes went wide, carefully turning his head around he saw Nathan standing down at the mouth of the alley. Rei clattered back down towards him, carefully stepping over the knocked over trash, "Sorry, I just thought I heard something or someone down here."

On the last foot to him she tripped over something and collapsed, but before she could make contact with the ground Nathan grabbed her at the last second and brought her in close to his chest pulling her in close he stared deeply into her eyes. "Thank you."

He nodded quickly to her soft voice. Shinji saw him help her find her footing. But then there was that smile, that small smile where even her eyes looked like crescent moons or tiny glowing stars. That smile that was filled with nothing but love and adoration, that lustful smile that she only ever gave him. His heart sunk as he saw Rei lift one hand and carefully touch his face, letting her fingers dance along his features.

Already her face took on a look of confusion and worry as her eyes shimmered with sadness, she softly stroked his hair. But then he gripped her hand and looked side to side, as if he felt eyes spying on the two of them. Shinji ducked down further into the piles of trash, trying his best to stifle the gags that were building up from the combination of things that were marinating and cooking in their own juices under the summer sun.

He felt his stomach lurch and heave, back and forth as it squeezed itself into a tight ball sending a clump of vomit creeping up the back of his throat, swallowing it his eyes bulged out as he watched Nathan's alarmed eyes and eyebrows settle.

Letting her hand fall to her side he nodded towards the little fifties style burger restaurant, he left a few steps before her, but Rei took long strides to catch up to him and both of them quickly disappeared from Shinji's view. And the second he lost eyes on them he threw caution to the wind and took off from his hiding space to the very wall they disappeared behind.

Just as he did, he heard Rei's soft voice ask Nathan something back with his short reply. He didn't catch any of the words either of them said until he poked his eye around the corner, then he heard Rei reply with, "Then we shall do this."

Slowly and with care Rei moved her small hand near Nathan's, twisting her wrist she stretched out her slender pinkie. At first, she stroked his bony digit and once his pinkie stopped twitching out of fear and settled caressing her's back. She intertwined both of their fingers together and linked the two of them.

He turned his head and gave her a small smile on his face, with his head tilted down. The way he often did, as if he was hiding his face, hiding his happiness. But then slowly he lifted his head until it was level with Rei's. His dark eyes shimmering at her as the couple walked together in the setting sun. Shinji felt his chest crack open, the hand that he was using to brace himself against the wall went limp and his forehead slumped against the brick wall.

His legs slowly buckled out from beneath him and he slid his forehead down the wall scraping his skin in the process until there was a crescent-like cut above his left eye drawing a thin line of dark red blood that dripped off his eyebrow and just underneath his eye.

And when the tears he was fighting to hold back were finally released and they mixed in with that small dot of blood it ran down like a red river off his face.

"No, no, no it can't be. Rei she wouldn't do this to me. I-I- I love her. We're together… but why does she look at him like that. And I've never seen him look at anybody like that… never seen him look at someone with so much life in his eyes."

Shinji cupped his face with one hand wiping away the tears while also smearing the blood over his cheek, he stayed in the ally on his knees watching the couple sit in a window booth across from one another. He saw Nathan order for the two of them and showed Rei her milkshake and how to eat it with fries, offered her the cherry off his shake.

The small relaxed movements they made, how Rei leaned on one of her hands and seemed to sigh giving him a small smile while he moved his hand slowly across the table towards hers. Shinji's mind flashed to every little moment him and Rei shared, then to the ones that her and Nathan shared. How she cradled him when he was dying, all those times he walked in on her at his side while he was in a coma.

It seemed like he was trying to steal her from him right from the start. Then something suddenly hit Shinji, he dug in his pocket for his wallet and pulled out his NERV ID. He remembered the day he asked if it would work on the living quarters that Rei and Nathan were sharing. Getting up shakily he took off running towards the nearest train station, his knees pounding on the pavement as he tried to outrun his suspicions.

But now to him it looked like his worst nightmares were becoming true.

Rei sat in the red cushioned booth staring at the scenery around her. The white and black tiling, the small neon glowing lights and the jukebox in the corner. Her eyes couldn't focus she kept looking around at all the color the dining room had to offer her. But then her eyes fell back onto the ice cream shake, she didn't know what to order so she let Nathan decide for her.

Before her stood a white ice-cream shake that had bits of crushed cookie in it along with bigger chunks of some cookies call Oreos. To top it off there was a tower of whipped cream with a cherry on top and a circular ice cream sandwich the size of her palm that looked like it had even tinier chunks of the cookies inside of it.

She stared down at the small cherry stem she had in her hand.

"I like 'em and all but do you want it? If you've never had cherries, you might like it."

She replayed that little scene in her head maybe a dozen times.

"Uh- Hey Rei. You're chewing on the stem again."

Rei's head snapped back to reality and the first thing she saw was the small bit of cherry stem sticking out of her mouth. Taking it out she wrapped it up in a napkin.

"Sorry… it just still tastes sweet."

He gave her a small smile, taking a fry he scooped up a big portion of shake onto it, his eyes going wide at the flavor he asked her. "So, what's better? Fries with ketchup or ice cream?"

At the center of them was a small dish with a pile of smeared ketchup, she had liked the slight sweet, tang and spice the ketchup had to offer.

But the mix of the salt and ice cream was just too good to pass up.

"I think… the ice cream is just a bit better."

"Glad you liked it."

She looked up at him, and saw his head tilting forward with a small smile on his face. She wondered why it seemed that he always tried to hide his smile whenever they were out in public together, only whenever they were along did it seem that he could look at her with his head high with that small smile he had. The one where the corner of his right lip curled slightly up, barely a hair's length up, but she could tell that he was smiling.

The fact that he only seemed to do this for her made it that much special but still she wished that there was more they could do in public or some other way for them to let each other know how much they cherished the other. Her eyes drifted off to the other couples that sat around, other couples that looked around their age or a little older.

In the far-off corner she saw an elderly couple, all small and wrinkled with a small black and white photo above them. A small sign read best customers of fifty years above them, she guessed that the people in the photo must have been the couple when they were younger. And there it was that small cold empty feeling in the center of her chest.

The one that made her feel like she was going to collapse in on herself until she disappeared. The one that made her nerves feel cold as stone.

Her eyes drifted over to a younger couple that were middle schoolers just like them. The boy sat leaning forward on the table staring dreamy eyed at his girlfriend while the girl sat cross-legged her foot swishing while she played with her hair wrapping it around one of her fingers. In fact, the more she looked at the other couples they all seemed to share similar ways of showing their affection or paying attention to the other.

She looked at the two of them, she was sat up straight and rigid with her hands in her lap while he leaned over the table, with his arms crossed and covering his chest.

She felt her head start to fall forward and a frown start to take over her face, she wondered why the two of them couldn't be like the other people sitting around them.

In a swift move she swung her right knee over her left one bumping the table rattling the glasses and plates on it, leaning forward she tilted her head and with her free hand slipped her finger into her hair and began to wrap her short blue locks around it.

"What are you doing Rei?" he asked looking a bit alarmed.

"It's what everyone else is doing and they look happy… I just want us to be happy like them. No one we know knows us here, I just don't want to be afraid to show you how I feel. I just want to have others see how happy we are together."

Nathan looked around to the other couples and felt a pang of guilt about not being able to do the things she wanted to do. He stretched his hand across the table taking her in his giving it a reaffirming squeeze. "Hey, I'm sorry that I can't be or do the same things as everyone else. It's not like I don't want to or anything but… I look at us and I don't see us as being normal…"

Normal… Rei's eyes dropped from his and she felt cold again. She felt her skin crawl, cold she always felt cold like clay. Hearing him say that just made her feel even more hollow.

"But you know who cares about being normal?"

She felt her ears perk up. "What?"

"Who cares about being normal Rei? I mean what about us or our job is normal? And besides knowing that I have Japan's only true bluenette is pretty nice. That and every night I get to look in your ruby eyes and know that I'm the only guy who gets to enjoy being your other half." He let his thumb slowly massage the top of her hand, a small smile formed on her face. "C'mon lets finish up before it gets dark out."

The couple left just as the sun set and as soon as they began the walk home they caught sight of the streaks of violet in the sky that had made their way from the black cube that rested in Africa. "Are you seeing this Rei?"

"Yes… it's beautiful. I never thought I'd see such color."

He looked at her as she gazed at the night's sky, taking a look for himself he thought the stars seemed just a little brighter. Taking her hand in his he gently pulled her down the street, "Hey let's go to the park for a bit. Find a spot and lay down, take in the scenery."

"Shouldn't we head back home though?"

He smiled that little smile that he only gave her, gently caressing her cheek letting his thumb trail along to just under her lips and chin he said softly, "Hey we've got all night. And who knows when we're gonna have another chance like this. Let's enjoy it."

They walked hand in hand until they found one of the many city parks but when they found the entrance it was padlocked shut. "Damn it, you serious?" he griped as he shook the gates before kicking the lock with his heel.

"I guess this means we'll have to go home."

Nathan looked at Rei out of the corner of his eye, feeling disappointed that he let her down, that he built her hopes of them enjoying this wonderful moment together just for it to get ruined. Looking at the top of the gates he guessed it must've been twelve or ten feet off the ground. Taking his bag, he began to swing it as he sneered at the gate.

"Like hell."

Throwing the bag over the fence he walked up to it and wedges his sneaker tips in between the holes and began to pull himself up until he reached the top throwing his right leg over he felt the pang of his muscles and nerves twitching, he let out a sharp small gasp as his left leg made it over.

Feeling a nerve run down his leg twitch he lost his grip and feel on his heels and butt, landing hard in the dirt he felt the air leave his lungs. Rei crashed into the gate, "Nathan." She cried out.

Grunting as he pushed himself up to his feet, brushing the dirt off he hobbled over to the fence. "I'm fine, just my stupid leg. Here pass me your bag through the crack. Then just climb over, hop off and I'll catch you."

Rei looked at the fence and the sign warning of loitering after hours. "But the sign says we're not supposed to be here."

"I know what the sign says, but c'mon who's gonna know we were even here?"

He walked up to the chain links and wrapped his fingers around them standing in close face to face with her. "Besides… today's been not one of my better ones. I just want to forget about today. The only good part of it was meeting with you today and getting to be with you out here. It felt like we were a real couple for once. Like we didn't have to hide or sneak around, and I just want to do this one last thing with you up here."

Looking down Rei stepped forward and slid her bag through the gap in the fence then slowly began to climb up and when she got to the top throwing her leg over Nathan caught a view of what her skirt hid, feeling his face burn out of embarrassment he looked to the ground.

It wasn't until he heard Rei utter, "Catch me." In her small flat voice did he look back up to see her back falling towards him with her uniform fluttering around her like a bird's wings.

Stretching his arms out he felt the crooks of her legs and back fall right into his grasp, before she neared the ground any more he hugged her tighter to his chest and stumbled back almost bending his spine to a ninety degree angle. Rei's eyes shot open wide as she gripped his shirt tightly. Her heart beating like a hummingbird's didn't calm down until she felt Nathan's slow, heavy beating in her shoulder.

"See… told you I'd catch you."

She turned to look him in the eye and saw the shine that only gleamed whenever she looked into them. She felt her chest and face burn when she realized that he was carrying her bridal style. "Here let me set you down."

"No."

Her sudden commanding voice, made his heart skip finding out that he liked this demanding forward side of Rei. "Carry me like this please."

As she wrapped her arms tighter around his neck he squatted down and let her grab their bags and set them in her lap, he felt his heart race faster as she pulled herself closer to him.

Running his chin on the top of her head he felt his chest swell as he started the walk to a clearing where they both stretched out under the stars watching the steaks of light that twisted and warped in on themselves. Almost like they were dancing.

Rei was stretched out flat on her back with her arms at her side, turning her head over to Nathan she saw that he was resting his head on his left hand with his right arm draped over his stomach. She looked back to the lights in the sky, she felt easy for once. But even with the beautiful lights in the sky her mind wouldn't settle.

"I apologize."

Nathan rolled over on his shoulder, "Apologize for what Rei?"

"For the things I've done. I've tried to do things I thought you'd like. I've tried to act like and say things that I've seen from other people. But whenever I do these things even if I see you smile… I still feel hollow."

"So that's where you got squeeze me from?"

"I'm sorry." She rolled over facing away from him. He faced away from her for a second feeling disgusted with himself knowing those little mannerisms and lovely dovey stuff she did for him was just hurting her. He really was a selfish prick.

Rolling over he threw his leg over her waist and nestled down atop of her. Burying his head into her shoulder hugged her tightly, "Rei don't ever change for me. Nobody has anything on you."

Pulling his head back Rei slowly turned her head towards him and saw him lift a hand to her cheek, "You're perfect the exact way you are. That's who I love, no one else."

He followed up with a light kiss to her forehead. Feeling a small spot of warmth coming from the center of her forehead and coat her body Rei sprang to life and wrapping her legs around his waist rolled him over pinning him to his back. She sat upright in his lap looking down at him who stared up at her with his mouth slightly open.

From his view of her, Rei rested under the moon which only made her white skin glow brighter, and he must have been seeing things but he swore he saw some kind of aura or light coming from behind her head that wrapped around her like a dome.

And it was encompassing both of them, before he knew what was going on, he felt his hands slide up to her hips and grip them. He felt her light touch on his wrists, closing his eyes he felt warm and safe once again. If he could he just wanted to sleep right there with her holding him, with her wrapping him up.

But then he got a strange feeling, his head started to hurt like it was being squeezed and he grimaced. He started to twitch underneath her but once he felt her start to move down to him his racing heart settled, opening his eyes he saw her giving off a small smile with warm welcoming eyes. She parted her lips slightly and connected them with his own.

Bringing him in tight, he felt safe once again and wrapped his arms around her back pulling her deeper into his waist, and once they parted, she whispered in a low voice. "Can we head back home now? I'd like to be alone with you now."

So, here's the part all the cliché drama has been building up to. There will be two chaps a SFW and a NSFW version of Shinji discovering just what Rei and OC have been up to, the safe for work version is gonna focus more so on Shinji's feelings and pov while the NSFW version will focus on the couple and their feelings

Shinji stood outside the door in NERV HQ, his heart pounding, his mouth dry. No matter how many times he licked lips his throat just felt dryer and dryer. His chest felt like it was burning up as if he had a shirt full of coals, pinching it he quickly shook it in an attempt to fan himself.

He was so sure that he'd have the courage to go through with this… to go to their home and see for himself. But now that he stood outside of their door, he felt his whole body shake and his insides sink. Part of him still wanted to go through with it and see for himself.

But another part just wanted to run away from the door and carry on with the way life was already going not carrying about the truth whatever it was. "I'm not gonna run away, not now. Besides I just have to know." With his voice breaking he pulled out his ID card and slipped it into the reader. Seeing the light turn a bright green and beep, he walked past the door just as it whooshed up. Hearing it slam down behind him, he shuddered his nerves feeling like ice.

"I hope that was the hard part." Reaching for his phone he turned on the flashlight.

Sighing he started to walk around the kitchen shining his light on every surface. And what he saw felt like a throwback, there were small piles of dirty dishes and the trash seemed like it was slowly overfilling.

Already it looked like there was more dust than anything else in the room.

"You'd think living with someone they'd pick up better habits."

He continued his investigation going upstairs already his heart beating echoed in his eardrums it was the only noise he could hear. The loud thundering booming, that rattled his ribs.

With each step up the stairs he felt his breathing become more erratic, he felt lightheaded as if he were going to faint. He wasn't even sure now if he wanted to go any further, already it felt like his heart had been growing some kind of tumor on it that had a beating of its own. He was sure at any second, he was just going to collapse and die.

When he finally reached the top of the stairs, he had to brace himself against the wall, already it felt like he was going to collapse. But then his eye was caught. An unnatural bright glow coming from the bedroom, his heart started to race, and it felt like his muscles were reenergized.

He ran up and down both halls to see four other empty rooms plus another bathroom and the only one that had any signs of life…was the one with two bed mats pushed together with underclothes thrown all over the room.

The two beds seemed to be glowing a white aura that almost seemed to be in the shape of an octagon.

But there it all was for him to see. The blankets clumped all over together, sheets that never looked washed but the most damning evidence he saw made him collapse to his knees. At the foot of the bed was a pair of girl's underwear coated with something that could only be made from a guy. "No… Rei… please no…" he whimpered out, falling in front of the two beds.

His whole body started to shake as he couldn't fight back anymore, already his tears were starting to fall out. "Please no… not her. She couldn't… she wouldn't."

Pushing himself up he started to sniffle and choke, he looked around blurry eyed, shaking his head in denial. Whipping his head over he saw the side of the room that was clearly Rei's, his heart leaped into his throat as he stumbled over.

Pulling drawer after drawer out he searched for more evidence but once he pulled the drawer out that had all of the condom wrappers in it, he collapsed beside a closet and curled up, already his head had begun to hurt. And his chest felt like a hole had been punched into his chest and already it felt like his heart had stopped but he was still alive.

And already that small younger voice was calling out to him again.

'Did you really think that she loved you? Do you really think that we're deserving of love? Even Auntie and Uncle didn't love us, not really. We were nothing but a burden to them. Father just dumped us on them.'

"Shut up! Shut up! This isn't real! This is just another nightmare. Any second I'm gonna wake up, I just need to wake up."

'But you're already awake.'

"No I'm gonna wake up any second. Rei would never do this to me. I love her and she loves me."

His eyes sealed shut as he brought a hand to wipe his face, but then through the wet choking gasps he made he heard something… something downstairs, the whooshing of the door.

Then two voices drifting up to the bedroom, "So I'll just hop in the shower real quick okay?"

Shinji's hearted started to race he rushed to close all the drawers and put everything back to the way it was, his mind was a whirlwind as he tried to remember the room the way it was when he walked in. But all he could think of was the signs for Rei's infidelity with someone who was supposed to be his friend. But now what was he supposed to do?

There was no way for him to escape now. The wood flooring under the residents' feet creaked as they got closer and closer, his head whipped around until he saw a closet on Rei's side near the door to hide in. For the most part it looked empty so there was probably a slim chance that she would open it up, seeing he had no other option he hopped inside and quietly shut the door. He crouched down and covered his mouth to mask his breathing.

I'm nothing but scum, I never deserved her. I never deserved anyone.

He thought to himself.

He soon heard the sound of the shower squeaking to life and then Rei walked into the room, she was already unbuttoning her school uniform letting it fall off her not bothering to pick it up and hang it. She slowly unbuttoned her dress shirt and just as she reached the two mats stopped and stepped out of her underwear. No matter how badly he wanted to keep his eyes shut, Shinji couldn't help but ogle her.

Stop that! She's a person! She deserves better than this you scum!

But no matter the self-beratement he threw his own way he couldn't help but stare at her as she looked down to the beds having a hand over her chest she sat down smiling. Her whole body seemed to glow white like the moon, her eyes bright red seemed to almost light up the room.

Shinji heard the shower head squeak shut as the wet splatter of feet hitting the ground came closer then Nathan emerged from the doorway, with a towel hanging loosely around his bony hips with a small towel furiously drying his hair. Shinji stared at him and noticed those faint muscles, somehow between the extremes of emaciation and lean.

He tossed the towel off into the dark somewhere not caring where it went. Then he plopped down beside Rei, who shut her eyes and gave him a warm and endearing smile.

The two of them leaned their faces close together, softly rubbing their foreheads and noses against one another until Rei leaned in for a tender kiss to which Nathan brought his hands up to her face and pulled her in tighter. They parted with a small wet smooch, Shinji's eyes widened at the two who just continued to eye one another up and down, give small touches and caresses to. Nathan took her face with both hands and Rei placed her hands on his wrists, smiling at him as he took a shaky breath in.

"You are so beautiful Rei. You are the only good thing I have in my life, if I never met you… I don't know what would happen to me. But when I'm with you, things feel a little better. Even thinking about a life with you later on… it kinda makes me happy."

"A future? The two of us?"

"Yeah, just the two of us."

Shinji couldn't help but notice that even though Rei was giving him a small smile she still looked like she wanted to cry. "Thank you." She replied letting her hand rest on the center of his chest, "For what?"

"Being."

Shinji saw Nathan give her a small understanding smile before he started to kiss her once again, he could barely make out what happened next since he only had a few narrow slots to look through. But he saw his head trail down her neck, but once his head went to the front of her chest darkness shrouded what he was doing.

All he could hear was a smooching noise, along with Rei moaning softly. She swayed side to side as if she were losing control over her body or was melting.

She lifted one hand that disappeared behind one of the small wooden boards, while she leaned back when a hand popped out resting on her left shoulder. Rei's eyes were squeezed shut as her mouth parted slightly letting her voice escape, "Mmnh. Mmnh. Mmnh."

Then she let out a small pained gasp before whispering something, Nathan's head popped back into view and the two continued their talk that Shinji couldn't make out, he tried to rest his ear against the door but once the wood creaked ever so slightly he backed off deciding against that course of action.

When Shinji reset his line of sight, he saw them eyeing Nathan, then Rei leaned in and started to kiss his jaw and neck getting in closer to him, he let out sharp gasps and Shinji felt his face flush and chest burn. 'What am I doing? I can't be doing this, they can't be doing this. Who's the worst here?'

Shinji's mind felt like someone poured battery acid on it but once he felt the rush of blood and heat, he knew that he was the real scum here. Then Shinji saw that small smile on Rei's face the same one she gave to him after he rescued her from their fight with Ramiel, that small smile that meant he was the only thing in the world. The one that meant she saw only him.

'No! She's not like this, Rei would never do anything like that!' Shinji screamed in his head. The many expressions that took over Rei's face, her excitement, happy and desire smiles that took over Rei's face seemed fully out of place for Shinji, never seeing these kinds of looks on the normal stoic and unreadable blue haired beauty.

But it was that small smile that was previously his that hurt the worst.

And then her head disappeared as she was giving off a soft hum that made Shinji's skin buzz with warmth, and once Nathan's moans and sharp wincing gasps entered Shinji's ears, he squeezed his eyes shut and slapped his hands over his ears. And that little self-loathing voice that Shinji had tried to drown so many times finally came to the forefront.

Shinji clenched his fists as images of Rei flashed in his mind, and with each moment getting sweeter and more heart-warming than the last the fact he was seeing this new Rei hurt more, the Rei he saw… his own perception of her was dashed to pieces. This was an entirely different person to him… or was this just a side of her that he never got to see?

'You knew this before even coming, here didn't you? Why'd you even bother, you're worthless why wouldn't Rei go with someone else. Someone better? Just look at her, her face, her smile. Listen to them, you never had a chance with her. You'll never be loved like that by anyone much less even liked. We see what's going on downstairs, you know you want to.'

"No… I don't just leave me alone." He whispered to the voice.

'You can squeeze your legs together all you want, but you know what'll make it feel better.'

Then like a man processed he kept eyeing the two and giving into the voice, unbuckled his pants and began to pleasure himself.

'There you go you, pathetic shit.'

"Shut up." his chest ached as he gasped.

'This is as close as you'll ever get to anyone… much less Rei.'

Shinji's heart pounded so furiously he felt it in his hand as his pace quickened, cupping his free hand over his mouth to hide his gasps he felt like his whole lower half had a fever and the more he worked the more he was relieved.

The more he looked up through the cracks seeing what they did the more excited he became, gasping and huffing as he lowered himself to his stomach, his hips driving into his tight fist.

He groaned quietly as he rolled over to his side then his back, eyeing the two even in the dark he could faintly see what they were doing, but they were so wrapped up around one another he was having a hard time telling where one body began and the other ended.

His jaw clenched down and he was certain he heard a crack, eyeing them almost hungrily he quickened his pace to where he didn't know whether he should have been in pain or pleasure. Shinji saw both of their heads moving in synch.

He shut his eyes until the sound of flesh colliding met his ears, opening them wide he was greeted by the image of Rei's pale butt. With Nathan sitting up staring deep into Rei's eyes with his eyes half shut letting out gasps as his chin sunk to his chest, he pulled Rei closer to him both of them crying out holding onto one another.

With each passing second both of their movements quickened and Shinji kept pace, imagining Rei, Asuka, Hikari, Misato whoever if it meant feeling good.

His quiet gasps sped up as he saw the two run their hands on the other, and just as Rei arched her back so far it looked like she would snap in half with her eyes wide Nathan's hands that where just under her waist slid up to her shoulders yanking her towards him pulling her deeper into his hold just as both screamed out and just hearing her voice sent Shinji over the edge his small cry was drowned out by the other two voices and as he felt his hips drive towards the sky.

For one brief moment like his heart stopped and in his tight grip he felt a thick warm sensation as his fingers felt gross and sticky making his stomach twist into knots. With his pants around his knees Shinji tiredly looked to his hand.

'Cuck'

"Shut up" Shinji wheezed, out of breath his heart seemed to go from a million miles per second to dead still suddenly and he was still trying to recover. His eyes fluttered as he heard them talking, fighting off sleep he listened in.

"So… (hau, hau, hau) how was that (hua) for you Rei?"

"Mmnh, it was nice. Being close to you again, feeling your love. That warmth… of being united with you, but there was something else."

"What?"

"I can still feel your heat. Inside my body leaving a trail out of me. It's going to my heart, but it feels like it's building in one spot."

Shinji heard rustling followed by soft kisses, "I've never felt this sensation, I feel closer to you. Thank you for this… I- I love you."

"I love you too Rei."

Shinji's eyes fluttered shut, he lost all time until he woke up. Checking his watch, he saw that it was almost ten 'o'clock, he started to panic until he heard the soft moans coming from outside his hiding spot. Peering through the openings he saw Rei collapsed on top of Nathan, both of them were dead asleep. He was holding her tight to his chest.

"I'm so disgusting." He mumbled to himself, pulling his pants up he gathered his bag and got ready to move. Slowly sliding the doors open he tiptoed out trying his best to be quiet, fighting the urge just to run out. But once he made it past the door and was in the corridors of NERV he felt his chest being crushed, the whole walk back home he had one hand cupping his face as he cried.

Cried over Rei and what a disgusting thing he was.

But once Shinji had left Nathan had begun to stir, his eyebrows raising over that small noise he thought he heard. Sitting up he woke Rei who began rubbing her eyes, eyeing the shadows his gaze landed on the closet that was cracked slightly.

It shouldn't have been open. it was never open. His heart began skipping as he stood up walking over to it.

"What's the matter?"

Nathan didn't bother answering her question as he slid the doors open.

The moonlight shone down on a small plastic ID card. Picking it up he saw the portrait and feel to his knees, he began rocking back and forth his chest sinking into his stomach until he vomited on the floor.

He began shaking violently, sweat had already started to form on his forehead. He felt Rei's cold touch on his shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

He lifted the ID card for her to see… they had been found out.


	22. Chap 20 part 2 shinji ikari breaks nsfw

(So, this is the NSFW part/version of the previous chapter and it's gonna be more from Rei and Nate's pov but ultimately it ends the same)

Nathan stood underneath the shower letting the hot water rush over him, breathing in the steam that rose up. Sighing as he felt his chest warm and turn to butter, he ran his hands through his short hair washing out the conditioner. Peeking out from behind the shower curtain he saw Rei start to undress, saw her small tight figure.

And the way her skin seemed to glow in the moonlight, his heart started skipping as he watched her slowly lay down on the bed and start to stroke it, it almost looked like she was calling out to him. Wanting him to join with her again.

Shaking with a cocktail of exactment and nerves he stepped out of the shower and began to rub oils in his hair before stepping out and making his way to their beds. And as he got closer to her he couldn't help but be hypnotized by her beauty, he felt his chest start to lift him up to the sky carrying him along his way to her.

He already felt his blood start to rush to his member.

Walking over he tried to compose himself, drying his hair he hoped his towel would stay on, even if she had already seen him naked a couple of times he couldn't help but still be a bit bashful around her. As he neared her, he felt a wide soft smile start to grow on his face. Throwing the smaller towel away he stood eyeing Rei, who for looked down at their bed for a slight second before she looked back up at him.

Her eyes were warm and inviting, to him it was as if they were subtly calling him towards her, compelling him to unite with her again. Seeing that faint look of lust and longing made him fall to his knees in front of her and want to take in every inch of her.

Rei saw him lean in close, shuddering as she felt his face touch hers. She lifted her right hand and with her fingers traced his birthmark over his left eye, she felt her heart start to race making her gasp out quietly. The soft warm buzz from his nose rubbing against her's and then the touch of his hands still hot from the shower running up her arms with his thumbs tracing her collarbone made her shake.

Not being able to take her heart's pounding anymore and wanting to feel his connection again she leaned in tilting her head to the side and kissed him lightly, letting the tip of her tongue dance on his lower lip and tongue. And when she felt him hold her face giving her his comforting warmth, pulling her in to deepen their bond she felt as if she would explode or melt.

They parted with a loud smooch and Rei feeling her cheeks burn she let her hands drift to his chest, and she let her fingers dance along his stomach and shoulders, feeling his slight muscles. And feeling his touch run from her heels to her inner thighs made her shut them while letting out a slight, "Mmnh." They parted with a loud smooch.

"You are so beautiful Rei. You are the only good thing I have in my life, if I never met you… I don't know what would happen to me. But when I'm with you, things feel a little better. Even thinking about a life with you later on… it kinda makes me happy."

"A future? The two of us?"

"Yeah, just the two of us."

Her heart fluttered at the thought of spending forever with him, but she knew that this wasn't possible. But seeing his eyes and how happy he seemed she went with it.

"Thank you." She replied letting her hand rest on the center of his chest, "For what?"

"Being."

His face grew serious as he gazed her his eyes drifting to her chest which was still covered with her shirt and bra, as one of his hands caressed her left breast he looked back up at her, "Rei…" he sighed.

Lifting his other hand to her shoulder he slipped her shirt off and then moving his hands to the center of her chest, he unhooked her bra and let it fall from her shoulders. Rei let out a sharp gasp as he slid his hands beneath her breasts and began to squeeze and knead them. "Ungh." She whimpered out.

Hugging her closer to him, Nathan moved his head near her chest and began to plant kisses all over her breasts. Already he saw the tiny pink mounds were starting to perk up with excitement then lowering his mouth to her right nipple began to suckle at it while playfully twisting her left one.

Rei moaned, gasped and whimpered at his touch, He could feel her chest burning and smell her sweet scent, he still couldn't place what it was. It was as if it kept changing into whatever he found most pleasurable, he smelt lavender, licorice, spices and citrus. And still the calming smell of LCL was behind it all. He could feel a warm, comforting buzz on his mouth and face, with each second, he felt more comfortable and tired.

He sucked with more force making her cry out even more until she whimpered out, "Don't suck them so hard. You're hurting them."

Hearing her words snapped him out of his trance, "Sorry Rei! I can't help it."

His eyes darted between her eyes and chest, then looking her in the eye he lifted a hand to her right breast which was still red and raw from him.

"I don't know what it is about it. But whenever I do that to you, I feel calm… doing that makes me feel safe. It's like some love or goodness, and my heart flutters whenever I do it."

Rei looked at him for a moment then shifted her head down, "It's okay them. You can do whatever you want to them if it makes you feel nice. Do I really make you calm like that?"

Using his forefinger he brought her face to him, "Yeah Rei… you do! Like I said no one makes me feel the things that you do." Hearing his almost chirper voice and seeing that soft smile of his warmed her heart.

Smiling at him she moved in and brough her lips to the corner of his jaw and planted a kiss, her bangs tickling the rest of his face and ear as she moved up and down the bone then along his neck. He let out small sighs of pleasure, but then "Nnnh!"

He cried out as his eyes opened up to see Rei's wrist sticking out of the slit in his towel skirt, her warm grasp on him and then staring into his eyes she kissed him on the lips, dragging her teeth on his lower lip making his back muscles quiver then she began to pump.

"Ugnh!"

She hovered over him as she continued to kiss his neck, his eyes shutting from the pleasure as she used long, slow strokes, pulling his skin back and not stopping until her forefinger and thumb reached his base.

His heart raced as he gasped out to her touches and when she quickened her pace and he started to huff and whimper out, he collapsed into her. She let him rest his ear on her chest as she smiled continuing to pleasure him.

Then once she felt his loins burning and growing hard she pulled back and looked him in the eye and then back down to the rising towel, he smiled at her nervously at it. Both of them acknowledging but not saying anything about the power she had over him. She tilted her head and gave him a small smile as she focused on him and his rising part.

Understanding her, he undid his towel letting it fall aside presenting himself to her. She moved down slowly towards it taking it in both of her hands she rested the organ on her lips and mouth just under her nose giving it a kiss.

Hearing him gasp out in pleasure and watching his chest shake Rei felt warm inside, and something else as if a new desire was awakening.

Something compelling her to wrap his member up into the center of her being and let it melt and dissolve into her, for her to tighten around it and keep him inside of her. To have his body unite with hers and for them to unite as one heart fully.

With her butt arched up into the air she looked at him from the tops of her eyes and seeing his gasping face and how he moved a hand to massage her hair and cheek. Closing her eyes, she ran it's end in her cheek as she moved it around. Sliding her tongue and lips down its' side she was surprised to feel its hardness, with each little move it wanted to fight back and go in the opposite direction.

"Don't be so rough Rei, you'll snap it off-unngggh!" he joked before moaning as Rei slid her tongue on the tip, Rei moaned in acknowledgement pushing him down she drank in her saliva and the juices he was leaking out. She let the base of her tongue run along it all over once more until she could wait no longer. Pursing her lips she slid him into her mouth and began bobbing her head, moaning at his heat and how it's red end seemed to be swelling.

Nathan had no fight in his body, with Rei taking him in her mouth once again he began shaking with his shoulders rolling back, he saw the top of Rei's head bobbing down in his lap. He heard her wet slurping noises as she took him deeper, he wanted to sit upright and grip her face with his hands and pull himself deeper into her. But looking over he saw her quaking knees by his face, along with a patch of blue hair above her entrance and already it was glistening.

Stretching out a hand his fingers lightly touched her lower lips and danced on the tiny swollen bit of flesh, "Mmmnnfff!" Rei cried out, squeezing her eyes shut while at the same time feasting harder. He hated how one side this part of their ritual felt, no matter how good he felt he wanted her to see, feel and know how he exactly felt about her.

He could tell her he loved her, but at times the right words were just hard to come by. He wanted to give her all his attention and every last good feeling, he wanted to fulfill every single desire she had.

He gripped her ankles and brought her flower to his face, taking it in before he smelt her and then gave it a long lustful lick. Groaning in pleasure as he felt the prickle of sharp hair before the quivering entrance he was longing to connect to.

"Aaahh!" Rei dropped him from her mouth and screamed out in pleasure, seeing now that he was doing what he wanted he kissed and sucked her entrance. Her legs began to spasm and grew rigid as her feet were attacked by cramps and then her toes curled as she rocked her entrance into his mouth.

He spread her lips as he massaged that tiny flesh bean, "Mnnnff!" Rei cried out once more before she filled her mouth with him once again, "Ungh!" he cried out.

Both of them continued to pleasure one another's parts, both turning red faced and fighting off the gasps for air as they used every part of their mouth and hands to drive the other over the edge.

Rei felt Nathan's member trembling just as he felt her tighten around his tongue until she cried out and then almost pulled him in filling his mouth with her nectar as he groaned and his member twitched upwards coating her mouth with his seed.

Rei closed her eyes with pleasure, drinking him in as he did her both not stopping until they were both clean. They were so tired from that they both stretched out face to face with one another, staring deep into one another's eye. Until something made its' presence known again, looking into one another's eyes neither needed any words.

Nathan sat up right crisscrossed and waited for Rei who sat in his lap, once she settled in she looked down at the rising organ that was pointing and curving up towards the center of her stomach.

Rei dragged her forefinger on the swollen end making him shudder a bit, grabbing it by the middle she dragged it along her stomach running it down to her hairs both of them letting small moans escape their lips.

"Wait a moment."

Nathan rose an eyebrow in confusion as Rei left his lap and headed to her drawers, giving a strange look to his lap wondering if he was supposed to do something about it himself. She pulled her hand out of one of the drawers and came back presenting a small purple foil square to him.

"What's this?"

"It's a condom… it will prevent anything undesirable."

His eyes went wide, as he gingerly took it from her hands turning it in his hands looking at the drawn directions. "Do we really need something like this though? I mean it's not like we've done this before without one. Anyways… I thought you said you couldn't get… well you know."

Rei let her head sink to the floor eyeing her stomach she rested a hand on it and began to rub it. "I don't believe I can but if it puts your mind at ease…"

His eyes drifted back and forth between the condom and Rei, he could care less about her reasoning, he was more curious about where she could have gotten these from. He doubted that someone would just sell them to her. But did he really give off that fear of getting her pregnant?

"Rei… I don't care if you get pregnant. I may not be ready to be a dad and I probably won't even be a half decent one but… if it means being with you, I don't care. I just want to be with you, and if I do have a kid, I'd want it to be with you. But if it's what you want I'll wear it."

He pealed the foil off and took out the purple latex circle, but when he put it on after the first four or so tries, he couldn't think about anything else besides how it felt like he was wearing a stretched out balloon.

Rei stretched herself out laying flat on her back. She spread her legs and using her hands opened herself up to him, her head laid on its side as he crawled atop of her. He aligned himself up and prodding her entrance and hearing her gasps and feeling the sparks of her nerves rested just barely in her. "You ready?"

She silently nodded to him, and once he pressed forward her right hand shot to her mouth covering up her gasp as her eyes squeezed shut and her left hand fell atop the covers. Grabbing her waist, he pulled himself deeper into her and her screams could no longer be contained as he began to thrust. Already he felt tight chested as his eyes fought to stay open, each thrust sent shivers down his back like ice water.

He felt all the heat in her body rushing into him as with each press her butt was lifted into the air letting him get deeper into her body, using his arms to brace himself he found she was sapping his strength leaving them feel like jelly.

"Hua, hua, hau, mmngh, mmnn, mmnn!" Rei had her eyes shut while her mouth hung open, expressing the pleasure she felt as they bonded. Her heart fluttered as she felt the sensation of him bending in her, rubbing against her walls as she tightened around him. Using her legs to keep him with her she wrapped her legs around his waist.

She clutched the bedding and covers so tight with her right hand she felt it turn to stone, managing to open her eyes she saw him stare to the sky with his eyes shut. She lifted her left hand to his face causing him to look down at her. She let her hand trail down his popped-out chest.

With his right hand he stroked her face and then leaned into her and began to furiously kiss her, with her face burning she squinted her eyes open and saw how his right hand was sliding across her left wrist.

"Gahunh!"

He let out a sharp gasp and when his hand landed atop her's she tightly interlocked her fingers around his and he gripped the blankets under her hand pinning her down while he loved her. "Wah-wa-ha-wa-wah-wait!"

She cried out, stopping with one last thrust that drove her mad, making her run her heels on the bed he looked down gasping. "What?"

"I want to finish feeling you."

Nodding he understood, he removed himself and then the condom and then sat upright. Rei rested on her knees in front of him, both of them ran their hands over one another.

After it seemed that neither one of them could wait any longer Rei straddled his lap, resting her knees on either side of his hips. She shivered as he ran his hands up her thighs and around her butt stroking the tight twin mounds. They both shared one last look before looking down at their parts, then biting her lip in anticipation Rei used her knees to push herself up off the ground.

Taking Nathan by the base she rubbed his end against her opening, making Nathan shudder and moan, she continued teasing him heightening his anticipation for when they finally bonded. Then when neither one of them could take it any longer Rei slipped it in, biting her lip as he began to enter her, she stopped and collapsed into his clutches.

Bracing her he rubbed her back and ran his lips along her shoulder reassuring her. He had to fight the lust to pull her down by her hips around his part, he gave her a longing look and offered her his hands.

Taking them hers she squeezed them as she settled down wrapping him up inside her, sighing in relief and ecstasy once she was on his level. He rested a hand on her shoulder and kissed her, she closed her eyes and let her tongue stroke his and then began to gyrate her hips while he pumped up and down reaching further into her.

And slowly the sound of flesh slapping and colliding became louder as both lovers found their rhythm and moved in tandem. But soon Rei began to outpace him bracing herself on his biceps as she buried her face into his chest, but then her body went limp as she began to fall away from him arching her back.

She would have fallen away if Nathan hadn't grabbed her by her waist and butt bringing her closer to him. His heart quickened as he grew more and more lightheaded as his motions grew in intensity alongside Rei's cries of ecstasy.

Rei's eyes were squeezed shut as she felt her bangs swish up and down around her face. There was something new about his new feeling. His heat and force now that was making her body quiver and melt at his touch. There was something new in the air that had a hold over the two of them, and for her it just wasn't this new feeling of his manhood.

She felt as if he was reaching a depth within her. Wherever he touched her be it her breasts, torso, butt, neck or shoulders she would fold over his hands like dough melting into him.

Then a single word escaped his lips, "Rei! Rei! Rei! Rei!"

Over and over again he cried out for her, each repetition of her name bring a smile to her face that was quickly taken away by the lusts her body heart were pouring into her being making her body feel tired and on fire.

"N-N-Nye-Nathan!" she called out.

She felt warm and safe having him be a part of her, there were times that she felt totally numb and that they were just two molded parts fighting to stay together like clay in a fire.

And with each forceful thrust, Nathan felt his member growing numb as if it were melting away and disappearing within her, just becoming a part that connected the two of them together.

He opened his mouth trying to say something, anything to her. He wanted to tell her every little feeling or thought he was experiencing right then and there but his moans had control over his voice.

He wanted to so badly just tell her how much she meant to him and what he felt at that moment but then a smile grew on his face as he realized he didn't have to tell her, this act they were doing. This closeness, being bare before one another and accepting one another was all they needed. Already he felt as if with every movement and loving touch he was projecting his feelings within her.

His eyes were starting to flutter shut and when they did images flooded his mind, he saw Rei naked curled up underneath a spotlight looking off into the distant. She had a look of loneliness and heartache etched into her smooth face.

He saw her in school, staring off into the window all bandaged up. Everyone around her ignoring her or saying cruel or crude things about her, the lonely nights she spent covering her face up with a pillow or stayed awake staring off at the moon as if it were calling out to her.

He saw watching the rest of the children laugh, talk and eat with one another while she had to walk off the bathroom where she opened a small plastic case full of medication that she swallowed dry.

He saw how lonely and in pain she was, and he couldn't help but cry.

Opening his eyes, he looked into her shining rubies, and saw that she was crying as well. He wondered if she was seeing what he was seeing, or was she seeing into him. And if so, what was she seeing.

With tears running down their faces they hugged one another tightly and locked lips holding tightly on to one another determined to never be separated.

Shutting his eyes, he thought back to how lonely he was before, and how distant all those memories seemed now. He felt nothing but Rei's warm grip on him that let him know she was there to stay wash over him.

But he felt that those feelings were coming from that sad, lonely part of her soul. The part of her that was silently reaching out to him, wanting him to stay and be apart with her. He groaned as pain took over the numb parts of his member, it was as if it was straining and turning to diamond. He felt like it was all going to burst, even behind all the pain though there was that brain numbing part of him that wanted to go through all the pain even past the oxygen starved brain that was making his face numb.

He felt like it was reaching deep into Rei's core, wanting to expel his essence with in her, to not only make her feel not lonely anymore but to claim her as his and only his.

Gripping her neck he whispered in her ear, "You're mine Rei, only mine. I love you. No one else."

"Make me yours, mark me as yours. Only us, only our hearts."

He gritted his teeth as he hips grew faster his muscles seemed to be withering away, he just wanted to scream for the whole world to hear that Rei was all his and how much he loved her before his heart exploded.

Bliss flooded their minds making their muscles die as he exploded his essence into her, his member twitching burying itself deeper into her as they cried out in once voice. "Unnhaahh!"

Nathan before collapsing realized something, that beautiful mind and body numbing sensation, the amount of seed he felt flooding into her, and every little feeling reminded him of the time he had visited unit 01 and pleasured himself to it. But this felt a million times better, just as his heart stopped for one brief moment his member picked up on another rhythm, he felt Rei's heart beating.

Pulling her close to him, it felt as if they were sinking through cold water. Feeling her heartbeat and the buzzing warmth of her being, Nathan felt his own being bonding to Rei even for the briefest of seconds.

Rei saw Nathan shut his eyes and she collapsed into him, resting her head on his chest she closed her eyes and was greeted with a vision. She was pure milk white and resting on the black moon, her whole body felt cold and her heart shriveled up.

Curling her knees to her chest she was prepared to be alone once again.

But then she felt a presence. Looking up she saw an odd shaped white rock hurtling towards the black moon, raising her head she eyed the object until it crashed into the surface of the black moon and then with a rumble, the black moon's surface cracked like and egg.

The pieces that slowly broke off of their own accord, floated towards the sky, a red ocean full of tiny glowing lights, a sea of other beings all enjoying one another while she was sentenced to be alone on the black moon.

Looking down at her feet she saw the last remnants of the black moon float away leaving a cream-colored surface, that was warm and seemed to mold around her. Standing up she noticed the falling object was melting and coating the previous black moon and from the center of the rock a pure black figure emerged.

She tilted her head wondering who this new being was, the two walked to one another until they were less than a foot apart and then her heart felt warmth and a smile overtook her face, "Nathan." She gasped.

The boy in black smiled quietly at her, raising a hand to her cheek she was surprised to see that his hand sunk to his wrist. She followed his advance by putting a hand in the center of his chest letting it sink into his chest where she felt a hard object buried away. She tilted her head at him removing herself, and then he took both arms and slipped them under her's pulling her closer.

Both of them on the verge of sinking into her body, she stepped deeper into his hold and held his waist, looking into one another's eyes they kissed one another sinking into the ground.

Rei looked around at her surroundings and saw a red glow surrounding them as they held onto one another slowly sinking into each other.

But then there was something else, flashing images in her mind. Either a memory or a dream, but they weren't hers, but she felt as if they were once a part of her. But they weren't her memories, they were Nathan's thoughts. His memories and feelings.

She saw herself and Nathan as children, she couldn't tell how old they were though. But the images were clear enough she saw herself in a red dress with a pink bow and him wearing a small pair of shorts with a shirt. They were sitting side by side reading a picture book together, then while he was reaching to turn the page her small hand landed on top of his.

Her curious red eyes stared at him, as he didn't shy away from her touch. He just simply looked back up at her, looking her in the eye. And for the first time ever in her existence up until that point she felt a warming glow, she felt the presence and acceptance from a person. Both of them stared blankly at one another.

But she still felt that warming comfort that trailed up from his heart to hers, filling that small pinprick of emptiness in her own heart that had begun to expand ever since her conception.

Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that he was there before her, or at least the same time as her. He may not have been at her side, but he was out there waiting to meet her again. Her own mind buzzed with recognition as she realized that this wasn't just a dream that she was experiencing or some shared feeling, it was a distant and forgotten memory of hers reawakening.

She was astonished and ashamed of how she could have forgotten about him, she wondered if that's why she felt that strange connection to him or that pull to him when he first arrived to Tokyo. Maybe that's why she felt even more hollow and alone, emptier. The one person that could fill her being with such goodness, that could bound with her was taken away from her.

Much like she was ripped out from Lilith.

She then opened her eyes.

"So… (hau, hau, hau) how was that (hua) for you Rei?"

"Mmnh, it was nice. Being close to you again, feeling your love. That warmth… of being united with you, but there was something else."

"What?"

"I can still feel your heat. Inside my body leaving a trail out of me. It's going to my heart, but it feels like it's building in one spot. I've never felt this sensation, I feel closer to you. Thank you for this… I- I love you."

"I love you too Rei."

She wrapped her arms around his torso and rested on his chest, feeling that warm feeling in her stomach followed by and odd heavy feeling, slowly smiling at this closeness she fell asleep.

He didn't know what time it was but he was so exhausted he wondered how he heard that squeaking noise, Nathan slowly sat up forgetting Rei was resting her head on his chest making her fall in his lap. Both began to stir but Nathan eyed around the room, he was accustomed to the normal sounds of the room and at the hours when they happened.

He was just a creature of habit, knocking off each little noise on his imaginary check list but this noise was something else. But once his eyes landed on Rei's closet that was near their door his heart started skipping.

That door...

It shouldn't have been open. It was never open. His heart began skipping as he stood up walking over to it.

"What's the matter?"

Nathan didn't bother to answer her question as he slid the doors open.

The moonlight shone down on a small plastic ID card. Picking up the card he saw the portrait and feel to his knees, he began rocking back and forth his chest sinking into his stomach until he vomited on the floor.

He began shaking violently, sweat had already started to form on his forehead. He felt Rei's cold touch on his shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

He lifted the ID card for her to see… they had been found out.


End file.
